Dear Diary,

"The truth is of course is that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time."

- David Bowie

Okay, I'm not gonna go into 'drugs are bad' or 'drugs are good', or anything along those lines. I've seen a couple friends chemically lobotomize themselves, and even if it's not technically permanent, if the only thing they do when they're self-mobile is piss, shit, eat, then go looking for more weed, there's not a huge difference there. Not judging them, mind you, but I can totally understand the whole 'drugs can have bad consequences'. I've also had some friends go the whole 'cannabis can cure everything!' route. Look, my mom died of cancer, and I'd be a lying bitch if I said I didn't sneak an edible or two in to her, because once in a while I wanted to sit with my mom, even a stoner version of my mom, for a few minutes, rather than a technically living body moaning in constant pain, because apparently morphine wasn't covered by her insurance. So I'm well aware that there are medical uses, but some of my friends were like, 'weed will cure every ailment, up to and including insolvency, poor socialization, and body odor!' Look, honey, sweetie, corazon, you are perpetually just a little too high to feel any symptoms, realize that those last two digits in your bank account are pennies, not dollars, or recognize your own stench.

But at the same time, somewhere in between 'Lucifer's lettuce' and 'God's gift', there's the rest of my Eastside peer group. Y'know, all of us with PTSD, plenty of us with untreated depression, ADHD, or ASD, most of us with 'food and housing insecurity', none of us with any prospects that didn't include exploitation. Popping an edible or lighting up in the evening sometimes meant the difference between sleeping through the night or lying there worried and clutching at my stomach as it tried to eat itself. Sure as shit made it easier to laugh at all the absurdly fucked up shit that went on.

But all that aside, if I've got one serious complaint about drugs back at Eastside, it's that I think they smoked all the best strains to extinction back in the late sixties and early seventies. I mean, look at that shit. 'We're all arriving and departing at the same time'. I see that and where teen stoner me might have thought it was deep, and it sounds really deep, here and now me just says 'holy shit, that's some deep sounding utter stoner bullshit right there'. No shade on Bowie, either. Plenty of his peers were also flinging that same kind of crazy pseudo-deep stoner bullshit. Seriously, listening to the lyrics of Come Together stone cold sober with my thinking cap on, that shit makes no sense. Not without twisting my brain through some seriously fucked up metaphors. Which, fuck it, maybe they're there, but... turn off my brain just a little? Holy shit, it sounds deep. Even a little bit lit? My god, the depths of wisdom in those lines. "One and one and one is three, got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see, come together, right now, over me." Really? Really, really? The only way my sober brain can make sane sense out of that is it's a quote from an artsy porn director filming and starring in a threesome.

By the time my generation got the dregs of the drugs we wound up making fuckin' skibidi toilet. Don't get me wrong, that shit is hilarious, and manages to tell a pretty solid story for nothing but shitty animations, a few hand gestures, and like three voice lines in eighty episodes, but not even high as fuck did I ever watch that and think 'whoa, that's some deep shit, man'.

So yesterday after our sweaty tigress and Hero returned dragging a bunch of logs and a dead big assed spiky bear, we used the big flat planes of rock I'd formed to shore up the sides of the main foundation pit. While the three of us with more muscle than brains worked to get that done, Saffron went around marking out our next batch of excavations. At the end of the day, with the sun balanced on the small, low hill to our west, I could almost see the layout taking shape.

"Are you planning on burrowing our bunkhouses into the hills as well?"

Saffron nodded while Lachlan Created big globs of Water to douse the three of us and get the worst of the dirt and sweat off. "We'll level the broad open area in the middle, and if anyone needs a space with more light or ventilation, we'll have plenty of space for smaller wooden buildings, temporary or not."

"Like the ones down in Norfolk?"

She nodded. "I see no reason not to learn from our allied Cities when their knowledge is useful."

I thought about it, but the only thing that came to mind was, "just be sure they're weatherproofed against the cold. I'm not sure, but I think Norfolk is a little too far south to get super cold in the winter."

She tilted her head. "I hadn't thought of that, but the original designs are from the northlands. The home of the Aesir and Vanir, the lairs of Ymir and his kin."

I snorted. "Yeah, like how many hundred years ago?"

"You say that like change and adaptation has been encouraged."

I shrugged. "You're not wrong. But if you tell me they'll work, I believe it. You're the brains of the outfit, after all."

She smiled, shook her head, and said, "Well then, let's be going. I'm sure everyone would like a nice long, hot bath to soak in before dinner." I'm not sure how disappointed Lachlan and Carruthers were when we dropped them off in the boy's club before hopping back to our suite's bathroom. Sure as fuck they'd have been disappointed missing the long, slow soak in the tub that Saffron and I shared.

Guess that's why none of us felt an urgent need to return for another acupuncture session tonight. Instead we all just curled up with our extended found family and drifted off to sleep.

Mimic seemed all set to make a glutton of herself on super chibi Chef beans, but got totally waylaid by the return of chibi Chef Saffron, who bombed her into submission with soup dumplings. Kraken gonna Kraken, which seemed to include focusing their debris yeeting in the southeast section of the city.

When Maze finished drying off, Menace scooped her up, towing her along by one hand, saying, "no weading today. Pway." I swear, she's gonna wind up keeping that fuckin' nightmare dentition lisp all the way into her adulthood and terrifying the Souls out of some poor bastard lolicon fans. I mean, yeah, maybe they deserve it, but entrapment isn't good either. Not like I haven't done my share of shady shit in private with my two favoritest chew toys. Still gonna laugh at the first... no, every fuckin' dude who hears that lisp and thinks that somehow he's not going to wind up the bitch in that relationship. Also will probably have to warn her about eating shit when she doesn't know where it's been.

As the women worked their way through the baths, I realized we were short one or two. Before I could pull Anna or even Devorah aside to ask about that, one of the women who'd taken to leaning against me for a little after I dried her off murmured, "is it true, Champion?"

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"Maybe." I gently turned her to see my smile and quietly said, "is what true?"

"That you're building a place of your own? You, and the Imperator, and the Champion of Dionysus?"

"Yeah. I mean, all we've done so far is tear down the old place, store the materials, and start digging foundations for our new place, but yeah." She got that sorta constipated look of somebody who wanted to say something, something important, but couldn't quite convince themselves to spit the words out. Thinking about Devorah, I said, "go on, ask. I promise, the worst I'll say is 'no', and I won't take offense, no matter what you ask."

Her smile twisted, and she said, "anything?"

I laughed quietly, "considering Devorah pretty much straight up asked to be a party favor at a 'Champions and Imperator because we felt like it party' and I didn't get pissed, yeah, I'm pretty sure anything."

She giggled and blushed a little at that, then quieted and said, "may... May I have a place there?"

"Sure. I mean, I'll have to okay it with Saffron, since she's the one who organizes everything, so I want to make sure we wouldn't be putting someone else out in the cold. But hell, if it comes down to it we'll make sure you have a roof, sure."

She smiled up at me. "She told me to ask you. Thank you, Champion." She gave me a big hug.

Before she went away, I asked, "where did you hear about that, anyhow?"

Then she got really red, and said, "the... ah... La... er... The Hero Lancaster."

"When?"

She bit her lip and looked down at her feet. "He's talkative after?"

I smiled down at her, then Co-Located myself to the living room, pulling her with, wrapping her in a towel, and setting her gently on the sofa. "Can you wait right there for me for a moment?"

Eyes wide, she squeaked, "yes, Champion?"

I stepped to the big suite across from ours, heard some splashing from the tub, stepped in there, grabbed Lachlan by one very sudsy bicep, ignored the women in the tub with him, and stepped back to our living room. "Lachlan?" I asked, in the sweetest voice I could. "What have you been doing with the traumatized refugees?"

He looked up at me, guileless and utterly confused, not to mention distractingly soapy and naked, and said, "uh... nothin'?" Then he looked over at the sofa and said, "Ah! Chloe!"

I couldn't help it. I facepalmed. "So how do you know her name?"

"Oh! Yeah, we talked for a little bit after I serviced her the other night."

I swear to god on high this himbo was gonna get shanked entirely based on his choice of fuckin' words. "You what?"

Might I suggest holding off on the shanking until you have the full picture from both sides, at least?

Deep breaths, deep breaths. Yeah. Thanks Dad. You're the best.

I know.

Meanwhile Lachlan looked up at me from where I'd shoved his ass onto one of the sofas. "We talked?"

"After?"

"Oh, yeah, after I serviced her?"

I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and let it out. "Lachlan, somehow I get that you don't mean anything by it, but that word you're using for it really..." I stopped, trying to think of the right metaphor, and suddenly realized that Lachlan might not actually get the metaphor. "It pisses me off. Try again, please?"

He looked a little confused, but said, "after we had sex?"

I nodded, then said, "why were you having sex with the traumatized refugee taking refuge in your very wealthy and powerful family's house again?" At that point Chloe, apparently, squeaked. With the realization that he actually knew her name and I didn't, I figured Dad was right and there might be more to this than Lachlan being the worst kind of Lancaster, so I closed my eyes, counted to ten, put an actual smile on my face and turned to her. "Yes, Chloe?"

"I... I..."

I held a hand up, palm down, "it's okay, Chloe. I am absolutely not mad at you about this." After a second's thought, I added, "and this absolutely does not in any way endanger your place with us if you still want it. I'm just worried that someone," I glanced over at Lachlan, who had the grace to look vaguely embarrassed. Then again, he was naked and dripping soap on my couch, not to mention obviously still reacting to the women in the bath. Also, for some reason he wouldn't meet my eye. Hell, he wouldn't lift his gaze above my waist. I turned back to Chloe. "So, you are completely safe. He might not be, but you are. So, what did you need to tell me?"

She took a breath, obviously imitating my effort to remain calm and centered, then said, "I was... in need of companionship. Er, the company of a man. I spoke with one of the maids, asking if perhaps there was somewhere men and women... congregated... for that kind of thing, and she told me that Hero Lancaster and Cadet Carruthers have been ser... ah," she blushed and stuttered out, "s... satisfying the unattached women of late. So I made my way to the Ladies' Quarters, and waited, and... ah..."

I shook my head, still keeping my smile fixed on my face. "It's okay, Chloe. I don't need details beyond that." I sighed and shook my head. "Total misunderstanding on my part. I thought he'd pressured you. Maybe even without meaning to. But... you didn't go there because you thought you needed to, did you?"

She blushed. "Well... needs. All women have them?"

I couldn't help it, I laughed, and after a moment she laughed along with me. I nodded toward the bedroom and said, "head back in and let Marie get you dressed." Because fuck it, I'm me, I added, "I guess we'll have to make sure we have at least one guy at the new house then, huh?" She giggled her way through the door, and I turned back to Lachlan.

Who blinked as his view went from my ass, which I'd more or less forgotten was bare, to my equally uncovered lady bits. I huffed out a sigh, rolled my eyes, and said, "I'm sorry Lachlan. I misread the situation. You didn't do anything wrong, and I'm sorry I thought you did." When he didn't say anything. I looked down to see him staring, transfixed, at my general crotch region. At that point I couldn't help myself, I walked forward, putting a little sway in my walk, and said, "Lachlan? Sweetie?"

He blinked again and looked up at my face finally. "Yeah, Cham... Commander?"

"Oh, you can call me Tabitha. Like what you see?"

He paused, tilted his head, then nodded. "Yeah."

"So, you gonna ask me? Really not sure if I ought to be asking you. Chain of command and all."

He shook his head. "Oh, no. Buddy told me no asking. I gotta wait for the Ladies to ask."

I laughed out loud as my knees bumped up against his. "So," I climbed onto his lap, straddling his thighs, incidentally poking myself in the belly. Oddest thing, I really didn't feel any... oh, fuck, there it was, the moment I actually considered... but somehow it wasn't exactly as bad. Maybe because I wasn't really gonna start something with people about to wander out at any moment. "Can I get some satisfaction?" Okay, yeah, I was totally gonna tease this big himbo, but fuck it, maybe I could convince Saffron to gift wrap him for our anniversary or something.

Imagine my surprise when he stopped, then shook his head. "I really wanna, but those two Ladies in the bath are waiting, and it's rude to cut in line." Then he grinned up at me, and that belly poking got a little more insistent. "Unless you wanna join us?"

I smiled down at him as I shook my head, then leaned in next to his ear, and whispered, "you are such a Good Boy." Then, because I absolutely could not resist that shit, pinged Saffron and Marie and kissed him as hard as I'd done any of the troops down in Calverton. The moment he seemed about to give in, I leaned back enough to sit him on the edge of his tub. "Sorry, ladies. Just needed to have a quick chat with him about something. Enjoy!"

I collapsed back into myself as I toweled down Devorah, who apparently had caught on to the, ah, expression on my face. Totally not the way my nips might have been able to cut glass right about then, something of an anomaly in the warm bathroom. She grinned and said, "after?"

What the fuck else was I supposed to do? I looked to Saffron and Marie, who both smiled those warm, indulgent smiles that I realized nobody else would notice, nobody else would understand, because no matter who we swapped spit or other more intimate fluids with, we three were the ones who, day in, day out, had each others backs, each others attention, each others hearts. I looked back at Devorah, cocooned her in the towel and pulled her into a snug embrace, growling a single word into her ear, with the closest approximation of my Murder Mittens absolute implacable certainty laced throughout.

"After."