Dear Diary,

"Unadulterated joy,

That is what Ecstasy is,

No matter how you reach it."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy

Funny, I think this is the first Book I'm starting off where the core concept isn't reference in the first line. Hell, it's usually the first word. But this one's different. The others are all, I dunno, actions or motivators or... Before things. Ecstasy is an after thing. Okay, all of them can definitely be 'during' things, which fits me, because I'm definitely a 'during' kind of person. Living in the moment. Like, I've been told so many fuckin' times about the importance of planning and thinking things through and shit like that. Took classes on it back in my pre-isekai days. ROTC covered, like, how to plan out a camping trip, we had a 'financial literacy' class that went over how to budget and save up for stuff, there was a 'family planning' section in our Health class. Planning, planning, planning.

I get it. I really do. Intellectually, at least. I get how if you make a plan, and follow it, shit winds up better for everybody involved. All the bills get paid before the money gets pissed away on weed and Steam. The fridge has food all the way through the month. The mac and cheese tastes like mac and cheese and not lumpy half dissolved pasta, chunks of cheese cocaine, and chunky milk. Everybody pops off at more or less the same time. Shit, I've been told I've actually planned shit like military campaigns in my new life here, and now I'm wondering exactly how much of my ability to learn any of that shit is tied into my desire for optimal carnal gratification.

I know me. Probably all of it. Because at heart I live in the now. In the moment. Anything out of line of sight is fuzzy and unclear, anything which isn't impacting one of my senses might as well not exist. Fuck, probably why I can actually care for other human beings here and now, because my cooch is all, 'need big squishy mammaries, need claws, need dat ass, need cool fingers, need Saffron screaming in my mouth'. Although that really wouldn't explain the kids, because I may be a dozen kinds of broken, but I'm not that kind of broken. Fuck, did I just, y'know, grow up while I wasn't looking?

So fuckin' weird. Like, it's become clear to me that Ria's Blessing pretty much targets my conscious mind. My subconscious, where the emotions live, dumps all the serotonin in the world into me when I feel Marie's fur or fangs. When Menace head glomps me or Maze half whispers 'papa'. When Siobhan's just cooler than normal skin presses against mine. Or when I interact with Saffron in any way whatsoever.

Speaking of, spent all day yesterday lounging around in the Bed's room interacting with Saffron and Marie. Like, the perpetually horny part of me wants to snicker at that, but honestly a lot of it wasn't. I mean, yeah, plenty of it was, but mostly we just lounged around talking about shit. Not even, like, important plans or anything. Just, like, what kinds of carpeting we liked, and clothes, and colors, and stuff that we normally didn't talk much about.

Of course, since the major activity was 'talking', I felt a little bad about, y'know, Marie not talking too much. I mean, yeah, she makes her opinions known when they're important, but we absolutely wound up talking about 'random bullshit go' all day. I dunno if Saffron caught wind of that or what, but when we got back to the Lancaster House suite and settled in for the night, she lay me back to back with Siobhan, then snuggled the Sister while Marie lay down so my Maenad could do the same to me.

Dreamt of fuzzy Marie pasta slowly lowered into the Maw by the rest of my ladies. She tasted joyously sweet.

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Woke to smooth skin and fingertips with manicured nails, and might have gotten a little pouty. I tried my best to hide it, though, because it wasn't Marie's fault. Shit, Ria's just a kid, and she did exactly what I asked her to do. If it's anybody's fault, it's mine.

Of course, if anybody's going to fix shit, it's Saffron and Marie. Breakfast was waffles and tendies, and when I went to feed my waffle to my sweets loving Saffron, she just gave me a closed lipped smile and shook her head once. I blinked at that, then thought, really?

I need my wits about me for research and for managing the Councils, love.

Huh? Then I realized. Oh! Really?

She nodded, and I vacuumed up the waffle in like four big bites. I chewed, really. I swear. I don't know why I got so excited, because one waffle wasn't enough to get me the view of my Murder Mittens I wanted. At least not until we got to the Homestead. I'd hopped up to the roof of the tower, vaguely disappointed but not wanting to spread my sour mood, when I heard claws on stone behind me. I half turned to see a pair of clothes holding a precisely cut square of waffle out to me.

I nommed it down, grabbing her hand before she could pull away. Then I pulled her down and kissed her. Barely letting her pull away, I whispered, "thank you, Marie."

She smiled into my lips. "De nada"

The kids went back to painting again today. I'm still not allowed to go look at it. Hell, I'm not really required for anything, so I just sat around on top of the tower watching the women out cutting lumber and doing... I guess landscaping? Like, they dug up rocks sticking out of the ground and moved them up to where we had those massive bones set up as a fence. That's about the only real thing I did to help today. Not so much digging or setting rocks, but a couple of them weren't loaf of bread sized like most of them, but more motorcycle sized. When I saw a bunch of them, including one beautifully fuzzy Maenad, struggling with one of those, I nudged Marie, who'd sat down next to me, both of us dangling our legs off the edge of the roof, and said, "Think they need help?"

After a brief pause, she said, "Maybe."

I grinned at her. "Wanna go show off?"

"Maybe."

I laughed, fell forward and tumbled to the feet of the group around the rock. "Hey, ladies, need a hand?"

They'd all been trying to figure out a way to use their shovels and picks to lever the thing out of its spot and get it rolling up the hill toward the cobbled together wall behind the big bone fence. When I spoke, they all looked at each other and took a step back, motioning me forward. I shook my head, but heaved myself to my feet, grabbed a couple likely handholds, and heaved. I heard a really weird crackling groan, but before I could worry about my spine turning into modern art, a fuzzy clawed hand lashed out near ground level, and I stumbled backward, big assed boulder held up and about to moosh me into the ground.

Only it... didn't. Don't get me wrong, that shit was heavy, but not 'omigod, I'm street pizza' heavy. More like, 'oh, shit, this eighty pound bag of rice is actually eighty fuckin' pounds' heavy. Mostly, my problem was how fuckin' cumbersome it was. Like, something right up at the 'fuck, that's heavy, but I can carry it' weight needs to be properly balanced, or have some rigging, or something, but I had nothing except really shitty grips. Then I got a bright idea, turned, and thumped it into the ground. Maybe panting a little bit, I waved the ladies back, saying, "gimme a second."

I walked around the big rock once, picked my spots, and held my fingers over them. I drove little Mana Blades into the rock, leaving them there just long enough to bore holes. Of course, right about there's where my plan ran into a bit of a snag. Kitten? Halp?

I felt her look through my eyes, then she snickered. Create Water, Goof. Then she took my hands and showed me. Like two gallons of water blorped down into the holes. Most of it boiled out, but I did the Create Water thing a couple more times before sticking my fingers into the holes, taking a grip, and hefting the rock up onto my shoulder.

"Where did you ladies need this?"

A couple of the women walked with Marie and I as we made our way up to the spot they needed a big fuckin' rock for their fence. Best part of the day, other than being able to spend most of it hip to hip atop the tower with my favorite fuzzy butt Marie?

Hearing one of the women mutter to the other, "I think I see Devorah's point..."