Dear Diary,

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

- Lao Tzu

Yeah. Yeah, I get that now. I think I get what courage is, too. Like, I'm not an uneducated idiot. Self-educated idiot, maybe, but not ignorant. The ROTC DIs said it, I read it in novels, I saw it in movies and anime both. 'Courage isn't the absence of fear, courage is being afraid and acting anyway'. In retrospect, I'm not gonna try and act all big and bad and say that no part of me felt any fear about Marie putting me in a box and covering it in wrapping paper. Yeah, the elevated heart rate and perspiration mostly registered as anticipation at Saffron's reaction, but even if I'd admitted to my fear, I still would have had her put me in the box. Not even because of some fucked up self-hatred or shit, either, but because doing something for my wife, my Kitten, the love of my life was more important than any amount of fear ever would be.

My heart pounded in my ears just a little bit thunderously as Marie lay me on the padding in the box. I guess the rational parts of my brain realized that if I really didn't want to be bound, I wouldn't be, and if I wanted out of the box, I could just Translocate, but fear doesn't come from a rational part of the brain, even when it's a completely rational fear. I lay on my side, padding beneath me, listening to the sound of Marie moving around. Then every sound muffled and the tiny bits of light I could see past the blindfold went black. I heard a muffled metallic sound, like wires rasping against one another under padding, then silence. After a few moments, something jostled the box lightly, and I heard the ghost of paper rustling.

Marie? Are you taking your time with that fucking wrapping paper?

Murder Mittens' voice reeked of smug satisfaction, even with the muffling of the box and padding. "Yes."

Very carefully not gritting my teeth, because I was pretty sure I could bite through the silk holding the cloth covered ball in my mouth, I thought, are you enjoying tormenting me, or just making sure her gift is perfect?

"Yes."

I couldn't help it, I chuckled even as my tension ratcheted up. That fucking wrapping paper better be absolutely perfect, you hear me? After a few moment's silence, the entire box shifted as she lifted it, then moved it to the side before setting it down. The motion layered another flavor of tension atop the fear of being bound, the fear of being boxed, and I suddenly realized a subtlety of her answer I'd missed at first. Hilde would be scared out of her wits right now, wouldn't she?

"Perhaps." The box shifted again, and my tension ratcheted up another notch.

I thought about it while faint rustling noises and jostling kept me pressed right up against the edge of busting out of the box. Hell, I realized just then that even without Translocation, even without Loki's blessing, I could probably smash my way out and rip my way free. But like I said, fear isn't rational, and Marie was as much a fuckin' maestro of fear as she was of pain. I think she would be, so Saffron probably thinks she would be.

She sounded so proud of me I almost couldn't stand it, and somehow managed to make even that pride sound terrifying. "Yes." Like, seriously, I would not have been surprised if she popped the lid and stuck a gold star on my forehead. My mind dissociating for a moment, I realized that I really needed to bang a dude just to make my position on 'gold star' shit clear, since I hadn't, in fact, done so since I got my new bod. I wrenched my focus back to where I lay trussed up in a padded box while my favorite murderfuck cultist put brightly colored paper with the words 'Happy Birthday' in half a dozen wacky fonts around it. So terrified me is perfect for this, then. Got it. No fighting, just freezing in fear.

"Good Girl."

Yeah, my reaction to that felt really fuckin' weird what with something about her tone telling me that being the Goodest of Girls was absolutely wonderful, and would not save me from the slightest bit of every half-imagined terrifying thing my brain conjured up. If I piss myself, you're cleaning it up.

Marie doesn't often laugh from pure joy, and it warmed something deep inside me when she did. Weird fuckin' combination, warm fuzzies deep inside with surface terror so bad I had to focus on not wetting myself. No idea how my scary bitch of a Concubine pulled it off, but I adored her for it.

As the sounds of paper and cellophane tape moved around the box, I thought of a dozen things to distract myself, and carefully set them each aside, focusing on the fact that I was blindfolded, gagged, tied up, and above all in a motherfucking box. Hysteria tugged at me when I thought that since I was, technically, a mother, and so was Saffron, and I couldn't see her bothering to move the box out of the way, that adjective might in fact wind up being literal.

I laughed. I cried. I very, very carefully did not wet myself. I sweat a bit, but it had that cold clamminess you get when you sweat in a place where it's cool enough you shouldn't be sweating.

Then the box moved, rising into the air. My Murder Mittens might be strong enough to lift a box with me inside without jostling me, but I got the impression she wasn't trying real hard, for reasons we'd discussed previously. Then she Translocated us, and enough raw screaming terror to melt the transatlantic cable shot into me, direct from Her Dark Fatassness. I'd say my stubborn and my horny ganged up on her and refused to move, but the truth was I wanted to see Saffron's face the moment she opened the box. Marie, could you? Please?

The box dropped, then settled into place as if it had been set on a soft, possibly unstable surface. I'm sure somewhere in M-Space fuckers were losing their hearing to the ongoing shriek of my dark side, but I just let it flow through me without letting it control me. I realized right then that the only reason I hadn't fuckin' pissed myself by this point was, in fact, my lack of ability to piss. Weird fuckin' thing to think about just then, and I wrenched my attention back to my situation. Also weird for me to be embracing the terror. Never really had fun getting scared, and this time was no exception, but...

The faintest sounds from outside the box; high heeled boots hitting the floor. Marie's view floated before my mind's eye, Saffron smiling as she looked at something. "This has to be from Tabitha, doesn't it?"

Marie's view swayed from side to side. "Me."

The view shut down as Saffron approached Marie, and Saffron's muffled voice filtered into the box. "Well, thank you, beloved Concubine." Silence, then a cloth rustling thump jostled the box, followed by moist murmurs. You're really gonna leave me in here while you two neck?

Maybe. The dark hunger in her mental voice did not make me any less terrified.

You're gonna leave me in here while you two FUCK? That last word leaked through my mouth around the ball, and twitched involuntarily at the thought of just being left here, forgotten. Yeah, I get it, I told her terrifying me to complete the illusion was okay, but holy fuck I had not realized she would be so good at it, or that she would enjoy it so much.

Aww...

"Marie, what is in this box? Did you and Tabitha get me an actual puppy?"

"Maybe."

I might have been wrong, fooled by the padding muffling things, but Saffron sounded a little annoyed when she said, "Did you actually put my dog in a box? That would be horribly cruel."

Holy shit I suddenly understood why my Murder Mittens terrified the other fucking Maenads. "Yes."

"Well. Whatever it is, is it sunset yet?" I'm not sure what Marie replied, but the sounds of tearing paper couldn't keep the jostling of the box from tightening every muscle on my body. I whimpered, trying not to break any of my bindings, right up until the tearing paper noises went silent. "How do I get the box open?"

Marie's viewpoint filled my brain again, Saffron looking at her, frustration and excitement warring for control of her face. "If you got me whatever this is, I'm terribly curious what Tabitha got me. Or where she is? Unless you told her you wanted this to be just between you and I?" She sighed and shook her head, chuckling. "Had I even the slightest bit less dedication to the ideals of my beloved Goddess, that poor thing would be stuck in that box until I was done thanking you." My Kitten took half a step forward, as if subconsciously intending to prolong my torture, but Marie nodded to the box.

The moment Saffron's gaze shifted, Marie lifted the lid and stepped backward. Light leaked in around my blindfold as the sides of the box fell away, but I barely noticed as Saffron froze in place, staring wild-eyed at the box's contents. Not to put too fine a point on it, at me. "Marie? Is Tabitha aware of what you've gifted me?"

"Yes."

Tabitha?

I didn't have to fake the terrified excitement in my mental voice. Yes, Kitten?

You approve of this?

I'd given some thought to this for the past two days, and over that time I'd figured out what I would say if she asked me anything like this. Watching her self-control strain against something she'd told me would push it to its limits, I almost forgot my line. The faintest glistening where her tongue darted out of her mouth reminded me. Saffron Rae.

If it took her a measurable amount of time to get it, I sure as fuck couldn't tell. I'd been staring through Marie's eyes, waiting to see her self-control break, to see it shatter like a glass Academy stein dropped off the roof, to see her overwhelmed by the fire I'd lit in her. Her self-control didn't break. It didn't shatter.

It fucking exploded.

I didn't see her move, even through Marie's eyes. One second she stood there, vibrating with need, the next she was gone. I didn't need Marie's vision to tell me where she'd gone, either, what with her manhandling me. Marie's viewpoint swooped through the room, dimming as it did. I barely heard her weight hit the bed, but honestly I couldn't give a fuck about anything but my beautiful terrible Kitten losing every blessed inhibition she might ever have had.

I lost track of time. Fuck, I think I lost track of my own goddamned name. No idea how long later, but I lay there under her arm, nuzzling into her, completely unable to stop purring. No fucking clue how I did it in the first place. She glanced down at me and giggled. "I'm fairly certain she's not Bag, and that spoils the illusion a bit, but I cannot bring myself to care."

I looked up at her. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Kitten. I... uh... don't know how to stop."

She bonked me on top of my head with the side of her fist. "Goof. I just said I don't care."

"But I... oh! Wait! I forgot!" I wrenched myself up onto my knees, no small feat what with my arms still trussed up behind me and tied to my ankles. "You ready?"

"There's more?"

I nodded. "And then you get my gift to you!" She blinked, and before she could do anything I sang, my voice Hilde's, but low, slow, and breathy.

"Happy birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday, My Imperator,

Happy Birthday to you."

We lost a bit more sleep after that. Eventually we lay there once more, with her using me as a living body pillow. She held one frayed end of the deep red rope I'd been tied up with, brushing it along my skin and smiling as I twitched. Thought eluded me, but I said, "Y'know, I don't think Hilde would have survived that."

"Should I have held back?"

"Oh, fuck no. Fuck no to the fuckiest power of fuck no. Like your present?"

She grinned and kissed me. "Very much. So, are there plans for tomorrow?"

I grinned back, still trying to work some feeling back into my arms. "Yep."

One eyebrow arched, she said, "and will I be informed of them?"

"Nope."

"Need I prepare for anything?"

I shrugged. "Nah. If they want you to give some kind of speech and you're not feeling it, just smile and wave."

"As My Goddess wishes."

I shook my head, using the motion to run the ends of my fine platinum hair over her. I'd discovered she really liked that right around when the ropes snapped. "No. Tomorrow's all about people who love you showing that. Well, love you, like you, admire you, everybody's all gonna be Worshipping you for once. Like you fuckin' deserve."

Her mouth dropped open for a moment. "Are you reconsidering your stance on Divine rulers?"

"Nope."

"If you're serious, all that Worship... wasted. Why?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just told you. You deserve it."

She just goggled at me for a little bit. "That's like watering a rock. Like letting your jewelry take in the sun. Like..." she waved her hands around a little bit, at a loss.

"Like something you deserve, Kitten."

Before she could say anything else, Marie ended the argument with a simple, "True."

Waving Marie over into our embrace, Saffron said, "well then. I would never think to argue with both of you. Especially since I can't seem to find the gag to shut the mouthy one up long enough to get to sleep."

"Hey!"

She giggled at me and kissed me again. "Oh, you know I'd never silence you. Not like I could." She sighed. "At least you weren't actually locked alone in that box."

"Eh."

Her brow furrowed. "You... weren't Co-Located?"

Marie filled in for me as I shuddered. "No."

"That must have been terrifying!" I nodded. "But... why?"

I nuzzled at her, my words lost against her skin. "For you. Better."

She grabbed me by my hair and pulled me back until she glared into my eyes. "You put your one and only self in a box just to... what?"

I smiled up at her dreamily, because I figured my act was done and dissociating a little bit was fine and fun. "Thought I was her, didn't you?" Her mouth dropped open, and I followed that up with, "forgot a couple times during, didn't you?"

"I... I... Maybe." she squeaked.

"Kinda figured, you screaming her name like that."

"You... WHY?"

"For. You."

Something in her clicked, and she pulled me to her, rolling to tuck me between her and Marie. "You did that. Went through that terror, just for me? For my present? For a bit of fun?"

"More than a bit?"

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

"Okay, fine, a lot of fun. Really?"

"Yeah." I sighed.

She chuckled. "I suppose you didn't think I'd be quite so, ah, enthusiastic?"

"Hoped so."

She choked again. "I..." Tears dripped onto my face.

"Why cry?"

She smiled down at me through her tears. "Tears of joy, I assure you, my blessed Goof. I've told you time and again that I accept every part of you, no matter how dark or dangerous. I told you long ago, when we first sat down to discuss how we would move forward, that I would risk myself for you."

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Every time I think I might have, for a moment, forgotten that you feel the same, you do something... something that shows me how you feel. You destroy a Soul to save our daughter. You destroy a City to avenge me. You destroy a Primordial Deity to protect me. You face down the world to protect me, and I am humbled by your care. But... this. You... accept me. You give yourself over to my darkest parts. I... Thank you, love."

I shrugged. "S'fair."

"Is that why you did it?"

"Nope."

"Then why?"

I glanced up at her just long enough to say, "Love you, silly Kitten."

"You're tired, aren't you?"

"Yep."

She laughed, then looked up at Marie. "Dear Maenad, could you watch Isnomi for the night, to let us sleep here?"

Marie shook her head. "No."

"Whyever not?"

Marie smiled. "Grandma."

Saffron's smile returned broader, softer, and she wrapped herself around me. "Well then, dear Marie. I've got myself a pillow. Shall I have a blanket?"

An incredibly smothery layer of muscle and fur rolled over us, and I felt more than heard Marie say, "Yes."

Mimic didn't dance. She didn't eat. She kinda huddled there, staring at one particular tentacle like it had sharted in her mouth or something. Weird fuckin' dream. Like all dreams are.

We woke up a little late, to Grandma tossing Isnomi on the bed with us. Fortunately, on our bed in our bedroom, because the Love Shack kinda desperately needed some air freshener. Not to mention there being shattered box and frayed bits of snapped rope everywhere, a direct result of Saffron's self control fraying and snapping and shattering my box. I think she liked her present. Well, that present. Also, at some point in the night I vaguely remembered Saffron jostling me just awake enough to poke at my chest muttering, "tits!" until I took the hint and shifted back to being myself. Apparently size does matter, because what are big tits on somebody smaller than Saffron aren't really big enough to make nice pillows.

Saffron likes my pillows more than she likes snuggling catnip. That alone was enough to sear a goofy grin on my face for the rest of the day.

After the three of us finished applauding Isnomi's absolutely awful rendition of 'Happy Birthday', we all got dressed in our casual clothes. Saffron tried for Glowing Midnight, citing her need to show up for the troops, but I put my foot down and plonked her ass into a loose skirt and blouse. Then we all trooped down to the Dining Hall, which was empty save for a single cart, which proved to be chock full of corncakes, whipped cream, syrup, honey, and raw sugar. Isnomi and I made a game out of it; Menace held her mom's hands behind her back, and I stuffed the biggest spoonful of sugar soaked corncake I could into her mouth. After a few bites we swapped spots, and after the second time Isnomi radically overestimated her mom's jaw distension skills, after swallowing Saffron blew whipped cream out of her nose and wheezed out, "I suppose I deserve that after the shenanigans with the gag."

"Gag?" asked the Menace, loading up another monster spoonful of sugary bliss.

Saffron chuckled. "Just something Mama and I played with last night."

"Toy?"

I snorted, but Saffron is Mom Extraordinaire. "Yes. I'd say it's dangerous for girls your age, but I've seen your teeth. Still, it's not really an appropriate toy for someone your age."

"Aww."

"Also, I think we lost it." She half turned to me. "Where did it go, anyway?" I nodded to Isnomi, who ended the conversation by sugared whipped cream overload.

An hour or so of kid appropriate Saffron stuffing later, she groaned out, "enough, enough! Too much, really. I swear, Tabitha, you will wind up turning me into a platonic sphere. Possibly without recognizable limbs. Whatever will you do then?"

I paused, then clamped my hands over Isnomi's ears. "Roll you in flour and lick the wet spots?"

"TABITHA!" she managed to blurt out before breaking down laughing. Then she looked down at the sticky mess her blouse had become. "I suppose we'll need a bath now?"

I shrugged, then fired off a very careful insta-clean. She looked at me, then ran a finger across her face. "I don't know how you managed to clean my clothes and leave me coated in sticky."

"Talent!" I crowed.

"Dawend!" Isnomi parroted a second later. "Mama dawended!"

I motioned to the Maids, then stepped the three of us to the mast of the Black Dragon. Marie stood there, binoculars in hand. "Anything going on over on the docks, Mittens?"

"Party."

Saffron sighed. "I suppose I'll have to head over then."

I shook my head and snugged her to me, Isnomi sitting across our laps. "No." I sighed. "Just so you'll stop harshing your own joy, you are scheduled to show up an hour after lunch in every City in the Alliance. You will smile and wave and, if you really feel moved to speak, you may, but you will not do it for stupid fuckin' reasons like 'you should' or 'it's important' or anything other than maybe, 'I want them to cheer so loud I can't hear myself think'. Got it?"

"Who's the dictator here again?"

"You are. Duh. That shit's way too much like work for me."

She laughed. "So, since I know my place, what are your wishes for me today, My Goddess?"

I snuggled her to me. "Enjoy yourself. Consider yourself commandmented."

"Oh, no, My Goddess' demands are more than I can bear!"

"You'll bear it, and you'll enjoy it, High Priestess Imperator Kitten Sexypaws."

"Mama siwwy."

"You think she should disobey me?"

Menace giggled, then turned and very seriously said. "Ma obey Mama today."

"Well. The greatest authority in our lives has spoken, so I'll do as you say, just for today then."

We sat there taking in the sun until Marie nudged me with her foot. "Time for lunch?" At her nod, I dropped the three of us to Lancaster House. Gotta hand it to Oscar, the place had been decked out. Streamers, banners with 'Happy Birthday' and 'Hail Imperator Aetos-Diaz' and even one that said, 'Health and Long Life'. Weird selection, but since I hadn't really seen banners as a thing before or since my birthday party last year, the fact that I couldn't look in any direction without seeing at least one spoke volumes. Isnomi leapt off our laps and charged off as the expanded ROTCs and all the other guests screamed out, "Happy Birthday!"

Oscar nodded, and one of the Lancaster House Maids came over with a petite slice of angel food cake with shiny black frosting. It even had little rainbow sprinkles over it. I craned my neck around and spotted a cake clearly inspired by Glowing midnight; cake as creamy white as Saffron's skin, frosting as dark and scintillating as Glowing Midnight's panels. If it maybe had posts holding the higher layers up, I wasn't saying nothing.

From the other side, Mrs. Driver stepped up and placed another plate with another kinda anemic slice of Driver's chocolate cake on the table in front of Saffron. At that point she looked up and around, then asked, "I'm not terribly upset, since my wife and daughter stuffed me to bursting with sweets this morning, but is there a reason for these tiny portions?"

Everyone hid their smiles, even outright laughter, except Mrs. Driver, who said, "Marie told us you could have all you wanted after your cake was gone. But only tastes before then."

"My... cake? Um..." She gestured first at the big Glowing Midnight cake, then at the row of Drivers' chocolate cakes along the center of the table. Nobody said anything, but everybody turned to look behind us as someone strode up, heels clicking on the floor.

"Still." Marie said, and the two of us froze. As Isnomi's posse and the horde hoard all charged back into the room singing an even worse chorus of 'Happy Birthday', Saffron's eyes kept getting wider as Marie leaned over the two of us and set what had to be a heavy tray even for her directly in front of Saffron. My brain kind of shut down at the smell, with all available resources set to salivation. The 'cake' she'd set in front of Saffron had to be twice as big as Saffron. Maybe three times. Maybe more. I couldn't see over the top of it. Or around the sides. Clearly enough to feed most of the table to bursting, even with the entire thing being made up of little one inch cubes all stuck together.

I'd seen wedding cakes this size before. Barely.

But never one made up entirely of baklava.

Marie leaned over and whispered, "Yunya." Without hesitation, Saffron shocked me by turning away from the honey dripping monstrosity in front of her and yanking Marie down for a long, drawn out kiss that lasted well past the second chorus of 'Happy Birthday'. About then Menace got impatient, walked over, and poked Saffron in the thigh.

"Ma! Bakwava!"

Saffron pulled away just far enough to mutter, "I am well aware. If you interrupt me again, you get yours last, my girl."

I do not think I've ever seen Menace shut the fuck up and get politely patient that fast in her life.

When Saffron finally came up for air, she had tears in her eyes, and they flowed freely when everybody cheered. Of course, Marie adopted a draconian policy of one piece for each guest, and one piece for Saffron... for each guest who got a piece. When the last piece of baklava had gone the way of all food, slipping down Saffron's gullet never to be seen again, she flopped back into her chair, her arms hanging loose beside her, her head tipped back until she stared directly up at a smug Marie. "I don't think I can move."

I stood up and leaned over her. "That's okay, sweetie. You don't have to. Marie? Can you make sure her head doesn't fall off or some shit like that?"

Marie grinned and slid one set of claws under the back of Saffron's head, incidentally bracing her there. Then I plonked a bite of chocolate cake into her mouth. "Ormgdss." She managed to swallow, and when she opened her mouth to say something, I plonked another bite in. Her eyes rolled back in her head, but she kept chewing and swallowing. More importantly, she kept opening her mouth.

"Just, y'know, keep your mouth closed if you're too full for me to feed you more of this."

"Aaahhhhmmphgghgg."

I think I managed to stuff a whole cake and a half into her before Marie tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to face the crowd. "Okay, everybody, we've got to get to the big official celebrations."

"But..." Larry said, "what about her presents?"

I looked around and saw a whole table full of boxes and bags. Some of them looked neatly wrapped, others were basically repurposed Drivers' food bags, but there had to be like twenty packages at least. "Uh... Oh, shit. Um, guys, you didn't have to."

Angel shouted, "No shit! We wanted to, dumbass!"

I laughed at that. "Okay, then. How about we come straight back here as soon as we're done with a whirlwind tour of the Alliance?"

"How long?" Somebody shouted.

"Fifteen minutes? No more than an hour?"

Larry nodded. "We'll await your return then."

I nodded, then carefully pulled Saffron to a standing position. With a thought, I wore The Dress, and Marie and Saffron both wore Glowing Midnight. Saffron's eyes bulged out as her corset did its thing, and I leapt forward, my arms going around her, my mouth clamping over hers.

Goof! I might barf!

Eh, not the worst thing you've shoved down my throat today, I thought as I very carefully did not stick my tongue down her throat, instead just distracting the living fuck out of her by teasing her tongue with mine.

Marie Co-Located us to half a dozen spots plus one. The top of the Academy Steps. The roof of Drivers', just above the entrance. The landing in front of a half-finished Temple, with Antony Pesce standing there in a Dress twin to my own. Another landing, this one in front of a completed temple, with Ora Orange standing there in her Dress, flanked by two thirty-something women in Glowing Midnight dresses. The restored floating stages in front of Johnson's Green. A knocked together reviewing stand on the docks. The top of the mast of the Black Dragon.

Cheers washed over us as we kissed, her arms moving in slow motion as they slipped around my neck, leaving her dangling there, one foot in vague contact with the ground I stood on, but otherwise fully supported by my arms and hers.

"Happy Birthday!" in Newark.

"Long Live the Imperator!" in New Amsterdam.

"Triumphant Hero Imperator!" in front of the Academy.

I saw her eyes water at "Imperator Invencible!" in Camden Yards.

Of course Johnson had to get wacky, and his people did a fuckin' crowd wave as they screamed out, "THUNDER DRUMS!" That made her giggle through our kiss.

Down in Calverton I didn't get it at first; it reminded me of something, but I couldn't tell what, as thousands of soldiers and sailors chanted, "AETOS! AETOS AETOS! AETOS! AETOS AETOS!" over and over again, until the fuckin' water of the Bay vibrated with it. I finally got it, remembering where I'd heard that rhythmic chant when the fuckin' Black Dragon herself vibrated with it. Never thought I'd hear that blue-skinned, blond-haired bastard's chant in the here and now, but fuck it, they were cheering for my love, and that made every fuckin' thing absolutely okay with me. Then, I shit you not, like they'd planned it or something, every fuckin' one of those beautiful bastards showed they knew what they'd been hollering when each and every one of them did their dead level best impression of an eagle's scream.

In every spot we stood, I lifted her to her feet, and she raised a hand. The cheering cut off like she'd flipped a switch. Her amplified voice, quiet after the screaming, sounded across the Cities, across the Bay. "Thank you. I..." she bowed her head, and if I was the only one who realized she was trying really hard not to puke up chocolate cake, nobody else needed to know that. "Thank you. To..." she paused again, and I rubbed a hand between her shoulder blades. She stood up, that self-control I'd shattered so thoroughly slipping back in place long enough for her to say, "I will try, this year and every year thereafter, to live up to your faith in me."

I felt it too. If she had been a Deity, she would be more stuffed than she had been by breakfast and lunch combined. She stood there, soaking it in, as some of the crowds just screamed out praises, while others, including both temples and the Army, all sang even worse versions of 'Happy Birthday'. Eventually she kind of crumpled into my chest, whispering, "I liked yours best."

I waved to the crowds. "Thanks everybody, but I think I need to get her home!"

The three of us collapsed back to Lancaster House, and I banished Glowing Midnight in favor of her loosest skirt and blouse, one I'd seen her wear when she complained of feeling bloated. She looked down at it, then up at me. "Tell me you're not planning on stuffing more into me."

I rolled my eyes. "You know I try not to lie to you. But not until dinner." I leered at her as everybody laughed, "maybe a little more after, because we all know you can't resist dessert!"

I gotta say, I have no idea what the others got her. I mean, I kinda noticed some of it. A really nice Mana Pen from the Lancasters, along with, I think, a farmstead maybe? I know Rider and Rosen each gave her some cattle. Like, a whole fuckin' herd between the two of them. Then the real gifts came in. Handmade stuff from everybody from the Yards. I think everybody kinda stopped and broke a little bit at the last gift. Raven had Lachlan bring it down from her rooms, which she'd apparently kept using even after the Expedition returned. No idea if that was, like, because her cousin was the Heir-Consort, or because Lachlan liked being her favorite chew toy, or because Lancaster had decided to support the arts, or because Raven just fuckin' decided to Raven that shit up.

But the picture she brought down...

The center of it was a life-sized portrait of Saffron in Glowing Midnight, squarely facing the viewer. Her feet planted, her hands clasped in front of her, her shoulders unbowed, but looking like they held up the weight of the fuckin' world nonetheless. Her head bowed, looking down at her feet, at her foreshortened shadow. Around that pale gray shadow, a larger red tinged one, one that flowed up to stand behind her, that hinted at arms ready to wrap around her. Behind and beneath that another shadow, this one almost white, with claws stretching to the sides of the painting. Behind, below, and around everything, an inky blackness with the barest hints of thick, writhing tentacles.

Saffron stared, speechless, until Raven said, "I hope you like it."

Saffron stood, walked over to Raven, pulled her down and kissed her. First on one cheek, then on the other, then straight up on the lips. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

Raven danced backward, spluttering. "Gah! Sticky! You're sticky! Like a toddler!"

"I nad stiggy!" shouted Isnomi from where she and her posse were demolishing the remains of the cakes from earlier.

After that the staff brought out tea, and Saffron insisted all of them stay to share it. Oscar seemed kind of scandalized, but Bonnie went along with it, which meant Larry did too, and that meant Oscar went along with it, scandalized or not.

As the evening wore on, I noticed Marie disappearing with folks after they made their farewells. I pulled her aside while Saffron accosted Raven again, grinning at her cursing about Saffron's stickiness. "Thanks, Murder Mittens."

"Welcome." she said. "Both."

I threw my arms around her and crushed her to me. "Still. Couldn't have done this without you. Any of it. Especially last night." I might have shuddered a little bit, and she might have left that Marie stroking my hair until Saffron returned.

I looked around and realized the only people left were Lancasters and Raven, who'd already headed off with a bemused Lachlan in tow. I nodded to everybody, then stepped us up to the bathroom.

Marie had another cart there. She pulled a tray out, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Uh, Marie?"

"Yes?"

"You know we're not really in a position to get her pregnant right at the moment, right?" The two of them looked at me like I'd gone insane. I think by now they've both probably got a Skill for that. "I mean, you do expect me to shove that cream pie inside her, right?"

Okay, I got the joke, and despite her protests, a very stickily naked Saffron wound up getting the cream pie. I think Marie might have wound up eating some of it. I know I did. Some of it may have gotten used for the other use, despite what the warning labels say. Eventually she lay there kinda groaning, legs dangling into the tub. "Good call. Bath room. Easy clean up."

"Later." Both of us looked at Marie, me in confusion, Saffron just kind of with bemused, benignly bloated amusement. Marie grinned at me, held up four fingers. I got her meaning a moment too late, as two Maries behind me upended what had to be a whole fuckin fifty five gallon drum of honey over my head. Then she looked at a snorting Saffron, pointed at me, and snickered, "Dessert." before heading through the door into a bedroom full of assorted kids, firmly shutting the door behind her.

I shook my head. "Welp. At least we've got hot water to wash all this shit off." I turned to a suddenly quiet Saffron only to see her tongue dart across her lips.

"Tabitha?"

"Yes, Saffron?"

"Every bit of that honey is going down a throat before you even think of adding water to this tub."

What the fuck else was I gonna say except, "yes, love. Happy Birthday."

"Yeah. Yeah, it was. Even if I can't carry your present around with me in a locket."

"OH SHIT!" I Translocated to the Love Shack, grabbed the gift bag, then Translocated back to the bath, holding it out in front of me to avoid the worst of the sticky. "Sorry, I kinda forgot this." Laughing as she shook her head, she took the bag and set it behind her. "You're not even gonna look? I stole that special for you!" She drew in a deep breath through her nose, leaning towards me as the smell of honey overcame her. "Please?"

She rolled her eyes, huffed out a sigh, and picked up the bag. Carefully licking her fingers off to make sure they weren't any stickier than her mouth, she pulled the stack of paper out, then scanned the first page. "Oh. Oh, you incredible bitch."

"You don't like it?"

She shook her head, smiling, "I love it. But..." She nodded to me, running a tongue across her lips, then hefted the big packet of paper. "You are making me choose between you literally dripping with honey or reading the 'Booklet of General Plans for the USS New Jersey'. How am I to choose?"

"Oh, shit. I thought I'd put that stack in back."

"What?"

"There's two docs there: the booklet and a set of reactivation plans from her last engineering officer."

Her jaw dropped open. "That... that's worse. Don't you see how that's worse?"

I shrugged and smiled at her. If her only complaint was that she couldn't decide between consuming me or my gift to her? I could roll with that until the end of fuckin' time. "Kitten?"

"Yes, Goof?"

"I didn't say you weren't allowed to Co-Locate or anything."

She blinked at me once, a long, slow thing that spoke of her utter flabbergastedness. Of course, me being a dumbass I totally missed the fuckin' tidal bore of hunger rushing up behind her eyes until she belched, flipped over the first sheet to start reading, and four Saffrons tackled me into the tub.

A while later, all honey successfully consumed, one of them looked at me quizzically, her fingers tracing across my lips. "I wonder what it would take to gag you like this."

I shrugged. "Sorry. No gag reflex. Handy new body thing."

She rolled her eyes. "Not what I meant, Goof. What happened to the gag I found you with last night."

I chuckled and pulled her in for a kiss. Then did it again, and again, and again, and again, enjoying treating my Co-Located Kitten like an entire clutter almost as much as she did. Then I licked my own lips.

"Oh, that? Yeah. No gag reflex at all."

All five of her head tilted. "Huh?"

"I swallowed it."