Dear Diary,

On the one hand, I get that all of us Cadets and Heroes are trained to be weapons, and that's why we get the rooms with the nice view, the power and the prestige, and all the food we can eat, but on the other hand, I'm really not sure I'm comfortable with being a weapon any more.

Seriously. I get it, I do, Phileo needs weapons. The Alliance needs weapons. I'm the Imperator's Attack Dog. But, y'know, even with that last one, if the Attack Dog's been trained right you can still trust your kids around it. Weapons? Not so much.

So yesterday I sat there listening to the class talking about how to get the Alliance Expeditionary Force to Calverton, and more importantly how to keep them supplied with safe food until the Undead were gone. I didn't catch what prompted it, but Smith got all pissy and said, "didn't Calverton have food stored for the winter?"

Saffron's cold, clear soprano cut through the resulting bickering. "I've spoken with the Lord Mayor. When they left, after giving every single Hero, Soldier, and refugee as much food as they could carry, they sealed the remainder in their stores."

"So why can't we just use that? I mean, we have to secure the stores, obviously, but that just alters our tactics when we assault the City." Smith waved her hands around. Definite Philly girl, even if she was a bitchy rich kid version.

Saffron somehow managed to remain utterly still as she responded. She wore her uniform, but I swear to fuck I could see the rippling rainbow glimmer of Glowing Midnight flickering across it. "As we discussed before you transferred into the class, when large masses of Undead gather, forces of Decay are amplified. Now, the Lord Mayor informs me that the stores were, indeed, magically protected against Decay, but if the Undead have breached the stores, that food is already gone. Even if they have not, the moment we open the stores, Decay will begin destroying them."

Karen threw her hands up in the air again. "So any food we bring in will wind up rotting?"

Saffron nodded. "As food does. We can mitigate the problem somewhat. The food will rot far more rapidly than normal, but excepting proximity to certain specific Undead, not instantly. Fresh fruits and vegetables will last minutes. Meat may last hours. Grain? Likely a day or two."

"So you're saying we need to resupply every day?"

Saffron shrugged. "Were this a Phileo City expedition? Very likely."

Saffron got all the fuckin' side eye in the world at that. Before Cadet Smith could respond, duBois asked, "what do you mean by that? Imperator?"

I dunno if everybody quite noticed his hesitation before her title, but I sure as shit did, and if I did, you had to be a special kind of oblivious to miss it. Saffron reminded me of her first conversation with Lord Lancaster when she rolled her eyes, looked at her fingernails, breathed on them, then buffed them against her jacket. "Other than the obvious fact that it is, indeed, an Alliance force, and therefore it answers to me? The Alliance also has the support of Camden Yards. Newark as well, I suppose."

I got it before anybody else, and at the same time realized why none of them got it. She and I were the newest Cadets in the room. The first class who recruited from Camden Yards. Yeah, I'm from Camden, but if Camden Yards had one thing in common with Camden? It had that same thing in common with Newark in the here and now. "Good point, Kitten."

Everybody turned to look at me, and Marshall duBois said, "care to explain it to the rest of the class?"

I rubbed one hand along the back of my head, shrugged, and said, "Camden Yards and Newark. Y'know, the towns where Phileo City and New Amsterdam shuffled all their poor people to keep them out of sight? Probably sold them all the nearly expired food, from the not quite rotten meat to the almost past the sell by dates?"

Most of them looked confused instead of vaguely offended now, with a side order of embarrassment from some of them. I didn't really want to admit it, but Cadet 'my name is literally' Karen Smith got the first glimmer of understanding. When she saw that, Saffron nodded and relented. "Enhancement of flavor aside, spices not only hide the flavor of mild spoilage, they in fact prevent spoilage, even stopping ongoing spoilage in its tracks for a time."

I laughed at the looks on their faces. "That's right, boys and girls. Time to learn to yearn for the burn. Or, y'know, starve. But if you starve to death because you're too stupid or proud to eat spicy poor people food and you stand back up as Undead, I'm not Reviving your useless asses."

As you command, I shall enforce your will, my Goddess.

Y'know, I was mostly fucking with them to make a point, but if somebody's that mouth breather dumb, or worse that bigoted, that they'd rather die than eat Bag food? They can stay dead.

Karen opened her mouth to say something, but duBois cut her off with a laugh. "I hope you'll at least make sure they didn't just run out before you scatter their ashes."

"Hey, I'm cool with due diligence and shit."

Karen visibly took herself in hand to move past the issue. Really did not looking forward to any serious conflict with the woman. Then again, she's on our side, so her being smart enough to at least make Saffron try a bit was a good thing, right? "So, since you're our expert in these matters, how long will spiced foods last?"

"Not just spiced, and Cadet Bill Driver could probably tell you better than I." Saffron paused, looked thoughtful, then said, "thank you, Cadet Smith. I've just realized, the perfect person to give ultimate authority for our supplies, especially given how much of them needs must be food, is Grand Councilwoman Driver." She nodded. "That said? I wouldn't assume more than a week, although depending on the food and the density of miasma, foodstuffs might last as much as a month once on site."

"That still means we'll need to have two caravans large enough to feed the entire Expeditionary force in near constant motion between Lancaster House and Calverton City."

DuBois nodded. "That seems to be about the size of it, Smith."

I shook my head. "Sorry, I think I missed something. Didn't we have a plan to move shit via ship? Wouldn't that be faster?"

Karen rolled her eyes, but before she could make some no doubt pithy comment about my attention span, Saffron said, "The King of Norfolk has denied us passage. Not directly, mind you, as I don't think they're quite ready for their next war of aggression. But his missive made it clear that Norfolk will consider Alliance vessels damaging nobility-owned Norfolk ships Acts of War." When I shook my head to express my continued lack of getting it, she smiled and said, "all of their warships, which are remarkably well suited to intercepting cargo vessels, are owned by nobles."

"Oh, shit, so they do pirate shit on us and we're the bad guys?" I shook my head, an unintended growl vibrating my desk. "Makes me want to pay a visit and show them what a real Bad Guy looks like."

I didn't want to order you to do what you did at the Walls, love. Out loud, she simply said, "barring something like a formal, crown-sanctioned duel, that most certainly would be an act of war, love."

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"Wait, they have sanctioned duels?"

She shrugged. "Of course. Their nobility being substantially less concentrated and civilized than New Amsterdam or Calverton, they even use them quite often to clarify disagreements over inheritance or succession."

I snorted. "Okay, so why don't we send, I dunno, somebody like Potami down and claim that their biggest baddest warship belongs to her? Then have it run interference or some shit. Or, y'know, just let it be known that she's got some kind of navel fetish and will target whoever decides to bother Pesce and his boys."

You realize the word is in fact Naval?

I know what I said.

Saffron sighed, and I felt some kinda way when Karen did the same thing, at the same time, in the same way. When the two of them heard each other and jerked like they'd been mutually bit in the ass by something, they shot each other startled looks. After a moment, Saffron graciously gave Smith the floor with a nod and waved hand. Without even looking at me, just kinda frowning at nobody in particular, she said, "as ironic as I now know this sounds, we cannot, because of Norfolk's ingrained bigotry. I doubt any of our purely Human Heroes can best one of their Jotnar champions, and Dan and Bag alike are denied permanent residence in Norfolk lands."

I got a really shitty feeling in my gut, but asked, "what about, like, a half-Bag, half Aesir, or some shit like that?"

Karen thought about it for a second, then snorted. "they would be allowed to move to the City, but probably be prejudiced against. To the point where they would likely be forced to constantly defend their right to be there. In duels. Which, if we had someone like that who could defeat a Jotnar Hero in single combat? Might work I suppose?"

She looked to duBois for confirmation. He shrugged and said, "I'd have to check with Doctor DeLeon, or maybe Sister Cheryl, but it sounds like it might be worth a try. I pity whatever poor bastard we wound up sending, though. I sure as hell wouldn't want to face a Jotnar in single combat, let alone a Hero, either one who managed to get into the nobility or one who works as a professional duelist."

I closed my eyes, drew a deep breath. Order me.

Pardon, love?

Woof. Woof, bark, woof. Bark bark, woof woof. Timmy's trapped in the well. I show up as part Vanir. Order. Me.

I won't force you, love.

I sighed, then looked up at her. Yeah. You will. Because the alternative is all those kids we bathed wondering why their mommies and daddies wound up starving to death in Calverton. Order. Me.

Is that what my Goddess wishes me to do?

Fuck. Not fair. I sure as fuck don't want to do this. I don't want to be a weapon. I sure as shit don't want to be the kind of weapon that starts going off on anything that looks inconvenient. I stared deep into her eyes. But an attack dog? I could live with that.

She blinked once, slow as fuck, the kind of thing cats do to show they trust you. If you can force yourself to do what you'd rather not, but needs to be done, then so can I, love.

"Cadet Diaz?"

"Whatcha need, Imperator Kitten Sexypaws?"

You just had to say that, didn't you? "Upon our intelligence operatives determining which Norfolk warship is most suited to our needs, you are hereby requested and required to challenge its owner to duel for their titles, lands, and most of all their ships."

Coping mechanism. Actually sorry, but I don't think I could help it any more than I could stop from jerking my hand away from a hot stove. Hell, I could probably do that easier by this point.

DuBois barked out, "the hell she will! In case I wasn't clear, I'm the fucking Marshall of Phileo, and I'm pretty sure one of their Heroic Duelist Jotnar could paste me without trying hard!"

I swiveled my gaze to glare at him until he stopped looking at Saffron and turned to face me, looking more than a little startled that I'd gotten him to do it without saying anything. "That's not your decision to make, Marshall. But if I'm a bitch, I'm not an unreasonable bitch. We can... discuss it... on Thursday. You convince me not to go, I won't go."

At that point Saffron said, "so you are basing your decision on the outcome of your 'discussion' with Marshall duBois?"

I grinned stupid big and, because I am not only a bitch, but Absolutely That Bitch, said, "bark! Bark bark, woof woof! Imperator say, 'kill that big Norfolk bastard', I kill him. Kill him real good. Maybe piss on him when I'm done for good measure." I looked up at the ceiling. "I wonder if I could figure out how to carry his flensed femur back here in my mouth?" I let that hang there until duBois took a breath, then said, "I like the old man enough that I don't want him to feel like I didn't take his opinion into consideration. Not so much that I won't kick the living shit out of him on Thursday, but enough that I won't disrespect him by making him feel ignored and shit." Before he could reply, another thought hit me, I turned to Saffron and said, "ooh! Ooh! Instead of killing the Jotnar to death?"

She sighed, eyes slipping closed. "Yes, Tabitha?"

"Can I Neutralize him to death?"

Her palm unerringly sought her face. "Yes, Tabitha."

"Yay!"

DuBois growled out, "we're not done discussing this."

I turned back to him, still in full on 'I get to Neutralize a Jotnar Hero and drag his femur back home as a chew toy, SQUEE!' mode. "I know. I said that. It's not Thursday yet. Wait, did you forget that it's not Thursday today? Do we need to assign a Cadet to make sure you have your underwear on straight and you're wearing pants and you're taking your meds and shit?" I turned to Saffron and stage whispered, "make sure we get him a real hottie who is absolutely down to making sure he spends as little time as possible with pants and underwear on!"

He growled out, "you are coming perilously close to making me forget about not reminding people I'm on the Council."

I smiled real big and said, "you too? But before we decide to see who can generate a larger volume of piss, remember, I know the Imperator, and I have it on good authority that she can be bribed with unspeakable carnal delights. Although, wait, Ophelia's kind of a bitch and would vote against me, and George is nice but I am really kind of being disrespectful, so he'd probably vote your way. But Momma Driver likes me. So, I suppose all you gotta do to get me to stop trolling you like this when you desperately deserve it?" I batted my eyes at him. "Just agree with Lord Lenny Lancaster that he's absolutely right about the diameter, length, and tensile strength of the rod a Councilperson's supposed to have up their ass."

He froze. Closed his eyes. Took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm not gonna take it easy on you Thorsday."

In my friendliest, 'play your cards right and there will be revels that will make Big D envious about not being invited' voice, I said, "aw, c'mon, Marshall." When he turned to look at me, the slightest bit of curiosity peeking through his frustrated concern for me, I modulated my tone down to jokingly serious and said, "if you have to take it easy on me for me to get past you? I really shouldn't be going."

Luckily lunch showed up right around then. After lunch the planning session broke out into a couple groups, one trying to refine the 'Lancaster to Calverton' caravan plan, the other working on plan 'sail past Norfolk guarded by their own ships, giving them the one finger salute with both hands as we did'. I liked that one for obvious reasons that actually had nothing to do with me neutralizing the fucking shit out of the biggest asshole in Norfolk. Seriously, I was trying to be an adult and realized that while some part of me really looked forward to killing somebody? I wouldn't be doing it if Saffron didn't agree that it was completely justified. But the reason I liked that plan wasn't 'ooh, I get to kill somebody'. It was that my man Pesce and his boys and boats would be able to deliver food via the Chesapeake in relative safety, instead of some twice as many caravans walking into ever more miasma'd Undead land.

The flipping off bigoted fash was a huge side benefit, too.

The four of us decided to do a loose snuggle pile on Marie's floor bed for the night, mostly because Saffron was barely awake enough to undress herself.

Not even gonna talk about my orange tabby alter ego.

All day today, I got to play 'research resource' for Cadet 'up my ass in an unpleasant way' Smith. By the time lunch arrived, I'd gotten more than a little tired of extruding and retracting a Mana Blade every minute or so. I mean, not actually fatigued, just bored as fuck. "Hey Karen? I guess it's flattering as shit that you think my Spell's the best one to improve, but you're acting like you need to get the whole project done today. Chill, Summer isn't for two more months, you've got time."

"I'm well aware. However, if I'm right you won't be in any condition to demonstrate next week. If I'm not right, within a few weeks you'll be heading down to Norfolk, and then I'll have to finish my project with no further research at all."

"Such sublime confidence in my shit wrecking abilities. I'm touched."

She smiled at me. "You made it painfully obvious how touched you are during our last Combat Training. Still, I'm not ungrateful. I convinced Doctor Roberts that should I complete my project, it will only be with your assistance and guidance, which means that no matter your attendance or performance regarding the academic side of the course, you should still receive full marks for both."

I blinked. "Wait, are you telling me you convinced Doc to do an Academic Dishonesty to bribe me to stop complaining about you monopolizing my time and boring me half to death?"

She shrugged. "It seemed the most effective thing to do."

I threw my hands up in the air. "Well. Fuck. Now I've got to help you, don't I?"

Shit. Knowing me well enough to manipulate me, and having no compunction about doing so?

Definitely Saffron's nemesis.