Dear Diary,

I guess I never quite realized how deep my abandonment issues run. Not like I'd had loads of time and money for therapy back in Camden, but still not a pleasant revelation. Also, I have to deal with it now, and it's one of those things that's harder to deal with while you're dealing with it.

Yeah, I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

So yeah, woke up kinda exhausted, but surrounded by purring present family members. Isnomi lay atop me, with a blanket over her covering both of us, and Marie had curled all the way around me. For a while I just lay there, then I drifted off to sleep again.

Stupid itching side. Stupid scratching rocks insufficient to removing itches. Weird psychedelic tadpoles all over me in the water. One particularly intense one that hadn't gotten the note about switching to 'comfort' from 'titillate' even seemed to be crawling under me away from that little rivulet of water. False dawn came, and I fought to get comfy and stay sleeping, but then real dawn followed, and my eyes snapped open.

I wasn't as tired as I was before, but I still hadn't slept well. Also, waking to Isnomi's forehead against mine with her hands on my cheeks? Utterly adorable, but also a little bit disturbing when I'd spent the night trying to get comfy. A moment after my eyes opened, she opened hers and stared into mine from point blank range. "Ga Mana, Mama."

"Good Morning, Menace. Momma's annoyed." Her lip shot out. "Not at you, bug. I slept bad."

She shrugged. "Sa slip gud."

I just rolled my eyes, scooped her up as I sat up, and Mimicked Saffron. "Not really an option, I don't think. Still, not gonna take that out on you." I leaned back against Marie, enjoying the vibration of her purr against my back, wondering how many times somebody'd taken their bad day out on me as a kid. Probably way more than I realized, what with so many of them being randos assigned by the state, or older siblings who resented me taking up their time. Worst, I suspected even my own mom did it a time or two. Not that I blame her. Can't be easy dealing with a ten year old poking you for attention while you died by inches.

Still, this is how you break cycles, right?

So I lay there and vibed with my Menace and my Maenad. I reached out with the hand that wasn't holding Isnomi and ruffled through Marie's hair. She nuzzled into me and purred harder. After a while I thought about the one thing that still ate at me. Saffron?

Her reply took long enough I worried I'd woken her up. Yes, love?

I'm sorry about yesterday.

I got a momentary sense of disbelief, followed by a flick to the forehead. Why exactly should you be sorry?

Because I fell apart into a complete mess?

She managed to get a sigh to come through our connection. Goof. Such Goof. You're apologizing for missing me?

I kinda overdid it?

You would not be my Goof if you didn't do everything with everything you have. Never apologize for being you.

I know my face got mulish. I couldn't help it, even if a giggle tried to leak through when I stuck my bottom lip out. Me being me is why I Just Happen to people.

Oh, no! I am reminded of things I made my peace with before they ever happened! As you might put it, I love you, dumbass. Every part of you. Even if some parts require some creative perspective shifts on my part to enjoy.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

You shouldn't have to shift your perspective to enjoy me.

That got me another, firmer forehead flick. I don't have to. I choose to. Now, I take it there was no training yesterday?

Nope.

Well then. I expect you to spend the day in the Practice Yard, exercising.

I heaved out a sigh, trying not to jostle Isnomi too much. Really?

Consider it a favor for your wife. I'll be very disappointed with you if you don't. There might even be tears.

Yours or mine?

Which would motivate you more?

I chuckled at that despite my funk. Okay, Kitten. For you, I run.

See that you don't slack off. I love you, Goof.

With that the sense of her presence left me, and I snuggled in to enjoy Marie and Isnomi's presence until my Maenad had to get up for work. We got dressed, Isnomi crowing that she'd managed to button her own buttons, and equally annoyed that we had to unbutton them to tie her shirt and pants. I saw them both off with a snuggle and a kiss, then wandered down to breakfast. More harvest celebration leftovers, not that I complained in the slightest. After the carbo-loading to end all carbo-loading, I made my way up to the Practice Yard and ran.

Since I had no reason to sprint, I didn't bother, I just kept up my best ground-eating pace. For a few laps, the rest of the ROTC crew and even Rosen and Rider kept up with me. Credit where it's due, Rider was the last one to drop back after around two dozen laps. The rest of the class went back to more interesting stuff at that point; Bill and Angel pulled out one of the weight sets, Rider and Rosen did some Tango, and the other four did isometrics. Much to my shock, surprise, and dismay, the only one left running laps, even if he couldn't keep up with me? Fuckin' Lancaster. Even when I declined heading down to lunch, he stuck with me. By the time sunset painted the sky, he'd dropped to a staggering walk and still had sweat running off him in waves, but credit where it's due, he stuck with it until I decided to call it. I met him at the doors.

"Good hustle out there, Larry."

"Fuck... off," he panted.

I shook my head. "You try to be nice to some guys. You need a hand getting to the Dining Hall?"

"A Lancaster doesn't need..." I caught him by the greasy collar of his sweat soaked uniform as his foot went out from under him.

"You were saying?" When I heard nothing but grumbling mutters, I said, "look, I can help you down or I can let you go, doesn't fuckin' matter to me. But if I let you go I'm not picking you up at the bottom of the steps."

He flailed his hands a bit, then subsided. "Fine."

I yanked him back, stepped in front of him, and hefted him into one armed fireman's carry. It took him a full two flights before he got his breath back enough to start complaining. "This is completely undignified!"

"Yeah, whatever. I'm sure your tumble down the steps would have been full of dignity. If you can't say something nice, shut up and enjoy the view. I'm told it's pretty good. I just don't see it. What do you think?"

That got him to shut up until we got down to the ground floor hallway with the Dining Hall doors. "You can put me down now."

"You sure you're okay to walk?" I swear, I was gonna heft him around and set him on his feet, but when I asked if he was okay? The fucker straight up goosed me. So I dropped him and walked away. I mean, yeah, I could probably have gotten all high and mighty about it and gotten shit thrown his way, but after seeing all the shit he put up with on a daily basis when his dad was around I decided to chalk it up to locker room hijinks. Kinda like me dropping him on his face. I mean, I did kinda call his attention to it, after all; with enough entitlement and stupidity he might have thought that was an invitation or something.

Fuck it. I went ham on the ham until wonder of wonders, the kitchen ran out of ham. Going ham on the turkey after that seemed a little weird, so I stuck with assorted pies, including a really nice turkey pot pie Marie hand delivered.

After dinner, walking back to our cell, I looked at her and noticed a distinct lack of hood ornament on her cart. "Where's Isnomi?"

"Grandma."

I thought about it for a second. "No bath tonight?"

She shook her head. "Tomorrow."

I'd probably need a bath tomorrow as well, so I just shrugged. Then I thought about the fact that despite not having a hood ornament, bath tub, or laundry, she was still escorting me back to our room, despite frequently working until at least an hour or so after Dinner ended. Just as I opened the door, something clicked. "Saffron dropped by and arranged things while I was running, didn't she?"

"Yes." As she answered, one hand shot out and around me, picking me up as she dragged her cart into the room, then shoved the door shut. Apparently turkey pot pie wasn't the only thing being hand delivered tonight.

Slept like a happy, exhausted, goofball, no crying jags requried.