Dear Diary,

Sometimes it's okay to be overwhelmed, just a little bit.

I mean, shit, my last week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride. First I think I'm finally getting a handle on the shit going on in Lancaster. Enough that I can get some Co-Located Family time in, including the menace's birthday, where that roller coaster metaphor gets way too literal for actual comfort, what with Conrad providing a way for her to auto-yeet into the wild blue yonder. Then that handle I thought I had on Lancaster? Some pieces of shit in human form rip it off and stuff it up my ass. Shit, worse than that, really, they shove it up my friend's ass. Then, having lost my good grip handle on reality, let alone Lancaster, I seriously contemplated pressing the big red 'do not press' button for reality. Then, almost like I'd subconsciously stretched the fabric of reality down into 'ultimate shitification' levels like a slingshot, Larry steamrolled his dad, Saffron and I got officially recognized by the Temple of fucking Wisdom as High Priestesses of that Temple, and I got to officiate over the season's biggest royal wedding, which is pretty fuckin' Baller for a town that doesn't have actual royalty if you ask me.

I mean, I didn't even fuck all that up? How did I not fuck any of that up? Shit, I still feel some kinda bad way about what happened to Bonnie, because I wasn't there to stop it, but I managed to fix the physical damage, and the woman herself seems to be doing a bang up job of recovering from the rest.

Heh. Bang up, down, sideways, I think Larry's gonna need some Male Enhancement Drugs at some point, not due to any disability on his part, but purely because as part of her recovery she'd settled on that whole 'I had a traumatic experience with this, I will now carpet bomb that memory into non-existence by inundating my brain with good experiences with the same thing'. Weird part for me? While truth be told I don't think he's actually gonna need any stamina enhancement after duBois' months of training, not to mention being not half bad physical material, what with his father and brother so obviously being genetic relations? Yeah, I think if he did? He might actually have just enough humility to ask somebody for help somehow. I mean, I don't think either of them would go for the 'hey, bang my wife for me for a while', for multiple reasons, but 'hey, can you maybe hit me with a magical Viagra whammy', or 'get her to sleep for eight contiguous hours so I can do the same' or something. I can totally see him asking for one of those.

Oh, shit. If he does need help? Not only 'oh, shit, he's gonna ask me', but 'oh, shit, it's my fuckin' job as his Patron to help him'.

Okay, I'm not gonna even go there right now, because I'm sure if he asks me, I can figure something out. Or, more realistically, ask Saffron to help me figure something out. Or, and I'm facepalming extra hard right now, maybe ask my paramour, Champion of the God of Revels, with Revels most frequently defined as 'drunken sex', if she knows any tricks that can be applied to mortals who don't want to be dismembered.

Of course, there's a reason I've got that kind of thing on the brain right now, because while 'not much happened' since the wedding, the 'not much' that did happen all falls into the same broad category of 'brain fully functional adult romping', which, let's be clear, is awesome, but is also clearly not my go to. Really, truly! How often does my brain function fully, really? I know the odds of any given event happening while I'm engaged in adult fun time is pretty good due to my proclivities in that direction, but thinking? Like, actual careful consideration of the world, how it works, my place in it, and the repercussions of my current actions? Fuck no. The closest I get, and I guess my own Diary is the biggest single target for my 'not thinking but looks like it if you close one eye and squint', is when I shut my mouth and redirect the constant stream of random fucking chatter toward the inside of my skull like some kind of abstract metaphoric mental power washer.

So yeah, I was absolutely as good as my word. The moment Larry made a kind of 'this has been the happiest day of my life, but doesn't that look the tiniest bit like dusk?' face, I stepped over to him and Bonnie, who hadn't been outside arm's reach of him since they said their vows. Just in case you're wondering, I hadn't really been watching Bonnie, not because it's not her special day or something dumb like that, but because she had already made her position crystal fucking clear to me. Enough that I'd also done a little Co-Located preparatory work.

I laid my hands on their shoulders, raised my voice to carry to the room at large, and said, "okay, everyone, we've got the Temple for the day, so the party can go on until sunset if you're willing to pitch in with cleanup, it's just about time for me to take these two lovebirds back home. So if you want to say 'congratulations', you've got three, two, one..."

As I said 'one', everybody in the room screamed out, "Congratulations!" Before the word even quite completed echoing through the Temple, I stepped the two of them right outside the Lancaster House doors, which stood open.

I'm not talking about the little sally port in the one door, either, but the big two story fuckers. They must have been burning hella wood, or maybe Mana all day, because we arrived a good five feet beyond the open doors, and despite it being the middle of winter a constant flow of warm air blew from the doors, enough that the pavers were dry. There had to be at least a hundred people in two lines forming a corridor from outside the doors to the base of the stairs inside. The moment we arrived, every single one of them bowed, knelt, or, and this was new and weird, if not bad, curtsied to the happy couple. Oscar, who seemed to be, if not 'the' head servant, was at least close enough to be the guy leading things to be the 'caller' for the 'call and repeat' that echoed through the courtyard and four-story entryway of Lancaster House.

"Congratulations, Heir Lancaster! Congratulations, Heir-Consort Lancaster! Welcome Home!"

Before I lifted my hand from their shoulders, I said, "where I'm from, it's an old tradition for the Groom to carry his Bride across the threshold of their first home together."

Larry didn't need any more prompting than that. Careful not to damage her dress, he swept Bonnie up into a princess carry. Appropriate in this case, since the Lancasters had to be the closest thing to royalty Phileo had.

Of course Bonnie, who had blushed and lifted one hand to cover her mouth when the servants did their little welcoming vignette, leaned in and quietly, but by no means secretly, said, "quickly, please, Husband."

Y'know, I know I've said it before, that Larry has some quickness in him, but I didn't realize exactly how much until just then. Moving with the speed of some kinda mongoose cheetah hybrid he sprinted for the stairs, then straight up them. I don't think his feet hit more than about a third of them. Bonnie's joyous laughter echoed through the entryway even as it dopplered away.

I stepped over to Oscar and said, "well done! I hadn't thought about the whole greeting thing, but, nice. Classy, but definitely supportive. Thanks."

He just did that little nod-bow thing he did when Larry told him to do shit, which I definitely took as a sign of respect. For the head of staff for a family as class conscious as the Lancasters had been for so long? Giving me that same nod-bow thing they gave to the House's Heir was a pretty big thing. "Per your instructions, the Heir's rooms have a warm bath already drawn, food for two for three days in warming trays, including a wide selection of desserts, and I have taken the liberty of stationing a few boys outside their rooms as runners, should they have any unforeseen needs."

"Dayum, Oscar. Good job. Top shelf, man. Top shelf." I nodded to him, and he swelled up just a little. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta get going. I'll be dropping the other Cadets off before nightfall; if you need anybody to sign off on something Lachlan will be here then."

"Very good, ma'am." Another little nod-bow, and I stepped back to the party.

When I got back I immediately noticed that Sigyn and Loki had left. Before I could even ask, inside my head I heard, things are winding down, to some degree, and I suspect those things which might wind upwards from this point forward might have been hampered by our presence. I also took the liberty of returning Gary Rosen and Rowena Rider to their homes.

Even half a moment's thought made me realize that while the troops they'd had with them would have to fend for themselves for a bit, putting Gary and Rowena directly at their family's seats of power would let them start their Houses making Good Choices about the Plague, not to mention getting any spare Volunteers headed toward Lancaster House to help deal with Calverton's inevitable response to the shits formerly known as Lancasters. Thanks, Boss. You're the best.

I know.

Saffron came over to me and held out her arms. "Would you care to dance?"

Nobody had what I'd call a proper instrument, but a couple of the Aetoses and Obols had mouth harps and harmonicas, and more than a few of them had little charm bracelets with literal bells on. Between about half a dozen of them, they'd started some kind of peppy party jig, and a few of the older couples and a lot of the younger ones had started using the clear space near the table as a dance floor. The fact that George had joined in the dancing didn't really surprise me in the slightest, nor did Mama and Papa Driver. Couldn't say the same about Leonard, who stepped across the dance floor doing a Tango variant with Ophelia.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

I held out my arms to Saffron, and, as she slid into them, replied, "I'd love to."

After a while with the two of us dancing together, we pulled Marie onto the floor, where she proved to be really good at dancing. Champion of the God of Revels, so... duh. After that Isnomi sprinted up, and we got a lot more energetic with our dancing at that point, if a lot less intimate. A swarm of kids followed her onto the floor, dancing with absolutely no skills buoyed up by boundless enthusiasm. Fortunately, even our little menace's endurance proved less than boundless, and less than an hour later she, along with all but a few kids who stumbled around the floor half-asleep, had snuggled up to sleep in Marie's arms. Adorable watching Marie half buried under a pile of kids right in the middle of the floor.

"Okay, folks. Saffron and I need to be getting our guests with longer trips home about now. Thank you all for coming to celebrate with us!"

With that, I gathered up Angel, Bill, Fred, Lachlan, Linus, and Raven, then stepped us all back to the entryway of Lancaster House. The staff had closed the big doors and turned the lights down, so instead of saying anything I just nodded and stepped back.

I arrived just before Saffron returned from her delivery of George, Leonard, and Ophelia back to Newark. The last few parents were collecting their kids from the Maenad centered pile, so we walked over, put our hands on her shoulders, then stepped back to our suite. Saffron lifted Isnomi and carried her to bed while I helped Marie to her feet and led her to the other room. When we stood beside the bed, I took both of her hands, looked up at her and said, "I... we had a surprise for you."

She just raised an eyebrow. Saffron closed the joining door quietly and stepped up as well. "Our Tabitha came up with a novel revel, and we'd like to share it with you. But to really get the full effect, it requires complete," her voice got a little rough on the next word, her purring adding a stunningly erotic tone, "submission. On your part. Which I, as much as Tabitha, would never demand of you, ever. But for this, we'd both ask it of you, but only if you truly want to."

Her gaze slid from me to Saffron and back, then she stepped toward the door. Before I could even feel the slightest disappointment, she undressed. One article of clothing at a time, entirely unhurried, folding each item and placing it carefully atop her cart. No musical accompaniment, no dancing, but she disrobed with such care, precision, and grace that it was absolutely stripping for us. She walked back over to us, gently touching us on our shoulders to guide us to stand to either side of the foot of the bed, then sat down on it as primly as she'd ever done. Then, somehow maintaining eye contact with each of us, she languidly spread her legs until each of her ankles lay next to one of the bed's feet. Sometimes I forget how goddamned tall she is, and what that means about the length of her limbs, especially her feet. Still maintaining eye contact, she stretched her arms above her head, intertwining her arms and hands in barely inhuman ways that I knew I couldn't do. She tipped backward, still in complete control over her body, until her knuckles brushed against the headboard. The moment the back of her head hit the bed, the whole room vibrated with her subsonic purr, and she said, "Please."

After watching that, I'd half forgotten the question that had started it, but a sudden breeze as Saffron disappeared our dresses to their spots on our altar reminded me.

Turns out a Maenad has a lot of Endurance. Even more self-control. Also, at least personally, Marie likes those padded ropes we'd stockpiled so many of for baby-proofing the room way more than Saffron or I do. We'll need to pick some more of those up. It takes at least three of them to not snap like taffy when Marie decides to let that self-control go.

The thing that had me smirking, then chuckling, then outright laughing like an evil madwoman, thanking the soundproofing for keeping the rest of the Academy from realizing that I have yet another of the qualifications for being the Big Bad Evil Girl? Even though I still maintain that if I'm really looking for one I'm the Bitch in our relationship, for this in particular I wind up playing the part of electro-dommy-mommy. Way funner than I thought it would be. Probably didn't hurt that on top of that whole 'worship, it's a hell of a drug' thing, Maenads were literally created to do just that, in exactly this fashion. My man D knows his intoxicants. Shouldn't be surprising at all, really.

So when a message came from the Temple of Wisdom that Saffron Rae would like to speak with us and had invited the two of us for lunch at her townhouse, Saffron and I got a little bit irked at being interrupted until Marie pulled the blackout curtains open to show that we had, in fact, missed breakfast.

When we got there, she had a nice little polite lunch laid out. Tea and dumplings. Bite sized ones, but really dense and rich. I wasn't really hungry at the moment, and she'd only put four in front of each of us, so I savored them and discovered that not only was each one filled differently, the fillings themselves had a heterogeneity of filling that made each one-dumpling bite a bit of a culinary adventure.

When we'd finished, Saffron Rae let out a little contented sigh, then smiled at us and said, "High Priestess Aetos-Diaz, High Priestess Diaz, it turns out I've a request for the two of you already. A personal one, so I can't in good conscience offer compensation or a return favor from the Temple or Hestia, but I certainly offer to return an equivalent personal favor at some point in the future."

Then she laid out her plan.

Half an hour later I sat on the side of a mattress in a dim bedroom. Naked, if wearing somebody else's body didn't count. Why am I the one doing this again?

Because I am, without doubt, the less jealous of us by nature, love.

I raised an eyebrow. You're telling me you're not getting off on this?

She snorted. That wouldn't help us complete the favor Saffron Rae has asked of us.

At that moment the bedroom door opened, and Raymond stepped in, blinking a little in the dimness. I held out my arms and, in Saffron Rae's voice, said, "come to me, love."

Without taking his eyes off me, he slid the light open, his smile growing with the light. "Well, I can't say I expected this, but it's most welcome, dear." With that he stepped over to me, surprising me when he pulled me upright rather than sitting down next to me or just pushing me back and covering me. I mean, don't get me wrong, my ass was getting a thorough fondling and I now knew that Raymond liked garlic and pepper and had a subtle earthy scent.

I wasn't upset exactly, but definitely started feeling some kind of way about my lady bits making their positive impression of Raymond known. The some kind of way got a little worse and the other got a lot better when Saffron's voice filled my head with, oh, my, yes, this is exactly as good as I thought it would be.

Oh, but you're not getting off on it.

That got me a mental giggle followed by, as I said, that would be inappropriate. You'll have to take care of that later.

Oh... No... Anyway.

With that the room filled with Saffron Rae's chuckle. When he pulled back from our kiss, he trembled slightly as he turned to look at Saffron Rae and Saffron Rae, each standing just inside the doorway wearing just as much as I was. I slipped away from him and took my place beside the other two, and the Saffron Rae on the other side of the middle Saffron Rae and I got a little creative with our part of the favor, which just made her smile as she stared at her husband.

For his part, he had the weirdest combination of utter terror and 'kid in a candy store' anticipation I'd ever seen on a man's face. "Now?"

She didn't 'shake' her head so much as slowly twist it back and forth. "No."

His face fell entirely into shamed dejection. "Oh. I'm sorry, love."

"Don't be. I'm not upset in the slightest."

He looked up. "No?"

"No. Had I thought that you wanted another, especially someone younger and prettier," he opened his mouth and her hand shot up before he spoke. "They are both, Saffron Aetos-Diaz especially, prettier than me, at least in part because they are younger. At any rate, had I thought you wanted another, I would have been disappointed, but not angry or sad. Had you wanted to leave me behind for one or both of them, I would have been hurt, and angry, and sad. But that's not what you wanted, was it?"

His head shook convulsively. "No, I would never..."

Her hand shot up again, and he cut himself off mid-sentence. "Silly man, don't try to say you won't fail at a challenge before you've even examined the details. Now, because Saffron and Tabitha have busy schedules, I will tell you what you need to know. Are you listening?"

He chuckled a little and rolled his eyes, but made clear that he wore a rueful grin at his own foolishness and impulses, not at anything she'd done. "As much as I can be in this situation."

"Good. Then I will tell you now, and possibly never again," she leaned forward, and I admired her self control nearly as much as his, because Saffron and I had both gotten a little more creative and a lot more daring than I thought I would. "You will never know. Ever. From this point forward, until we meet in the afterlife where such a thing might not be possible, you will never,"

I took my cue and said, "ever," in Saffron Rae's voice.

"Know," said the Saffron Rae I'd been getting quietly creative and distracting with.

"Even when you know one of me couldn't possibly be."

I realized something then, and now that I really got her plan viscerally in a way I hadn't before, I Co-Located around the room and managed to completely ignore the feedback as a dozen Saffron Raes simultaneously said, "or maybe we all could be." Before I could step us all back to the dressing room, she finished up with, "but know this; if I am here with you? As many as that may or may not be? It will be because I wish to be here with you, for you. So if you see me? One or a multitude? It is me. Do you understand?"

At his wide-eyed nod I stepped all three of us to her dressing room.

"I hope I didn't screw that up too bad." I said, as myself, to Saffron Rae, as I slipped my hand into Saffron's. No Rae needed.

"Oh, no, that was brilliant; I hadn't really thought about that as an option." She paused a moment in thought, then sighed. "Not really a Boon Hestia could grant, sadly."

I shrugged. "Did you want it though?"

She stared at me, a little shocked. "I would never presume."

"Nah, not a big deal." After a moment's concentration I said, "It's yours. Just remember, it's a little Mana-spendy, you can only really focus on one of you at a time, and the feedback can be a real bitch, even after you get used to it." After a second I added, "you might not really need us from now on, but if you think of anything else we can do for you, feel free to ask."

Saffron chuckled, "she does indeed mean anything, too. I've yet to find anything of the sort that would really offend my beloved Goof. So, if you've no further need of us today?"

Saffron Rae, still looking a little poleaxed, shook her head. "Thank you."

Is it weird that I felt smug in particular about giving not one but two High Clergy of Wisdom brain reboots in one day?