Nick Beard wore a black pinstriped tuxedo (with hanging chains on his pants) and had attempted to tame his long mess of stringy hair. Unfortunately, he quickly undermined his attempts to look respectable when he turned to the judge. "Z-O-M-G!" he shouted, spelling the acronym out loud. "I just realized something. This is totally like my old Wintendo PS game, Eagle Attorney! I actually have all the imports from Japan and I get the odd notion that I'm just like the handsome attorney in the video game!"

"No you're not," Divine Justice snapped. "This is not a video game sonny. And you're just some annoying witness who smells like pizza rolls!"

"Oh lawd," Mina thought to herself, "the noxious fumes of the Pizzapockets seem to be enraging the old judge. I better not ask anything that irritates her further."

But as Mina gazed across the room to the witness stand, she had a dire feeling that Nick would try his best to get on everyone's nerves.

"Way to crush my dreams, you old coot!" Nick sobbed, responding to the judge. "But much like Mr. Eagle Attorney, I will crusade on behalf of my wronged hero, Dirk Lord and avenge him by getting his killer thrown in the slammer!"

Nick Beard pointed his fingers at Mina. "Go ahead. Ask me anything. Though I already know you will fail. All the best attorneys in Eagle Attorney are men!"

Mina grimaced. "I don't think you passed the bar, Mister Rudepants!"

"Yes he did," Raven said with a sly smile. "He passed the Dropout Bar and Grill on the way over here."

Mina quickly grabbed her notes. "Anyway, Nick Beard. I have a very important question to ask you. What did you see at Rocketstar Studios before the filming? And more importantly, who did you see?"

Nick Beard scoffed and brushed his bushy beard. "Hah, that's an easy question from a no-doubt easy woman. The people who were there that day were me, the director, the troll, Dirk and that hot, blonde security babe!"

This novel's true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.

"Goldy Digsy was there?" Mina asked.

Goldie grinned from behind the prosecutor's bench. "I was guarding Mr. Lord's room that day! And...hoping to get his phone number later."

Mina rolled her eyes and shifted her papers. "So did you try to meet your hero Dirk Lord? I'm sure you were probably a lot nicer to him than the women in the room."

"Did I ever..." Nick exclaimed. "It was short but very sweet. I told him that I had seen all ninety two seasons of Star Voyager and that Admiral Spork was the only guy who could foil the scheme of the Cauliflower Collective on the Planet of Purple Broccoli."

The judge's eyes widened. "What language is this boy speaking?"

"I do believe that language is nerd, grandma," Blind Justice responded.

"And how did he respond to such a statement?" Mina asked.

"I object, your honor," Blind shouted at his grandmother. "I don't see where any of this is going. The only thing more trivial than this egghead's trivia is this rookie defense attorney's attempt to divert justice."

Mina quickly shouted back. "I object to his objection!"

"Order!" Divine Justice shouted. "Miss Attorney what is your reasoning for asking him questions about his fanaticism?"

"I uh..." Mina said and quickly paged through her notes. "I firmly believe that if Dirk had intended to shoot my client, he would be acting very suspiciously. When Nick spoke to him, he had just finished talking to my client."

The judge banged her gavel. "Willy. I will give her one question. If not, I am very inclined to believe that Star is behind this murder."

"Nick..." Mina answered. "How did Dirk respond to you."

Suddenly, Nick bit his lips and gazed at the ground. He whipped out an old handheld and began to play it as his eyes darted back and forth.

Mina's eyes widened. "What the huh? Why are you playing that Wintendo PS so suspiciously?"

Nick looked up and cried. "I'm stressed okay?! Meeting Dirk was very stressful. Girls like you probably have some famous pop star that would make you incontinent, I have a famous Star Voyager actor to do that."

"Objection!" Blind Justice shouted. "We hardly need to hear about this witness's bladder problems. Just answer the question!"

"Seconded!" Divine answered. "Even a lady of my seniority doesn't have those problems! Now out with it!"

Suddenly, Nick's face was full of tears. He balled up both of his pudgy fists and slammed the PS on the table. "Dirk said, 'that's great kid..' just whipped out a napkin, scribbled on it and said...'now beat it kid! I have bigger fish to fry!'"

As Nick Beard sobbed manly tears, Mina realized she had hardly floundered, she too had a new fish to fry!