Dear Diary,

Sometimes I kinda wonder if I'm a sex addict. Not even joking at this point, although I'm not saying it's something I wouldn't joke about if I got the right shaped bug up my ass about it. But then, it's not exactly a simple subject, either.

First there's the whole idea of 'addiction'. So much wrapped up in that, and so many of my classmates back in the day put so much effort into trying to explain away any possibility that they might be. I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything, but even a quick bit of research back then got me a shit ton of conflicting information on it. Of course all the neo-Puritan bullshit about it being a sign of weak character. Obviously all the 'twelve step program' shit, which I never trusted because it harped so much on the 'God' thing. Yeah, I'll get to the elephant in the room on that one in a bit. But then all the scientific research pointing to addiction being evidence of self-medication for some kind of dopamine or serotonin imbalance. Y'know, Anxiety, Depression, Bi-Polar, all that good shit. One of the bits that always got me was how researchers had discovered that self-righteous assholes get dopamine hits from looking down on other people, just like all bullies do. When I read an article about how you can't 'break' addictions, only replace them, the whole 'replace alcohol with being self-righteous' made a whole lot more sense.

Now, don't get me wrong, I knew some decent people who'd put their lives back together with shit like AA, and if it worked for them without them becoming a raging asshole, good on them. But for every one of those I knew, I knew two or more bible thumpers who seemed to have way too much time spent looking for reasons to look down on other people. Which, as noted, is a fuckin' addiction, just like bullying, if you define addiction as 'shit you do to make the dopamine flow'. Which seems to be at least a working hypothesis at this point. My information is, obviously, a little out of date.

But here's the thing, if you define addiction that way, then anti-depressants are kind of inherently an addiction, right? Like, while you're taking them, you get that serotonin, you get that dopamine, you get appropriate amounts of endorphins at appropriate times. You can function almost like a normal healthy adult person, maybe. I guess if you get lucky and get the exact right dose of everything, you could function exactly like a healthy adult, because other than the anti-depressant 'addiction', you'd be one. So defining it that way might be technically correct, but it's also a little bit useless, amirite?

The big problem with addicts isn't that they put a foreign substance into them. It's that they wind up focusing so much on getting their next dose it completely overrides anything like maintaining an actual life. They'll do anything, hurt anyone, just so long as they get that next sweet hit of dopamine or dopamine substitute.

So I guess I'm not. I mean, yeah, my ladies and I do the horizontal mambo whenever we can, however we can, occasionally with whoever we can, but it's not like we neglect our responsibilities for it. To each other, to our kids, to our people. Shit, that last one's pretty fuckin' broad, too. I kinda wonder if Grandmother's Village counts for me now. Shit, I think it might, even if they're not, like, part of the Alliance or anything. But they're good people. Also the, ah, diplomatic exchanges have been successful.

Yeah, okay, I'm definitely wondering about this because while I got a workout today, very little of it wound up being in the Practice Yard. Okay, none of it. Okay, all of it was in the Bedroom. But seriously, what the fuck else am I supposed to do when Saffron tells me she's invited Silk and the boys over for some after lights out fun?

Really hilarious thing, watching Silk, Lachlan, and Carruthers eyeing one another up. Okay, Lachlan and Carruthers have obviously come to an understanding, what with Lachlan giving Carruthers what amounts to free rein in the Ladies' Quarters at Lancaster House, under pretty much the same rules he himself follows. Present as a hot, polite, available gentleman in an apartment building full of straight, bored, possibly pent up Ladies and be pleasant and attentive when one or more of them take you up on your implicit offer. Okay, yeah, it only works if you're reasonably attractive, but when there's no major threats to the safety of their charges Heroes don't have much to do except work out and preen, so that's not that much of an issue.

But when we all hit the Bath for some after dinner soaking, the three of them took the opportunity while showering to check each other out. Despite my fevered imaginings, not in the yaoi sense. More like strange dogs sniffing each other's asses. Even though they kept their voices low, the acoustics in the Bath are pretty good at carrying voices, and my ladies and I were absolutely listening in. Also, Marie has some freaky good hearing, and we all kinda piggy backed on her audio.

Silk opened up with, "I am Hair Like Corn Silk. My friends call me Silk. Are you more of Tabitha Diaz' Cadets?"

Lachlan barked out a laugh while Carruthers just kinda shrugged and nodded. "I'm a Phileo Hero, by the grace of Tabitha herself. I'd have been dead long since without her intervention. Lachlan Lancaster. I'd say at your service, but I suspect that's why the Imperator invited the two of us tonight."

Silk's face fell a little at that, but he tried to contain his disappointment. Didn't do a half bad job; if I hadn't been watching for it I wouldn't have noticed. "Ah. Well, I suppose Tabitha and her wives didn't invite me for that reason then."

Lachlan snorted. "Have you met them? That is absolutely why they invited you and us." When Silk looked a little doubtful, Lachlan leaned over and said, "seriously, I think the first time we spent the evening with them, they kept going after Linus and I passed out from exhaustion." Silk looked over at the four of us, and I grinned and gave them a little wave. "C'mon, let's get a soak in. I'll introduce you to my son Liam; he's the blond playing with the girls there."

Hilarious watching those three big hunks of prime beef playing with little kids in the bath tub. Maybe a little nerve wracking when Alex stared just a little longer than a mom might have liked at the three of them. Might need to have another talk about Consent and other important things at some point in the future. Then again, it might just be three big Heroic lookin' dudes, because Lachlan was the real deal, and if Silk wasn't straight up heavier than Lachlan the way Carruthers was, he had that same tall, broad shouldered thing going on. Not that any of them treated the girls as anything but kids, but the right time to have that kind of talk is well before any actual potential partners roll around, not six months after they've started fucking behind your back.

Eventually we all took a kid or two down to bed. Even Lachlan carried Liam down once he got sleepy, tucking him in with all our girls, just another kid in the warm pile of them.

When we got back to the Bath, Silk floated over to us. "So, are my new friends right? Do you lovely ladies desire our company this night?"

Siobhan shook her head. "I'll pass. Someone should stay with the children, after all."

You can watch, or just play with us while we take our turns with them if you like, Ice Pop.

She smiled at me and replied while kissing me. Thank you, Tabitha, but I really am the most mortal of us. I need my sleep more than any of you three. Then she stood up, nodded to the boys, and said, "have a nice night, gentlemen," before stepping down to bed down with the kids.

To his credit, Silk looked genuinely worried rather than any other kind of upset. "Did I say something wrong?"

Saffron floated over to him. "No. She's just not interested in men that way."

"Oh. Sh..." Not sure what he intended to say, because Saffron interrupted him with some mouth to mouth. That kicked off a... not a 'wild night'. I mean, yeah, when we realized that some things are just better in a Bed and moved to the Bedroom there was some definite asymmetrical warfare going on, but most of the night wound up being surprisingly quiet. Intense, yeah, but mostly the kind of quiet intensity of people focused on who and what they're doing. When the sun loomed over the horizon, Saffron, who'd insisted on me being in boy mode at that particular juncture, because some well intentioned dumbass who shall remain nameless to protect his son who was sleeping with our daughters at the time suggested she might be 'too little for three', so of course my Kitten needed to prove that four was clearly within her capabilities.

The views in the mirrors were absolutely fuckin' incredible.

The boys all kinda flagged more or less at the same time. Points to Silk for hanging in with a Hero and a slab of pure muscle like Carruthers. Also points to Silk for cuddling with Marie when he got sleepy. Before I fell asleep myself I checked out the six of us in the mirror. Surprisingly attractive for being so post-coital sweaty. Also surprisingly wholesome for some of the really freaky stuff I knew we'd gotten up to during the last go round.

While Marie took the boys and the Cadets back home and our guests took the opportunity to say farewells to the women they'd stayed with for most of the weekend, I pulled Alex aside, stepping the two of us up to my little mountaintop shack.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Yes, Mama? Did I do something wrong again?"

I laughed and ruffled her hair. "Nah. Just noticed something and wanted to talk to you about it." I schooled my face to 'supportive, caring Mom' and looked her right in the eye. "You didn't do anything wrong at all. Not even a little. As far as I know, nobody did. Got it?"

She nodded. "So why...?"

I smiled like I'd decided to share a secret. Which, y'know, maybe I kinda had. "I saw you looking at the men last night." Her eyes got a little wide, that sort of nascent guilt that somebody gets when they don't know why what they've done is wrong, but they're expecting some kind of consequences. I lay a hand against her jaw. "It's okay, Alex. They are pretty nice to look at, and it's not like they were hiding anything."

She gave me a bit of a weird look when I said 'nice to look at', which lifted a weight off my mind. Not that talk, at least. "Mama?"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

She thought about her question for a long moment. "Do all Heroes have to look like that?" When I tilted my head, she explained, "all hard muscles like those three and," here she poked my bicep, which didn't even budge or deform as her finger pressed at it. "you?"

I thought about it for a moment. Thought about the Heroes I'd seen, had known. After a few moments one in particular came to mind, and I had my answer. "Not all of us, no. Hero Potami isn't bulky like the three of us. I think Larry will probably wind up a Hero at some point, and you've seen him. He's kinda wiry, yeah, but he's not a meathead like me and the guys last night." She visibly relaxed. "Heck, you know another Hero, and she absolutely isn't bulky or wiry even. Not to look at."

"Who?"

"Saffron."

Her eyes got real wide at that. "Really?"

"Yep. She's a bona fide Hero of Phileo."

"But. I thought she was the Imperator?"

I nodded. "Yep. Imperator. Hero. High Priestess. Archmage. She's got a lot of Titles going on. But yeah, it's possible to be a Hero and go the whole brains over brawn route like her. Although..."

"What?"

"Well, first of all I don't think you'd really enjoy that. You're a little like me." She subconsciously puffed up at that. "If someone's in danger, you want to get in there with your hands and make it right. Also... Saffron looks kinda squishy, right?" She nodded. "She can lift Lachlan."

"No!"

I nodded, trying to keep the specifics of that particular bit of acrobatics out of my head and its affect on me off my face. "Yep. I mean, I don't think she's actually stronger than him or anything, but she's way stronger than she looks. Even Larry and Potami are in good shape. So you don't have to be a big bulky sort like me and the men from last night, but you do have to exercise, keep yourself in good shape, and maybe if you're going to be an in-your-face kind of Hero, push yourself to be as strong and fast and tough as you can."

She thought about that for like half a second before she said, "how do I do that?"

I realized where I was supposed to be today and said, "you want me to show you?" She nodded like her head was gonna come off. "Okay then. I've got some stuff I need to do this morning, taking the hunters back home and making sure everything's okay with their village. But... how about after lunch I take you to the Practice Yard and show you some ways to work out, to exercise, to get yourself in the kind of shape you need to be in to have your best shot at the Academy?"

"You'd do that? For me?"

I ruffled her hair again. "Of course! I'm your Mama too, right?"

Full body kid hugs are surprisingly good at beating back depression too. Who knew?

Of course, I wound up with one more surprise this morning. I stepped the hunters back to Grandmother's place, and while the women in the room started belaboring Silk about his general Silkness and the chores that left undone, I noticed Panther looking a little melancholy. I nodded for him to step into the entryway, nodding a sort of mixed greeting and farewell to Grandmother and getting one in return.

"What's up?"

He chuckled. "That obvious?"

"I mean, yeah, kinda. I'm not the most observant person in the world, and even I can see something's bothering you."

He still paused. "I'm... I don't want to give offense."

I shrugged. "You got plans to hurt one of my kids? One of my people?"

"No!"

"Then I'm prolly not gonna be offended. Seriously. I know I fucked up a couple Dire Bears and that kaiju deer, but I'm generally pretty easygoing when somebody's not tryna hurt me or mine."

He hemmed and hawed for a couple moments, then shook his head and muttered, "just spit it out, dumbass," before looking me in the eye and saying, "I'm envious of Silk."

My jaw dropped a little as I realized. "Oh. Uh. Last night?" He nodded. "You're not talking about Lachlan and Carruthers, are you?"

He snorted. "I suppose I'm envious of them too?"

I thought about it for like half a second, looking him up and down. He wasn't Silk or Lachlan, but let's face it, neither am I. Those two are fuckin' Hollywood nines at least. Maybe Hollywood tens. I was a Hollywood seven at best before I got all scarred and fucked up. We're not even gonna go into the fact that my own kid saw me as more jacked than three slabs of beefcake. Then I thought about the night before, and my plans for the day. I was satisfied, but lets face it, it takes a lot more than one night at this point to get me to satiated. If he were a snack, I could eat.

Okay, he wasn't a Morimoto's entrée, but he was a young guy with an outdoor job that kept him fit. The more I looked at him, the more he really did look like a snack. At that point he blushed and said, "sorry I mentioned it."

I caught his arm as he turned away. "Don't be. Not offended. Even a little. You got anywhere to be today?"

"Uh."

"People gonna talk in some way you care about if you disappear for the rest of the morning?"

He blinked. "Are you... serious?"

Ladies? Bedroom please? I stepped the pair of us there, flopping my butt onto the foot of the bed as I did. As the ladies arrived, I looked up at him. "Yeah. Yeah, I am." I looked around the room, pointedly drawing his attention to Saffron and Marie. "So... who first?"

"First?"

I was a mature adult woman, not to mention a Goddess who valued Agency. I wasn't gonna be upset just because he wasn't up for everybody in the room. Which, let's face it, I was only third if somebody had a thing against fuzzy people. "I mean, if you're not up for more than one, nobody's forcing you into anything. I mean, Siobhan's not on the table..."

"Not for him," she muttered, looking right at me.

I rolled my eyes. "But, y'know, I'm not jealous. None of us are. Fuck, if you're not up to getting it up while the others watch, you name a name and the others will give you the room."

He just kinda stammered for a second before saying, "I. Ah. I don't mean to offend any of you."

Saffron purred out, "you won't, so long as you're honest with us."

He turned back to me. "You seem awfully eager to hand me to one of your women. Did you not want to...?"

"Wait, what? Me?" He nodded. "You mean you've got her as an option," I pointed at Saffron, and when his gaze reflexively followed where I pointed, banished her clothes to reveal those curves for days. "Not to mention her," I did the same with Siobhan, who squeaked a little, "c'mon, Ice Pop, if he had some kind of thing for petite blondes," I Mimicked her, "that could be arranged without you having to take one for the team." I shook my head and did the same with Marie. "I mean, she was literally made to fuck. And... me?"

He turned back to me and nodded, looking a little sheepish.

"Me? Really? I dropped the Mimicking and banished the Cadet uniform I'd been wearing. "This? I waved at a random patch of scars. "Seriously? Despite what it looks like, I'm not into blood play or pain or anything."

"Liar." Saffron muttered.

"Not, like, as my go-to. I'm really a pretty vanilla, meat and potatoes, cock in vagina kind of girl."

He whimpered a little, and reached down to adjust himself. "I was going to say something about not being sure if I could while being watched, but right at this moment I don't think it's an issue."

"You look a little uncomfortable. Is it them?" He shook his head. "Me? What then?"

"Pants."

"Oh. You want I should...?" I pointed my finger at his general crotch region. He nodded, and I banished his clothes as well. I giggled. Before he could take offense, I slipped forward until my hips barely rested on the foot of the bed, close enough to feel the warmth of him. "Sorry. Math teacher once said 'if something is sticking out at right angles to something else, it's per-pen-DICK-u-lar. Really stuck with fucking hell Panther put that thing to use before it explodes."

He did. Weirdest thing. Bell most definitely not rung, but did not care in the slightest, because that was one of the most intense bursts of close range Worship I can remember. "Sorry, Tabitha Diaz."

I chuckled. "Call me Tabitha. Fuck, I'm pretty sure you could get away with 'Tabs' or something else at this point. Easier to gasp out right in the middle there."

He blushed, looking down, then realized where he was looking, blushed again, and looked back into my eyes. "I can't possibly have satisfied you with that."

I wasn't really in the mood to talk about Goddessing and Worship, so I went with honestly. "Yeah, well. I am in a very unique position to know you're ready to take another shot at it."

"You wouldn't mind?"

I put my arms around his neck, shot him the smokiest of eyes, and said, "take all the time and tries you need, Panther. Even if I didn't get to my destination, I sure as fuck enjoyed the ride."

Down side, I did not get lunch today. Up side, I did not need it in the slightest. Do not underestimate a man who literally worships his partner, even a partner of the moment. After round four, between exhaustion and a small collection of new 'grabbed him too hard' bruises, scratches, and one bite mark on his shoulder already starting to bruise, he was kinda done. On the other hand, so the fuck was I. Word salad achieved. He even got a quiet round of applause and kudos from the ladies, which had him blushing but proud.

"You ready to head home now?"

"Was hoping to sleep. With you," he panted out.

I gave him a mock confused look. "Didn't we just do that?" I chuckled and gave him a very intimate kind of hug as he blinked. "No, really, I've got some things I need to do, But... I could stay here while I do them." I pulled his head down onto my chest. "If you're okay with me being awake, while you sleep here."

The only answer I got was a quiet hum and the low, steady breathing of somebody who'd already fallen asleep.

Sorry, ladies. Didn't mean to interrupt your day and then make you sit on the sidelines.

Are you kidding, love? This seat was made for watching, and all three of us are still at work. This provided very pleasant entertainment during an otherwise boring work day.

I mean, Siobhan prolly wasn't into it.

Ice Pop's mental voice wasn't exactly what you'd call completely calm and collected. Oh. But they were. Into me. I mean, it. Very entertaining. No complaints. Would, uh, watch again.

I chuckled quietly, running my hand down Panther's unbound hair ever so gently, to let him sleep.

So I spent the afternoon cradling my newest Worshipper while he slept, and showing my newest proto-Cadet the basics of calisthenics, stretching, and weight training.

Good day. As the man said, didn't even have to use my AK.