Dear Diary,

I don't know if this is funny or not, but I didn't expect to get or keep scars. Seriously, why would somebody who can shapeshift get scars? And yet, when I look at my arms, my legs, the parts of my torso I can see without a mirror? All those injuries I got that didn't kill me during the battle before Yule? Scars. I tried pulling on Loki's whole shapeshifter thing and aimed at looking like me without scars, and they fade away, but when I stop thinking about it? They kinda un-fade.

What the fuck is up with that?

I've been sleeping a lot, in case you hadn't noticed. Dreaming, too, but they're all pretty much the same dream, just lying on the lake shore vibing with my little psychotropic tadpole homies.

There's a sentence I never thought I'd use before I got Isekai'd.

I went to sleep with Saffron watching over me, woke up to the menace curled up as the little spoon to my big spoon, and a big fuzzy spoon behind me that could only be Marie. I lay there for quite a while, in that half-asleep state where I drifted from lightly sleeping and dreaming about lying between my lover and my daughter, and actually lying there half-awake feeling them against me. I'm not sure, honestly, if I ever really dreamed it, or I just stayed half-asleep and thought I was dreaming. I didn't even open my eyes, registering the presence of the other two by feel and smell.

I hadn't really thought about my ability to tell the difference between people I knew by smell before. It just sorta folded in with hearing their voice, knowing the feel of their skin, and the obvious, y'know, looking at them.

Thinking about Marie, I wondered at my ability to tell her apart from the other Maenads, especially when I couldn't really tell the difference between any other pair of Maenads. Like, all Maenads were either Marie or Not-Marie. I know they have names, at least I hope they do, because otherwise I might get a lot less friendly with D, but I figured if he was that adamant about each of them having their choice of where to go and what to do and who to sleep with, they all had names. I mean, Rocky had a name. Shit, that fucker was still wandering around somewhere. Given what I knew now about Maenads, I expect that he would still be around even if I had managed to shiv him the way he deserved for his part of the whole Equinox Isnomi kidnapping.

With that in mind, I whispered, "Marie? You awake?"

She rumble-purred and whispered, "Yes," almost so low I couldn't hear it.

"What's up with that Rocky guy?"

If we hadn't been leaning against one another, I wouldn't have realized she was growling. I just got this really uncomfortable sensation as the hairs on the back of my neck rose. "Sorry," I whispered. "Don't worry about it."

She shook her head, ruffling my hair. "No." After a pause, she said, "Wrong."

"He's wrong?"

"Yes." I gave her time until she whispered, "Lies."

I thought about that for a while as I lay there relaxing in Marie's warmth. "He lied?"

"Yes."

"About the Maenad thing?"

"No."

"To the Maenads?"

"Yes."

Normally I'd be a little pissed about having to drag things out of someone via twenty questions, but I knew Marie wasn't doing it to be a pain in the ass. For whatever reason, she never used two words where one would do, never used two syllables where one would work. Hell, she'd only recently started responding verbally when she could get her point across with a gesture. I thought about what she and Saffron told me about how someone became a Maenad. "He lied to the Maenad who stayed with him, who brought him back to Dionysus?"

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"Yes."

Damn. I mean, normally I'd wonder about somebody trying to join a murder cult that required you to die to get in, but since the whole 'die to get in' was temporary, and 'live forever' was a side benny of being in the cult? I can totally follow that chain of motivation. I even thought I could guess at what he'd lied about, but I wanted to make sure. "What did he lie about?"

"Love."

Yep. "Fuck. That's some weapons-grade assholery right there. No way to eject him from the Maenad club?"

She sighed. "No." When I'd let that sit for a while, wondering what I could say to reassure her that I wasn't lying to her about caring for her, she said, "Tried."

"Lemme guess; nothing short of being torn apart kills a Maenad?"

"Right."

"And when you tore him apart, he came back?"

"Yes."

I sighed, careful not to jostle the menace too much. Despite her precociousness, I didn't want to be discussing death and dismemberment with her just yet. "Damn. There goes my plan to kill him a lot." Marie didn't reply, just hugged me a little closer and purred at me. Another weird thing; I'd never mistaken Marie's growling for her purring, even when they both happened on such low registers that I couldn't really hear them with my ears.

We lay there like that, and I think I fell asleep for a while again. I woke when someone kissed me on the temple. Without opening my eyes, I said, "good morning, Saffron."

She chuckled quietly. "Nope. It's night time, Goof. How are you feeling?"

"Warm. Happy." The slightest frown slid across my face. "Lazy."

She poked my forehead gently with one finger. "You are not lazy, Goof. You're recuperating. From an effort that would have killed anyone else multiple times over." She lay a hand across the exposed side of my head and asked, "are your injuries any better?"

Without really thinking about it, I Co-Located behind her with my arms around her. After giving her a quick squeeze, I stepped back into myself on the bed and kept my voice quiet as I said, "well, that still stings. Not quite the 'you done fucked up, ay ay ron' level of pain from back during the negotiations, so either it's getting better or getting numb." I pushed some Mana into a Heal Injury, then dropped it on myself. "That's so weird."

"What's weird?" she whispered.

"Well, when I pull Mana to do a Heal Injury, it still aches inside. Again, not the kind of pain I got near the end of my Cure-a-palooza, but it stings like I'm hurting it a little bit by doing just about anything."

"So why are you doing things again?"

I shrugged. "Can't tell if it'll hurt if I don't try it. Thing is? When I pointed the Heal Injury at myself? All my scars ached."

She smiled at me. "Only you, Goof." Before I could speak she lay a finger across my lips, then walked over to the shrine and divested herself of Glowing Midnight. Then she scurried around the bed and wormed her way under the covers between Isnomi and I. The menace mumbled some complaints, but went back to snoring after a tense, quiet few seconds. She lay spooned against me, and even with her skin cooler from being exposed, I reveled in the feel of Marie behind me and her in front of me. I lay an arm over her and Isnomi, just to feel her as well. When we'd all settled, Saffron said, "at a guess, your Heal was trying to Heal your scars. But scars aren't wounds, so it had to kind of re-open them to Heal them. Maybe."

Her words flowed over me, and I couldn't tell if they made sense or not. Didn't care much, either. "Okay." Then I remembered something. "Can you sleep?"

"Yes. Things are wrapping up here in Phileo and the Yards. New Amsterdam is taking a lot longer. Newark is clear, and the river makes a nice barrier for us to watch to keep people from getting into and out of New Amsterdam."

I mumbled out a sleepy, "why?"

"New Amsterdam has more people. Almost all the High Clergy who showed up to relieve you are heading to New Amsterdam now."

"Almost?"

Even from behind I could feel her smug smile. "Some of them are staying here to help finish up. Some of them are heading out to local towns and villages with escorts. And some of them are staying right here in Phileo and the Yards, in case we missed someone and things start up again."

I muttered, "hospitals."

She hummed quietly, "there already are a few, but most people can't afford them."

Memories of my past life surfaced briefly. "Dumb. City. Like Army."

"That... could work?"

"Does. Sleepy?"

"I certainly am, Goof. So stop engaging my brain. I'm just a little worried that our chit-chat hasn't woken Isnomi."

From behind me Marie purred out, "Growth."

"Oh, dear Goddess, she's going to be even more of a handful."

The smug satisfaction in Marie's "Yes" had both of us holding in giggles. I held on to that feeling of warmth and humor as I drifted off to sleep.