Dear Diary,

"Embracing death without fear,

Empowers Righteous Vengeance;

Bloodlust overcomes that fear."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust

Y'know, I think some of this shit is stuff I haven't thought of before, because I'm getting moments of visceral satori from some of this shit. Like this here, the idea that Bloodlust actually has a purpose. Seriously, I've read the good Bushido quotes; ROTC extra credit work. 'Embrace death without fear, and you shall never truly die', 'Bushido is realized in the presence of death; this means choosing death whenever there is a choice between life and death'. I even had to do, like essays on why they said that, what it meant, and why it's important. Because lets face it, humans are surprisingly durable, but if a trained, armed fighter wants to off themselves, it's not a huge challenge. If samurai actually preferred death to life, they had plenty of opportunity to do that shit at home.

But that was a huge part of the culture, and they did some really amazing shit in terms of individual combat feats. Formation fighting not so much, but the thing is when you look under the hood the same thing applies to formations of common soldiers too. It's all about courage, in the end. Which isn't 'omigod, I has no fear, because I'm blind and have a snazzy red suit and She-Hulk broke my hips'. It's not the absence of fear, it's the ability to be afraid, to be terrified, and do your part in combat anyhow. With old school formations, it's about being part of a group. With modern fire teams, it's about not letting your buddies down. With the samurai, it was all about accepting that you were already dead, so there was nothing to fear.

Bloodlust is just another way of doing that. I think it might be the thing old school berserks used to do, or at least related. Yeah, maybe not, but maybe for some of them. Ooh! The Picts! Y'know, the dudes what painted themselves blue and ran screaming at the Roman Legions with nothing but a claymore, a smile, and a raging hard on stiff enough to punch through a scutum until they slapped it with their scrotum. Because there are very few things in life that most people can say 'if I die painfully, I die painfully, I want this that bad', but telling the hindbrain 'we have mated' is one of those. Like, if you can somehow cross the wires so killing the motherfucker in front of you sets off the old joy buzzer, death is no longer frightening. 'Why the fuck do I care about dying, I just spawned ninety seven times' makes no goddamned sense, but... seriously. Look around at the couples who are clearly banging their fuckin' brains out, and tell me they're thinking clearly.

Okay, I'm thinking perfectly clearly when going after my partners, because they're all hot as fuck, but flip that script around and it makes sense again.

At any rate, sunset yesterday brought a tiny Fae princess into my Highest Priestess' room, specifically asking to talk to me, by name. Okay, knowing my name wasn't exactly rocket science, I'm the Champion of the Alliance, I've personally kicked the shit out of half the eastern seaboard by now, and I've got a woman wearing a wedding dress made for a porn shoot going around shouting my virtues to anyone who'll listen. I think maybe I ought to sit down for one of her sermons at some point, because I still have trouble remembering that I actually have virtues, let alone what they are.

"That could be arranged," Karen replied. "I will tell her why you wish to speak with her, and see when she can make herself available."

Ria pouted, her eyes going shifty before she muttered something too low for even my Murder Mittens to catch it. I bit my lip, because I wanted to advise Karen, and kinda wanted to talk to the little redhead who reminded me so much of my Menace, but after her mom saw Saffron and I looking through Karen's eyes, I really wasn't copacetic about Ria not being able to hear me talking in Karen's head.

"No one has told you no."

Pout two, pout harder twisted up Ria's face. Totes adorbs, but something told me now was not the time to pop over and pinch her little cheeks. "Not yes means no."

Karen's lips curved into a lopsided smile. "On the other hand, not no might mean yes."

Karen, Marie, and Ria stood there while she chewed on that. Eventually she whispered, "I'm not supposed to tell anyone."

"You intend to tell Tabitha."

Ria shrugged. "She knows already."

Everybody on our end of the conversation spent a few moments choking down disbelieving laughter. Luckily I totally chose my High Priestess for her quick wits or some shit. "What my Goddess knows, I know." Ria looked over at Marie. "She does as well." The kid kept frowning, like she couldn't quite reconcile everything. "I shall entrust you with a secret known only to my Goddess' High Clergy, and you will entrust us with your secret?"

Ria thought that through, and Karen went silent, giving her all the time she needed. The lethargy from the Fae bread she ate at dinner and the warm syrupy chocolate she'd shared with Tallulah had, at least temporarily, been banished by a shot of pure adrenaline right to the back of Karen's head, but that started to flag as she waited. Finally, as Karen reached out a hand to Marie, who took her by the hand and stepped close enough to support her if need be, Ria said, "That... sounds acceptable?"

Karen nodded. "My Goddess has four High Priestesses; what one sees and hears, all can see and hear." Ria nodded, rolling her eyes just a little bit as if to say 'tell me something I didn't know already'. "I am one. The second is Sister Siobhan Darling, Healer at Phileo City Heroic Academy. She is the third," Karen nodded to Marie, and Ria's eyes got a little wide. "The fourth, the first of us, the greatest of us, is my Goddess' wife, the Imperator herself, Phileo Hero, Archmage Saffron Aetos-Diaz."

Ria let out a little gasp, but I'm not sure if it was from the information or Karen's delivery. Then she whined, "The Imperator is listening?" Karen nodded. "I really shouldn..." her words devolved into a whine.

What the fuck else could I do? Sorry, Karen. I took over her mouth and said, "it's okay, Ria. You don't have to tell. I'd like to know, but not if it hurts you."

She looked up into Karen's eyes, and a smile blossomed across her face, but her keening never stopped. Saffron grabbed Karen's voice for a moment and said, "I release you from your promise, child." The keening went almost silent, but didn't stop. "If I swear not to listen in, will it help?" The kid twitched. "Then speak softly. Too softly for any of us to hear." She lifted Karen's hands over her ears, and nodded to Marie, who did the same.

I couldn't hear what Ria muttered, but the moment she finished, she looked up and said, "Tabitha?"

Karen, may I? At Karen's silent Consent, I took full control of my Highest Priestess. I bent my knees to squat in front of her, eye to eye, and said, "Hey, kiddo. You wanted to talk to me?"

The next moment I flopped onto my butt as my arms filled with Fae kid. "Tabitha! I hoped you'd be okay! Did you... defuse..." she stumbled over the word a little, "the shell?" She shook her head, visibly taking herself in hand. "That's not important. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. But..." She nodded, squared her shoulders, then kind of sheepishly said, "did you see your Mother?"

I froze as my brain cycled through images of the Goddess I knew as Sigyn, but who my eyes, my ears, my heart told me was my mother, Marie Diaz. I pulled the kid to me as my eyes watered, forcing myself to be gentle as I held her, returned her joyous little hug, and whispered, "how did you know that?"

She pulled back, confused but not yet upset. "Because... but... It's what you asked for?"

"Shit. Uh. Saffron? The fuck?"

My Kitten took control of my mouth for a second. "Child, did you cast a Spell on Tabitha?" Ria's lips clamped shut, and her head jerked. "Did you Shape Mana upon her?" Another headshake. "Did you do anything to her involving Mana or Magic or Divine power of any kind?"

Ria looked like she was trying to stare at her own chin. "I... think so."

"You did something, but you're not sure it qualifies as one of those?" Ria nodded. "Whatever you did, it has done Tabitha a mischief."

Ria's eyes shot wide. "NO!" Her head shook, and she curled into a little ball.

I pulled her into a hug and said, "it's okay, kiddo. It's okay. I'm not hurt, not really. I'm not in pain. You didn't mean to hurt me, did you?" Her head twitched, but she kept sobbing. "Then it's okay. Can you, uh, maybe undo what you did?" She shook her head again. "Why not?"

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

She looked up at me, crestfallen. "I don't know how."

I nodded. "Does you mom know how?"

"I don't know. She'll be mad. She'll be mad I hurt you, mad I... did what I did... Mad, mad, mad."

I smiled down at her. "Karen tell you what I'm a Goddess of, kiddo?" She shook her head. "Well, among other things? I'm a Goddess of Children. I protect them. So if your mom gets mad at you, she can yell and stomp around and be mad all she wants. She might give you some consequences if what you did was wrong." Ria tensed. "But if she tries to hurt you? She'll have to come through me to do it." She looked up at me, mouth dropping open. "Now, I get that you can't tell me what you did. Can your mom tell me?" She nodded. "Promised her you wouldn't tell anybody?" She shrugged. "Promised you wouldn't tell somebody like the Imperator." She nodded. "Okay then. For what it's worth, your mom has no idea what you did. But I think you ought to tell her, maybe."

"I guess so."

I nodded. "Can you tell us why you did it?" She looked conflicted. "Don't know where to start?" She shrugged. "Just... start at the beginning, and tell me all the way up to where you can't tell me."

"Okay! Uh..." She thought for a little bit, then nodded. "So, Mother sent me to the Calverton Townhouse because things were happening here and I shouldn't be here."

I nodded. "So you'd be safe?"

"Yes! Um, then everyone in the City started getting sick. It still wasn't safe to come home, and the Townhouse is safe, so we just stayed inside with the doors closed."

More to keep her talking I asked, "What did you eat?"

She shrugged. "We had bread." Her tongue blepped with the unpleasant memory. "So much bread. Blech. Jerkey. Blech blech." She shook her head. "Anyway, after a while," she shuddered and whispered, "the Undead came."

"How did you find out about them?"

She nodded, acting like my question was smart. "Mother sent bodyguards with me." She frowned. "By then I think everyone else left. Just me, and my bodyguards, and Bloodwing."

"Bloodwing?"

"My Steed. But I only rode him there. And back, of course."

Trying to keep her talking without thinking too much about it, I asked, "what are your bodyguard's names?"

She shook her head, laughing. "Bodyguards don't have names, silly!" That... really wasn't copacetic making but I nodded, and she continued. "Anyway, we heard the battles outside, but we couldn't go out. Not even my bodyguards, because they might lead the Undead back to me. So we waited, hoping Mother would come, hoping someone would drive the Undead away." She got a faraway look. "I slept a lot."

"And then?"

She frowned and winced. Before I could withdraw the question, she said, "a big hunk of Cold Iron. A... shell? A shell, you called it, burst through the wall, crashed through the floor, and landed on me where I sat at my desk." Her lip trembled. "It hurt. It hurt so bad. It... it burned me. Bloodwing and my bodyguards tried to move it, but it burned them. It burned one of them all the way away, and the other stopped trying. I... I don't know how long I lay there, but I couldn't move. It was so heavy. So hot." Almost like she didn't realize, she rubbed at her side. "It burned..." She shook her head. "But I said that already!"

"You did. Are you... did you... do you need healing?"

She smiled up at me, joyous again. "No! Silly, you already Healed me! One day, early in the morning, I heard someone come through the door, and I called out. I... I tried to scream, but all I could do was whisper. But you heard me! You heard me and leapt down and told me to be very still, because the Cold Iron shell would explode if I didn't. You lifted it, all by yourself, and set it to the side, and picked me up, and carried me out of my room, and Healed me!"

"And then?"

She looked at the ceiling, working her mouth. "We talked. Just a little. I said how much I missed my Mother. You said something..." She thought, mouth working. "You said, 'Yeah, kid, I wish I could see my Mom too', then you sighed, and looked so tired and sore, and said, 'I wish I could just forget all this and spend my time back at home.' And... um... you'd saved my life, so..."

I waited, my palm creeping up to my face. "So...?"

"I can't tell you the rest," she squeaked.

I sighed. "You did something?" She nodded. "So I could see my Mom?" Another nod. "And spend time back at home?" She shrugged. I pulled her into a hug. "Well. Ain't that just a thing. Yeah, kid. I got to see my Mom. And I've spent a lot of time at home lately. So whatever you did? It worked."

"Really?" I nodded, and she let out the weirdest sigh, grinning while she did. "I'm glad!"

"Yeah, we're gonna have to talk to your mom about this tonight, I think." She winced, and I said, "don't worry, kid. Wait until Karen's there to tell her. I'll be watching. I'll keep you safe."

"Really?" I nodded. She threw her arms around my neck. "Thank you!"

"Think I ought to go now though, unless you had something else to talk about?"

She looked a little mulish, reminding me so much of Menace it hurt, but she said, "can you come back?"

"Tell you what, kiddo, you get me an invite? I'll come see you in person. Or get permission from your mom and Karen or Marie can bring you to see me at Lancaster House. Whichever you like." She nodded, and I pulled back, letting Karen have her body back.

"It might be best if you return to your rooms, little one."

Ria looked up at her. "Can I stay here for the night? Please? It's lonely in my room all alone."

Karen shook her head, but in resignation, not denial. "Do you have a nightgown?" Ria nodded. "Marie, please escort her to get her nightgown on?"

Ria's eyes got real big, but she took one of Murder Mitten's fingers and pulled her out the door.

Thank you, my Goddess.

For what? All I did was talk with a kid. I mean, today. Looks like I also... fuck. I turned to Saffron. "I fucking asked for it, didn't I?"

Saffron looked up at me, smiling. "Forget about all this?"

"I was doing search and rescue work, wasn't I?" Saffron nodded. "Fuck. Everything I've ever read about that says its stressful and exhausting and.. shit, yeah, I probably did want to forget all that shit and come home to you and the kids and Marie and Siobhan and just... chill."

A smile had stretched across Saffron's face when I was speaking. "Even forgetting everything, all that has happened." I tilted my head, and she lay a hand on my chest. "You still think of us as 'home'. Even when missing your mother."

I picked her up, carried her back to the cuddle pile, and snuggled in to sleep with her. Some tears may have been involved. Most of them happy, I think?

Dreamt of one big tentacle wrapping around Karen and my Ice Pop and my Murder Mittens and absolutely first and foremost around my Kitten, squeezing them until they dripped into my Maw, then sponging up the drippings with them and doing it again, while all of them melted and sighed and cuddled that fuzzy black tentacle.

Pinged Karen while we were setting up to work at the Homestead, after we got the kids started working in the main house. You awake?

Barely, came the muzzy reply.

Okay then. Business as usual until Lady Crow takes you back upstairs for or after dinner. Let the kid know that's when she should tell her mom.

Yes, Goddess.

The day passed in kind of a blur. Most of the North 'bunkhouse' cut in, down to little chunks and bits that, if they had to, the Maenads could carve out. Or one of the women with some stone working experience, since the delivery the other day had some masonry tools.

Early afternoon, as I sat melting another ring of the tower, Karen pinged me. I am accompanying Lady Crow to Court.

Back her up. Karen replied with a wordless question. Her kid was tryna do me a favor. Doing something I asked for. Not her fault I'm a dumbass.

After another couple hours, Karen's voice whispered into my brain. She is fishing.

Huh?

She seeks information on the... curse seems the wrong word now, but she is seeking obliquely, lest the perpetrator catch wind and flee. I wouldn't have realized if I didn't know.

Well. Shit. She's trying at least. Don't tell her, but keep backing her up.

As you wish, Goddess.

The Overlord had dinner with her Court again, only this time Ria was seated across from Karen, at the Overlord's right hand. As she has been all day.

Kept her mouth shut?

She did.

Good kid. Let me know when you're on the stairs.

With the sun lowering to the horizon, Lady Crow led Karen up the steps, Ria trailing behind. The table had only two seats again, and steaming cups of chocolate sat before each one. When Ria didn't disappear into her rooms, Tallulah frowned. "Child, this sweet is not for you."

Karen cleared her throat, and Lady Crow turned to look at her. Before she could say anything, Karen announced, "we have discovered the person responsible for the magical effect."

Lady Crow froze. Almost as if she wasn't aware of her own motion, she waved one hand at the table, and table, chairs, and chocolate all wafted away dissipating like smoke. "Who?"

Ria stepped forward, and before Tallulah could say anything, said, "Mother. I have used my," she hissed the last word, as if she thought she could keep it secret, "Blessing."

Her mother's face fell. "You..." She turned to Karen. "Her?" Karen nodded, and Tallulah blinked. Something pearlescent and glowing faintly dropped away from her eyes. "Your... person of significance would have my child's Blessing removed?"

Karen nodded, quietly stating, "while well intentioned, it has had unfortunate side effects."

Lady Crow drew a deep breath, squared her shoulders. "If it is removed, will the Alliance guarantee the safety of my people, my House, my City?"

Saffron looked out of Karen's eyes, stared until the ruler of Rich Man's Port nodded to acknowledge her. "We will."

The Overlord looked down at her daughter. "This brings me great sorrow, child. Know that if there were any other way..." She stopped, closed her eyes, and through Karen's eyes I saw her hand twitch. Little pearlescent shards slipped from her wrist, from her palm, coalescing into a single long blade dangling loosely from her hand. I realized right then that whether it crackled and hissed and glowed or not, those drops of mother of pearl were pure Mana. In one smooth motion, she stepped forward, the Blade swinging across right at Ria's neck level.

Our point of view flowed sideways, and a moment before the pearlescent Blade decapitated Ria, it slammed into a black-cored, glowing white Blade extended from Karen's hand.

Karen opened her mouth, but Lady Crow cried out, "this is the only way!" as she pulled back and set to lunge.

I didn't think. There was nothing to think about. I leapt. Right before landing I fell through... something. Something that shattered under my weight like a wall made of paper.

Tallulah lunged. Tried to lunge. I looked over her shoulder to see Ria standing there, eyes squeezed shut, holding herself motionless as Karen stood behind her, Mana Blades out and ready to parry.

I leaned in, pulling Tallulah back to me, forcing the surprisingly tall bitch down to one knee until I could slip my mouth next to her ear. "If you harm a child, I will kill you, right then, right there. If you harm this child in my sight, while I bid you hold? I will force you to live in agony until you die of old age."

"I am Sidhe. Immortal," Tallulah breathed.

The sun set. Darkness washed across the Mortal Realm and Underhill alike. I gripped Tallulah's wrists, her ankles, laid one hand on her waist, caressed her cheek, and breathed into her ear. "I know."