Dear Diary,

Today has been a weird fuckin' trip, lemme tell you.

It started with Loki knocking on my door. I opened it expecting Marie, but apparently Loki's now my Monday wake-up call, because he stood there in his Lyman outfit. He glanced down and rolled his eyes, turning slightly so he could more naturally lean against the doorframe and pointedly stare down the corridor.

"Get dressed. Please dress to look your best."

"You got it, boss." I turned to my armoire, realized my nice uniform still kinda stank of me from last Monday, as Marie had left it on the altar since then. Having no other 'nice' clothes, I pulled out The Boots and wrangled my way into them.

Apparently me hopping around on one foot got his attention, because he turned to me, took one look, and said with both voice and face, "What the fuck, Diaz?"

I paused a moment, pulled my foot out of my boot and said, "I need some talcum powder, stat." When he didn't move, I grabbed the jacket from the altar and threw it at him. "If you're not going to help, don't interrupt."

He grabbed the jacket, and when he opened his mouth to speak started coughing. He held it out to me, pinching it by one shoulder, "Yes, I can see where showing up reeking of pheremones would be counterproductive."

I took the jacket, returned it to the altar, and said, "Talcum Powder? Baby Powder? Shit, at this point even some butter or something would be better than nothing, but I'd hate to hand Marie that kind of cleaning to do." He shook his head, but a moment later tossed me a small packet that poofed dust when I grabbed it. I dusted down my legs, pulled my boots on one at a time, then pulled out The Dress and wrapped it on. "Good to go when you are, boss."

He just stared at me for a second before saying, "You would have that be your formal wear for representing your God?"

"Fuckit, sure. I'm not really a subtle sort."

"I'd never have guessed. Now, take my hand." I took his left hand with my right, and he pulled me through the door. On stepping through cool, faintly humid air surrounded me. I got nothing but a wireframe, and it took me a moment to get that Loki and I now stood in a cavern far enough below ground that no light penetrated it. Loki pulled me forward, quietly thinking into my brain, We will be travelling through an alternate dimension. It has many names, but locally it is typically referred to as 'Underhill'. Tracing someone travelling via teleportation is hard to trace, but not impossible. Teleporting through Underhill is almost impossible, as much of Underhill is chaotic and unpredictable at the best of times. Be alert, Underhill holds many dangers, many of which could erase you before I could intervene.

You sound frightened.

I am not stupid. He pulled me forward, toward a line of shadow so deep it showed up even in my wireframe. He stepped through it as if forging forward into a snowstorm. When he pulled me into it, I stopped on the spot. I'd run into something. Something big, and warm, and fuzzy. My left arm shot entirely through with pins and needles; moment by moment it flickered from its normal electric acid tearing itself apart to full arm fuzzy-tingles. Oddly, I got a sudden sharp pinpoint itch in my left ass cheek. I involuntarily gripped his hand tighter, and less than a second after we stepped forward, Loki leapt backward, pulling me with him away from the wall of static and fur.

"Shit. There's something on the other side."

"So... we teleport to another entrance?"

No. I risked the Translocation to here because it is the nearest juxtaposition of Underhill with the Mortal Realm, and not only surprisingly close, but directly along one of the ley lines that intersect above your school.

So... if you want to be sneaky, would Blending work?

He blinked at that, turning to look at me. I suspected you had the skill. It's far less effective against someone with proof you have it.

Dude, you're my Patron. If you're planning to fuck me over, I don't think that particular detail's gonna matter.

So be it. It might work. It can't hurt.

So how do I do it?

Focus your will on disappearing, on no one noticing you. On Blending. Like so.

And then I stood alone in the cave. I still clutched at somebody's hand, but I could barely feel it, couldn't tell you if the hand was big or small, wrinkly or smooth, cold or hot. I just couldn't close my hand. Weird as fuck. I did like he said, focusing on Blending. I wasn't here. Nothing going on, nothing to see here, move along, these aren't the gods you're looking for, I'm supposed to be here.

"TABITHA!" Loki looked around, suddenly panicked. His gaze fell on that weird shadow along the floor. "SHIT!" He leapt for the gate to the Underhill, dragging me along behind him. I slammed into that weird wall of static fuzz, almost yanking my arm out of the socket when Loki pulled up short. My left arm flickered static interspersed with pain. Something poked me in the ass like I'd sat on a tack. I yanked backwards, slapping at my ass with my left hand while I yanked backward on Loki's arm. The moment we stumbled backward I focused on dropping my Blending back to normal.

Loki wrapped his arms around me, like a parent who'd just found their toddler after losing them in the racks in a Walmart clothing department. "Tabitha. I thought I'd lost you. I thought whatever lurks on the far side of the gate had snatched you up."

I shook my head, "Nope. Just me Blending, boss."

If I thought I'd seen him surprised before, I'd missed the mark. He pulled back a little, not unlike Doc did last Friday. He had enough class not to say 'what are you?', but his actions reeked of that. Mid-word, he composed himself, "That... that should be sufficient. You never released my hand, did you?"

"Nope."

"So be it," he chuckled a little, "let them try to follow us now. Blend, but do not release my hand until you hear me tell Sigyn we have arrived."

He disappeared. I Blended. The nothing in my hand tugged, and I stepped forward. We stood in another cave, this one large enough to be a full on great room like I'd seen in some rich houses on TV. Two story ceiling, at least. Maybe a hundred feet longways, forty shortways. No visible exits, which did not do my tension level any good. Almost at the far end of the room, somebody lay on a bed obviously by the same designer as the Academy Beds, only here they'd gone with a solid gray stone slab. I couldn't get a good look at the guy's face, as he'd turned it to face the far wall. Even without that, either he was a stupidly large motherfucker, or the woman who stood on the bed next to him holding a broad, shallow golden bowl was absolutely tiny, like smaller than Saffron tiny.

"Sigyn, we have arrived."

I dropped Loki's not-hand, but not just because he'd announced us.

His voice had come from the guy lying on the bed.

I dropped my Blend as I jogged to the side of the stone bed and hopped up to get a better look. I verified my first guess about his size when I saw my foot next to his. His toes came up to my knees, at least. Despite being nearly twenty feet tall, he had completely human proportions. His porcelain white skin had deep blue undertones, like someone carved out of deep glacial ice. He shifted his head, and that drew my eyes to his chest, and the chains stretched across it so tight I knew they had to make it hard for him to breathe. Just then he heaved a sigh and proved me right as the edges of the chain links cut into the deep, bruised scar tissue beneath them. Ropy things bound his arms to the floor, and more bound his ankles to the bed. Ropy, but not rope. It took a moment for me to identify the things as intestines. I tore my gaze away and looked back at Loki. Scar tissue stretched across his body from his belly to his face; beneath the chains the scars mirrored the chain links, but the ones on his belly, his shoulders, his face? Those all had that weird melted candle look you expect from someone who has been burned so hard their flesh just melted.

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I stepped up closer. His scars and wounds didn't frighten me or repulse me. I'd seen worse back in Camden. I wanted to get a closer look at the woman. As I stepped up even with his belly, a rustling hiss sounded from the ceiling. I looked up and saw the biggest goddamned viper I'd ever seen.

But Tabitha, how many vipers have you seen? I'm sure you're asking. Look, the Philly Zoo is awesome, and their security is laughable. Well, I've always thought so, because I'd yet to have to pay for entry. Also, aunties, DVDs, Mutual of Omaha nature documentaries, yada, yada, yada.

At any rate, this thing had Anaconda size. Like, BIG anaconda. The kind that had never found a big enough butt for it to be attracted. It still had viper proportions, and when it hissed, viper fangs, each one long enough to punch through me from top to bottom. They glistened with venom, a drop slowly coalescing at the tip of one of them.

"Do not forget your place, serpent." Loki's voice held pain like his body held scars, but the mockery it contained still drew the snake's head back to hover over his chest and let that single drop fall down toward him.

The woman spun, catching it with her bowl, nearly but not quite sloshing out the contents of the bowl. My brain finally placed her, and I stepped up to stand opposite her across Loki's chest. I debated curtsying or bowing, but realized I had no idea how to properly curtsy, and bowing might well make my dress fall off my boobs, so I snapped to attention and saluted her instead. "Lady Sigyn. Tabitha Diaz, reporting as ordered, Ma'am."

She raised an eyebrow at me, taking me in from head to toe with a quick glance before returning her unblinking watch of the snake on the ceiling. "I order you here to discuss you tempting my husband to infidelity, and you show up dressed like that?"

I shrugged and replied, "It's the only really nice outfit I have. I have a uniform that's sorta good, but it stinks of sweat at the moment."

"We're well aware," she sniffed. I followed suit, and realized the entire room more or less reeked of Pumpkin Spice. Hard to notice, what with me smelling like that all the time.

"Gently, dear. That is the chosen holy attire of my High Priestess and Champion." He inhaled, flinching as he did. "She is also correct, it is her nicest outfit."

She glanced down at him, moving the bowl without looking to catch the snakes' latest dripping venom. "So you're telling me you dressed her like this?"

He shrugged and chuckled, both rattling his chains, both causing him to wince, "You should have seen Zeus' face when I flaunted her at him."

Her mouth twisted into a savage grin, "Oh, I would have paid good Glory to see that. Not Odin?"

"He didn't make it to Heracles party this year. I suspect he's scheming again."

"You say that like you ever stop."

He sighed, again obviously in pain. "My current condition makes me somewhat less capable, scheme-wise, darling."

That sparked a question, "How is it you show up to visit me on Mondays and Fridays when you're chained up here?"

"On the day we met, you mentioned one of your instructors?"

"Illusions, scrying, and teleportation?"

"More or less. I swear to you upon my name and power, that is not an evasion, but a summation. I doubt I have the time nor you the patience for a full answer."

I cocked my head, "not enough time? Aren't you immortal?"

Another pained shrug, "I do not age, but in the fullness of time enough harm done will kill me." He glanced down his front, "I can't be sure how close I am to 'enough', but I feel my own mortality creeping ever closer."

I sighed, a full body thing where I closed my eyes and shifted my whole body, my left arm tearing itself apart at the movement. "Lady Sigyn, all due respect, but why don't you just kill that fucking snake?"

She blinked, then looked up at the snake like she'd not seen it before. After a few moments, she shook her head. "If I do, I lose."

"What the fuck? How do you lose if you kill that scaly bastard? I'm pretty sure Loki's not just into you because you're his umbrella."

Her glare snapped around to me, and I figure if she'd had her hands free, it would have been a literal 'look that killed'. "Know this, Mortal. I am Sigyn, Goddess of Victory. I. Win. It is who and what I am."

"Okay, sure, so if you go at the snake, you kill him, you win."

She caught another drop without looking, then sighed, "My most potent divine power is knowing which paths, which actions, lead to victory, and which lead to defeat. If I stand sentinel here, I win. If I kill the snake, I lose."

I rolled my shoulders, Mana Blades sliding from my fingers. "Okay, what if I kill the fucker then?"

She opened her mouth, shut it with a surprised snap, then shook her head. "You kill it. But I still lose."

"Well. Fuck." I kicked my toe tip at the rock, sliding my Mana Blades back into my fingers, trying to think of some way to save Loki like he'd saved me not a week ago. After racking my brain, only one thing came to mind. I walked around Loki, stepped up to Sigyn, and lowered myself until I could squeeze in between her and Loki.

She hissed out, "You dare come between me and my..." her sentence petered out as I put my hands under the bowl, lifting it out of her grip, then nodded toward Loki.

I never felt her leave her position behind me, but she lay atop Loki, holding his face in her hands, bawling as she kissed him. Pretty fuckin' quick her bawling turned to way hungrier sounds, and I eyes-fronted to engage mister snake in a staring contest, catching his drops as he let them out, ignoring the vaguely naphthalene chemical reek coming from the bowl. It reminded me of a tuner's shop, or maybe an emergency room. I stood there, catching drops, hating on the snake, my left arm burning up despite my constant mental injunction for it to shut the hell up. After a bit, Loki's chains rattled. Not a one time thing, but a sort of ongoing rhythmic rattle that tempted me to look down even as I realized how bad an idea it would be. Time moved weird here, almost like dream time, but if I had to guess, I'd say I stood there for hours, glaring at the viper and buying Sigyn and Loki time to focus entirely on one another without having to worry about poisonous rain. Sometimes I caught edges of murmured conversation, but one thought about how much I'd like someone creeping on Saffron and Marie and I lost all urges to snoop.

At one point, Loki's arm bumped into my ankle as I moved to catch a drop, and recovering without dumping the bowl all over the divine couple wound up sloshing poison onto my burning left hand.

It went numb, everywhere the poison touched it. It blackened, and I whimpered in fear as I thought about going through life without an arm, but I refused to let my fucking hand let go of the bowl. I'd had a week of the fucker hurting every way I could imagine; not about to fail my friends just because of a little numbness. I still hissed a little as a line of poison ran down my arm, blackening and numbing as it went. I twisted my arm a little, hoping against hope that the stuff would drip off my elbow before it fucked up my dress.

Then Sigyn was there, her hands steady on the bowl, catching another drop I'd barely seen. I fell to the floor, scurrying away and shaking my hand, trying to get the stuff to splatter off of me and onto the wall without getting it on my dress or anywhere else on me. The blackness of the poison faded as I watched, leaving behind pale, unmarked skin. As the poison faded, pain returned. Something clicked. "Time to get extra special stupid."

I walked over to Sigyn and asked her, "Could you lower the bowl a little please? Just enough for me to reach into it?"

Her eyes went wide, but she nodded and lowered the bowl, catching another drop of poison as she did. Before she could react, I lay my entire left arm into the bowl, holding it there as it coated my arm with awful black, like slime mold rotting my arm in fast forward. Despite a twinge in my shoulder above the level of the poison, and a tiny bit of burning at the intersection of numb arm and on-fire arm, the entire thing went totally, blissfully numb. I made a fist and watched the black slime disperse into the poison, then just let it lay there as I made small movements, reveling in the lack of pain.

"What are you?" Sigyn whispered.

I shrugged, "Just Tabitha Diaz, your husband's faithless devotee."

Loki laughed at that, shaking his chains and the bed, prompting me to jump back rather than disrupt Sigyn's grip on her bowl. I splashed a little poison onto the floor, where it sizzled, eating into the rock. I held my arm out so it wouldn't drip on my dress, then looked up to lock gazes with the snake. When sure I had its complete attention, I pointed at my own eyes with two fingers on my right hand, then pointed them both at him. "Watch your fuckin' slither, snake-boy. Sigyn asking me nicely not to is the only reason you aren't fucking snake sashimi right now, capice?"

I swear to god the snake nodded.

Loki's hand gripped my right one; I couldn't see it, and his arm never left its confinement, but somehow I knew it was his hand. "It is time to return you to your Academy, my Champion, my Faithless," here a half chuckle stopped him, "Priestess High set above all others." He tugged on my hand, I stepped forward, and was back in my cell, Loki's warm hand disappearing from my own the moment I arrived. After checking to be sure all the black slime had evaporated from my arm, I stripped out of my dress, careful not to use my left arm too much, because all the pain from before had returned.

"Wait, wait, wait, what the fuck did you just call me?"