"Why so glum, chum?" Mina's favorite taxi driver asked as they departed the Valley Mall. "Clearly your deal ain't deals because your shopping bags are filled to tha brim!"

Mina pushed her paper shopping bags away, making more room for her to pout. She crossed her arms and scowled, leaning forward in the crumb covered seat. "Denny, have you ever had somebody with a vicious vendetta against you?"

D. Vito smirked in the mirror. "Of course, I waz a hot shot lawyer in tha Bronx! O' course there were some Joe schmoes who hated my mug!"

"But like," Mina winced and averted his reflected gaze. "Like a personal vendetta from a long time ago! Being a lawyer is one thing, but what if you knew someone who's anger was personal towards you?"

"Ah," D. Vito rasped. "A personal grudge that won't budge! I know tha thing too. Me and dis guy, Charlie da Tuba, a lean mean jazz player both has this thing for a dame and we knocked heads all da time!"

Mina's eyes brightened. She met D. Vito's gaze again. "Oh my lawdy. That's exactly my problem. There's this girl who I knew in high school who hates my guts because I well...stole her boyfriend...Chad."

"Now now now," the raspy taxi driver said. "Were you really dat underhanded? I always figured you were a fair player in the game of love and war!"

"Well..." Mina said, her eyes darting to the side. "I kind of convinced him to leave her. You see...she was a really mean girl and I...well, I'm not. At least I don't try to be. Chad kinda saw the way she'd put everyone down who wasn't in her inner circle. So, he left her willingly."

"Mm," D. Vito nodded. "Dis drama gots more twists and turns than a cheesy pretzel dog! How did blondy react?"

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

Mina sighed and threw up her hand. "She went from mean girl to mean squared to the infinite power. Every time I entered the room, she had a jab about my shoes, clothes, hair or accessories."

Mina sunk deep in the cozy backseat. "And today, she said some real nasty things about my job. That nobody wanted to hire me because I'm too young and inexperienced...and worst of all,"--Mina gulped--"I think that's true!"

She began to sob into her pink sleeve, leaving D. Vito with a bevy of gulps and sniffles.

"Aww now listen, kid," D. Vito said with a wrinkled smile. "In a dire situation like dis, there's only one thing you can do. Take a lesson from our fine feathered friends! Specially the aquatic kind."

Mina stopped sobbing to offer a confused expression. "What in the huh? Fine feathered friends? Birds or..."

"Ducks!" D. Vito exclaimed. "Water off a ducks back!"

"Excuse me," Mina said, her eyes incredibly wide. "Have you quacked?! Why are we talking about duckies?!"

"You gotta take insults, kid," D. Vito grinned in the rear view mirror. "Like a duck takes to water and let them roll off your back! For unless this blond dame is paying your mortgage, her words mean zero, zip, zippity doo dah!"

It was like a switch had clicked on in Mina's head. She wiped her tears from her blotchy eyes. Her face once sullen turned around into a soft smile. "Wowie zowie!" she remarked. "You know what, you are so right, Denny! I'll just make like a duck and duck all her insults and negativity and when they hit me..."

D. Vito and Mina chanted in unison. "Let it roll off my(your) back!"

A three story high apartment rolled into view and Mina sighed. She was going to go home and let herself do some major self care with some California sushi rolls and some new Chickflix streamed episodes of Ninja Kitty. She gathered her bags happily. "You know, D. you could be a professional therapist with your good advice."

"I know," D. Vito remarked. "But with my tank tops and hard-line Bronx demeanor, nobody would take me seriously as a social worka, but I appreciate tha thought!"

Mina was about to speak, when suddenly, the taxi's radio, which had been playing Taylor Switch's latest hit cut out.

"We interrupt this overly sanitized pop music to give you a news bulletin! A young man was found dead inside the bathroom of the Valley Mall. A suspect was taken into custody, Victoria Electra, daughter of the famed business mogul, Maxine Electra!"