Chapter 685: [I am Different from her!]
—- Xue Ling’s point of view —-
Because of Allen’s impending departure to a very dangerous adventure, we, the women’s group decided to let Allen be free from worry for the next few days…albeit forcefully.
Of course, I wasn’t the one who had decided it. In fact, it was Sister Mia and Sister Layla who led the group. I’m just following them … not like I wasn’t interested at all, in fact, I was very excited about it because it means that I…ah no, that’s wrong, it’s us…anyway, we would then be able to have a long free time with Allen without worrying about any serious matters before he leaves for another bout of dangerous escapade.
As to him going to dangerous adventure, we could only sigh in defeat. That guy, even if it was in the most dangerous place in the world, as long as that nose of his caught a sniff of adventure, he would plunge in without a care. He was the type of idiot who seeks thrills and danger--well, although it angers us, at the same time, we could only raise our hand in surrender. This is one of the reasons why we are attracted to him... ヽ(＊>∇<Wink [https://www.royalroadcdn.com/public/smilies/wink.png]ﾉ
In any case, according to the information and reports Allen had received via the clones he had scattered in the Celestial Realm, the war between the Celestials and the Demons became a standstill. At first, the Celestials were being pushed back…but the moment Allen had sent his own people, consists of puppets, Monster Horde(which he personally created) and tamed beasts such as the ever so adorable Lightning, Silver and the rest of the gang, the Celestials found their foothold and able to push back the Demons and Monsters again.
And according to Allen, he had someone who was extremely reliable in the Celestial realm so the Celestials should be able to fight back and defend themselves for the time being.
Afar hearing this, we wanted for Allen to at least, have some rest and peace as we all know that this would never last. He would be called into the battlefield once again. Even including us.
All this time, Allen had been working too hard to improve the defenders, always locked up in his own workshop and adventuring to the Dungeon to gather materials and magical items. Seeing him like this, our hearts can’t help but ache in pain and worries. Although Mia and the rest were able to let him relax and calm down, it would never be enough…
I also wanted to do the same thing….to help him and support like the others…but our current relationship is just still in the ambiguous phase.
Although I had accepted the fact that I, Xue Ling, Daughter of the Xue Family, was Allen’s lover—which was an escapable fate I possessed, not like I dislike it, But you can still say that I and Allen have some ambiguous and awkward relationship compared to the other girls.
It’s not about him, it’s all about me.
Him, being my lover in the previous world was my treasure but it is also my most painful truth. All because the one he had loved and known for was the other ‘me’.
…I know it’s hard and kinda strange drinking my very own vinegar, but I want to think that the ‘Xue Ling’ Allen loves deeply, is a different person. Allen didn’t love me but the other me, something along those lines. I’m not like XiaoXiao who possessed memories of the other world; I don’t have such blessings in me.
Because of that, I don’t feel that I’m the one who he really loves and longed for…
Memories—it’s kinda simple and ordinary moments of one’s life. But it dictates your existence as well as meaning, especially to the person you love.
XiaoXiao who was able to have these memories can love Allen without a care. Why? Because it means that she was of the same person, even though there was someone like her who had loved Allen all the same in another world. There’s neither conflict nor awkward distance at all between them… but I, Xue Ling was different.
I couldn’t remember anything… those memories Allen has, I didn’t share any of it. Then, does it mean I was of the same person…?
If the answer was yes, then what would happen to the ‘me’ from that world that had shared the same painful and happy moments with him?
Will, she be forgotten…?
Will she be buried beneath my existence…?
I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to deny the ‘Xue Ling’ that had existed, loved and cared for Allen from the bottom of her heart. Although we are a completely identical existence, that doesn’t mean we are of the same person.
Circumstances and experiences mold a person to who she was…what ‘Xue Ling’ in that world experience was not similar to what I had passed through in this lifetime, and so, one can even say that the ‘Xue Ling’ in that world, is not similar to me.
The ‘Xue Ling’ in that world, was strong, determined, and a woman that was the ideal of every women in this world. Even including me in that aspect. I admired her, I longed to be like her!
Of course, despite looking up to her, I’m pretty confident about myself as well—that against her, I would not lose!
If she can give her life for Allen…then, don’t you think I could do the same as well, even without hesitation…?
However, that is also the reason why I couldn’t allow myself to be likened to her, to be buried because of me.
She is she, I am me…
We might be similar but we are not the same.
I know that I might be thinking too much, that Allen wouldn’t see me as the other ‘Xue Ling’—judging his character, he wouldn’t forget that there is also once another ‘Xue Ling’ that existed in his life even if he was with me. However, that is also why… I want to make Allen fell in love with me… not because of what he felt for the other ‘Xue Ling’ but because he loves ‘me’…the true Xue Ling!
I want him to know that I am not the same as ‘her’, that the one he loves and sees was the true ‘me’. Probably, Allen felt my own inferiority as well as resolve because he didn’t force me or anything and treated me with neither overfamiliarity nor distance.
Like a close friend, a family, a sister—I know it’s kinda strange for me to be extremely satisfied with the way we are in, but for me, it was a good start.
As if our relationship returned to zero—to the beginning where we don’t have anything. There, we can slowly cultivate our emotions, feelings, and sentiment for each other. The views we had towards one another, slowly builds like creating our own memories—memories that belong only to the both of us.
XiaoXiao and the others always scold me for being such an idiot and a ditz, but I can only smile faintly at that without able to respond.
I know they cared for me as I’m just fooling myself and being an idiot, only delaying the inevitability. They know that I love him, that I want him…doing things that only lovers can do, to hug him, to kiss him without any worries and concerns. But it’s fine; we still have a long way ahead of us, me and Allen… we both would never separate again, even in death—why would I rush things?
Why not savor the moment we had together—?
I know I’m just being a fool but, sometimes, humans turned foolish, because they want to establish themselves and clear their inconsistencies.
It’s about making your heart free and unshackled by worries and concerns that might hurt your heart and suffocate you in the future if left alone.
In the road of people loving each other to finally being together was not ‘just’ mere courtship and play—it also creates memories that you always look back with a faint and happy smile, together.
I don’t like looking back with a blank road, while Allen looks back to the memories with ‘me’ but not me at the same. It would be unfair…don’t you think…?
I want to create our own building of memories that would never be forgotten, that which only belongs to us!
And I’m certain… that Allen, the man I love the most, also understand my desire.
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Crackle! Whish! Crackle!
The light of the fireplace illuminates Allen who was sitting leisurely on the couch, all while reading a book once again, from the side, giving his handsome appearance an almost fantastical edge in the darkness of the night.
He was sprawled on the couch, more than slightly drunk, with a bottle of whiskey on the nearby jade small table. He looks lazy and crass but I can’t help myself smile—obviously, not only me as I can see the others looking at him from time to time with a faint smile and loving expression. After all, moments like this, I and others felt that…Allen is indeed, still a normal man—the man we know and love—the human, Allen.
After all, believe it or not, Allen was a Great God—even among the Gods in the Celestial Realm, the world known by the Mortal World as the Land of the Gods. He was a Mid God, a 2nd Grade at that…that only not less than a dozen still remaining in the world.
Although we didn’t say anything nor we try expressing it, but each of us hold some kind of thought and worries deep in our hearts. After all, even if we hold some kind of superhuman abilities, we are still, in the end, mortals…unlike him, who was a True God.
Are we good enough…?
Can we keep up…?
Do we even have the right to stand beside him..?
Such thoughts and worries, no matter how much we tried to steel ourselves and act like we didn’t care, we still couldn’t help but have such anxieties in our hearts. We are humans, a being of inconsistency.
What’s more, Allen… the one we loved and cared for was fighting a terrible war all alone. Bearing not only the fate of one world but a thousand worlds…!
Such a grand scale--it's not something mere humans like us could ever understand or try bearing the burden with.
We couldn't even understand just how much pain and suffering bearing down on one's shoulders, probably even greater than Atlas himself when he was supporting the world on his shoulders.
He had started the fight all by himself. And he would probably continue fighting to the very end, even if he becomes the only person left. We know that, and because of that, we felt pain…for being alone, for being cast aside, and also…for being unable to help or deny it for we know how hopeless and weak we are.
Even if Allen didn’t want us to fight, we still wanted to stand beside him… but too bad, he was just too incredible, too fast and amazing, that no matter how much of a genius we are in the eyes of many people, we are still no match for him, we still couldn’t catch up to him.
Even still, we couldn’t give up.
Because the moment we do, we felt as if we will lose all our rights to stay beside him.
His existence is what props us up. He is the reason we keep walking, and walking, and walking no matter how many precious things we cast aside in our never-ending journey just to chase him, just to be with him.
Family or friends, fame or wealth, we left them alone and cast them aside… because we know, he is far more important to us than them…and we need to stay beside him.
Humans are weak, every single one, so they all want to rely on an absolute entity.
That also goes the same for us.
If for the world, God is that absolute entity—for demons their King is the absolute entity, then for us, ‘He’ is that absolute entity.
We can cast aside all but him.
However, even though he is a God, but we know that he’s so much better than God.
After all, when we open our eyes, he is there. If we reach out, we can easily touch him.
He looks cold, but warm in the inside.
He is the most powerful in the world, the strongest man they believed in. However, the world didn’t know was that he was extremely fragile, like glasswork or a piece of thin ice.
He was the most dependable man in the entire world, but for all we know, deep in his heart, he was a little child. If we leave, he would cry and bawl his eyes out…hugging his knees in a dark corner somewhere.
That’s why we can’t let him be alone… we couldn’t!
… …
The lights in the Castle were out but the lights in the Drawing Room were brightly shining.
The moon was icy and glittering for again the weather had turned cold.
In the room were me, Sister Mia, Elder Sister Layla, Elder Sister Alkrasha, XiaoXiao, Laura, Sister Mireya, Sister Lama, Sister Qin, Sister Grafilia, Sister Dakna, Romiea who was now often be seen in the Ruinos Castle, and lastly, Sister Fiona who was lying on the floor just beside the couch where Allen was, currently in her Griffin form—though despite this being a rude thought but, seeing her like that always makes me think of her as a cute large dog, sleeping beside her owner, so cute.
“Hm?”
“Oh, nothing… I just thought, don’t you feel cold?”
Oh my god, what a terrible instinct this girl has. She was actually able to feel my rude thoughts from this distance, dangerous…
“No, it’s kinda warm actually…” she replied while shrugging….making me have a very guilty conscience.
“Xue Ling is right, I also think you should still use this,” hearing our conversation, Allen who was focusing on the book turned his gaze at Fiona and summoned a thick blanket out of thin air, falling precisely at Fiona’s lion-like body.
“Thank you, master,” she rubbed her head at Allen’s hand, causing Allen to smile warmly.
Allen, who had long ago removed his collar and coat and was now in shirtsleeves, had a rumpled and disheveled appearance. He looks extremely sexy—
(*≧∀≦*)!!
Allen as if noticing my expression turned at me with a faint smile. “What is it?” he asked, in which I could only shake my head. “It’s nothing,” He then yawned drowsily. He then waved a wine glass at her, “Have a drink? There’s an extra glass,”
“I think I will,” said me.
I slowly stood up and walked over towards him, now slightly feeling the heat coming from the fireplace. I tried to keep the shy and slightly nervousness I am currently feeling out of my voice, as I tried to act normally. If it was the other ‘me’, she would surely not mind it and boldly act intimately with Allen. But for me, that is still quite a very challenging realm.
Allen nodded his head and poured some whiskey into the glass, handing it over to me.
I drank it slowly—I’m never a drinker, but sometimes, having it gives me a good boost in confidence.
Allen smiled at me, as I do the same. Then, I trotted back into my seat.
Along the way, I surveyed the entire room.
The room was filled with laughter and talking, filling the entire room with warm appearance of a happy family—that everyone, including me, loved and was greatly fond of.
When everyone gathers like this, I can’t help but want time to stop—how blissful this life was, so beautiful, so wonderful—if this was a flame, I would surely not care about being burned.
As I sat back in my chair, suddenly my eyes caught someone walking towards our direction—well this unexpected—I couldn’t help but thought as I saw a beautiful silver-haired woman walking towards Allen’s direction.
Her hair is very lengthy reaching down till her waist, as she walked with a confidence that could grab any man’s attention. Especially, with the beautiful, snow-white feathery wings behind her back, like that of an angel. Feriat, of the Peri Clan.
One of Allen’s tamed beast—but from what I know, she rarely appeared in front of Allen, after all, this woman is known to be a man-hater and kinda like a lesbian. Fortunately, she has some awareness, and she didn’t try hitting on me, or the other sisters. Not like, someone would succumb on her seduction—ah, actually, I think only Sister Alkrasha would play with her. Though, she will just play with her—that’s probably the reason why she didn’t dare approaching Sister Alkrasha. She's scared.
But indeed, she's quite beautiful. Her beautiful face demanding quite an attention. Her high cheekbones seemed to be calling her eyes to the statuesque bone structure underlying its gentleness. She has been graced with a look that could be that of royalty. Her tight, rose-colored lips are pursed in what appears to be mid-kiss. The slight hint of moisture on her lips making them glistens in the light, causing them to look as though they are really a reflection on the waters of a pond and not really a part of her at all. Like a teardrop. Her easy smile could stop a man’s heart.
Beside her were several women as well; A red-haired lamia; Elder Sister Lama, brown-haired beautiful woman with wolf ears just like Mireya; the Griffon; Grafilia, the Demon Lord of Lust; Asmodeus, and lastly, the beautiful Nature Goddess; Maria Makiling.
Even she appeared… I couldn’t help but feel shocked.
The surrounding also felt it was a surprise; after all, the elusive Maria Makiling appeared in front of us, on her own will.
This is rare~
It’s not like she was kinda aloof or cold. In fact, she's extremely warm and amiable inside. Whenever we have time, we play and have fun together in the world of [Solheim]. She was like a big sister for all of us…both in age and character. Even older compared to those who possesses two lives. Though, different from how Older Sister Layla was, as she would be a mature big sister, I guess.
She scolds and disciplines you if you ever make a mistake. Though for some reason, she's still quite awkward in front of Allen. Probably because she still has a hard time accepting her current status. However, we know that she, somewhere in her heart, has already accepted him.
It’s just her pride stopping her from doing so…
Kinda similar yet different from mine…
Looking at her, she was really beautiful. Even a woman cannot help but feel attracted at her…though for some reason, she emits this kind of feeling of not wanting to taint or defile her from any kind of impure thoughts. That’s the nature goddess for you.
While it was impossible to be formal and reserved in her company, it was more than impossible to take the faintest vestige of liberty with her, even in thought. Her emerald green eyes staring back at you as though to pierce your very soul and derive your thoughts and feelings. You can see the different shades of green streaking through her eyes, making them appear to be alive just as fire does when it moves and flickers.
People say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but for her, that was true of everyone she met. People’s eyes held her gaze for a split second longer than other people as their brains registered surprise.
“Surprise to see me…?” at this moment, Feriat muttered with mirth on her eyes as she sat on the couch where Allen was, casually sitting on his side.
Though, for some reason, I can’t help but thought to myself how inane that was.
“Trust the devil to turn up when least expected,” Allen replied with a mischievous smirk.
“Says the real devil~” Feriat rolled her eyes.
Seeing their banter, I can’t help but chuckle in amusement, as so as the others. These two are really…like different ends of a magnetic pole. They somehow turned up like this whenever they met… but although they were throwing touches of sarcasm to each other, you cannot feel any malice from their words or expressions.
Something like proper greetings, I guess…
I turned towards Maria Makiling who went towards the side of Older Sister Layla and the others who were playing Mahjong, laughing and greeting each other.
“You’ve been out these past few days. Where’ve you been? Carousing?” Allen smiled faintly as he poured some whiskey on his glass and hand it over towards Feriat, who accepted it without care and sip on it.
Although they look like Celty and XiaoXiao in usual days, they look like best friends except for the way they talk. They seem to like shooting each other with a ‘Poisonous Tongue’—well, no harm done and it was fun watching them bicker so no one actually minded it.
“What’s up?” Allen asked, his eyes darting towards Maria Makiling, “Missed me…?”
I saw Elder Sister Maria rolling her eyes and I felt it was funny.
Allen’s face is really thick as a city wall, though… he didn’t even bat an eye nor blushed by it.
Truly…amazing…
Well, this has indeed, turned into one big family.