Dear Diary,

"The purpose of Redemption,

Is to make the world better,

By letting us be better."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption

Yeah, maybe if I explain that shit right there in the text it will help. Although now I'm vaguely worried that some asshole is gonna use that as an excuse for eugenics or some other abhorrent shit like that. Seriously, I've got the bully pulpit at the moment, so I'm tryna use it to set some shit up so other people tryna make the world a better place for everybody maybe aren't facing such a Sisyphean task. Yes, I know who Sisyphus is, and what a Sisyphean task is. So much time spent reading old fuckin' books in the library when I should have been in class.

Hell, who knew that wound up being the most useful thing I learned back at Eastside? Weirdest thing is that one of my teachers actually told me that one time. Not, like, 'reading old books will help you adapt when you're isekaied by a mass shooting', but that nobody fuckin' knows exactly what skills or knowledge is gonna wind up being the make or break thing for any given person. The takeaway was supposed to be 'learn as much as you can', or maybe 'learn shit that helps you learn faster'. I think. That was in class, and I wasn't in the mood to fuck around flirting with the teacher that period, so I wasn't paying attention.

Maybe trying to foolproof my Holy Book is a bad idea in the first place. Not like there haven't been assholes in my old world who took the words of a straight up socialist and used them to support a straight up capitalist hellscape. Of course, with any luck at all I'll still be around to shut that kind of asshole down, but I don't know how long I could keep up that kind of vigilance without it eating at me. Not like there weren't folks like that back where I'm from. Started out with the best of intentions, wound up so pissed off at the world that they wound up hurting more people than they ever helped. Shit, I really hope I don't wind up like that.

So, pretty dull day today, for which I am incredibly grateful. Last night the ladies took turns feeding me. I'm not sure how much I ate, because it was all these little finger food things. Siobhan blushed a lot while feeding them to me, which I took as a reason to feed some to her.

"No." said Marie as she intercepted my wrist.

I hissed out, "shit. Ow. Yeah, bad plan. Forgot about mrphg."

Siobhan, who'd just interrupted my bitching with a whole roast floret of broccoli, blushed again, wobbling a bit as she said, "even you need to eat to heal, Tabitha."

At that point she slowly toppled sideways, only to have Saffron catch her, pulling Siobhan's head into her lap. "And you need to eat more in general, fragile little Ice Pop." Then she bent over her, holding a pair of green beans between her teeth. Siobhan blushed even harder, but managed to stay awake and aware long enough to push herself up and bite them. Saffron took her time holding them until Siobhan bit them off short enough that Saffron didn't hardly have to move to follow that up with a kiss. When she came back up for air, she looked at me, grinning, and said, "you're right, this is fun, and she's adorable."

I went to reply, only to get a short handful of blueberries flicked into my mouth every time I opened it. I couldn't even bitch at Marie about it, what with the whole 'blueberry mouth every time I opened it'. At least until she ran out of blueberries. Of course, while she did that I got to watch Saffron feed some strawberries to Siobhan via mouth-to-mouth and, well. Okay, look, I have no idea how I'll react if I see Saffron or Siobhan doing anything with anybody but, y'know, each other or Marie, but watching them left me definitely annoyed at how badly I'd banged myself up.

Of course, right about then I got myself a face full of big platinum blonde, clutching a chicken tendie between her teeth. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am not quite that clueless. Gotta say, the receiving end of being fed like that was fun. Can't speak to whether it was more or less fun than feeding somebody that way, but screw it. Tiger lady kiss good. When she pulled back, smiling and purring, I grumbled, "of course you all would go to maximum cute mode while I'm on the injured reserve."

Saffron just raised an eyebrow and said, "oh, no. You'll have to be a passive pillow princess this evening."

"But what about you guys?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, we'll have to take turns." Then she turned back to feeding Siobhan. Until we ran out of food. At which point I found myself the centerpiece of an entirely different menu.

Oh, no. Anyway.

Woke up in the middle of the pile of kids and partners. Warm. Fuzzy. Made me feel happy. After listening to them all snoring for a bit, I shifted a tiny bit and whispered, "Marie?"

"Yes?"

"Are you guys, like, really okay with me being..." I couldn't really figure out how to explain.

Didn't matter. Marie leaned in and said, "Yes." Then she kissed me. Kissed me long and hard enough that by the time we came up for air, everybody else in the room had woken up and were staring at us. Most of them giggling. Long and hard enough that any doubt I had were, for the moment at least, suffocated.

"Are you feeling any better, love?"

I flexed my arm, working my hand into a fist, then splaying my fingers. "Eh, shoulder still aches, and I don't think I want to do anything crazy stressful, but I think I could play checkers or something."

"Can I help you towel today, my Hero?"

This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

I smiled at the surprisingly shy question. "I'd love you to help me towel folks off, Siobhan."

We each snagged a kid or two and stepped ourselves to the bathroom at Lancaster House. My shoulder complained a little, but after getting my soul mangled, this was nothing. Siobhan and I demonstrated why toweling someone dry really is a one person, two handed job. Screw it, everybody seemed happy to see me. The kids, even ours, thought my new scar was cool. The women asked whether it hurt, and if there was anything they could do to help while I recovered. Well, other than Devorah. She straight up came on to Siobhan, hard. When my cute little blonde Concubine got a little flushed and wobbly, I reached out and laid my good hand across the back of Devorah's neck, pulled her close enough to feel my breath, and without thinking about it said, "if a you're very, very good girl, she's for after after. Fair?"

Devorah smirked at me, tried to close the tiny gap I'd left, got a little goggle eyed when she didn't so much close as strain something, then giggled and said, "so close."

So I spun her around, gave her a little shove toward Marie, and nodded to Siobhan, who smacked her on the ass with a towel. Ignoring how my shoulder complained, I pulled Siobhan into a hug and whispered, "that's my pretty little Healer."

She got the cutest little moue and said, "did you just offer me up to her?"

I just whispered back, "hey, you'll be the one who decides if she's good enough to get a turn with her. Not me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh. I thought I was the Goof." Then interrupted the flow of the line by kissing her. I mean, not much, it was her turn to go get in the tub at that point, but still, it's the principle of the thing.

As Marie toweled Siobhan dry and Saffron scrubbed me clean, being especially gentle with my shoulder, I asked, "So, Translocation is the teleport thing, right?"

"Yes."

"And Translocation doesn't play well with Cold Iron? Heats it up until it melts or explodes or shit like that?"

Saffron frowned. "I suspect it is your flesh which is exploding, like an overheated kettle steam explosion, but yes, essentially."

I nodded. "Okay, so... is Co-Location related to Translocation?"

"They're essentially the same ability, love."

"So you think that's what caused my meltdown at the homestead?"

She went quiet, her hands working soap into my hair. Still weird to have this much hair. Oddly enough, hair this long was weirder than having black hair. I'd had an edgy phase at one point, so I'd had black hair before. After she dumped the first rinse kettle over my head, she said, "I'm torn."

"Between?"

"Expressing my displeasure with you as soon as the children aren't looking, or adding this to your already overflowing ledger."

I shrugged, ignoring the pain to make the gesture hit right. "Why not both?"

"Why not both, indeed." Then she got her share of kissing in. When she finished she said, "I should have figured that out before we tried it."

"Shit, you were tryna help." My voice dropping to a whisper, I added, "I get why you want her back."

She grabbed my ears, stared into my eyes, and said, "you. Are. Her." She blinked, shaking her head. "I know it feels otherwise. But you are the same woman I fell in love with. Even if you don't remember us doing so." I saw how hard that hit her, but before I could say anything, she said, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to get at least those memories back."

"Not the memories of me learning to be your big badass?"

She shook her head. "We can teach you those things. You can relearn them. But... the memories we've made..."

I head bunted her. "We'll make more, Saffron."

She took a deep breath, then smiled for me. "I take it you're planning on experimenting with the Cold Iron helmets again today?"

"Damn you're smart."

"Little bit, yeah."

I nodded. "I planned on using the Academy suite Office and having Marie help me. Does that work for you?"

"Siobhan and I will attend." Before I could argue, she held up a hand. "Marie will keep her hands on the helmet; if it gets even the slightest bit warm, she removes it, immediately. Siobhan and I will be on hand to Heal you if needed."

I opened my mouth to argue, then took another look at her face. Definitely not any wiggle room on this. Only one thing to say. "Yes, dear."

A couple hours later, after breakfast, I sat at the Academy Suite Office desk, paper and pens in front of me. On one of them I'd scrawled out, 'what do I need to know?' I took a deep breath. "Okay, do it." Marie slipped the helm over...

I blinked, wincing at the feel of the Cold Iron over my ears. I scribbled on the paper as fast as I could, my shoulder aching as my whole body tensed. "Can't believe you guys agreed to this. Check that, I kinda do. Because like Saffron said, the problem last time was me being Co-Located. Still kinda have a complex about this shit though."

Hands clutched my shoulders, one from each side. "We're here, Tabitha."

"Yes, love. You need reassurance. Oddly enough, from yourself."

I nodded, still scribbling. "Yeah, I get that. But even before Co-Locating, the tiaras were heating up."

"Which is why we're using a helmet, love. And why Marie is ready to pull it off if it so much as warms up."

I smiled ruefully. "Yeah, I get that. And I remember what we did last night, but I still kinda want to go in the other room and get it on with all of you."

"Lets."

I laughed as I kept scribbling. "Down, Mittens! I want you like I want air, but I also kinda need a functioning head to enjoy it, so I'm not leaving this thing on very long."

"Not like our Goof had one in the first place," snarked Saffron.

I snorted at that. "I said working head, not working brain. After all," I finished writing and spun myself around so I could get a look at them all. I snagged all three of them into a hug that tore at my shoulder, but fuck not hugging them. "You all like my head, right?" While they were all snorting and laughing at that, I said, "please show me how much you like it after I've got this thing off?"

"As our Goddess commands," said Saffron, kissing me on one cheek. Siobhan got the other one, and Marie kissed my forehead. I love my ladies.

"Okay, Marie. Off." She lifted the...

The helmet slid off my head. At some point I'd turned around to face the other three, who were all kissing me on the face. I tried to turn around to read my letter from my future self, but Marie straight up picked me up into a princess carry. Then she dumped me onto the bed. "Sorry, my love, but we're acting under very explicit orders."

"Whose?" With the way they stripped down to some black lingerie and thigh boots, I wasn't really upset with whoever, but still, I wasn't about to, y'know, not ask. Or shut up.

"Yours."

Then they took turns shutting me up by the simple method of not letting my mouth stay unoccupied. For hours and hours and hours.

When we got home to Lancaster House, before I could even take my letter back to the office to read it, Maze cornered me and pulled me back to the checkers table. Only it didn't have checkers on it. Instead, it had a really nice set of chess pieces on it. "Teach me?"

"Wait, you don't know how to play?"

She waggled her hand. "Papa taught me the rules when I was little, but he never really played with me."

"Well, that's no good. I'm not sure I remember all the rules myself, but we can learn and remember together, right?" I knew by that radiant little smile that I'd gotten at least one thing totally right today.

Yeah, I had an important message to read, but if future me didn't understand this took priority, I'm not sure I want to even read it.