Dear Diary,

"Passion is not about sex,

It's about what lights a fire,

Somewhere deep inside your Soul."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion

Yeah, doing Passion before Ecstasy, because Passion really does usually come before Ecstasy. Don't know what Future Me was thinking. If she doesn't like it, she can rearrange stuff when she's back in charge. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Saffron is probably right. I'm not actually a separate person, I'm not a different Tabitha than Future Me. I'm just her with a medical condition. Okay, a magical condition. A Blessing gone wrong. But it sure as shit feels like I'm a different person. Intellectually, I get it, there's just one of us. Emotionally, I'm... resigned. Still scared, yeah. Still angry, and depressed, and maybe in denial a little bit, but mostly resigned. Any kid from the hood can tell you, you get good at speedrunning the stages of grief, at least to the point where you can be sort of functional.

Passion's rough for me. Like, there's plenty of shit that I used to be passionate about. I sure as shit am passionate about my partners and kids. But even there it's kind of a flickering thing, because the Black Dog nips at my heels constantly. Depression sucks. Weirdest thing about being from where I'm from is that the few times I went to therapy, the therapist wound up absolutely at a loss whether I'd got depression from some kind of genetic condition, which would just be chronic depression, or from living the life I led where I led it, which would be fixable if, y'know, there was any reasonable chance I could live some other kind of life. The lack of any kind of real mobility, along with the brains to realize that, is kind of what left her at a loss. Is it bad that I made my therapist cry? Not by trolling her. Just by, y'know, describing my condition like you're supposed to do with them, I think.

I had things I wanted to be passionate about back there. Some that I even was once in a while. Books. Sex, in as much as you can be passionate about sex with acquaintances who aren't really very good at it. Food, although again that's rough to be passionate about when most of what you can get is nuked or made with as little effort as possible from the cheapest possible ingredients. But between the constant depression and the really shitty options I had to choose from, I never really got into either the way I wanted.

I'm lucky, in a way. My depression kills my joy in my passions, but it doesn't, like, never let me feel it ever. If I can do enough stuff to get enough serotonin and dopamine flowing, I can get really into something. I can get mad about shit easy, although that's not really the best way to fight it. Still better than the gray life I read about some people living. Flashes of light are better than eternal darkness, i guess.

After spending all day yesterday introducing the house to the newest Lancaster, baby Lucas, not to mention meeting the Lancaster's nursemaids, who just happen to be, like, famous as shit, but apparently are undercover or in hiding or in the Maenad Witness Protection Program or something, we all decided to do bath time after dinner. Nobody stank, and that way we could clean any table mishaps off in the tub. Because Bonnie and Larry and even baby Lucas definitely put in an appearance at dinner. Kinda surprised me, but what with magical Healing being a thing, and Bonnie apparently being a Hero-in-training her own self, moving down to the dining room wasn't beyond her. Of course, she had two Maenads and Larry hovering the entire time she moved, orbiting her like tugboats around a tanker. Not that she really had any kind of a tanker look going on. She'd gotten herself back into her Academy uniform, and I think the jacket was stiff enough to provide some ersatz corsetry. Or maybe she had actual corsetry. Not like Larry couldn't afford it, and given her lactating cup size, she definitely needed something.

Weirdest thing, the only person I'd seen in a bra was Saffron. None of the women, even Devorah. Just her. Gotta ask about that at some point, maybe, although mine don't seem to have sagged too badly.

So other than a kind of Brownian motion of kids getting up and wandering over to ogle the baby, dinner was pretty normal. Okay, Larry feeding Bonnie wasn't exactly normal, but well within tolerances for them. Also, completely adorable, since we had roast chicken and he insisted on cutting everything into, like, kid sized bites with no nasty bits in. Hell, I'm not sure how much he ate, because I am sure that he cut apart a lot of his chicken and stuffed it into her. Fuckit, I'm sure the nursemaids won't actually let him starve himself. Hell, I'm pretty sure Bonnie won't let him starve himself, it's not like the adoration is a one way street there.

When we got back to the room for bath time, I had a sudden thought when I saw Marie adjusting one kid's nightgown. "Hey, Mittens?"

She looked up and tilted her head as she continued letting the hem of the nightgown out and resewing it to account for growth.

"Any chance you could knock together some smocks for the kids to use when they're painting?"

Without any discernable pause, she nodded and said, "Yes."

Meanwhile Menace looked up at me from where I was toweling her and said, "wath a smog?

I looked around for half a second, then pointed her at Marie. "See Marie's apron?"

"Yeth?"

"A smock is like that, only it covers more. So you don't get your clothes quite so dirty. They're usually made out of easy to clean stuff, so you're not giving Marie quite so much extra work when you get messy."

I watched her face as I spoke, and she definitely looked like she felt some kinda way about that. "Bud dath da fun pawt."

I raised an eyebrow. "The fun part is making more work for Marie? Making her job harder?"

Her lip shot out. "No. Dath nod wad I mend. Da meth ith da fun pawt."

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I shrugged. "Nobody said you can't make a mess. This just makes it easier to clean you up afterward."

She chewed over that for a bit until I scooted her over to Marie. At which point she looked up, swallowed, and, sounding more than a little bit embarrassed, said, "I'm sorry we... I'm sorry I made more work for you."

Marie reached down, lifted her to look eye to eye, and said, "Scamp." Then enfolded her in a hug.

Yeah, I'm sure I've been doing my best on the parenting thing, since that's, I dunno, something I don't need super powers to do. But honestly so far the Menace had been the one I worried about the most, what with her being obviously more than a little headstrong, and she'd been really good about accepting correction. I guess Marie, Saffron and Future Me must have been doing a good job. I just hoped I didn't screw things up somehow, but I'm sure Saffron and Marie would tell me.

Snuggled into the cuddle pile, dreamt of a lovely meal of pasta, dumplings, and popsicles, with a fiery whiskey accompanying. Whole meal got thrown off by... something. An unpleasant screeching that came from the direction of the morning sun, and woke me well before dawn.

Pulled Saffron over to the Bed room for a little privacy before anybody else woke up. Before anybody else except Marie woke up, because she joined us a moment later. "Kitten?"

I waited while Saffron booted up, then said, "please tell me this isn't another emergency."

"I'm not sure?"

Saffron nodded. "Tell me?"

I took a deep breath and tried to put my thoughts in order. At that point I realized I'd more or less pushed the panic button over a bad dream. Still, she'd asked, and telling her it was nothing now seemed like adding stupid fuel to the idiot fire. "I... had a bad dream?" As her brow furrowed, I shook my head. "No. Details. I, uh, dream about you guys on the regular."

She smiled, and laid a hand against my cheek. "We've spoken about this before. Everything in those dreams is an act of Worship, and we do not suffer from it."

My jaw dropped a little. "Uh. Oh. Okay, that's cool. Kinda worried a little, but thought, 'oh, just a dream', and knowing that it's more than that but it's okay is kinda pre-emptive weight off my shoulders. But that's not it."

She frowned. "Go on?"

"I heard something. Something not normal."

She nodded, then held up a hand. "Please, you've by now heard that the town you awoke in, Calverton, was recently infested with Undead?"

"Yeah?"

"Our first warning regarding the Undead in Calverton came from one of your dreams. While they might or might not be easy to interpret, they are not to be ignored."

I sighed, shoulders slumping with relief. "Yeah, I'm not sure whether this is anything like that, but... I'm glad I told you, and really glad you didn't get all pissed at me for waking you up early to talk about my bad dream."

She smiled at me, then poked me with a finger. "And now you're talking about talking again, which is just so... you."

I snorted. "Yeah, I'm a special snowflake. Anyway, I heard something in the dream. Some kinda loud, unpleasant screeching. Like, so bad it woke me up."

She tilted her head, obviously thinking at speeds that would leave my poor brain on fire. "Were there any words?"

"Not that I could tell."

She nodded. "Did you get a sense of where the sound was coming from?"

"East."

Karen?

My Highest Priestess sounded like she hadn't been entirely awake when Saffron spoke into her brain. Mm'yeah?

Did you notice anything out of the ordinary in Phileo yesterday?

Nothing. A short pause, then Karen asked, May I know why?

Our Goddess has heard something unpleasant in the east. I'll contact Ophelia, Olga, and Orla. Please convey the Imperator's desire for information to the ship Captains of Phileo.

Yes, Imperator.

"You really think this is that important?"

She shrugged. "Last time you detected something in one of your dreams, it was a City full of Undead. If this turns out to be nothing? Perhaps in the future we can afford to react less... stridently. But for now? I'd rather we overreacted than underreacted." She frowned. "I just wish..."

"Careful. Ria might be listening." Saffron rolled her eyes. "Or, y'know, her mom or sister. Wait, doesn't she have another sister?"

"She does. As we're now courting Rich Man's Port as a seventh Alliance City, we probably ought investigate Adrienne Crow; either to facilitate a reconciliation or remove her as an issue."

I frowned. "You mean kill her."

Saffron just shrugged. "Removal need not be lethal. Although that is the simplest way. We could offer her a position elsewhere in the Alliance; New Amsterdam, for example, is still vastly underrepresented in terms of Heroes. Calverton might be too close, and there's a history of bad blood between Calverton and Rich Man's Port, but they too remain understaffed. Then again, her desires might not be for that type of power. Or her desire might not be power at all." She sighed. "I suppose at some point I'll have to speak with Lady Crow regarding her errant daughter. In the meanwhile, however?" She leaned over and wrapped her arms around me. "We're awake at least half an hour early. Hold me?"

The three of us spent that time cuddled together vibing. Of course when we returned to the suite, Siobhan pouted at us. Saffron helped her to her feet, then pulled us all around her. "We had political and potentially military things to discuss, and you need rest after your midwifery. Don't worry, little Ice Pop. We're all eager for you to resume your proper duties."

"Tonight?"

All three of us, including Marie, laughed at the eager puppy tone in her question. Saffron nodded, but it was Marie who said, "Tonight." Kinda settled the discussion, as Marie's declarations were wont to do.

Breakfast was waffles, and Ria got her own. When we hit the Homestead, with Saffron once again heading off to the Overlord's Court, since it seemed like everything to be done to the Homestead at this point was detail work, I wound up making and placing steps in the bore we'd drilled from the mountaintop. Of course, what I wanted to do was go see what the kids were up to with their painting, but after making sure they'd all put their new smocks on, Menace unceremoniously barred me from entering 'our rooms'. Apparently, as Alex explained, none of 'the moms' were allowed into the rooms until the kids were done decorating them.

I looked at Marie, but she seemed copacetic with it, and I'd realized by this point that if a Maenad was gonna let a kid do something, the danger level was lower than, y'know, just living in the town where I grew up. So I shut up, told them to have fun, let them know I wanted to see it as soon as it was done, then went on about my day of turning rocks into steps, then gluing them in place. Interestingly, we'd started cutting the mine shaft deeper and wider for more rocks. A couple each of the ladies and Maenads bringing in big timbers to reinforce the ceiling and walls. Most importantly, we hit a couple raggedy assed seams of coal as we cut the shaft open, so we had some fuel for the big furnaces down in the basement. I still don't know when those arrived. Just... so much going on, and I'm not exactly the best at keeping track of shit, but... our Homestead was really starting to feel like it might be a Home in time for, I dunno, whatever they do for Christmas around here.

Still want to see what the kids are doing with our rooms. Especially since when they arrived at the end of the day, Maze carried all their clothes in one big mostly clean bundle, and all of them wore nothing but really messy smocks.

And had paint absolutely everywhere again.