Mina was motionless in the backseat as she listened to the radio report. She and her friends had narrowly missed a vicious murder at the hands of professional mean girl, Victoria Electra...or so it seemed.

The news reporter, who sounded a lot like spikey haired scooper, Tim Justin, relayed the harrowing report. "19 year old Brad Gart was found dead of a gunshot wound in the Valley Mall bathroom. According to this report, he was an objectively handsome and dashing quarterback for the Business Park Buffalos who had a promising career ahead of him. The suspect taken into custody was his ex-girlfriend and socialite, Victoria Electra, who was found crying with a silenced pistol at her feet."

D. Vito turned around in his car seat, a puzzled look on his five-o-clock shadowed face. "ey...pally, ain't this the dame who is your nemesis? Seems you were a good judge of character if she went and murdered her ex!"

Mina nodded, but there was a look of equal confusion on her face. "I suppose I am...but who exactly goes straight from dissing us to disposing her ex!"

"Do ya know this Brad Gart?" D. Vito asked, scratching his fuzzy face.

Mina gave an uneasy nod. "Yep. He was Victoria's rebound after Chad left her....and honestly, they were perfect for each other. Brad liked to pick on the guys who he thought were lesser than him just like Victoria picked on the less popular girls! They were voted homecoming king and queen not out of adoration, but mostly fear and terror!"

Mina paused for a second. "I'm kinda surprised they would eventually turn on each other. But maybe it's just karma they ended up like this."

D. Vito rubbed his greasy hands together. "Well, I don't like to wish bad karma on even the worst jabronis, kid. Trash, as you noticed, tends to take itself out!"

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"That's true..." Mina said softly. "I really hated Victoria and Brad, but I never wished this on them."

"Good, pal," D. Vito said with a smile. "Dats da way to be! Just go on and decompress and play your hokey moms or whatever you zoomies do!"

"Thanks! I intend to obtain em all," Mina said, gathering her shoppings bags. She was about to leave when the perky chiptune on her E-Phone began playing the ubiquitous Ninja Kitty theme.

Mina answered and nearly dropped the phone. "Pinky, it's me!" the voice sobbed. It belongs to a girl who was both snooty and congested from crying. "Pleeeeeassse help me!"

"What in the huh?!" Mina gasped, covering the phone and gaping at D. Vito. "It's Victoria."

"Piiiiiiiinkyyy," Victoria cried. "You have to help me! I don't take back anything I said about your fashion sense, taste in men or the rumors I spread about you and Braceface Billy...but please, help me!"

"You what?!!" Mina shouted. Now she knew where the rumors came from that her and the infamous mouth breather Braceface Billy and her got their retainers stuck together when they kissed. "No way am I helping you and..."

"Please! I'll pay you prettily! How much do you need? You know my mom is one of the richest people in town..."

Mina thought for a second, before realizing something. She could use Victoria's trust fund to pay off her student debt once and for all. Her eyes glinted, reflecting the mountains of dollars and change she would receive. But before she could calculate her salary, another intrusive thought hit her.

"Waitaminute!" she shouted. "I thought you weren't going to hire me because I'm not a silver lawyer! Why do you want to hire me now? Something smells and it isn't just the smelly meat stick my taxi driver is eating right now."

A stick of jerky dangled out of D. Vito's mouth like a makeshift cigar. "What?! All dis meaty drama is making me hungry."

"Look..." Victoria said, finally managing to calm down. "I can't tell you over the phone. Please just come down to the station and I can talk to you about it. You may be gross, pinko, but I desperately need your help!"

Mina smirked. She couldn't believe how quickly her greatest enemy had become her enemy in need. Not only would she get to prove Victoria wrong about her lawyering skills, she was about to free herself from the shackles of student debt once and for all!

"To the police station!" Mina said, pointing dramatically downtown.