Dear Diary,

So, apparently my answer to 'I've been stupid, and the consequences fell on other people' isn't 'get smarter', it's 'try new kinds of stupid in ever larger amounts until the consequences start hitting me instead'.

The last thing I remembered was Curing the southern bridge village. After that? Mimic Dreams, which included the Return of Hibachi Chef Saffron throwing shrimp at me. But not, like, tossing them to make me fall face first into the cleavage of the chick sitting next to me. Not that there were any chicks sitting next to me in my Mimic Dreams, but you get the point. Of course, this time instead of one Chibi Hibachi Chef Saffron, there were three. One of them down by the lakefront, one standing in the middle of the game board. I really need to, I dunno, visit here-and-now Japan and see if they know what the fuck that game's called. The third Saffron? Underneath me, smack dab in the middle. Also chucking shrimp. I don't even want to know why Mimic is dreaming of suppository shrimp. I really don't. If the answer to 'how do I make everything right forever without Doing Horrible Things to Myself' lies in rectal shellfish? I'm not sure it's worth it.

Woke to Saffron gently humming some kind of lullaby while stroking my hair. When my eyes slid open I couldn't help but stir a little. In response she opened her own eyes and looked down to where my head rested in her lap. "Hey, you. You're back with us."

"Yeah. Um... we haven't been invaded yet, have we?"

She booped my nose and said, "one moment please."

She closed her eyes then went back to stroking my hair. Fuck it, I've had way worse hold music than her humming, and sure as shit worse waiting room chairs. While I waited I looked around a little. I realized right away why I hadn't recognized the bed; I'd only slept in it like, twice? Maybe? Not for very long any given time, either, because sure as shit we spent most of the time in our new double bed doing activities other than sleeping. Maybe it says something about me that the thought of all that hanky panky soothed me almost as much as Saffron's humming, her stroking of my hair, or the feel of her thighs beneath my head.

Her eyes slid back open. "Green flags in both bridge villages. We've stationed three units in each, and sent two more to visit the itinerant fishing camps along the river, let them know what's going on, have them ready to send up signal fires if they spot the Calverton forces trying to come across the river somewhere other than the bridges."

"Gah. You're so much better than I am at this shit. No idea why Lancaster wanted me leading the relief expedition instead of you."

She smiled down at me. "I am, in case you'd forgotten, Imperator now. Someone with a great deal of military power insisted on it, as I recall. As such I can't go running off into the wilderness leading every expedition. Also, I doubt I would have defeated a wyvern, let alone a Dragon."

I snorted. "Yeah. I notice who actually killed that big bastard."

"If our positions had been reversed, I might not have survived to face the Dragon. I certainly wouldn't have been able to distract it long enough for you to collect Vulcan and arrive to shoot it. Certainly, you might have killed it then, and I might have survived if I'd just put up a Ward and huddled, but I wouldn't have been able to Ward the entire Expedition." She paused, then tapped my forehead with each word for emphasis. "Stop belittling yourself, Goof."

I smiled up at her. "Okay."

She blinked. "What? No protestations of guilt and how you deserve worse? No angst ridden diatribe about how you and you alone must shoulder the entire burden of setting the world to rights?"

I shook my head, at first just a little, then a little more, a lot more slowly, because I really enjoyed the feel of her thighs squishing against my cheeks. "Nope. I'm learning, I think."

One of her eyebrows shot up. "What exactly are you learning, Goof?"

"First, that my Kitten is so much smarter than me that I can't even really comprehend the difference with my tiny goofy brain, so when you give me an order like that? I'm just gonna shut up and follow it."

I paused, and she said, "you realize, of course, that you've just given me even more temptation to become an absolute tyrant?"

I shook my head some more, entirely to feel that nice thigh squish. Okay, maybe to catch a glimpse of absolute territory in my peripheral vision. "I trust you, and if you're being too tyranty Marie and I will spank you like the naughty girl you are."

Her head dropped forward, her eyes closing as she chuckled. I liked the whole motion, because now I had Saffron boobs pressing into my forehead. 'Surrounded by Saffron's squishy bits' was a pretty fuckin' nice place to be. "You are not making resisting becoming a tyrant any easier."

I smiled up at her. "Maybe we should just start with pre-emptive tyranny-belaying spankings? It'll be a chore, but I'm sure Marie and I can fit it into our busy schedules."

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A broad smile taking any sting out of her words, she ranted a little bit. "You! Before I met you, I had not one inclination toward being on the receiving end of such things! It's all your fault!"

"Is that a yes?"

"It wasn't a no."

I shook my head some more, noticing that, since it wasn't cold at all in our new room, the conversation had certainly gotten the attention and approval of her lady bits. Rubbing my forehead against her chest didn't seem to bother her, either. "Anyway, the second thing? I'm trying to cut myself some slack after I fix my screw ups."

"I fail to see where you screwed up here. Well, one thing, but it's hardly a 'screw up'."

"Not figuring out the Map Room was actually a Scrying Room?"

She shook her head, reaching down and massaging my shoulders. "No. That was not your fault at all. If any family in Phileo was arrogant enough to make a visual representation of their wealth a key feature of a house that is, itself, a massive visual representation of their wealth? It's the Lancasters."

I snickered. "Good thing they're inland. Otherwise they'd be trying to put a boat on their boat on their boat. What about not remembering I could Translocate to places I scried on?"

"And how many times had you done that previously?"

I thought about it for a little bit, my brain slow as more resources spontaneously devoted themselves to using my forehead to nudge Saffron's tits. "Uh, once?"

"And that was when?"

Since I'd just thought about it, my only challenge now was making with the words, despite my mouth's deep conviction that it had a better person to be doing. "When the fucking Oranges dropped a rock on you."

She nodded. "And we've already noted that you were not at your most coherent that day." At my look, she continued. "Lethal, yes. Intimidating, certainly. Furious, of course. Coherent?"

I smiled and reached up to run my fingers along her back, kneading slowly. "Okay, yeah, fair point. So where did I screw up?"

"Oh, do not stop that, please, my Goddess, please, do not stop that until I pass out or your fingers drop off, please."

"Weird, you normally prefer them up front."

"Yes, well. Since I normally stand at Council meetings, and I must retain a certain degree of presence, my back is not thrilled with me most evenings."

I rooched myself toward her a little so I could reach her back better. If it wrapped her front around me like a full-head helmet made of Saffron squishy bits? Total coincidence, really. As I got to work on her back, I asked, "speaking of evening, how long was I out?"

"You passed out midway through the night last night, and slept the clock round, plus a little bit. The Dining Hall is serving breakfast at the moment, which is where Marie and Isnomi are."

I thought about that for a second, then asked, "Is Isnomi eating breakfast, or helping Marie serve it?"

"Knowing our girl? Ostensibly doing the latter while actually mostly doing the former."

I nodded, keeping the motion slow enough to enjoy every bit of squish. "Yeah, that tracks." I sighed. "I better get back soon, then."

"You will do no such thing. Your executive officer has been informed that, barring Calverton invading, another Dragon, or some similar catastrophe, you will be spending today recovering."

I opened my mouth to argue, only to have my traitorous tongue try to reach any of the squishy bits around me. Couldn't quite do it, so instead I just said, "Yes, ma'am." After a few moments of lying there enjoying my surroundings and rubbing Saffron's lower back, totally coincidental that it made her bend forward more, I asked, "so what did I fuck up, if not the Scrying Room thing or the Translocation thing?"

She chuckled, which did amazing things to the squishy bits surrounding me. "Only you, love. Your scrying..." She paused and let out a groan as I found a knot in her back and made it let go. "Goddess you are good at this. At any rate, scrying normally begins with creating a link to Metaphoric Space, where sympathetic magic is much more powerful, making the link to the scry destination much shorter and less power intensive."

"Okay, yeah, Loki taught me from his cave, which is partially in Metaphoric Space, right?"

"Yes. Which explains everything."

"Not so much for me, really."

She chuckled again. High on my list of 'things to make happen as often as possible'. "Instead of a minor opening into Metaphoric Space, a tiny conduit of Mana to the target, and another minor opening back to the Mortal World? You connected your scrying bowl directly to the end location via the Mortal World. Meaning it was both longer and, as the Mortal World is not inundated with Mana like Metaphoric Space, exponentially more Mana Consuming."

"Oh." I worked my way up her back, pulling her down closer to me as I did. Glowing Midnight's lingerie was kinda in the way, but I liked the view enough not to complain or correct that. "Oops."

"Yes. Oops indeed. Now, are you fully through with the flagellation for today?"

I put on my serious face and thought about that for a moment, my hands shifting as I did. "Nope." Before she could reply, I somersaulted her over my head to land in my lap, then flipped her face down as I sat up. "You need your daily dose of tyranny prevention, right Kitten?"

She bit her lip, her eyes scrunched closed. Eventually she turned her head a smidge and cracked one eye open. "What are you waiting for?" She sounded way more impatient than apprehensive.

My serious face still in place, I said, "consent is important!"

Her eyes scrunched closed again, but this time with laughter. Deep, throaty laughter that made me think she'd found an auditory cousin of The Grin. "Do it, Goof. Do it as long and as hard as you can. Do it until you're satisfied."

"Oh, no. That won't do at all." At her whine of impatience and confusion combined, I said, "I'm doing this until we're both. Fully. Satisfied." Then I did. Weird, totally not my thing to be on the giving rather than receiving end of something quite like this, but her reactions? Totally my thing. Very me. Much totally. So thing. Wow.

Turns out Saffron's idea of 'appropriate restful activities' has plenty of overlap with my own idea of 'perfect date'. Lots of eating, canoodling, and sleeping. Marie and Isnomi joined us after breakfast, bringing a cartload of food, enough to last us through the day. While a pair of us took the menace up to the roof for a day of hang gliding, another pair stayed in bed all day with Marie. Not long before dinner Isnomi finally tired out and we came back in, then all four of us stepped to our rooms at Lancaster House. Isnomi dragged Marie out of the room to go play with her little friends.

Oh, no, a night alone with Saffron and a double-sized bed. Whatever shall we do?