Dear Diary,
There’s a quote I remember. Or really, don’t exactly remember. It might even be more than one quote my brain remembers as one. ‘You never see life coming, because it comes at you fast, and it moves sideways’. Don’t know why that’s stuck in my head today, just is.
So, Saffron helped me get back to sleep yesterday afternoon. I slept through the night, I think. At least when Marie woke me up rolling her cart into the room, it had spicy eggs and jalapeño scrapple on it, by the smell. Hell, I think that’s what woke me. The smell, not the noise.
I dragged myself up until I sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she unloaded her cart onto my desk. Our desk? Honestly, Saffron used it more than me. Let’s just settle for ‘the desk’. Which now contained two of my three favorite Dining Hall menu items. When she pulled out two pitchers of water and three loaves of bread, my stomach took control of my vocal cords and I said, “I love you.”
She turned her head to face me while she arranged everything to fit on the desk and said, “Same.”
When I went to stand up, the whole room wobbled, the floor shifting under me like the whole damned room had been moved to a boat. Marie caught me with one hand, then gently guided me to the desk, where she pulled out a spoon and started to feed me. I reached for the spoon, more than a little embarrassed by having to have her feed me, but when my hand touched hers, she froze, looked at me and said, “Please?”
“You really want to feed me that much?” At her nod, I said, “okay, then,” and put my hands in my lap and let her feed me. Once I’d gotten a few tiny bites down and swallowed some water, she started giving me more, well, me sized bites. I just sat there eating, watching her smile as she pampered me. I didn’t often get to see her like this, so I decided to enjoy the moment. Everything she did looked smooth, unhurried, like she’d done this a thousand times before and pared the process down to nothing but the barest of essentials. About halfway through the eggs, something occurred to me. “You were really worried about me, weren’t you?”
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She frowned the slightest bit while delivering the next bite and said, “Am.”
After I’d swallowed I said, “I’m fine now. Okay, not fine, but I’m resting, getting better. Some more food and rest and I will be fine. I promise.” When she frowned at that, I said, “what’s got you so worried about me?”
She looked away, her eyes searching like she was trying to find the right words on the walls or ceiling. She kept the food coming without looking, so I gave her time. Eventually she said, “Cold.” She paused again, still searching, before grimacing and saying, “Thin?”
The moment she’d said ‘cold’, I’d realized I hadn’t even noticed the cold of the room. I reached out and lay a hand on her cheek; it felt like she was burning up, but I realized almost immediately that it wasn’t her that was too warm, it was me who was too cold. I ran my hand down to her shoulder, and after swallowing the next bite she shoveled into me I asked, “thin?” When she nodded, but made a face while she did it, I said, “don’t have the right words?”
The grimace went away and she said, “Yes.”
”Well, the food ought to help me get less thin, and it’ll warm me up inside, at least.” I let her feed me another couple bites before asking, “when I’m done eating, do you think you could stay? Maybe help me warm up on the outside as well?”
Her whole expression went through a whole plethora of flickering, conflicting emotions before she settled on a shy smile and said, “Yes.”
She may have started making the spoonfuls bigger after that. I might have gulped them down without properly chewing them. Before long, I polished off the rest of my breakfast, and she loaded the empty trays and pitchers back onto her cart. Then, again suddenly seeming shy, she lifted me out of my chair, carried me to bed, and tucked me in. Before I even thought to complain, she reached over and shut down the light. I watched in wireframe as she slipped out of her Maid uniform, folding it carefully and, working by feel, setting it on the desk.
I didn’t think she’d be able to pull off that trick she did getting out from under the covers without letting the cold air in, but somehow she proved me wrong.
Marie is very warm. Soon enough, I was as well.