Dear Diary,

"I tell you, commander, it's true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they're doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved."

-Terry Pratchett, Snuff

Y'know, I think that's it, right there, the biggest thing I don't get about the Spartans. No, not don't get. That's selling it too short. The biggest thing I hate about them, that makes me feel like even the completely unjustified shit I did to them while rescuing the refugees wasn't wrong.

The big powerful gods in the here and now seem to have the common characteristic of being assholes. Utter douchecanoes who don't think of anything beyond their own power, privilege, and petty grievances. I suppose part of what's got me so fuckin' guilty about what I did with the Spartans is that I've been more merciful with fuckin' Artemis than I was with them. So, y'know, some part of me obviously thinks that the bullshit way those gods act is some kind of learned behavior. Or maybe behavior they chose, which is worse. I mean, if I trace it back, Saturn's shitty parenting has to be partly at fault, but Ray seems to be a decent kind of guy, so I guess if anything Saturn learned his fuckin' lesson or something. Which means Zeus is one of the people who decided that because shitty things happened to him, he gets free rein to do shitty things to those he reigns over.

But here's the thing. I don't know why, maybe because the incongruous vision of Larry geeking out about something harder than my lovable big tiddy nerd girl nerds about math seared it into my brain, but I remember that day we learned about the Spartans. They're not doing the shit they're doing because a god told them to. They'd be insulted if you said they were. From what I can tell, they've got exactly one High Priest in their town, and it's the King, and he's not Arse's High Priest because he worships Arse, and now I'm definitely gonna stop calling Ares that because it makes his worshippers sound way too cool, but because Ares is just the right kind of edge lord to dump his 'Champion' and 'Highest Priest' tags on the biggest asshole badass he can find whether said badass wants them or not. Which means every atrocity they've committed, every horrifying act they have their Heroes in Training do, is something they chose to do. Having shaken off the yoke of the gods, instead of using that to be the best people they could, they chose to embrace the worst parts of themselves.

So yeah, I don't get that, and I definitely feel some kind of way about it.

Last night after lights out, Saffron insisted on her evening of Penance. Don't get me wrong, I'm down for whatever, but it felt kinda weird to have her coming up with excuses for it. As I stood there looking at her kneeling on the new bed, palms pressed together, head bowed, Marie kneeling behind her mirroring her pose, I realized that I'd come perilously close to the particularly stupid dumb thing of not paying attention to the advice I gave other people, however obliquely.

"Hey, Kitten?"

She smiled, "Yes, Goof?"

I chuckled. "Aren't you supposed to be calling me 'Goddess' right about now?"

She frowned, suddenly serious. "Of course, my Goddess." So cute.

"Aw. I like it when you smile." Her smile slipped back onto her face, and I couldn't tell if she'd faked it for me or not. "Shit. Please don't fake smiles for me?"

"My Goddess?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you rescinded your command to do as I will?"

I smiled back at her, and hoped she could hear it in my voice. "Nah. Not gonna. Hereby commandmenting you to ignore me if I do. Both of you. All of you. Pass that along to Sister Siobhan If you see her before I do?"

She slipped one eye open a crack. "You could tell her yourself, my Goddess."

I shook my head. "Nope. Not with what I'm thinkin' about right now. Haven't thought of a good Date Night activity yet. Besides, Calverton's still not over and done with."

"Oh, so what are you..." Her eyes both slipped open, but stayed heavy lidded and fluttering. "Oh. Oh, my."

"Yeah. Look, I feel some kinda way about you making all these excuses." Her smile slipped a little. "Especially maybe the Penance one?" Her smile slipped further into the tiniest frown. "Okay, you feel some kinda way about that, so... two things, if tonight's gonna be all about my Kitten's Penance."

"Name them."

"Okay. First thing. Explain to me why it's gotta be Penance. Seriously, you wanna be a pillow princess or a toy, just say the... No, you have said that before, haven't you?" I paused, thinking, idly sliding the upper toy drawer at the foot of the bed open.

Her eyes slid closed and she looked... pensive. Appropriate, I guessed, as I pulled out the restraints and tugged at them, sniffed at them. New leather. Holy fuck that's a smell with some visceral impact. "I... do things I must."

"Shit I'd be pissed about?" I lay the restraints aside on the bed and reached in for the acupuncture kit.

She paused, and I froze with my hand on the bandolier. "Yes, but I chose my word carefully. When presented with a choice, I have never chosen that which would displease you based on expediency, or cost, or even for vengeance."

I lifted the bandolier and closed my eyes as I inhaled that intense new leather smell. "So... why would I be pissed?"

"Because sometimes even the choice I think would be least offensive to you is still one which would drive you to fury." I think she might have been tearing up, but I definitely had some knots in my stomach.

I had no idea how to do acupuncture. The fancy little grippy bits and the gleam of the point when I pulled one out were super tempting, but I didn't want to damage my Kitten by accident. "Okay, so you're taking the least shitty choice. Yeah, I'm gonna be pissed, but you know me. At least I hope you do. I'm gonna be pissed at the world, at whoever is forcing your hand. Because I'm sure what you're talking about are times when you can't implement a long term fix in time to head off a disaster, aren't you?"

She nibbled at her lip a second before saying, "Yes, Goddess. But I still... Goddess, you are my moral center. I am lost without you. But that means when I must do things you would loathe, I loathe myself." Definitely tears, one leaked out. I wanted so much to cuddle her, but I needed to know why she needed what she'd asked for.

I shook my head. "Yeah, another reason I'm a shitty choice." I held a hand up, and either she'd been peeking or I'd maybe made some kind of noise. I slipped the acupuncture needle back in the bandolier and set the whole kit back in its padded slot in the drawer. "I get it, it comes with the Worship and the nice Titles and the inexplicable devotion of my two favorite people in the entire world." I reached down into the center of the drawer, where a simple cutout between the extensive collection of rings to either side held a stack of blindfolds. I pulled one out and tossed it to Marie, who caught it without looking. "So, tell me. Simple words. Why this? Why not something else?"

Saffron paused a bit, head tilted and tongue blepped as she considered. "Two things?"

"Go on."

She nodded. "First and foremost, you enjoy this, and know that I do as well. I cannot conceive of you feeling the kind of deep guilt you might at doing something entirely hurtful. Like, say, denying me permission to observe." She Grinned at me, and I barked out a laugh at the memory of her kittenish eager joy that night. "Second, with this? Though you might inflict torment which purges my shame, my guilt, my self-hatred at doing things you might disavow me for had you one iota less faith that I can see no better path forward? In the end, you have never failed to reward me, to show me without words that despite my failures you love me still, accept me, that I am still your Priestess Most High Above All Others."

I slipped a short handful of rings off of their holders, then slid the drawer shut. "So you're looking for catharsis from your guilt, and proof that I love you despite your failures?"

"Yes."

I nodded, then nodded again at the blindfold in Marie's hand. As she gently wrapped the thin, supple leather over Saffron's eyes, I asked, "Okay. So... which is more important?" With her mouth half open, I interrupted her. "Your agony, or my enjoyment?" She hissed as her teeth came down on her blepped tongue. "Face it, Kitten, I love your orgasms way too much for those to even be a question. Shit, I've even got Stabilize and your explicit permission to Revive if one of those tries to punch your ticket, so if you're specifically asking for the kind of 'depths of agony to heights of pleasure' sexplosion that could pop your noggin clean off?" She panted a little bit as she nodded. "Yeah, this'll be my best attempt at an E ticket ride."

Yeah, I'd never been to ratland or ratworld, but my aunties had, and they regaled me with stories when I was a little little kid. Saffron shuddered a little, smirked, and said, "I'm certain there was a gag in there too?" Then she hissed as I tried really hard not to think about what I was doing, flexed, and the blindfold cinched itself down over her eyes like a second skin.

"Yeah, you didn't answer, so I'm gonna assume no preference, so I'm going with 'whatever amuses me most at the moment'. So be ready to..." I slid the bottom drawer open, idly wondering what needed a drawer that deep. For a moment I didn't recognize what I was looking at. A sort of saddle rest sans saddle in the center, some fancy fascina in padded storage slots to the right, and what looked almost like a remote control to the left. Then I recognized it, and a grin to rival any of Saffron's stretched its way across my face. "Kitten?"

"Yes, my Goddess?" she whispered, her voice already getting a little hoarse. Made sense, since I realized just then that without thinking I'd gently but firmly pushed her out of my head.

"First, you're going to find an acupuncture for dummies book for me to read. I want to learn, but we both know the moment I set in to any kind of long project Murphy's going to dump shit on my head."

"Yes, my Goddess." She sounded almost the right mix of confused and titillated.

I picked up the restraints I'd laid out and tossed them to Marie along with an image of what I wanted. She grinned, nodded, and set to binding my Kitten, being none too gentle about it as she did. "Next, tell me everything that is a non-starter for you. Half of your torment is gonna be never having the slightest idea what will happen next. So tell me, what's out of bounds?"

She shot me a saucy grin and said, "what if I say being..." she gasped as Marie bound both of her calves tight against her thighs. "Bound?" she breathed.

"Then..." I reached out, relaxed, and the bindings loosened almost enough to slip off. "you won't be."

She pouted. "I didn't say thaaahhhh..." her own squeal cut her off as I tightened them again until Marie's hand twitched, then loosened them just to just a little tighter than Marie had left them. "Forgive me my impertinence, Goddess."

"Nah. I'mma take that shit out of your hide." I couldn't help it, I reveled in her wince as much as her anticipatory grin. "Now. Obviously I'm gonna back down if something goes past a boundary you didn't know you had. But right now. Boundaries. Because if you don't list it before we start, sure as fuck I'll cross it at some point."

She nodded as Marie pulled her arms behind her back, binding her forearms together across the small of her back. "Never exclude me again."

"Okay. What else." She opened her mouth, took a breath, and then very pointedly shut it again. "Oh. Really?" She nodded. "You're sure?" She nodded again, this time too eagerly for me to hold back a throaty chuckle that Marie echoed a moment later as I snugged down the forearm bindings, eliciting another delightful little hiss. "Okay then. First rule; if something hurts you the way excluding you would, you tell me, immediately."

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I waited, silent, until she whispered, "yes, Goddess."

"Second thing. Say my name?"

"But..."

"It will make me happy. Happier. I like it. Please?"

"Do not ask me, Goddess. Tell me."

"Say my name. Use my name. I'll tolerate Mimic if you lose track. But... names. Not titles."

"Yes, Go... Yes, Tabitha."

"Goof's fine too." I laughed a little. "Nostalgic even. One warning?"

"Yes, Goof?" she taunted.

"Don't say 'love' unless you are completely prepared for me to use you like my very own Real Doll, because that shit lights a fire in my nethers that I will totally use you to quench, got it?"

Her Grin got wider. "Yes, love."

"Okay, yeah, last thing..."

I waited until she guessed, "no more taunting?"

I shook my head, knowing she couldn't see it. "Nope. The flip side of no exclusion. No holding back. You wanna taunt? You taunt, but know it's gonna bite you in the ass. Possibly literally." I nodded to Marie, who displayed some of that freakish spine contortion to lean over and do just that. Not enough to break skin, but sure as fuck enough that Saffron knew skin breaking was on the table. From the look of impending ecstasy on her face, I realized she was totally down for that if that's what I wanted. Which, given what was in the drawer, I didn't, but good to know. Ecstasy, Bloodlust, all that good shit. Later, though.

Instead I said, "Marie? Lift her up?" Another mental image, and Marie straightened, wrapped both claws around Saffron's waist, and lifted her just shy of bonking her head on the ceiling. I paused, considering. With a thought, I popped Glowing Midnight's lingerie onto her. "Mittens? Jiggle?" Exceeding any expectation I might have had, Marie purred, hard enough for all of Saffron's good bits to engage jiggle physics. I popped the lingerie off, watched a few more moments, then said, "Yeah. Better this way." The reaction of those magnificent mountains of girl brought a sudden smile to my face, and I scrambled up, slid one of the rings across her face, and said, "you know what this is, right Kitten?"

"Yes, love."

"You're really leaning on that, aren't you?"

"Yes, love." She Grinned at me.

I grinned right back at her, slipped one of those rings onto each of her nips and snugged them right down, then channeled Mana into them. Her nostrils flared and her eyes might have bulged a little under the blindfold. I tried not to think too much about how I could feel that, then waved at Marie for one of her hands. When she held it out, I grabbed two of her fingers, then slid a ring down past her first knuckles before snugging it down. She raised an eyebrow, and I whispered, "maximum impact." She grinned, maybe even letting her tongue loll out a little, and nodded.

Saffron quietly breathed, "what?" As I scrambled back and lifted the saddle out, Marie leaned over, ran her tongue across Saffron's neck, then lay those two fingers against the side of her thigh. Her thigh joined her breasts in jiggle physicking until Marie pulled her hand away. Saffron whimpered a little, and I might have gotten a little rushed. I grabbed the simplest of the fascina and slapped it in place on the saddle, yanking the remote out of its slot with my other hand. I glanced down to see if my creepily prepared son had included any lube, only to have my hand slip off the suddenly frictionless fascina.

That sensation against my calloused palm lit some kinda fire, and I slid that saddle right under my Kitten, then looked at Marie and said, "get her ready."

Saffron squawked, "get me ready? Ready for what?" even as Marie demonstrated that even with her index and middle fingers pinned together, she could spread Saffron's knees apart just fine. Then applied those to fingers to a really obvious spot. My Murder Mittens was scarily efficient at shit like this, which just proves that despite how often the Fates fuck with me, they're just Yandere and love me deep inside. "Love? Get me ready for what? Love!"

After what she'd said earlier, I couldn't help myself. My own eyes fluttering closed before I forced them open, because I did not want to miss one instant of this, I nodded to Marie and said, "do it."

I know I've joked around about 'impaled', and I sure as shit wouldn't do the actual thing to anyone I hated, let alone adored like my Kitten, but fucking hell Marie did something as near as I could fucking imagine right then. Saffron's thighs slammed into the saddle and her head snapped back, her mouth flying open in what looked like a silent scream. The only thing that escaped was the most adorable throaty little squeak. I looked at Marie and without thinking said, "make her do that again."

The moment I said it, I realized I ought not have, as Marie lifted her by her waist, but before I could say anything she stopped, holding her maybe a half inch up, whimpering. Then she rolled the fingers holding my Kitten up across her belly, and she squeaked again. "Oh, yeah. That's the stuff." I leaned in close enough to see the sweat beading on her neck and said, "so, Kitten. Did that hurt?" She nodded. "Is that what you wanted?" She nodded again. "Do you want her to do that again?" I watched her bobblehead for a moment before saying, "oh, no, too bad. Marie, make her squeak for a bit."

I listened to that beautiful serenade while I slipped the last ring on one of my index fingers, then looked over the remote. It had a couple obvious dials, a couple obvious sliders, and some things that looked like buttons. All gemstones, set in some really nice dark wood. Absolutely no documentation or even idiot indicators on any of them. Of course. Then again, this was a toy. As in, 'for playing with'. Just like my Kitten had practically demanded she be tonight. Fuck it.

I took a deep breath, still enjoying the squeaking, then nodded. Marie stilled, and, my eyes still entranced by the way Saffron's breasts had never stopped jiggle physicking, said, "okay, your safe word is rutabaga."

Confused Kitten whined, "Rutabaga?"

"Yep. Rutabaga." She opened her mouth, and I poured Mana into her rings to turn whatever she'd been about to say into a gasp. "Unsexiest word I could think of. You say it again, we stop. Right there, right then. Don't say it unless something crosses a line, or is about to. Say it the moment something crosses a line. Your Goddess demands both of these things of you. Nod if you understand." Still gasping, she nodded.

Due. Diligence. Done.

"So." My own breathing getting a little rough, I crawled over to her, leaned over and took her mouth with my own, savoring her taste and her response. I pulled back and said, "you, my naughty little High Priestess, are a very bad girl who is currently at least five inches onto a toy I haven't even gotten to play with yet. My birthday present, and here you are using it first. So bad." She whimpered a little, and I nodded to Marie, who dropped her. "Six inches now! So lewd. So bad." I sighed. "Well, I guess I have to make the best of it. I wonder what this button does?"

A few hours later, we collapsed back into our cuddle puddle selves back in the Lancaster House bedroom, after I'd sorted out all the controls and tried each of them at least the requisite three times, not to mention playing around with combinations. I snuggled into one side of her, absolutely laying a leg across her like a body pillow, savoring the warm fuzziness of Marie when she did the same with both of us from Saffron's far side. "Was that what you wanted, Kitten?"

Right about then I realized that not only was she snoring and purring at the same time, even in wireframe she had the fuckin' Platonic ideal of a open mouthed, satiated smile on her face.

"Thanks, Marie."

Her own eyes closed already, purring softly herself, she simply replied, "Next." in a tone that let me know with no uncertainty that she was absolutely talking about my long delayed 'Hero's Reward'.

"I'm in danger!" I squeaked, quietly so as not to wake the kids or women.

She just grinned and said, "Yes."

Saffrons made of aloe glooped their way down every one of Mimic's burned tentacles as Marie took her excruciating fucking time peeling each layer of dead skin from the Tentacle Who Shall Not Be Named. The Super Chibi Beans yeeted astronaut ice cream into the maw. Like I've said before, don't ask me, I just sleep here.

Woke up, did the morning bath thing, and in the middle of it, when I recognized the woman whose arm I'd glued back on, I stopped her and quietly said, "Anna, right?" When she nodded, I said, "come see me after the rest have gone down to breakfast, please?" She tensed up a little, and I said, "nothing bad, I promise." She didn't untense, but there was only so much I could do without having the conversation I wanted to keep private going public.

When all of us were fully dressed, I held Marie back and walked into the suite living room with her and Anna. I sat, and nodded to the sofa across from me. Marie took my hint and sat down, leaving Anna plenty of space to do the same. I smiled when she did. "You gonna be ready to go visit Sister Siobhan, or have her come here soon?"

"I... I don't want to impose."

I laughed. "Look, don't tell anybody, but I'm kinda crushing on the Sister and she knows it, so me taking you to visit her or bringing her here isn't some kind of big trial I'll be going through."

"Ah. Well... whenever you're ready, I suppose."

I nodded again. "Okay. We'll do that right after breakfast. When you're done with that... Okay, how many of the Maenads out there do you know?"

"A few. Three, maybe four?"

"Maybe?"

"Some Maenads do not speak. I'm sure they have names, but unless they offer them..." Right then I remembered that for all intents and purposes, Marie and her Maenad sisters were absolutely fucking identical clones. Even if they managed to mark themselves, Sparagmos would wipe it all away the morning after.

I nodded my understanding. "Okay. Do they recognize you? As a High Priestess of Dionysus? As a friendly? An ally?"

She looked like she was about to shrug, but Marie nodded and said, "Yes." When both of us looked at her, questioning, she said, "Smell."

I nodded again, grinning. "Okay, so they can smell the D on you, they'll know you're on their side. I need you to talk to them, ask them some things for me, maybe convince them of some things."

"What? Why not..." she nodded to Marie.

"Yeah, Marie could straight up tell them what to do, and they'd shut up and soldier, but I'm looking for buy in here." When Anna nodded, still unsure but willing to listen, I said, "okay, first, I need to find a volunteer to be a nursemaid for Lancaster House. Like, not just for the babies we recovered who wind up orphaned, but for the Lord and Lady to be. Bonita Obol, Heir-Consort Lancaster, is gonna be decanting soon, and when she does she's gonna have to go back to work managing this," I waved my arms around, "huge pile of rock and everybody in it while Larry keeps the food and supplies flowing to the Army." I waited for her to nod again. "So they need a nursemaid, a nanny, and a bodyguard for their little one. I have no idea if Bonnie's gonna be a super hands on, wanting the baby touching her every second mom, or a workaholic who sees her baby before and after work. I kinda think she'll lean for the former, because she's wanted this kid so bad, but the fact is she's got a job to do and is gonna need help on the momming front. You get me?"

"Yes. High born ladies often need such services. For one who is a Queen in all but name, I even understand the need for a bodyguard for her little one."

"Okay. Good. So I don't want Marie forcing any of them into it, even inadvertently. So your first 'job', if you can, if you're willing, is to talk with all of them, or even with some of the Maids, to find one of them who wants the job. Or even is willing to do it for whatever reason. Lancasters are loaded. Compensation can be pretty much whatever she wants, I'm sure."

"D." intoned Marie.

I laughed. "Yeah, I'm not even gonna try and negotiate that shit with Bonbon and Larry. Bonnie wants to share her Clydesdale with their Nanny, that's up to the three of them. Anna doesn't have to mediate that discussion unless she feels some kinda religious obligation." Marie just shook her head. "Yeah, I know she wants the real deal or an Avatar, but... Mittens, could you take care of making sure your prodigal sisters get their share of your Boss? Consider it an official mission, if you want." She just grinned and nodded.

"I can do that," said Anna.

"Okay. Second thing, see if you can see what they want to do long term. I'm not sure, but I think winters here are harsher than anything they're used to. They're welcome to stay with us, whether that's in one of our suites, in our new place when it's built, or hell, even in the old Aetos place in Camden Yards. Larry will probably put them up as long as they need, or they could probably find a place at the Academy with the other Maenads, or..." I shrugged. "It's not like the folks around here are gonna miss the benefits of having a not-unfriendly Maenad living nearby if a bear or some shit like that comes sniffing around. But I want them all to have someplace warm to sleep before the nights get cold. Can you handle that?" When she hesitated, I followed up with, "get the other Priestesses to help you out if you need to. Nobody who can't handle it, but I'm sure most of you have dealt with Maenads before?"

"All of us. Yes, I understand, Ch..." At my raised eyebrow, she winced, smiled, and said, "Tabitha."

I stood, reached out a hand, and when she took it hoisted her up into a hug. "Thanks. That's a huge load off my mind."

After breakfast one of me took her to see Sister Siobhan, who smiled at my arrival, then spent about half the morning making Anna's arm right. She may have gotten a little help from yours truly when she needed some extra Mana. She may have also gotten a bit red when I gave her a good bye hug and pressed my cheek against hers maybe a little bit more than I might have with anybody I wasn't planning on thoroughly despoiling.

Maze spent the day reading, and I spotted the first signs of maybe rammy behavior from Liam and Alex. Menace quelled it, but at the end of the day I announced, "okay, everybody, Maze's voice is sounding a little stressed. We're gonna take a couple days off before we finish this book up." When some of them looked a little pouty, I continued with, "don't worry, we'll finish up after her voice is okay."

When she pulled me aside to whisper, "my voice is fine," followed by a mouthed 'papa', I nodded.

"Yes, but Liam and Alex's ears aren't. Give them a couple days, then we'll start up again. The ones who don't want to listen can fuck off and run around, the ones who want to stay can. Until then?" She looked up at me expectantly. "It's just you and me back at the Academy." I swear that brilliant little smile made every bit of keeping my eternally ADHD ass still for her to sit on like a cushion worth it.

Meanwhile, back on the mast of the Black Dragon, Marie spent the day tormenting me with single word descriptions of my impending doom. At the same time, one of me sat down with Saffron in the Academy Suite bedroom and reviewed the new flag protocols they'd set up. Turns out they had a whole double layered rotation of colors, which they were also using to communicate other shit now, like 'section clear', 'enemy contact', and even 'bored as fuck, permission to speed up'. Thankfully, for the moment the biggest thing I had to remember was that any doubled up signal was emphasis, and that meant any double or triple signal probably warranted a visit. Even 'please boss, gotta go fast' tripled up meant I needed to go and explain that I desperately wanted all of my precious little troopers in one piece when the last Undead fell, but if somebody was gonna take 'em apart, I'd be the one to do it. Which simultaneously left me a little bit anticipatory and more than a little bit disgusted at myself, but fuck it, it started with 'wanting them all to come home safe', so I'm not gonna cry big tears.

As Marie played with The Dress' shoulder straps, trying to see how far down she could slide them before they dropped down to my elbows and freed the girls from their not very onerous confinement, I almost missed it in the glare from the setting sun. A signal from the center of the southwestern section of the city; first a flag, then another, then a very chemical looking flare. It took me a second to remember which signal it was. I did just as the sun dipped below the horizon.

Enemy Contact.