Dear Diary,

"Don't forget to love yourself."

- Soren Kierkegaard

Ah, shit. I knew I forgot something. I mean, I'm still working on the whole 'not hating myself' thing. Actually loving myself is several steps beyond my current capabilities. Shit, the last few times I haven't even been able to get myself off, although given the very enthusiastic participation of my lovely wives, that's not nearly the problem it might be otherwise. I also understand in my brain that loving someone and fucking them aren't really all that closely related, even if my go to lovey dovey maneuver seems to be 'hey, here's an orgasm! I maked it just for you!' Also, part of my brain is always telling me that it's way less special that I do that entirely because not only do I do that for my wives on the regular, I'm more or less planning to do that for one to three people to whom I am not married, nor do I intend to cuff them any time in the foreseeable.

For those keeping score at home, Marie and I didn't elope. Been there, done that, vaguely wish I hadn't burned the tee shirt from Saffron and I getting married. I guess at some point we'll have a renewal of vows with all kinds of fancy shit going on, not to mention the dress and tux from Raven's drawing. Actually, now that I thought about it, I kinda wanted to see Marie in that dress too. Dunno if we're starting a tradition or what, but that thought just seared itself into my brain hard.

Last night we spent another night at Lancaster House. After dinner I pulled Bonnie aside for a quick confab. "Can I ask you something?"

She shot me a wry smile. "You just did."

"Yeah, yeah, I just don't want to keep you from your nightly ride."

She giggled at me, swatting my shoulder playfully before shaking her hand like she thought I couldn't see it. "Wanna know a secret?"

I smiled and slid a little closer, keeping my side to her so it didn't look like I was horning in on Larry's wife. Or trying to set up some kind of threesome. Or fivesome. Shit, at that point we might as well invite the rest of the fuckin' ROTC crew and make an orgy out of it. Anyway, I didn't want to make anybody think I was doing that, so I kinda slid up next to her, nudged her with my shoulder, and whispered, "spill," while we watched Lachlan, Larry, and Marie play with the posse and the horde hoard while Saffron made some small talk with Raven.

Bonnie lay a hand on her belly, which still hadn't really expanded the way her tits had. "I'm really too tired to ride my poor husband each and every night," she sighed.

I nodded like I understood that in the slightest. "Hey, marriage is about a lot more than..."

Her pensive face melted into a grin that told me she'd been yanking my chain when she interrupted me, "so I make him do all the work."

I stuttered a bit before barking out a laugh that set both of us off giggling. "Holy shit, Bonnie. Here I think you need a fuckin' pep talk because you're Big Sad about not having your love canal dredged on the regular, and you go and put images of Larry doing the human Sybian thing." When she looked at me quizzically I held up one fist, pinky extended, shoved it through my circled finger and thumb and waggled it back and forth making 'bzzzt' noises.

She smirked at me, reached out, and folded my pinky back down into my fist. Then she looked me dead in the eye and said, "oh, no, it's really more like," and rammed my whole fuckin fist through my other damn hand, sliding it up until my fingers wrapped around my forearm before sliding it back down real slow. Then she winked at me and did it again. Twice more. She laughed at the look on my face before letting go of me and said, "he is Lachlan's brother, after all. I know you've seen him in the altogether at least once, from what Larry tells me."

"Yeah, Lachlan's little brother. How the fuck do you know what Lachlan looks like without... no, y'know what, never mind."

She giggled again and threw an arm around me for a brief hug. "Oh, no, you asked, Diaz, and it's rude to ask and walk away. Yes, Larry is definitely Lachlan's... bigger brother." When I choked on my own spit, she said, "as for Lachlan, I take it you've never really had to live with him. The man struts around the lounge in the altogether, or in his smallclothes. The view's not bad, but even so, it's a little much, especially when he started wandering down to the kitchen windows like that."

I frowned. "He's going in the kitchen naked?"

She shook her head, laughter bubbling under her words. "No, no, nothing like that. Well, he doesn't go down there naked. I suspect he often winds up that way, not that it's any of my... well, okay, I suppose in a very technical kind of way as Lady of the House it is my business, but mostly he just goes down there and stands around with his... well, everything on display until someone from the Ladies' Quarters comes to collect him."

I thought about that for a second before clamping my jaw shut while watching the subject of our conversation play patty cake with an androgynous five year old. Despite the nature of the game, somehow he seemed to be losing. "Holy shit," I whispered, "Lachlan is the town bike."

"Bike?"

"Bicycle. Uh... two wheeled jobber you... well, that's the point. You ride bicycles."

It took her a second, and then she started doing the same 'absolutely not snickering' thing I was. "You're not wrong."

My frown snuck back onto my face. "I'm a little worried that maybe some of them aren't so much interested as taking one for the team."

She nodded. "I feel a little bad, now that you've pointed out his... uh... community property status, but I had the same thought. That's why Raven has blanket permission to deal with him if she finds him underdressed outside of his rooms."

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"Well that's just throwing a different body in the way, isn't it?"

"We also gave her a hammer. Which she thanked us for, although she said she already had her own. Not to mention her carrying an abbreviated painting kit around all the time now."

I gave up after a few seconds. "So... she paints him?"

"Her kit includes a paint knife. And paint remover, which I'm told stings quite a bit, even on quite small wounds."

I sat there thinking about that for a bit, turning it around in my head. Eventually I made the executive decision to say 'fuck it, her house, her rules, she has it well in hand'. "Yeah, okay. Lemme know if he gets out of... y'know, Larry can take care of him if he has to, can't he?" She rolled her eyes and nodded. "Hey, I'm slow sometimes. Never claimed otherwise. Anyway, not what I came over to ask you about."

She smiled at me when I said, 'slow sometimes', then asked, "well then, what did you need, Commander?"

"Still seems weird that you guys call me that."

She shrugged. "It suits you, and Larry really won't call you anything else without getting that horrible look on his face."

"You mean the one where it looks like somebody shoved a kumquat so far up his ass he can taste it?"

"Kumquat?"

"Little citrus fruit, maybe the size of your thumb."

"Oh! I see what you mean, although he..."

"La, la, la, la, I can't hear you!" When she stopped making hand gestures and got her laughing down to a dull roar, I said, "I wanted to make sure it's okay with all the moms that we steal their kids away when we stay over."

She stopped laughing, her smile still wide when she said, "You mean you don't know?"

"Know what?"

She leaned over as if about to impart some great secret and quietly murmured, "your Maid stays in the Imperator's suite every night with your... I guess her? Five adopted children. Most nights most of the children of Lancaster House stay with her. A few of the older ones only stay there on nights Isnomi visits. Liam, for instance, is far too 'mature' to want to be 'babied' by her."

I raised an eyebrow. "Concubine. For now. Until everything is just fuckin' perfect for Saffron and I wifing her into itty bitty kitty bits. At which point those will officially be our kids too. Not that I'm all that into everything being 'official'. But what's this about Liam only staying over when Isnomi does?"

She smiled one of those little sneaky smiles I'd seen girls smile while gossiping. Shit, was I gossiping? Fuck, I didn't gossip. Did I? "I think he has a bit of a crush. At least I hope so."

"You hope so?"

She nodded. "I'm fairly certain your daughter has marked him for eventual conquest."

I shook my head, a little annoyed, "oh, please. She's not even two fuckin' years old. I think it's a little early for her to be thinking about what dude she wants to bang."

"You never had little sisters, did you?"

I froze. "No... why?"

She smiled and said, "because I have, and I've watched them do things like this. The only difference?" When I nodded, she said, "none of my little sisters were the very opinionated daughter of the ruler of the world, who seems at least as acquisitive as her mother. Also, 'what dude'? Like she's going to have one? That child takes after both her mothers, and if she has less than a handful by the time she's our age, it will be because she broke them."

I sat there staring as Isnomi told the bigger kids some kind of story, and I totally saw how Liam hung on every fuckin' word. "Ah. Shit. I'm gonna have to have a fuckin' talk with her."

"I'd appreciate that. His mother is... well, I suppose she's typical for Lancaster House."

"Not very mama bear?"

"Barely mama pigeon."

"Ouch. Yeah, gotta hammer home that 'no breaking your toys' thing. Hell, maybe I can get Marie to get it into her through repetition."

She was silent a moment, then said, "it almost seems like she's her mother already."

I sighed. "Yeah. I kinda miss out on a lot with Menace. But... I can only really focus on one thing at a time, and right now that one thing is the fucking Undead in fucking Calverton." I paused, settling my eyes on Marie until just looking at her took the edge off. "But really? Isnomi's got the best mom out of the three of us momming her. I'll do everything I can whenever I can, but I'm not gonna fuck that up. I'd rather fuckin' die."

Bonnie was quiet a minute, then quiet enough the kids near us couldn't hear, said, "are you sure she's as eager to wed as you are?"

I grinned at her. "Oh, you gotta see this. It's precious. Hey! Murder Mittens!" Marie looked up at me, her cheeks a little pink, as were the tips of her ears where they peeked out over the little ruffled Maid headband thing that held her hair back. "You remember the wedding dress?" Her eyes darted from me to Bonnie and back, and she nodded. "You good with making another one of those?" She blinked, and as she started to nod I continued with, "in your size?" Her nod went from a slow, sure thing to an excited jerking, like she could barely contain her squee. Her wide eyes stared at me above her open-mouthed smile. Every part of her not covered by her Maid's Uniform practically glowed pink.

Larry looked over at Bonnie and I and said, "was that an announcement, Commander?"

I shook my head. "Nah. Just makin' plans. Preparing. I took a whole fuckin' class on strategy and logistics. Gotta make sure you've got all your equipment in place before you start your campaign if you want to be absolutely certain you'll conquer your objective."

Marie sat there purring until Menace piped up, "Mama siwwy!"

"Hey, Menace, you wanna be a flower girl again?"

She leapt toward me, adopting a triumphant stance, feet shoulder width apart, both fists raised into the air. "Yeth!"

Everybody laughed at that. Everybody except Saffron, who flounced over and sat down in my lap, arms folded. "What's up, Kitten?" She just grumped non-verbally. "Okay, what's got your panties in a bunch, and more importantly how can I get them off you. I mean unbunched. Although if they're off they won't be bunched. Okay, they will, but their buncheration won't be your botheration then, will it?"

I watched as she forced herself to keep pouting, then spun around to sit sideways on my lap, not incidentally pushing Bonnie away from me a little bit. "Your mouth will not be getting you out of this one, Tabitha Diaz. Putting Marie in that dress."

"I mean, she'll totally rock it. Wait..."

"Yes, she will. Now that you've pointed it out, I will accept nothing less. But it seems everyone in the world will be wearing my wedding dress before I do." She huffed out a cute little huff, then pouted some more.

"I mean, you could wear it too?"

She looked at me like I'd grown another head. Possibly out of my ass. "What? You can't have two brides in the same dress at one wedding. Don't be ridiculous."

"Uh... so what are you gonna wear... wait! I know! Skyclad?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's traditional for the wedding night, as I'm sure you're aware. But no. I'll be wearing your tux, of course."

I kinda goggled at that until Bonnie chimed in with, "good choice. I hope Raven's willing to document that."

I sighed, slumping until I kinda draped myself over pouting Saffron. Who then straightened a bit and said, "I've changed my mind."

I sat up, putting my arms around her. "Okay, so what are you gonna wear then?"

She looked up at me, frowning. "No, not about that." She slipped off my lap, then reached over and tossed me over her shoulder, started walking toward the stairs. "Your mouth will very definitely be getting you out of this one. Good night, everyone."

I figured if Bonnie could borrow our wedding dress, I sure as shit could borrow her departure. Looking up from where Saffron had flopped me face first in her ass, I held up one hand and waggled my fingers at the amused crowd. "Bye Bye!"