"And who are you?" the judge asked, feeling more confused than ever.
Ariel pointed a finger to her face. She hesitated, before she screamed, "Oh please let me testify, scary judge lady! I think I can save Vicki from being sent to the place with scary short haired women who can bench press my whole body!"
"You mean, jail?" Mina asked wrinkling her nose.
"That's the word!" Ariel said, making her way towards the center of the room. Mina was amazed someone who squinted so hard wouldn't trip over her own feet. But somehow this ditz brain managed.
Victoria pleaded. "Please, judge. Ariel was there the whole time with me. If anyone can give me a good alibi. It's her."
Ariel stood on the witness podium, squinting into space.
"Are you sure?" Mina asked, turning to Vicki. "She's so airheaded, she might end up damaging your alibi beyond repair."
"No," Victoria said, shaking her head and gazing up at the witness stand. "A brunette like you wouldn't get this, but Ariel and I are connected through our hair follicles. Being blonde is thicker than blood...We are not blood brothers...we are blonde brothers...er...sisters, and I have absolute faith in her!"
Ariel picked her button nose and gazed at a booger. "Ew like I hope this isn't a piece of my brain..."
The judge rolled her eyes. "It's bigger than your brain. Now let's get this over with. Witness...state your name please...if possible."
"Ariel Headly..." the blonde ditz answered. "People say I live up to my name...but I don't get it. It's totally not like we all have bad pun names that sum up our personalities..."
Mina rolled her eyes so hard, she was afraid afterwards they'd be on permanent loop. "She's so dumb she's managed to shatter the fourth wall..."
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The judge leaned rested her head on her hands, looking like a cross between bored and annoyed. "And what is your relationship to the witness?"
"I'm, like Vicki's second in command!" Ariel said proudly. "Or actually third in command. Her pet dog, Taco is more important than me, but I'm like into animal rights so it's okay!"
"And where were you when the murder occured...?" Mina asked.
"I was with Vicki the whole time!" Ariel said. "We shopped for hours looking for the cutest mini skirts and stuff. And we told off like four non-blondes, and I don't mean the band! We were basically together the whole time except for her bathroom breaks!"
Lawvis chuckled in his fake Memphis drawl. "So you're saying, little lady, that Miss Electra has time away from you to commit a murder?"
Ariel held her hands to her head, like she was struggling to put a thought together "Like...I dunno...she was gone for like a really long time...uhhhh...i guess..."
Vicki's mouth dropped open. "Ariel! This isn't making me look good at all!"
"Like, sorry, sis," Ariel said, continuing to speak with her eyes half closed. "I totally didn't know where you were at all this time!"
"Hey Pinky!" Victoria shouted at Mina. "Do something please...It's not like I hired you to defend me or anything."
Mina was completely silent, but the pistons in her brain were pumping hard. After all, it was very odd how aloof Ariel was about Victoria's supposed murder. She may have been a dumb blonde, but even she should have been able to sense the gravity of the situation.
And also...there was something very off about her alibi. As Mina knew mean girls and their natural behavior quite well, having been subjected to movies and real life examples of their behavioral patterns.
Mina closed her eyes, tapped her butterfly necklace and uttered a loud "Ommmmmmmm!" like she was in her yoga class.
"Great..." Victoria muttered. "Now there's two airheads in this room."
But Mina did not care, the synapses in her brain were connecting and forming powerful thoughts. Her large brown eyes shot open. "Connection!" she exclaimed. "Whoa..."
In Mina's eyes, something has changed about the courtroom. It has grown darker, and there was a strange red aura surrounding Ariel. A strange gaseous haze traced around her like non red smoke. Were her eyes playing tricks on her? It was almost like magic or psychic energy. It quickly disappeared as fast as it came.
Mina regained her train of thought. "Connection..." she said again. "Ariel Headly. Knowing how you mean girls work...how come you didn't accompany her to the bathroom?"
"Like...why is that important?" Ariel asked, a certain lucidity in her voice.
"Because..." Mina said with a grin. "Mean girls always go to the bathroom in pairs. Even if you don't have to go, it's an excellent time to gossip and fix your makeup!"