Dear Diary,

"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance."

- Plato

Yeah, well, fuck you too, shadow boy. Pretty much every day since the Walls I've ignored all the faint pulls that come from my scars. Since the Spring Equinox I've ignored the aches and spikes of pain as well, because that's just what you fuckin' do when shit needs to get done. Any given week lately I've grit my teeth and bore the general malaise and haze of pain that accrues when I die, even if the death itself wasn't particularly painful or traumatizing.

Yeah, some deaths are less traumatizing. Shot in the eye? That shit is over before I realize, and it stings like a bitch, but I cannot stress enough how much less traumatizing it is than, say, getting smeared across a rooftop by somebody scraping me off the bottom of their boot like particularly noxious shit. Honestly I'd rather be crushed to death than smeared slowly. Which some small pre isekai part of me is screaming about now, that I not only have died enough times to have a list of fuckin' ways to die, but I've experienced some of them enough to categorize them into better and worse. Hell, it's not even 'good / bad', it's a whole ranked list.

But right now I am definitely in a lot of fuckin' pain, so even though I've got that niggling little voice in my head telling, sniping, needling, screaming at me to get my lazy ass up and get to work, I'm listening to the pain, paying attention to my health, and doing what my wife and gonna be wife tell me to do. It probably helps that every time they notice me stopping myself from moving more than it takes to shift to a more comfortable position one or both of them breathe, "good girl," into my ear. So I'm gonna keep paying attention to my health, and if you don't like it, you can kiss my entire ass.

So yesterday I literally laid around in bed all day. Twice. Once with Maze while she read to me, and I'm kinda embarrassed to admit this, but I don't know what she read me. I mean, Tiffany Aching, Pratchett, yeah, but I couldn't tell you which book at this point. Too much hurt, too much relaxing to the sound of her voice. What was going on with the other me lying in bed definitely didn't help my concentration either. On the other hand the endless waves of endorphins, both from Saffron and Marie demonstrating their Wifely Skills on me as I lay there like a marginally reactive lump, and from them whispering praise and affection in my ears, smoothed all the spiky shards of pain into something manageable.

Hell, by the end of the day it had moved far enough into manageable that they let me get up and participate in getting the kids ready for bed. Okay, my job pretty much devolved to filling the little cup for the kids who couldn't reach, but that's not exactly high stress. When we finished, they dumped me in the tub and everybody who wasn't boiling in the pot with me curled up on the mattress and blankets Marie carried in from the bedroom. Okay, she carried the mattress in from there. The blankets came out of the armoires, some of which wound up standing open, because kids went back for more. Interesting thing that we'll probably need to remember when building our house; building underground winds up with some cool-ish rooms, and little kids need more blankets and warm stuff. Less body mass, they chill faster, that kind of thing.

Mimic stalked three sides of Calverton, smashing painfully at tiny pockets of stench until they went away, revolted by something just beyond where she could or would go. Her Kraken prowled the waterways of Calverton, angry rainbows radiating fury.

During bath time I mostly patted the kids dry, or even just held the towel and let them rub against it. They didn't seem to mind too much, and I even got very gentle hugs from a few of them. I wasn't sure if I liked all the spun glass treatment, but it definitely made me feel sorta melty to have the kids who I normally had to chase down and scoop up to dry being so gentle with me. Once we had everybody clean, dry, and dressed, Marie stepped them all through folding the piled blankets up and putting them away. Really cute the way she taught them how to fold everything.

Just about then I realized something I desperately wanted to see about seeing next time I had enough get up and go to steal something from Eastside. Marie versus fitted sheets.

When we had everything put away, Maze stayed back and asked me, "are you sure you want to read with me today?"

I cocked my head and replied, "why wouldn't I?"

"You're hurting so much."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I am, but... reading with you helps."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It... sometimes I can get carried away into the story. I'm not thinking me, I'm thinking Tiffany. Other times not so much, but even then hearing you read, watching you... it reminds me why I'm all fucked up." She looked shocked, and I realized my mouth had let out the verbal equivalent of a messy shart without intending to. "You didn't do this. Not you, not any of the other kids. But more than anything else you guys are why I fight, why I throw myself in when nobody sane would even try. To keep you safe, to give you a little better world than I grew up in."

"But..." She petered off, and I picked her up, ignoring the ache and snuggling her for a moment.

"Nobody forces me, horse girl. I do it because I want you guys to be safe. Because I want you guys to have that better world. That's part of being an adult, a part that makes me happy."

I got a hug back, and then she squirmed out and guided me down to breakfast. She even stuck around and fed me sausages.

Meanwhile, over in the Love Shack, Marie lay me gently on the bed, which definitely had the nicest mattress I can remember like, ever, not to mention some really nice sheets. I don't know from thread count other than 'higher is better', but these things must have been high, because holy shit they were smooth and soft and just incredible. Thinking about the kids and blankets the night before, I asked, "hey, I dunno if we're gonna need 'em, but are there blankets somewhere in here?"

Saffron shook her head, and Marie said, "No."

I frowned. "What about the drawer?" Both of them snickered. I sighed, but mostly because I had to hide my sudden desire to know more, lest it be conveyed into a scramble to look for myself. "Okay, show me."

Marie helped me scoot down enough that I could see the floor past the foot of the bed via the ceiling mirror. When she had me positioned, she looked at Saffron and said, "ready."

"Okay then. First the top drawer." She slid it open.

"Wow. That's... wow. Wait, are those leather? Like, real, new leather?"

Saffron lifted the items in question out, and Marie held them out for me to see. Every time I tried to push myself up, she lowered them further, until I got to sniff at the lengths of leather in her hand. "Oh, fuck, that smells so fuckin' good. Shame it's probably gonna snap at some point."

My Kitten shook her head, grinning. "Conrad assures me it will not."

I looked at the midnight black leather and something clicked. "Oh, shit. I don't know if that's horrifying or hot."

She shook her head and sighed. "Knowing you, probably both."

"I think it's the same leather as on my rope darts, and my sword staff grips."

Marie took that opportunity to practically inhale the leather herself, and by her grin she knew exactly what I meant, because she is absolutely the kind of freak to see no line between 'horrifying' and 'hot'. "Where did the two of you get that from again?" asked Saffron.

"It's Mimic-hide."

She swallowed. "Tabitha?"

"Yes, Saffron?"

"I suddenly viscerally understand your complaint that some of your urges verge on too dark."

I barked out a laugh, then groaned as I said, "verge on?" She looked at me, completely unaware she'd blepped. I shook my head. "Yeah, let's put a pin in that for now."

"Oh! We have those!" She scrambled to the other end of the drawer while Marie put the, apparently, Mimic-hide restraints away in their cushioned slot. "Here, see!" My Kitten held up what looked like an entire bandolier (one guess what it was made of) of long, thin needles. "For... what's it called? Oh, yes, acupuncture!"

"Acupuncture."

She nodded, very much a kid with a new toy. "I've read that it can speed healing, not to mention interrupt nervous signals to deaden pain." She looked up at me, eyes heavy-lidded. "Or amplify them, for whatever reason you'd want to do that." She pulled one out, the tip glinting in the light. "Shall we try?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, no, let's put the new toys away. I'm really not in any condition to appreciate them at the moment."

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"Aww... as you wish." When she had the bandolier back in place, she paused with her hand on the drawer. "May I make one request? Since these are all, technically, part of your birthday present?"

I sighed, "fine, but I get to watch. Like, actual watch, not just get the sensory feed."

She smiled at me, "how voyeuristic! But since you say so," she reached in and snagged a ring that she slid onto her middle finger before sliding the drawer shut.

"Do I even want to ask? Also, if it's supposed to be for me, why is it sized for you?"

Saffron immediately got her nerdiest nerdgasm look and said, "Oh! It's something I'd heard of, but never seen before. Of course Conrad knows the Artificery to make it happen, but it pulls mana from your Aura as you put it on, and uses that Mana to resize itself to fit snugly without binding."

I blinked a little. "That is pretty fuckin' cool. What is it, a ring of bigger boobs or something?"

She smirked at me. "You really think I need one of those?"

I shrugged, trying not to wince, since that would only set up a wince-at-wincing cycle. "I mean, if you told me you'd had one since we met, I'd say it explained a lot."

She raised an eyebrow. "That sounds suspiciously like a complaint."

I rocked my head back and forth. "Nope. Just pondering the origin story of the tatas of awesomeness. Sprained thumbs or not, they're magnificent."

Before Saffron could reply, Marie interrupted with, "Truth."

Yeah, I definitely have a thing for making people blush. "Hey, pull me down just a little?" Saffron took hold of my ankles where they dangled just off the end of the bed and tugged until my knees cleared the edge. "Little further?"

Looking at me suspiciously, she pulled while saying, "why?"

"Keep going, keep going, right there." I lay with my back on the bed, arched just the tiniest aching bit from the weight of my legs as she set them down. "No, don't set them down. Up, please?" She lifted, and I hooked my ankles over her shoulders and slipped my calves behind her back. "I really kinda wanted to hear you say, 'DING!' some more."

She tilted her head even as she pressed against me. "I thought you weren't really 'into this'?"

I smiled up at her, shrugging again. "Yeah, well. If you can't get beef steak, tuna steak will have to do."

She gawped at me for a second, outraged, then squeaked out, "tuna steak? I'll show you tuna..."

"Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow."

"Oh, goddess, I'm sorry. Was that too rough, love?"

"Yeah, no, ouch. Ouch fuck ouch internal damage ow." I shook my head; all of a sudden the minor pain from that didn't seem so bad. "Yeah, no steak of any kind for your girl Tabitha. Dammit." I had a sudden bout of completely irrational anger and frustration. "FUCK! I really wanted to hear that number go up."

Saffron knelt beyond the foot of the bed, looking at me in the mirror. "Don't you mean watch?"

"You're okay with me Inspecting you?" She chuckled, then giggled, then fell over laughing. "What?"

"Oh. Oh, love. While I admire your stance on privilege, that all must be equal before the law, do you think I would object if you," here she stopped, pushed herself upright, and added some real suggestive if slightly disturbing gestures. "peeled back all the layers of obfuscation and gazed upon that which is hidden from others?"

I rolled my eyes. "Duh. Consent is important."

She nodded. "As my Goddess wishes. I hereby consent to any and all Spells or Mana Shapes you wish to use upon my person, now and forevermore."

"Uh, holy shit, Kitten. Extreme much?" She just stared at me. "Okay, yeah, dumb question. You realize now I'm tempted to find some kind of 'life altering orgasm' Spell and drop it on you in the middle of a Council meeting just for shits and giggles, right?"

"Turnabout's only fair play," she sang.

"Oh, thank you. Holy shit do the Happy Brain Chemicals help with the pain." When she leaned forward I grumped. "Still wanna watch number go up."

The two of them shared one of those looks that made me forget we were not yet all bound by matrimony, and then Marie picked me up and carried me over to the divan. She took a minute to settle me in, propping me with pillows and settling me so I had a really nice view of the whole room, especially the lovely alternate equipment Kitten kneeling in the middle of it. Once she had me settled, she walked back over to the bed and reminded me of something I'd realized every time I'd seen a dedicated dancer move. Very little lit up the neurons like someone with absolute individual control over every muscle group in their body. She used that control to, her back to the bed, bend over backward until she slid into the position she'd picked me up from. Well, almost. Her calves were long enough her legs didn't really dangle, so her back wasn't forced into an arch. Then she shut down my higher brain functions for a second by, y'know, arching without being forced.

Saffron saw that, rolled her eyes and shook her head. Then popped on Glowing Midnight's boots and bonked Marie with a bolster. "Put that under your ass if you get tired of showing off."

"Kitten?"

She looked over her shoulder at me, Grinning. "Envious?"

"Duh. But no, does Inspect update dynamically? Or do I have to recast it every time you shout 'DING!'?"

She sniffed, then looked away, vaguely offended. "I have no idea whether the fraud's so called Spell updates dynamically. Mine will, though."

"You thought of that already? No, wait, what am I talking about. Of course you did. Nice."

She blushed a little. Point to me. "I mean. It will. Now that you've mentioned it, of course I'm going to include it." Then, like she hoped to distract me, she stepped over to the bed and while I extruded an Inspect she, uh, got to power levelling.

Turns out Franklin's Inspect is just about as fuckin' reliable as Saffron's bitching would have me believe. The first two times she winked at me and called out, "DING!" Inspect updated. The third it didn't, so I recast it to find that her Skill had, in fact, improved. After that it was pretty fuckin' hit or miss for the rest of the day.

NAME

Saffron Aetos

RACE

Hybrid

HYBRID

Bag (12.5%) / Human (87.5%)

AGE

Adult ()

ATTRIBUTES

STRENGTH

12

AGILITY

14

ENDURANCE

11

REASON

18

MEMORY

20

PERSONALITY

18

AFFINITIES

Air (6.25%) / Earth (9.375%)

PATRON

Mimic

SKILLS

STATUS

8

MANA SHAPING

23

BLEND

16

INSPECT

Fuck You, Shitstain Fraudster

ASSESS HEALTH

8

MANA WARD

12

MANA BLADE

20

CANOODLING

8

ALARM WARD

2

FILTRATION WARD

20

RESEARCH

20

DRESS DOWN

8

CUNNING LINGUIST

12

COERCION

10

PERCUSSION

4

FLAUTIST

4

SWIFT FOOT

2

STRONG ARM

4

COMPRESSION

2

PRECISION PENETRATION

14

RACIAL SKILLS

None

Look, I don't know if Skills are named by the subconscious of the person doing the Inspecting, the person being Inspected, some kind of leftover aspect of certified horndog Master Artificer Benjamin Franklin, or some combination thereof, but I do know one thing.

I might not actually survive getting over my block. But if I don't?

Worth.