Dear Diary,

"Kissing someone is pretty intimate, actually very intimate, and your heart always kind of skips a beat before you do that."

- Keanu Reeves

Yeah, I'm looking through my self-help books trying to find dating advice, and I came across this one that stood out more because, y'know, Keanu. Yeah, not really helping me with ideas for what to do with Siobhan on our date, because I've already burned the 'watch the Kraken dance in the Bay' idea. Shit, that would have been a really good date, too. I mean, shit, I don't have a lot of experience with 'dating'. I'm not sure any of my friends back at Eastside did. There were, like, community events, and obviously we had the whole 'Netflix and chill' thing, but the first one you're surrounded by, like, everybody you know, so there's not a lot of intimacy, and the second isn't...

Holy shit, I almost said 'Netflix and chill' isn't intimate. Literally having sex wasn't intimate. I'm not sure what to make of that. Because, like, holy shit I'm not sure, but I think most of the times I've really felt intimate with Saffron and Marie have been times we weren't fucking. Like, not every intimate time was non-fucking, but you'd expect fucking to pretty much always be intimate, right? And it was, sometimes, but more often than not it was just... fun? Yeah, fun. Lots of fun, don't get me wrong, I would absolutely be distraught if we had to be celibate for any meaningful length of time, but part of that would be the lack of fun together time, and another would be loss of Happy Brain Chemical injection, but if, like, I could spend a few hours a day just cuddling, with another couple hours having Saffron or Marie pincushion me, I'd be golden. Okay, not golden, because sex is fun, but not dying of depression or lack of connection.

Which brings me back to Keanu there. A lot of my friends gave him shit about his performances, like somehow they looked at his face and didn't see the thoughtfulness, the careful choice of not words, because those are, like, the writer's work, but the way he said them. They didn't see the snark, or the emotions he projected. I think you can tell I caught all that shit. Definitely a dude worth listening to. And since while I definitely wanted to fuck Sister Siobhan six ways from Sunday until 'thinking straight' was as foreign to her as being deliberately mean or hurtful, I think I wanted intimacy more, I need to work some serious kissing time into our date. Pretty tall order, since I already said kissing would wind up being tantamount to making with the sex, but I think I can pull it off.

So yesterday was kinda calm, even if things got a little exciting in the Academy suite office once Saffron decided she'd finished work for the day. She spun herself around, straddled me, and said, "done. Maul me, Goof." Then she crossed her arms behind my neck and kissed me. What else could I do, other than kiss back and use my rope dart ropes for entirely inappropriate uses? I mean, I'm not complaining. Just feeling some kinda weird about using animate leather ropes as extra limbs for the purposes of really clumsy massage.

I kinda wondered about that while I did as instructed like a good wife, right up until she pulled just far enough away to smile and say, "I married the Mistress of Tentacles, love. What makes you think I wouldn't enjoy you using them so?"

I chuckled. "Next thing I know you'll be asking me to go all hentai on you with them."

She pulled just a little further away, so I could see her smile rather than feel it. It widened into a wicked grin before she whispered, "I thought you'd want to practice?"

"Uh... practice?"

She laughed, the sound somehow both pure and deliciously erotic. "After seeing the larger part of you the way she did? I think Siobhan might be disappointed if they're not involved somehow."

I snorted, then laughed. "Oh, you almost had me going there. Sister Siobhan? Really? Nah. She gets all lightheaded when I breathe heavy on her. No way she wants..." I trailed off as Saffron just stared at me, raising one eyebrow. A few long, weird moments later realization hit. "Holy crap, have you guys been talking about this shit behind my back?"

"Of course not!" Something about her response had me suspicious, and I shot her the 'don't bullshit a bullshitter' look. "We talk about it inside your head, Goof."

"Then why don't I hear it?"

"The merely Mortal of the three of us are quiet, and Marie is subtle and succinct?"

I sat there with my mouth open, then shook my head. "I really don't know how to feel about that. I mean, what the fuck are you plotting?"

She shrugged. "Maybe a little talking about what Siobhan expects from you, a little more about what you like, so she doesn't feel like she's disappointed you."

I'd been married to my Kitten nearly a year by now, and if our sex wasn't always intimate, our conversations usually were. I realized right away that she'd abbreviated her list. "What else?"

"Lots of things! Gossip!"

"And?"

She leaned over and whispered in my ear, "this is where I say, 'I'll never tell', at which point, you say..."

"I have ways of making you... talk."

"Talk?"

"Screaming is loud talking."

She stared me right in the eye and said, "do. Your. Worst."

I stood up, holding her to me with the ropes around her thighs and biceps. I stepped forward, and we stood in the light of the sun setting over the distant gray smudge my Eastside geography classes told me was the Rockies. The meadow of tentacles undulated beneath my feet, and I lifted her away, my grip on her ankles and wrists pulling her limbs out, spread eagle, before I turned her so she could see the sunset. "My worst, huh?"

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She laughed. "Oh, this will so go on the ledger."

"Which side?"

"Both." Then she gave me her best stern Imperator look. "So, are you finally going to feed me to Mimic?"

I stepped up in front of her, leaning her over so I could kiss her on the forehead. "Nah. Maybe gonna feed a little of her to you."

Her eyes shot wide as more tentacles slipped out of the meadow beneath us. "You would..." I think she meant 'wouldn't', but couldn't finish the word. Mouth full and all.

I nodded solemnly. "My wife told me I need to practice, and I am a dutiful and attentive wife." I absolutely adored the way her eyes flashed when I said that.

Hours later we tumbled back into the cuddle pile at Lancaster House. I love you, Goof.

I love you, Kitten. I snuggled her in closer and thought, so, gonna tell me what you three talk about?

She wiggled just a little as she giggled. Oh, no, my will is broken, all my secrets laid bare. Totally planning out how we're going to team up on you once you and Marie and I have had a turn at Siobhan.

I'm in danger.

Oh, most definitely.

Mimic dreamt of the endless western horizon, watching the stars and wondering where her mother was. Fuckin' moron.

At the construction site today, Saffron walked me through the process of creating a cylindrical Filtration Ward. It's not stupidly hard, at least not in a 'takes Mimic levels of Mana to do it' sense. But it makes my brain twist in uncomfortable ways, because instead of the shape feeling like, y'know, a circle with depth? It's a sphere with squared off top and bottom. I know that's not right, but it's what it felt like. Totally not fair that I couldn't just brute force it, either, because I was busy brute forcing turning all the boulders Lachlan and Carruthers brought and stacked up into a circle into a single hollow cylinder of stone. Took all day, but by the time sunset rolled around, we had a ten foot tall hollow cylinder of scalding to the touch stone at the base of the tower, sitting on a plate of stone I'd formed in the morning. Saffron stepped down, popped out a Mana Blade, and sliced an arched doorway into one side of the cylinder.

"Tomorrow you boys can start digging toward this opening from the hill outside, and Tabitha and I will continue placing the tower foundations."

They looked kinda put out. Then again, I guess they didn't want to play mole men all day. Still, if they really hated it, they could always just stay home; it wasn't like Saffron had ordered them or anything. "Wish I could take a turn with you, guys, but I don't think either of you can do this part."

They both absolutely threw on fake 'just fine' faces. "Not to worry, Champion! Linus and I will do our part, regardless!"

They're sad they don't get to watch you, Goof.

I snerked. Me? C'mon, you're the hot one.

Stretch.

I looked over at her, confused. Huh?

You're stiff after standing channeling so much mana. Stretch.

Weird thing for her to tell me to do, but she wasn't wrong. I'd pretty much had to maintain a few sorta uncomfortable positions all fuckin' day long. I rolled my shoulders, laced my fingers together, and pushed my hands upward, twisting at the waist, then bending over backwards until my vertebrae all popped. I groaned as the stiffness of the day dropped away one pop at a time. Something went thunk, and something else made a meaty splurch sound. I blinked and stood up, because that meaty splurch didn't sound healthy.

Linus had dropped his shovel. Lachlan had been using a pickaxe, and the pick had poked right through his pant leg into his calf. "Ow."

I couldn't help it, the deadpan way he said that just forced a laugh out of me. "You okay there, boys?" While their mouths worked soundlessly, I bent over at the waist, keeping my legs straight, and picked up the tools, extricating the one from Lachlan's leg as I did. Then I dragged my hand along the side of his calf as I stood, releasing a Heal Injury as I did. "Sorry. Gotta be careful. Larry'd be pissed if I broke his favorite brother."

Lachlan just smiled at me. "You really think I'm his favorite?"

I shook my head and pulled him in for a solid back slapping bro hug. "Absolutely, man."

"Cool."

I've never seen Marie work so hard to not laugh.

At Lancaster House I sat with Maze while she read, and refereed for Menace's minions as they did some track and field shit outside. Sprinting, jumping, all kinds of stuff. A twenty month old should not be anywhere near as good as she was at that shit, but here we are.

Back in the Academy suite office, Saffron laid out some paper and ink, set the back of the chair against the desk, sat me down, and straddled my lap. Her arms under mine, she made some notes before saying, "hands, if you would?"

Starting at her shoulders, I worked my way down her back, kneading the whole way. "Y'know I'm just gonna wind up here," I said as I got some quality Saffron ass grabbing time in.

"Of course. Why else would I have sat like this?" she murmured, more than a little bit of her ongoing groan in her voice as I worked my fingers into the hard muscle her bouncy butt squish covered. "Oh, other than this." She pulled back and, one hand on either of my cheeks, kissed me.

Aren't you supposed to be working?

Taking notes on the house today. Plenty of time to canoodle while I survey. If you stop with your hands I will bite you.

So I wound up with some serious hickies by the end of the day. Worth. Ah, hell, that was way more than half the fun.

Down in Calverton, I checked on shipments. Cold Iron barrels of non-perishable stuff recovered from the districts, which after we emptied them got filled with food before being shipped back. A few custom items the Universities across the river from the Academy had begun working on, which looked to meet all the specifications Doc Roberts had given them. I spent part of the day down in the turrets just fucking around with shit, because since I'd gotten my damn battleship I'd been too busy to play. Unfortunately, other than necking a little with Saffron when she showed up around lunch time, I had to concentrate on making our tower foundation too much to really have any fun with it.

Still cool though.

Not long before sunset I hopped over to the tall buildings. All I managed to announce was, "Attention Miasma sufferers! Restoration! Bridge! Sunrise!" We'd gotten another half dozen this morning, and under my supervision Marie pulled their Souls, Weyson Smited them, and then I Revived them. I kinda wished I could convince myself it was safe enough to bring Saffron here, or maybe have somebody else I trusted with Mimic's Mana who knew how to Revive, but Marie seemed a little reluctant to do Reviving, and, well, for some reason I didn't want to plug Sister Siobhan directly into Mimic until after our date. Which meant after Calverton was free, which meant after I no longer needed mass Reviving.

I think that's a Catch Twenty-Two. Not sure, but it sucks.

As sunset approached, I looked up at Marie. "You ready to go home, Murder Mittens?"

She shook her head.

"Uh... did you want to maybe head down to the Captain's quarters?"

Another head shake.

I smiled up at her. "Okay, Mittens." I put my arms around her waist. "Take me where you will."

The next moment we stood on that endless sea of undulating tentacles, and she smiled sheepishly at me as she stepped away and said, "No. You."