Dear Diary,

"Of all my many Domains,

If you must pick only one,

Children. Always. Forever."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children

Yeah. I don't have a Domain called 'Saffron'. Honestly, I really don't want one, given how much influence I already have over her. The power dynamics in our relationship are weird as fuck. I'd make her a Demigoddess, but she'd be pissed about losing her Imperator job. Like, I guess I'll make her one once she decides to retire, or if something awful happens and I have to Revive her, or something else like that. But even there, Demigoddess does not compare to Eldest of Primordials. Like, okay, yes, Domnu is as old as I am, but I've come to realize that that's the thing; without time, nothing happens, nothing changes, and time started up after she had me. I think that's why she and I can step outside of it.

But I do have Children as the one Domain I am unequivocally proud of. Even there, yeah, Saffron might play into it a little. She's how I wound up becoming a mom, after all. From what she tells me, she's gonna make me even more of a mom in the future. We've more or less promised Marie more kids. Kittens. Shit, I don't even know what she'll have. Kids? kittens? I mean, I know I joked about her making her own dev team, but is she gonna pop out a litter of catgirls? That would be some weird shit right there.

Also, and this kinda hit me in the middle of my brooding yesterday, I don't know if there's some kind of way to get from Mortal to Primordial. Because Demigod to God seems like it's a thing, but from what Loki told me 'Elder God' is a birth thing, Like, he also thought you could only be the High Clergy of one Deity, and that only an Elder God could have a Demigod as a Champion and High Clergy, and here I am, Eldest Primordial and all and still his High Priestess. Unless he disavows my ass, I'm not giving that up, either. Nope. Not happening. Dad's in my head from now until one of us dies.

Oh, thank you. So much. Truly.

it's just 'cause you're the best.

I know.

So last night after I finished my day of brooding, Saffron showed up and just leaned herself against me. "And obol for your thoughts, love?" I chuckled even while my eyes were still crossed.

"Well, they were all broody and awful." I sighed. "Some of them still are."

"So talk to me. If they're problems, we'll solve them together. If they're not, I still want to share your burdens. Wife, not property, remember?"

I snorted just a little. "It's... It's The Morrigan."

"What about her?"

I sighed. "I... You saw what I did."

Good lord the look on my Kitten's face was not fit for underage audiences at that point. "I did."

"No, Kitten, I'm serious. This is... That was... Look, what I did specifically was really over the top." She nodded, attentive, but utterly unfazed. "But that's not what's bothering me. Not really. I mean, the fact that I can do that kind of shit on a whim? Like what I did with Diana before she was Diana? That's disturbing to me. Like, I shouldn't be able to think up that sick shit on a whim, and I really shouldn't have to ask for Consent before doing it."

Saffron lay a hand on my breast. "Love, it's part of who you are. You would never choose to do that for your own amusement. You would never seek out an innocent, or someone powerless, in order to have your way with them like that. But this world... This world is not a kind place. There are monsters who have arrogated power over others, who do seek out others to use as playthings. And when one of them dares to harm one of our children right in front of you? That part of you is their judgement. Their justice. Their just desserts." She paused, shook her head. "But it's something more than that, and I just realized, something you would never see for yourself. Something that isn't... isn't yours. Or theirs."

I shook my head, confused. "Then whose is it? What is it?"

"Ours. Us. Mortals. When the powers come down and try to exert their petty tyranny? You, love, that vast, dark part of you that frightens you so? You are our vengeance." She hissed those last words, the echo of Mana Blade in her words. Then she looked up at me, tears in her eyes. "I will do whatever it takes to save you from the black moods it brings to you, but... please do not take that from us."

I closed my eyes, pulled her to me, and sighed. "I won't. I don't know if I even can. But... I won't. I can't take that away from you, love."

She chuckled, low and throaty. "I do love when you say that."

"What? 'Love'? You are. You always have been. You always will be. My love, from the moment our lips met until the end of time."

She sighed and settled into my arms. "You're still hurt about something," she sing-songed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I chuckled. I mean, I shouldn't be chuckling, thinking about what I was thinking, but with her mashing that dopamine button I just couldn't stop myself. "Look, some dumb bitch comes in and Fucks Around, I would be honored to be your personal Find Out delivery service."

"Mine? Personally?"

I snorted. "Y'know, I was talking about Mortals in general, maybe the Alliance in specific, but... yeah, honestly you're probably right."

She kinda twitched. "I... I was half joking, love."

"I'm not."

"Oh."

"Yeah, aren't we a piece of work. I'm tryna be a better class of Deity to be worthy of you, and you're tryna be an enlightened despot to make me happy with you."

She walked two fingers up my front. "We could stop?"

"Oh, no. No, bad Kitten. Naughty-in-a-way-I-like-too-much Kitten. We are gonna be the best possible Goddess and Imperator anybody could want. Because... I think I know what I gotta do."

"Command me, Goddess."

I sighed. "Yeah, this'll probably be more a you thing than a me thing, if only because you're more organized. We gotta, I dunno, put up 'beware the God' signs." She looked up at me quizzically. "Announce that the Alliance is protected by Mimic, and any Deities fucking around will receive likely lethal doses of Find Out."

My little Kitten shuddered a little. "Like Sengann, and Apollo."

"And Balor."

She looked up at me, almost like an eager puppy. "Really?" I nodded. "I wondered if you'd simply destroyed an Avatar of his."

I shrugged. "Could have. Didn't want to be bothered with how many people the walking WMD could kill out of petty revenge before I put him down. I drained him dry and licked his remains off my tentacles. Without thinking about it, really. Like you wipe grease off your fingers on your pants."

Saffron very visibly took hold of herself. "So you would have me warn the Gods of Europa?"

"Of wherever. Any of them who are likely to come visiting. I think I know how to get in touch with the ones west of us. But we don't trade with their people much, do we?" She shook her head. "Okay. Can you spread the word via the Mortal Realm? I'll try to get the word spread in M-Space. As much as I can."

She frowned a little. "This is likely to kick certain things off sooner than I was prepared for." Then she shrugged. "So be it. My Goddess commands, and I will obey." She looked at the ground. "Uh..."

I sighed. "Did someone do bad things while I was amnesiac?" She nodded, actually looking contrite. "Well. I was thinking Siobhan needed rewards for Concubining above and beyond the call of duty. I've got some ideas."

"When?"

"Oh, no. You find out shortly after you lose the ability to do anything about it." She shuddered, and I remembered the one thing I'd almost thought about getting her to flip that script on me for. "Shit."

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"What is it, love?"

"The Morrigan. I did some dark shit to her. Yeah, she might have deserved that and more than that for... fuck, she's probably done way more than Diana ever did. But.... forever."

Saffron just shrugged. "So commute her sentence."

"But... what... I... Really?"

"Oh, I didn't say let her walk away right away. Or ever, really. I personally find what you did to her deliciously delightful and fitting." She snickered in a really disturbing way at that. "But love, this is your prerogative. You may leave her there for all eternity. You may release her now. You may consume her utterly. But," she sighed. "If you would like my recommendation on what I think you would find least objectionable?"

"Go ahead."

"Set the terms of her parole. Tell her what she must accomplish before she is released. You could even give her options, whether she is to be Redeemed like Diana or consumed like Balor and Sengann." She straight up rubbed herself against me at that point, and I don't think she realized she was doing it. "But decide what the conditions are, relay them to her, and at that point her eventual freedom or demise is in her own hands."

I took a deep breath. "So... tell her what it takes to get out of the box?"

"As our son told me you said unto him, nothing irreversible."

"Not sure I can entirely reverse that damage."

She shrugged. Then snickered again. "Oh, Deities are incredibly elastic." When I looked down at her, she had her pious look on, and I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Trust me, love, I have personal experience with the elasticity of Divine beings."

"Okay, you. Let's get you home. And no, that's not for tonight."

"May... may I request not until after Yule? I really do have some things to prepare before then."

I cupped her cheeks, drew her lips up to mine, and whispered, "You don't get to know that."

"Fuck."

"Oh, we'll probably do that at least a couple times between now and then."

"If you thought you were going to get away without me rewarding you for avenging my family? You're sorely mistaken, my love."

I scooped her up and stepped us back down to the courtyard, where everyone had gathered before heading home. Before we stepped home, she announced, "Ladies, tomorrow you'll be working from Lancaster House. Specifically, I'd like those of you with butchering experience to select the animals for our Yule feast."

While we all got washed up, I asked, what's up with that? Slaughtering animals in our new place?

We'll have to do it on a regular basis going forward, and moving live animals is easier than moving dead meat.

Gruesome, yet practical. Very you, Kitten.

Thank you!

Dreamt of my ladies and the chibi beans all... well, shit, if I had to guess I'd say 'practicing choreography'. Which makes no damn sense at all. Still tasted good though.

In the morning, when everybody started to head off for breakfast, i snagged Menace. Kitten? I need to talk with Isnomi for a bit. Mind covering for me, maybe listening in?

I need you for something at lunch, but so long as you'll be done by then?

Yeah. Thanks, Kitten.

I lifted Menace to my hip, then stepped her to the field of endless undulating tentacle tips. Right near the middle, and I could tell from her awestruck glance down and back up, she knew where we were as well as I did. I sat down, then set her in front of me. Boosted her up a little so I wasn't looking down quite so much, then dropped her back down when she did her size shenanigans to look down at me. "Menace. Isnomi, we need to talk."

The slightest touch of worry rushed across her face. "Oh... oh tay?"

"Put the Hell of Teeth away, please. You're safer here than anywhere short of five miles down."

She swallowed, and there was at least a little more than her regular nervousness to it. "Mama?"

"Yes, Menace?"

"You gonna eat me?"

"NO! No, you... You're my daughter. You'd have to be, to get a goofy idea like that into your brain. No, Menace. I am not going to eat you. Not now. Hopefully not ever."

She tilted her head. "Why we here then?"

I nodded. "Because I want to talk to you, and it's serious, and I want you to know it's serious, and I didn't want to be interrupted. Just so you know, if anything does try to interrupt us while we're here, and things get violent? You go straight down about four miles and hide. Do not go into the Maw. Do you understand? No Maw for Isnomi. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Good. Now. Do you know why I brought you here?"

"Marie?"

I twisted my head a little. "Sort of. Marie. Diana. And something I didn't think I'd have to talk to you about for another decade, at least. Consent."

"Con... Consent?"

I nodded my head, keeping eye contact with her. "Do you know what it means?" She shrugged and shook her head. "It means not doing things to other people without their permission."

"Like?"

"Like touching them. Or doing adult silly things with them. Or, and this is definitely why I'm talking to you about this, making permanent intimate connections to them."

She thought about that. "Tag?"

I looked at her, but she either didn't get it or was playing dumb. "Tag is a case where everyone has agreed to be touched. But you'd be mad if someone punched you in the face when you were playing Tag, wouldn't you?" She nodded. "That's because the agreement is to touch. Maybe not always entirely gently, but nothing more than a slap to let them know they've been tagged, right?"

I waited until she said, "right."

I nodded. "So. There's things where we touch one another all the time, that we've all kind of agreed to, Consented to, over time. Like when we all pile up at bed time. But does Mama force anybody to join us?"

She thought for a second. "Yes?" I shook my head. "No?" She got a booger look. "Really?"

"Really. Really, really. I'd rather cut my own arm off than force someone into that, Menace. Because that's not something good people do."

"But... not people. Goddess."

I sighed. "Do you know why I can promise I'm not here to eat you, Menace?" She looked a little nervous. "Because Gods are people too. Even you. Even me. And if the rules don't apply to everybody, they don't apply to anybody."

"Even you?"

"Even me."

"Why you not grounded then?"

I scooped her up and tickled her. "Because I, you irrepressible scamp, am an adult, and thus allowed to use adult words without being grounded."

Then she said something that, in the absence of her lisp, chilled me to the bone in an entirely Mortal way. "I want to be an adult."

I set her down and shook my head. "No. No, you really don't, Menace. I mean, yeah, I hope you do eventually? But don't rush that shit. Enjoy being a kid for as long as you can. Because you know what comes with being an adult?"

"What?"

"Responsibilities. Duties. Jobs." I stared at her until she straightened up. "Consequences." That hit her exactly how I'd hoped it would, and she teared a little at the memory of Marie still and cold on the floor. "Eventually you'll have to grow up. There'll even be a little while when you get to maybe dip into that pool and run away a few times. But eventually, you'll have to. But until then? Stay a kid, Menace. I'm telling you that because I love you, and want you to stay as happy as you can as long as you can."

She reached up and placed a hand on my cheek. "Okay, Mama. I wait."

"Good. Now, Consent is about asking permission, right?"

"Yes?"

"So, permission before any 'adult' things, and," I sighed. "Making someone High Clergy is a very Adult thing, Menace."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. You didn't ask, did you?"

She had the grace to blush. "Didn't know."

"No, no you didn't. I didn't realize you even could. But you did. So now you've got to know the rules."

"No High Clergy?"

I shook my head. "I think you'll want to keep that list short, but that might just be me. But no making someone High Clergy without asking them. And them agreeing. Without you making them agree."

With each caveat, she looked a little more mulish, but then she sighed, deflated, and said, "okay, Mama." I held out my arms, and she crawled back up into them. "Mama?"

"Yes Menace?"

"Are you shamed of me?"

"No! Why would I be?"

"I made Marie an' Diana Priestesseses. I came 'long with Ria."

I sighed and shook my head. "You didn't know the rules about Consent. Now you do. If you break them now, I will be ashamed. But not now. And... with Ria? I was angry because I was scared you'd be hurt. I was upset because you were along, there were things I couldn't even think about doing. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm probably as grateful as I was angry that I didn't. But ashamed? Menace, why did you sneak along?"

"To protect my sister!"

"How could i ever be ashamed of that, Menace?" I snuggled her to me. "No, menace. You had to face consequences, and I... I really didn't want that for you yet. Still don't, really. But Menace? I was so, so proud of you."

"Really?"

"Really. I mean, hell, some of it I won't ever admit to your Mom how proud i was of. Like dropping a load right on Morrigan's bitch face? That was inspired. And disobeying... You knew I'd be angry, didn't you?" She nodded. "You risked me being angry to protect your sister. That makes me nothing but proud, Menace."

I sat there, holding her, while the sun meandered up the sky. After a while Saffron whispered into my head, speaking of pride and consequence, could you return Isnomi to Lancaster House and meet me atop the West Tower?

Sure, Kitten.

A few minutes later, Isnomi rejoining the endless rounds of hide and seek back at Lancaster House, I landed atop the West Tower, only to have two hands slip over my eyes from behind. "Close your eyes, please, love?"

I did as instructed, because I'm just an awesome obedient wife that way. "Okay, closed."

"Good." Her hands slipped away, and a moment later things got very breezy. Not naked breezy. Not even really The Dress breezy. But definitely 'above the knee, thin material, everything loose and flowing' breezy. Barefoot and thankful for my Jotnar whammy breezy. Then I found myself firmly, almost roughly shoved around until a bar pressed against my thighs.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Hands slipped down my thighs, past my knees, then yanked my ankles back, balancing me on that thin bar. "I should have put padding on this fuckin' thing."

Saffron chuckled, and the sound sent goosebumps over every bit of me in a way the cold no longer could. His voice gravelly, he said, "I thought that's what you'd be doing when it's my turn. Of course you can open your eyes, love."

I looked out at the valley. Our valley. Our place, all the way out to the horizon. Fabric rustled. Warmth and rough wool pressed against the inside of my thighs. Then went still.

"What are you doing?"

He chuckled. Fuck but Saffron made an incredible guy. As do you, love. Turnabout's fair play. "And I'm admiring the view."

"Yeah, our place is really beautiful, isn't it?"

He reached up with one hand, sending a thrill of adrenaline through me as he reduced me to two very precarious points of contact. Then he brushed my dress off my shoulders as I spread my arms. "Oh. I suppose that view's nice too." While I just kinda giggled at that, warming at the thought that his voice said he wasn't joking in the slightest, he said, "oh, and waiting for noon."

Look, I'm tryna be a better Goddess. It's a work in progress, and every day I try to do a little better than the day before. There will come a day, maybe, that a statement like that will not have me reach up, grab the sun, and yoink it to the middle of the sky.

Today was not that day.

Tomorrow's not looking good either.