Dear Diary,
"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things."
- Terry Pratchett Jingo
Yeah, that's some shit I really think I need to internalize, not to mention getting my assorted followers to really grok that. I think they're all beginning to get that I'm doing my best to see people as people, not as, like, parts of some monolithic whole. Yeah, the Jarls and Karls in Norfolk have a shit ton of fuckery to make up for, but they were all raised to think that shit was just, I dunno, the way the world worked or some shit. Hell, looking at Lancaster, at Norfolk, at how Oliver was in charge when Ophelia's loads smarter than him, and Ora's just clearly the best human being in that family? I guess that's really how this fuckin' world does work.
Not surprising, what with the current fucker sitting atop the tallest part of Shit Pyramid is fuckin' Zeus.
Deep breaths, do what I can when I can for who I can. Do the best I can for my people. Expand that as fast and hard as I can without fucking over the ones I'm already responsible for.
Yeah, after listening to Kitten trying ever so carefully to avoid commenting about Marie and I last night, like she figured I might shut her out if she reminded me she was watching, it hit different when Murder Mittens and I stepped back to the bedroom and snuggled around her like a shared body pillow. I think all three of us slept well.
Mimic danced with her Kraken through the entire length and breadth of the Bay. Nobody but chibi sous chefs on dinner duty, and they just kinda lemminged it up, shrimp in hand.
I woke up a little early, maybe a little sore still from being bisected so many times on Saturday, but otherwise well rested. Suspicious about something, I reached over and ran my hand along Marie's jaw. She purred, and I whispered, "you awake?"
Without opening her eyes, she replied, "Now."
My hand cupping the side of her face I said, "You slept with us." She nodded, and I asked, "all of you?"
"Only."
That one word froze me in place. Her purring melted me enough to ask, "why here?"
She nodded toward the door and said, "New."
I looked up, only just realizing that the door to the living room had acquired a new handle at some point. I Co-Located over to it to get a good look. It took me a moment to realize it bore a striking resemblance to the circular handles on the bulkhead doors on the Black Dragon. Only, y'know, decorated and shit. Fancy-like. I thought for a minute what Black Dragon would look like if I'd taken the time in M-Space to pimp her out. Probably for the best I didn't, what with it being the middle of a big mothering battle and all. Also, she's kinda like me. Built for ass kickery. You put me in something simple like The Dress and I can pull it off okay, not least of all because it looks like you could pull it off pretty easy, and getting it off easy isn't untrue for her or me. You put a few nice long bits of bunting on Black Dragon, she could look pretty festive, but gilding and shit would look like me in lingerie.
No idea why Saffron did that yesterday. I didn't mind exactly, but it left me confused.
In an effort to reduce my overall confusion levels, I took a solid grip on the handle and turned. It slid with the kind of smooth action you'd expect from brand new, well made machinery, circling like four times before it stopped with a dull clunk. I tugged gently at the door, but it still didn't move until I turned the regular handle and opened it. The far side of the door had a glaring lack of wheel, just the normal handle. Checking the side of the door showed me the normal little nub that the regular handle controlled, along with the ends of three three quarter inch thick oblong bars. When I turned the wheel, surprisingly hard to do one handed, they slid out maybe half an inch before I heard a clunk from the hinge side of the door and from the floor. I turned it back in, closed the door, spun the new wheel the other direction until it clunked, then collapsed back to the me still snuggled with Wifey OG and Wifey Two, Alcoholic Boogaloo.
On the one hand, I had to get her good and married, because I didn't want to keep comments like that inside my head. On the other hand, I sure as shit did not want to rush anything even a little bit. I'm a Primordial, she's a Demigoddess, aging can go fuck itself, we've got fuckin' time.
I tried really hard not to think about Saffron aging at that point. Fuck it, if she dies of old age, Marie shreds her or some shit, and she gets to be a Maenad with us for eternity.
I looked across at Marie and all that washed out of my head when I thought about her sleeping, actually down to one individual her and sleeping in our room with us. I mean, she'd done it before when she couldn't actually Co-Locate and be awake and asleep at the same time, but still. Warm fuzzies and fuzzy warms. "Damn. That's new. Who put it in?"
"Who do you think?" murmured Saffron from between us. Okay, it came out as a bit of a mumble, but with her mumbling directly into my chest I caught the meaning anyhow.
I pulled away just the tiniest bit so I could maybe see her face and said, "Nice work! Uh, why won't they come out when the door's open?"
She nuzzled right the fuck back into me, muttering, "stahp. Cold. Three left, three right, two up, two down."
I decided she deserved all the snuggle in the world for giving Marie a place she felt safe enough to sleep with us. I reached over her to Marie and pulled her closer, squishing sandwiched Saffron between us. Both of them purred at me. I might have responded in kind. "Is that some kind of code?"
"Brs," she mumbled into my tits, kinda doing the spluttery bit of motorboating me without the head wobble.
She sounded tired. I pulled out my Mom voice and asked, "Were you up coding last night, Kitten?"
I felt her face warm against me. "No."
"Really?"
"Your fault."
That got me. I blurted out, "my fault you stayed up coding? How?"
She shook her head, completing the motorboat effect a little late. "Not coding. Both of you. Couldn't sleep."
It took me a second, then I chuckled. "Self administered soporific, huh? How late were you up?"
"Late."
I chuckled. "Okay then. You should get a nap today." Consider yourself commandmented.
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"Why?"
I kissed the top of her head, then looked up at Marie, "because our lovely wife-to-be asked for a turn with you, and she'll deserve a little treat after watching Norfolk solo today. Sorry, Mittens, I need some work done today."
Marie reached up, flicked me on the forehead, and said, "Welcome." in the tone of voice that let me know on no uncertain terms that my apology was in fact not accepted, because I was in fact welcome to have her stand in for me whenever I needed. Which she'd told me out loud before, but I think I need any bit of information smacked into my head with a Marie flick if it's gonna stay there.
Small, sharp teeth took a firm, 'if you answer poorly, you may lose this' grip on one of my nips. I'm a 'little' treat now, am I?
Uh... good things come in small packages?
She giggled, which did very exciting things to the nip she gripped. So you agree that you're good?
I said in, not on or with or because of.
I felt her lips curl up into the Grin. Then she shot me an image of the bottom of my chin, no tits blocking the view despite the distance. So you're good as of yesterday, then?
I snorted, snickered, then endangered my nipple by busting out laughing. Not even able to form coherent words, I sent her an image of tipping over the black King from a chess set.
Of course my laughing wound up waking every kid in the place. It felt really good to see how many of them woke up smiling, and extra good when one of the smiling ones crawled up behind Marie, glomped the back of her head, and murmured, "mama."
When I got my giggles under control I reached out and put one finger on the back of the little one's glomping hand. Speaking softly and slowly, I said, "Good morning, kiddo. What's your name?"
She buried her head into Marie's hair and, when Marie nodded, squeaked out something too muffled for me to properly hear more than two syllables with an 'ee' sound at the end. I looked at Marie and raised an eyebrow. Lindsey.
"It's good to meet you, Lindsey. So... Marie is your mama?" Lindsey jerked her little blonde head in the world's smallest nod, and keeping my voice soft but serious I said, "Lindsey?" When she looked up just enough I could see her eyes, I asked, "how would you feel about me marrying your mama, Lindsey?"
Her little brow furrowed, and she lifted her mouth enough to squeak out, "marry?"
I nodded, thinking about it from her perspective. "That would make me your mama too. So you'd have two mamas."
"Three," came Saffron's voice from between us. If you say two and a half, I will bite you.
Hush, cranky Kitten. "True, three, because Saffron," I nodded down at her, "wants to marry your mama Marie too."
As Lindsey thought about that, I scanned the horde hoard, clocking three of the kids paying very close attention to our conversation. I'd kinda hoped to get all of them, but four out of five wasn't bad. Lindsey shrank back behind Marie until Menace knelt behind her, glomping her and saying, "Mama's a good mama. Tough. Strong. Keeps you safe."
Lindsey pouted at Isnomi. "My mama tougher."
Before the impending 'my mama can beat up your mama' argument flared further, Marie shut it down with a simple, "No."
Lindsey looked at me with wonder in her eyes. "No?"
"No."
The little one scrunched down until only her eyes poked out over Marie's head, but she squeaked out, "tay."
Still maintaining my serious expression, I asked, "so I have your permission to marry your mama?" At her tiny nod, I sighed in exaggerated relief and said, "thanks. I couldn't marry her if you didn't approve, after all."
That got 'em. The three I'd spotted earlier came charging over, the biggest one, a boyish kid maybe as big as Menace at her biggest, barked out, "she's my..." the girly one next to him elbowed him, "our mama too!"
I carefully pulled myself up and around into a half tailor seat, one leg straight to let Saffron keep her head pillowed on my thigh. I sighed, nodded, and said, "well then." I reached out a hand. "I'm Tabitha. What are your names?"
The boyish one looked at my hand like a snake, but after a moment to build courage, grabbed it and shook. "Alex."
I nodded. "Good to meet you, Alex." I turned to the girly one and held out my hand.
She kind of plucked at it and waggled, then whispered, "David." Okay, so maybe he not she.
The third one had toddled along behind the other two. Where Alex and David were both as dark as most of the Bag I'd met, the third one was a sort of dark strawberry blonde. They didn't say anything, just holding out a hand, which I took and gently pumped once. I didn't say anything when they clung to my index finger when I let go. Alex said, "that's Daya. They don't talk... since..."
"That's fine. It's good to meet you, Daya."
With Daya still clinging to my finger, I said, "so, may I have your permission to marry your mama?"
David nodded, but Alex said, "I dunno..."
Right about then Menace reinforced her name by chiming in, "Mama lets me fly!"
That got all of them looking at me, then Menace, then me again. Alex's jaw dropped open, while David looked a bit skeptical. Daya just gripped my finger tighter. Before they could say anything, Saffron pushed herself upright and said, "before anyone does anything at all flight related, it is time for toilet and bath for everyone."
That got far fewer complaints than I expected, and if I wound up walking slow and a little bent over escorting Daya into the bathroom, I wasn't about to complain. Alex and Isnomi dickered back and forth about the pros and cons of having me as a mama right up until Alex went under the towel while Daya clung to my leg. I don't know how, but apparently the entire 'marry, new mama' discussion had knocked the fact that I was in fact The Towel Lady out of his head, because once I had him all warm and dry he turned to me and said, "okay."
"Thank you, Alex."
Right about then I heard David's quiet, "you can be my mama." I turned to see him with one hand on Saffron's shoulder in the tub, keeping himself balanced while she scrubbed his hair.
"You know we're a package deal, right?"
When Saffron asked that, David looked over at me, frowned, looked a little pouty, but said, "okay."
I waited until the entire posse and the horde hoard save Daya had gotten through the bath, at which point she held her hands up to me. I picked her up and walked her over to the tub. When I went to set her in, she clung to me, so I shrugged and climbed in. I held her while Saffron scrubbed her down, then stood her beside the tub and toweled her dry kneeling in the soapy water. When she stood there, clean, dry, and bundled in the warm towel, she looked at me, nodded once, then scampered off toward Marie.
Running a sudsy cloth over me in a way that would not have gone unremarked or unresponded to if we'd been alone, Saffron murmured, "well done, love. So, shall we begin planning our conquest of Maenad Maid Marie?"
I shook my head just enough for her to catch it, then replied just as quietly. "One more, Kitten. No idea which one."
"So thorough."
I shrugged. "I just... I just want everything to be perfect. As perfect as I can make it."
She pouted but said, "which can be quite perfect indeed."
"What's wrong, Kitten?"
She sighed, but the pout didn't quite go away. "I think I begin to understand what you said about rushing."
"Disappointed? Jealous?"
She shook her head. "Envious, maybe. Not disappointed in our marriage in the slightest. Perhaps a little in our actual wedding."
I waggled my eyebrows and licked my lips. "It seemed like you liked it at the time."
She squeezed the washcloth over my face, laughing. "Not the consummation, you utter Goof. That part was amazing." She shook her head. "No, I meant the ceremony."
I snorted water out of my nose. "Ceremony? We didn't even really have one of those. Which means you can absolutely have anything you want at our renewal of vows."
She leaned in to scrub my back and whispered, "even you, right there on the altar?"
My face got kinda warm what with the last few kids still trailing out into the bedroom, headed for breakfast. "I'm game if you are."
She smiled into my neck as she scrubbed and murmured, "even if I want Skasn to prepare you for me?"
I pulled back a little, or tried to, since she just slopped around in the soapy suds on my front. "The fuck? What, are you planning on climbing in and wearing me like a suit of armor or some shit?"
She flopped back into the water, laughing her curvy little ass off. "Sorry. Sorry. Wanted to see if I could get you to tell me no."
I covered my smile with a fake pout, crossing my arms in front of me. "I said you could have anything. Didn't think you'd go there."
"Well, now that I know your boundaries, I will certainly honor them, my love."
I scooped her up, enjoying exactly how slippery the soap made her, pressing her against me so close our noses touched. "I didn't say no, Kitten. For our Renewal? For you? Anything."
She kissed me. When we came up for air, she sighed. "Time to get some breakfast in you before you head to Loki's."
I grinned at her. "You could get something else in me first."
That got a laugh out of her again. "I've some ideas on that, love. But not today. I've an assignation tonight, if you'll remember."
"Pfft. Like this would stop that."
She shook her head. "Mustn't risk it. We've a Maenad to marry, after all."
I threw one soap covered arm over my forehead, "oh, the sacrifices I make for love."
She dumped a kettle of scalding water over my head and said, "I think you mean lust, do you not?"
Shaking the water out of my hair and eyes, laughing as she spluttered, I said, "nah. That's just a hobby." Then I scooped her up and kissed her. "Love's important."