Dear Diary,

Other than the warm fuzzy wake up yesterday, my Friday wound up being straight up rest and refuel, no hijinks. I'm not super upset, I guess I need it, but another part of me really wants to get to grips with something. Anything. Y'know?

So much sleeping, so much dreaming. All day spent catching treats thrown by Chibi-Saffron in a hibachi restaurant chef uniform. I have no idea what the fuck my subconscious is trying to tell me with that, because if I'm hungry after three epic mealtimes plus leftover cleanup a day? I don't want to know how fat my Metaphoric ass is getting. I also kinda wish it could maybe pack just the tiniest amount of junk in my real world trunk. If my ass remains flat after I'm done what one of my science teachers called the 'filling out' phase of growing? I'm gonna have some kind of complex about it.

Woke up to Saffron fully dressed and leaning over me to lay a kiss on my forehead. When she noticed my eyes were open, she changed course to plant her lips on mine. We stayed liplocked like that for a bit, until she pulled back with a sigh. "I really do need to get to work, and at the moment any Mana I spend on Co-Locating is Mana I can't spend Curing, or working on a Mass Curing Spell."

I pouted up at her. "I thought you had the other High Clergy up there helping out now?"

She nodded. "I do, but once we got more Volunteers up in New Amsterdam, we realized that a bigger portion of their already bigger population seems to be infected. Even with more people Curing, they still need me doing as much as I can."

I stopped pouting, but pushed myself up on my elbows and frowned. "Do you need me up there?"

She sat on the side of the bed and pulled my head to her breast. "Only you would ask if the people you slaughtered two weeks ago need Curing now."

I shrugged, enjoying the effect on the chest pillows she pulled me against. "Not like I had anything personal against most of the City. Pretty much just the Oranges, and I'd still Cure them, if only because I don't want them playing Typhoid Mary."

"You keep using that term. I get what you're saying, but who was this Mary?"

I shrugged again. "Don't really know much. Back in the day stupid plagues were a regular thing, but people had gotten the idea that quarantine was a good thing. But Mary didn't show any symptoms, so she wasn't quarantined, even though she full on had a raging Typhoid infection. Wound up spreading it to a whole city, I think. Something like, anyhow, before people caught on that the only common factor to a bunch of outbreaks was her."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. So do you need me?"

She bit her lip, but eventually shook her head. "Yes, but no. We need help, and I want you by my side, but we desperately need someone to find out what's going on down around Lancaster House. Not only did Lancaster leave a large formation of Volunteers there, who could help out in New Amsterdam, but from all accounts Calverton is likely to do something stupid, so we need to make sure that if they do, they find at least some resistance, rather than a swathe of our territory occupied by no more than the dead and dying."

"And I'm going there because Lancaster threw his weight around?"

She shook her head. "No. Worse. You're going because he's right. While the population around Lancaster House is high for the countryside, it is mostly countryside. If the total population is more than fifty thousand I'd be shocked, and most of those live on individual farmsteads. If they have a raging plague epidemic, you're the one person in the Allied Cities who can stop it on her own."

Weird how that warmed my heart, swelled my head, and contracted my sphincter all at the same time. "I appreciate the vote of confidence, but holy shit. Also, I still don't know why I'm going to be the head honcho of the whole thing."

She smiled down at me. "Because you're a Cadet, Goof."

"Yeah, but so's Lancaster. Same for Rider or Rosen. Same for Angel or Bill."

She rolled her eyes. "No, Goof. They're Freshman Cadets. You're not."

"What am I then?"

"My lovable, beloved Goofball, who apparently either forgot or didn't understand when I told you that you'd been promoted. Remember moving up day? The one we've missed the past two times running?"

"Wait, you mean I'm... How the fuck did that happen?"

She giggled, "because the Marshall pulled every goddamned string he had an end of, and despite hating politics? He's got enough strings to make a cable."

I frowned, then sighed. "Shit. I guess that makes sense. I still wish I'd earned it, though. At least it will be handy for keeping the expedition to Lancaster... House... in... what did I say this time?"

Still frowning, she grabbed me by the ear and pulled me up as she stood. Eventually, I knelt on the edge of the bed, still only half a head shorter than she stood with her boots on. "I do not take anyone speaking ill of my wife lightly, and I will not allow anyone speaking ill of her untruthfully. Now, I do not have the time today to do what I'd like to, which is to fuck sense into you until it sticks, since apparently the way to your brain is through your genitals. Ought not be a surprise, really, but still. Are you ready to listen?"

I think my frown came more from her suggesting that she wanted to spend the day banging and still wasn't going to than anything else, but I still pouted a little as I said, "yes, dear."

"Good. As far as the inhabitants of Newark and New Amsterdam are concerned? You are a Hero."

"The fuck? Didn't I just kill the living shit out of a metric fuck ton of them like two weeks ago?"

She smiled, "because you thought they'd hurt me, yes. They cannot believe that anyone less than a Hero could destroy a Hero-led army by themselves. Many of them have begun assuming that you are not only a Hero, but one who has Ascended to Demi-Godhood spontaneously, because the idea that you're the High Priestess of Loki hasn't really had the same impact as your, as you noted, killing the living shit out of a metric fuck ton of their strongest Heroes two weeks ago. At the same time, every man Jack of them that feels that way? Is a fervent supporter of the Alliance, since it means that you're on their side now."

I chuckled a little, "I'm a terrifying bitch, but I'm now their terrifying bitch?"

She booped my nose and smiled down at me. "I wouldn't have you any other way, Goof. Now, while plenty of Cities have begun to copy Phileo's Academy model, Phileo is the only City that requires Heroes to meet a series of listed minimum standards. So even if the Marshall wanted to, which by the way he absolutely did and does, he couldn't promote you higher than Cadet, since 'Senior Cadet' is basically a Phileo Hero in all but name."

"Yeah, but, I mean, c'mon. I'm, y'know, cheating. Horribly. I don't deserve to be called a 'Hero'."

She snorted, chuckled, then broke down laughing. Before I could get a bug up my ass about it, she leaned over and kissed me. I might get myself bent out of shape about someone being racist, or sexist, or less than adoring to my wife or kid or Maid, but I sure as hell amn't stupid enough to stop kissing time because she was laughing at me. After enough time for me to almost forget what we'd been talking about, she pulled back, gasping for air.

"Only you," she wheeze-chuckled.

"Only me what?"

"Only you," she said with a twinkle in her eye, "would use 'I'm the most powerful Primordial Goddess in the world' as a reason why you can't be a Hero."

"Yeah, but, like I said, I'm cheating. It's not like I did something really hard."

She rolled her eyes so hard she wound up staring at the ceiling. "Oh, it wasn't hard, I just wound up injuring myself so badly it's taken a week of divine auto-intervention to recuperate from it. Twice in close succession."

"Well, maybe, yeah, but I only got injured because I'm an idiot."

My face stung where she slapped me hard enough to leave me looking at our shrine. "What did you say?"

I turned back to her. "I'm an idiot?"

This time I had to catch myself before spilling over onto the bed sideways. "What did you say?"

My cheek burned as I pushed myself back around to face her. "Look, even you call me an idiot, so I must be an idiot."

I wound up face down on the bed, my ass pointing toward her, with my knees on the floor. "What. Did. You. Say. About. My. Wife?"

My cheek throbbed as I pushed myself up and spat out the blanket that lodged in my mouth. I might have been getting a little warm elsewhere as well. "Yeah, okay, but aren't you the one calling me Goof?"

Her hand stroked my back. "You're random, and so foolhardy any mortal might have died weekly trying to pull off your goofy heroics. But you are not stupid. You are, despite all your foolishness, my Hero. Mine. My personal Hero, and in case you ever forget that, you look at your arm. You hear me, Goof?"

I pushed myself around, looking up at her through lowered lashes. "Yes, Ma'am."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

"Oh, no. I have to get to work, and you need to get to breakfast."

"Why can't we have both?"

"I already told you why, Goof."

"Yeah," I whined, "but you're forgetting that I am..." Her hand flew, and I grabbed it, pulling her down on top of me as I fell backwards, "still not letting you out of this room until one of us passes out." I pulled her to me, devouring her mouth, her hands burying themselves in my hair as I wrapped my arms around her head and neck, holding her to me, ignoring everything else except the smell, the taste, the feel of her mouth, her tongue invading mine. I didn't stop, refused to let go until static filled my vision behind my closed eyes.

I woke up to my head throbbing a little, her voice chiding me, laughter filling my head. Only you, Goof. Only you would forget you can breathe through your nose and hold your breath. Goof.

Love you too, Kitten.

Love you, Goof. Go get some food, and if you're feeling up to it, you'd probably do well to start putting things in motion for your expedition to Lancaster House.

Yes, Ma'am, Imperator.

Goof?

Yeah, Kitten?

When we actually have some time alone?

Yes, Imperator. As you wish, Imperator. Anything for you, Imperator.

Fucking Goddess on a crutch, stop that before I leave a Goddess-damned puddle on the floor of the strategy room.

Yes... dear.

She sent me the cutest image of her just then, her cheeks red and puffed out in a pout. Then she was gone.

I took my time putting my uniform on, because while I figured it was time to start getting back to work, I could tell I really wasn't quite back to tip top shape yet. I left the room, my plan for the day to start some wheels turning, check on Lenny, then do some cardio in the Practice Yard until I tired out. When I got down to the Dining Hall, the other ROTCs had started eating, but I saw no evidence of empty trays or pitchers, and the Maids hadn't started bringing seconds around yet.

As I slid into my place, Angel swallowed and said, "hey, Diaz! Does this mean you're back?"

I waggled my hand at her as I picked up a pitcher and gulped down some water before starting in on my first tray of eggs. "Not fully healed or anything, but good enough that training ought to help instead of hurt, and shit needs to get done, and I'm the one tapped by our Glorious Imperator to get it done."

Fred looked up as if remembering something, swallowed, and said, "that's right! You're a full Cadet now! Congratulations on the promotion!"

I might have blushed a little at the praise, then blushed a little more at the memory of my cheeks burning for entirely different reasons. "Yeah, I guess the Marshall figured the 'Damn Heroes might feel some kinda way if a Freshman Cadet whipped their asses."

That got a round of chuckles. When I finished my first tray of eggs, I looked over and pointed my spoon at Bill. "Speaking of me being all high and mighty and in charge of shit now, I'm going to try to live up to my exalted position and start delegating shit. Bill, can you do something for me?"

He shrugged, swallowed whatever he'd been chewing on, took a drink and said, "sure. What did you need?"

"I wasn't shitting about direct-from-the-Imperator orders; she's having me lead an expedition to Lancaster House to see why we've heard dick-all from Lachlan since all this shit started."

Angel looked up at that. "Oh, shit. Did Calverton get their thumbs out of their asses and invade or something?"

I shrugged, and between bites replied, "we've got zero info, and pretty much every way we'd have of getting some is currently dedicated toward trying to stop the plague before it gets loose from New Amsterdam."

Raven's quiet voice cut in before anyone else, "could the plague have hit them too?"

I winced, but nodded, "it's almost a certainty. From everything we can tell? The plague vectored into Phileo from Lancaster House, not New Amsterdam. The timeline doesn't support anything else."

"Oh, Shit." Bonnie's reply summed up the feeling of the table pretty well.

Bill's question came out more serious than I'd ever heard him. "What did you need from me?"

"I need you to get with Marshall duBois and find out how many Volunteer units we can bring with us, then get those units sorted out, supplied for the trip to Lancaster House, and see how many Freshman Cadets we're allowed to take along." I looked around the table. "I hope I can count on all you guys?" Everybody nodded, although Bonita looked like she wanted to piss herself. "You sure, Bonnie?"

She jerked her head once, as if trying not to shake it, but said, "yeah. I just didn't expect... it's just sooner than I expected."

I smiled at her, "you've done fantastic so far. You'll be fine."

She smiled at me, suddenly looking sad, and said, "thanks. I've been way out of my depth since this whole plague thing started, but at least I'm faking it well enough nobody can tell, right?"

I smiled, "fake it till you make it, baby!" I reached out a hand, and she grabbed it. After a quick squeeze, I turned to Bill. "So definitely all of us. We'll be taking Larry," despite everyone's sudden frowns, I drove on, "because apparently if Lachlan's missing Larry's next in line, so people there will listen to him." Bill nodded in sudden understanding at least. "Also, I'll want Rider and Rosen along."

He balked a little at that. "Why?"

"Because if he thinks we're taking him along as a puppet, he'll fight us every step of the way."

"Aren't we?" asked Angel.

I shrugged. "Maybe? I mean, if he sticks his head up his ass, I'll be the first one to yank it out, shove my hand up his ass far enough to work his mouth, and run him like a ventriloquist's dummy. But I'd rather not. For all that he's a weapons-grade asshole, he's our weapons-grade asshole, and I've recently come to realize that despite that he's actually got a few potentially useful skills hiding away behind and beneath all his bullshit."

Angel's mouth dropped open. "Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?"

I laughed, "seriously, guys. I had to spend a few days in his scintillating company up on the wall, and it showed me another side of him."

Bonita shook her head, "I can't believe there's a side of him that isn't a raging asshole."

I tossed my head in a sideways shrug. "There isn't, really, but there are sides that are vaguely competent at shit for all their raging assholeness."

Bill blew out some air and said, "if you say so. Good to know the Academy entrance process isn't totally fucked." Everybody at the table kinda head tilted at that, and he smiled and said, "think about it, if they let in somebody as useless as we all thought he was, what does that say about us?"

Everybody kinda nodded and went back to eating. After a bit I thought about something and said, "see if you can get Carruthers, too."

"Sure. Why?"

"Eh, more tools in the toolbox. Sometimes the right tool for the job is a himbo."

Everybody at the table except Fred lost it at that, and if he looked a little irked, I could tell he didn't want to be the one to say something like, 'but I thought that was my job'. Eventually, though, Bill said, "I thought that was your job, boss?"

I blinked a little bit. "Oh, shit, that is gonna take more than a little getting used to." Then I pulled my collar out and looked down the inside of my shirt, nodded, stuck my hand down the front of my pants, hamming it up as a felt around, then sighed. "Thank god, still not a guy."

We mostly shot the shit between piling on the calories after that. When they all finished and the Maids started lining up the leftovers, Raven asked, "so what should the rest of us do? Go back to class, or?"

I paused my consumption of mass quantities long enough to say, "stick with Bill. As he breaks stuff loose for us, one of you will probably be needed to go and fetch it, whether it's getting the Volunteers sorted or taking some of them to collect food and travel supplies."

She looked at me, smirked, then saluted. "You got it, Boss."

That straight up made some leftover eggs go down the wrong pipe, and they all left chuckling as I pounded my chest and chugged water to stop my lungs burning. When I finished off all the leftovers, I looked around at the Maids and asked, "which of you guys is in charge? Is one of you guys in charge?"

Before my question could ramble any further, the nearest Maid looked me square in the eye and said, with more than a little 'talking to the slow kid' in her voice, "Marie." Weird, she had way more of the creaky Nightmare Fuel in her voice that I remembered from my first conversations with Marie than, well, Marie did now.

I looked back at her and asked, "could you please let Marie know I'd like her to help Bill organize our food and travel supplies?"

She nodded, then turned and strode for the doors while the rest of the Maids went back to organizing their carts. I pushed myself to my feet and meandered toward the Men's Dormitory. When I got to the Gender Filtration Ward, I grimaced, took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and stepped to the Men's Infirmary. Things inside felt... tight. A little sore, like I just stretched something, but not the kind of tearing soreness that came with stretching something too far.

"Good Morning, Cadet Diaz. Congratulations on your promotion." Leave it to Lancaster to somehow manage to make saying congratulations sound like an insult. On the other hand, he didn't seem insincere, which boggled my poor, tiny, smooth brain. He'd been sitting up in bed, with a tray on his lap holding a decent sized breakfast.

"Damn, did everyone find out about that shit before me?" I shook my head, then continued. "How are you feeling, Larry?"

He rolled his eyes. "Probably, since you apparently were busy healing the entire city by yourself." I opened my mouth to reply, but he cut me off. "Thank you."

I shrugged, glancing away. "Just doing the job. I'm sure you'd do the same."

He opened his mouth, shook his head, then spoke. "While it galls me to no end to admit this, I'm certain I could not have done so. I am surprised, however, that you'd credit me with even making the attempt."

I smiled down at him, "I mean, you'd probably be doing it to get daddy's attention. Or, I dunno, score with some hot chicks without paying for it? I dunno. I figure you'd be doing it for some kinda payout later, but..." I paused, half lifting a hand, trying to wrap my brain around what I was about to say. Part of me couldn't believe that I was about to say something vaguely nice to Lancaster, even if it was mostly to keep the camel inside the tent pissing out, rather than outside pissing in. The rest of me was just stunned that I had, somewhere, scraped together enough maturity to make a decision based on something that mature and complex rather than, y'know, my normal motivations of 'get seXX0rz', 'make cute go daww', and 'for the lulz'.

Right as he opened his mouth, I said, "whatever your reason? Yeah, I think you take the job seriously enough to at least make a good faith effort."

His mouth worked as he started and discarded half a dozen replies before he finally ground out, "thank you. Also, thank you for visiting." He nodded toward where Doctor DeLeon sat at his desk, doing what looked like paperwork. Even in the middle of a goddamned epidemic, bureaucrats gotta bureaucrat. "Doctor DeLeon has insisted I remain bedbound, and everyone else has been too busy to spare any time for an invalid."

I frowned down at him. I'd Cured him, and Healed the living piss out of him as well. I get that he'd needed to recover, but after two weeks I figured he'd be rested up by now. I glanced at Doc DeLeon, who more or less ignored me, then turned back to Larry and held out a hand. "Stand up, I wanna check something."

He shrugged, then grasped my hand and pulled himself up. "At least I can say a superior officer ordered me out of bed."

"Ow. Geez. Did your testicles retract or something when you said that? I mean, you didn't choke on the word 'superior', so I'm sure something must have gone sideways in you somewhere." Before he could reply, I cut him off and said, "okay, I'm ordering you to shout, 'fuck you, bitch' as loud as you can at me."

He blinked at that, then pulled back, giving me more than a little side eye. "Where's the catch."

I shrugged and smiled at him. "No catch. I figure you won't hold back, since you can't get in trouble for it, since I'm ordering you to do it. Right?"

He shook his head and half-whispered, "yes, ma'am." Then he closed his eyes, took a few seconds inhaling, then screamed out, "FUCK YOU, DIAZ, YOU RAGING BITCH!" so loud that it echoed off the walls and ceiling despite all the hanging curtains, and Doc DeLeon, startled, knocked one of his piles of paperwork over. He turned and half rose, but I waved him back down. I nodded at his 'are you certain?' look, then turned back to Lancaster.

"Okay, Cadet. Go get your uniform on and meet me in the Practice Yard." As he blinked at that, I turned to Doc DeLeon and said, "if he can scream that loud and long without a single cough, he's ready to start in on some rehab training." When he stopped his own objection before it started, then just nodded, I turned back and said, "we're needed, Larry. As soon as we get our act together, you and I need to go figure out why the fuck nobody's heard from Lancaster House since your dad got to Phileo."

I stepped up to the Practice Yard while he still stood there absorbing what I'd said, then started running laps.

When he joined me like fifteen minutes later, I was still asking myself, 'who the fuck are you, and what have you done with Tabitha?'