Dear Diary,

It's nice to know that even with war, plague, and monster attacks, some things stay the same.

So, my nefarious plan to lure Saffron into spending the night in a room with a real bed went off flawlessly. Okay, there was a small flaw in that after having the living shit kicked out of me by a dragon just a couple days previous, and playing cheerleader all day long yesterday, I wound up kind of passive tired, but I like to think the soft mattress, softer blankets, and roaring fire sort of made up for it. One way or another, we'd all mostly drifted off to sleep by the time Isnomi woke up, wandered into our room, and climbed up into the bed with us. I couldn't even work up any kind of scolding for her being fuzzy, what with it being 'our room', if only in a temporary sense.

Dreams included Mimic staring at moss, although today there was some thinking? pondering? remembering? squashing a bug and eating it. It's almost like she's more of a toddler than Isnomi some days.

Woke up at false dawn, like normal, although with the sky lit up and a dull glow from the coals in the fireplace, the room was just light enough to avoid wireframe vision. The coals in the fireplace, combined with those thick walls that I all of a sudden caught the reason for? Left the room cooler than the night before, but not freeze-my-nonexistent-ass-off cold. I rolled over to look at Saffron, who'd spooned up behind me in the night. I just lay there watching her, enjoying my whole little family being all tucked in together. The fact that Marie and Isnomi both apparently ran a little hotter than Saffron and I, which kept the space under the covers toasty? Nothing to do with it. Really.

Eventually Saffron stirred, and I quietly murmured, "good morning, sleepyhead."

I got to watch the whole 'Saffron morning boot-up sequence'. First her eyes opened just a crack, then she did a kind of mini-yawn face-stretch thing; in the middle of it she sniffed and worked her mouth, almost like sniffing and tasting the air around her. A smile spread across her face before her eyes even opened all the way. "Good morning, love."

I leaned a little closer to her, bunting our heads together, and she pushed just a little closer for a kiss. Knowing it wouldn't go anywhere with Isnomi snuggled up between Saffron and Marie, I just enjoyed the quiet intimacy while it lasted.

Eventually, I noticed the light getting a little less 'false dawn' and a little more 'actual morning'. "Hate to break it to you, because I don't want to hear it either, but it looks like they'll be wondering where the hell you are over in Newark."

She closed her eyes and sighed. "I would complain about people needing someone to pat them on the head and tell them to do the thing that they'd already decided needed to be done, but I'm sure you understand that at least as well as I do."

That reminded me that I needed to ask Marie about making Saffron a cheerleader outfit, but I couldn't very well do that with Saffron cuddling me at the moment. It'd totally ruin the surprise. That's at least half the fun of things like that, watching that look of 'oh, lord, what bizarre costume is she going to put on me today?' Especially when it changes; doesn't matter if it's to 'I'm only doing this to humor you, because I love you' or 'y'know, I kinda like this, but if you tell anyone you will regret it'. Also, I'm pretty sure I never got her back for that maid outfit. Which is still hanging in our armoire back in the Academy, now that I think about it.

"What are you pondering, Goof?"

I put on my best shocked and confused face and replied, "pondering? What's that? Is it some smart person thing I'm too dumb to understand?"

I'm pretty sure she didn't get the reference, but she did nose boop me and say, "don't make me tell you again. Today."

I heaved out a totally over the top fake longsuffering sigh and said, "okay, Mom. What ever," in my best valley girl accent.

That got her giggling, and shortly after I heard Muttley snickers from behind her, followed by our little menace crawling over Saffron, then mushing her face into the sides of ours, her arms going around our necks in something vaguely resembling a hug.

Saffron, her voice half-muffled by menace-fur, managed to say, "while I dislike you being fuzzy where anyone might walk in and see, I will allow it because you are warm, and the tent I'll be working in is cold as a... something I'm not going to say in front of you, lest you repeat it at the worst time possible."

Isnomi pulled back just far enough that we could turn our heads and look up at her, a puzzled look on her face. "Col? Shid? Na, shid warm. Dam? Fuk?"

If looks could inflict bodily injury, I think I would have rather been back in the Ice Dragon's mouth. "Tabitha Diaz, what have you been saying in front of our daughter?"

"I swear, I..." was all I got out before she cut me off.

"I'm well aware you do, and now we have to deal with a potty mouthed toddler."

"Pod? Pod col?" Isnomi shook her head, brazenly refusing to be intimidated by her mother's death glare. "Na. Shid go pod, pod warm."

I really had been watching my language around the scamp, so I got a little irked and said, "no, really, I mean it, I haven't said shit around her." I realized what I'd just said, closed my eyes, and, "fuck," just kind of slipped out of my mouth.

"Fuk col?"

From the edge of our little nest, Marie chimed in with, "No."

"Fuk warm?"

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

I swear I could hear Marie laughing her head off inside her own head as she said, "Yes."

"Oi, Marie! What have you been teaching our... ah, hell."

"Hel col?"

Again Marie cut in with an authoritative, "Yes."

"Oi! Menace!" I paused, realizing something. "Kitten?"

Saffron, teetering between fury and hysterical laughter, ground out, "yes?"

"I don't think we've ever actually sat her down and explained that some words aren't..." I trailed off, because I really couldn't say 'for saying', because I fucking said them all the damn time. I really do my best not to be a 'do as I say, not as I do' Mom, no matter how it looks from the outside.

Of course, Saffron didn't really need me to finish the sentence. "You're right." She heaved out a sigh. "Well, at least she has the excuse of being under a year old. Unlike certain members of the House of Orange."

"Did you need me to pay her a visit? She's rich, she doesn't need all her limbs."

Saffron snorted. "I'd say 'right in front of the child', but frankly if she can intimidate Conrad I really doubt we'd be teaching her anything about violent tendencies."

"Okay, no limbs. Appendages? Digits? Intimate bits?" Saffron just raised her eyebrows, and I rushed to explain, "not, like playing with them. Just, like, lopping them off." Now that it had escaped my head I heard what I'd said and winced right along with Saffron and Marie. Okay, Marie was more 'giggling' than 'wincing'. I love my family, but our normal is pretty fuckin' out there, y'know?

Saffron just closed her eyes and sighed. "No matter how tempting I find those offers, even up to and including the last, she has been substantially less obstructive since I advised her that you might pay a visit should she vex me overmuch." She paused, slowly shaking her head a bit before opening her eyes to look up at Isnomi, who still hovered over us grinning like the cat who just swallowed the last of the chicken set out to thaw. "Isnomi?"

"Ya, Ma?"

"Listen closely."

"Ah tay." I swear the way she furrowed her little brows when she made 'serious face' made her look so much like her mom, fuzzy or not, that I had all I could do to keep my face looking all stern while I nodded along to what Saffron was saying.

"Some words are for adults only."

In that moment, I knew we'd fucked up. I saw the menace's voice forming the question that haunts every parent's nightmares, the first question, the only question that really matters, the question that never, ever goes away. "Why?"

I realized right then that Saffron's Mom game was just on a completely different level than mine, as she straight up face-tanked The Question and replied, "because some of them mean things that children shouldn't be doing. Others are rude, and children do not often know when rudeness is appropriate."

"Why?"

I jumped in the way of that one. "Because you don't have enough life experience yet. You will, someday."

Marie jumped in to tag team with me, saying, "Yes."

"When?"

Saffron glanced over at me, thinking, thirteen?

Yeah, that gives us a dozen years to stock up on soap to wash her mouth out with.

Her look turned to one of horror. Did someone actually do that to you?

Only once. Taught me not to swear. I mean, in front of my mom.

I am well aware of how often you fucking swear, Goof. Of course, I'm also aware how often you make me swear when fucking, so you get a pass. This time.

I swallowed my smug grin, because I am a Mature Woman who can control my reactions when Parenting Our Daughter. Really I did. Mostly. I looked up at Isnomi's hovering face and said, "Thirteen."

"Thirdeen dase?"

I couldn't help it, a laugh burst out of me as Saffron said, "No, thirteen years, you irrepressible little scamp."

"Yeer?"

I reached an arm around her and, as gently as I could, said, "next month, in about thirty days, you will be one year old."

"Thurdy?"

Marie snickered a little, I have no idea why, but I said, "yeah. Thirty. That's three tens." I held up both hands and spread my fingers one at a time as I counted. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."

Her eyes got real big, I'm guessing as the impact of 'twelve times as long as she'd been alive' hit. With a tiny bit of blubbering, she said, "Inomi na tak fo thirdeen yeers."

I almost fell for it, but as noted, Saffron's mom game is next level. "That's not what we said and you know it, you little... You know what? My girl, you are indeed a menace." She smiled, "and we love you for it. But we didn't say no talking. We said no adult words."

"Whad 'dult words?"

I tried to think of which ones she'd already said, because I had a sudden rush of brains to the head and realized that if she didn't hear us say it, she might not have heard it yet. "There are a lot of adult words, Menace. The ones I know you know are 'shit', 'damn', and 'fuck'. No saying those until you're thirteen, or..."

Saffron took over, "or you're grounded for a day for every adult word you say." Before Isnomi could ask, she explained, "grounded means no carting with Marie, or playing outside the Academy, or helping in the Infirmary, or anything but staying in the room, either with Grandma or with your Brothers."

Her blubbering had stopped, but her eyes stayed wide as she said, "no gounded. No 'dult words."

I put on my best stern face and said, "there are other adult words too. If we hear you say one that we haven't told you about, no grounding that time, but we will tell you it's an adult word, and after that, no saying it or you're grounded."

She got a real solemn look on her face and said, "ah tay."

Of course, by that point dawn's light streamed in through the window, and I took advantage of the lack of freezing room temperatures to slide out of bed, scamper over to the fireplace and add another log from the small stack Marie had brought up the night before. "I'm not sure if we'll be leaving today or not. Can you drop Marie and Isnomi off at the Academy on your way to Newark?"

Saffron sighed, shooed Isnomi out of bed ahead of her, and said, "I will. Let us know when you find out how long you'll be staying? These rooms aren't home, won't be, but..."

"But it's a nice vacation spot on chilly days, at least as long as the expedition is here," I finished for her. The four of us went into the dressing room and got dressed for the day. In the middle of that, I asked, "hey, speaking of home, do you think we could score one of the upper level two-room suites in the Academy at some point?"

"Wanting to sleep in another room from me already?" Saffron managed such a forlorn tone that I turned to her, half dressed and ready to apologize, then I saw her big 'ol grin.

"Nah. I was just thinking that it might be nice for Isnomi to have her own room. For, y'know, playing purposes. And it wouldn't hurt for us to have a room where one of us can work late if we have to, without, y'know, keeping the rest of the family awake."

Now she actually looked thoughtful, then turned and asked, "Marie, could you please check to see if there are any suites available, and let me know how many, and where they're located?"

Marie nodded as she finished dressing Isnomi. "Yes."

I turned and gave Saffron some help getting her boots on, then just stared as she put on the rest of her Glowing Midnight. "Can you stay for breakfast?"

She shook her head, "sadly, no. I'll already be hearing some possibly legitimate gripes from Ophelia about making her wait."

That surprised me. "She gets there that early?"

"Now that I've put the fear of my Goddess into her she does."

"Oh. Right." Dressed for the day, we all gathered up for one last big group hug, as well as kisses goodbye from me to all three of them. Then they were gone, and the room seemed just a tiny bit colder.

One unexpected benefit to the menace's potty mouth, though. After dealing with a precocious toddler first thing in the morning? Dealing with troops all day long was a fuckin' cakewalk.