Dear Diary,

Sometimes I'm really not sure if how healthy our relationship is. But then I think about how pre-isekai, I got bombarded with all the bullshit about 'healthy' relationships being exclusively one man and one woman who have sex to procreate. Yeah, a lot of the 'sex to procreate' had gotten dropped by the time I started paying attention, but if you looked around there were still asshats trying to peddle that shit. Thing is, all of it is leftover puritanism, that idea that anything that feels good must be evil. The 'must be hetero' was still a back and forth battle when I died, but the 'two, no more, no less' still hadn't really been challenged on a societal level.

I'm sure there are people who back there who would argue with me, and maybe in the year or so since I left things have changed for the better. Maybe people have finally accepted that marriage ought to be about mutual support and intimacy, not a license to fuck. But for those folks who kept telling me that society wasn't brutally mono-normative, I'd just have one question: can they and two partners get a marriage license that lists all three of them as spouses?

Shit, if codifying that in law is the only positive benefit I have here, so long as we don't do it by making something else the scapegoat, I'd be cool with that. Of course, I've said that about a lot of shit. Then again, I guess for a kid who grew up being bombarded with evidence that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make a difference, even making a single lasting change for the better would be enough, I think. It sure as shit would be more than I ever expected as a kid. Fuck, it might have been more than I expected back when I signed up to be a Cadet.

Kinda lost in the weeds there, though. My point, and I did have one, is that I think I'll always worry about our relationship, because some tiny portion of me is always going to look at the Sapphic, look at the Poly, look at the Kink and just refuse to let go of the idea that there must be some kind of something wrong. Thing is, I can't let myself think that just because I have that part of me that I need to ignore, because it's utter bullshit, that it's not possible for something to be wrong. Because while kink is just chasing euphoria, some of the kinks that Saffron and I get into could turn real bad, real fast, and I will not let that happen. I would rather end myself than do that.

Of course, I might have hit on the core of the thing when I mentioned 'scapegoat'. The thing I'm worried about, of course, is that I'm going to wind up actually abusing Saffron. Because if anything last time we did the penance thing she seemed just a tiny bit disappointed that it wasn't... that it didn't hurt enough. Not enough physical pain to assuage the guilt of her doing what she has to do. Stuff that if she told me, I might forbid her to do. Which means the fact that she's doing it anyway means that somehow she sees not doing it as leading to some kind of worse end, like the Alliance falling apart in some kind of way that leaves the worst of the Gods and elites back in charge. Or maybe worse than that, those same wealthy abusive exploitative assholes gaining control of the Alliance, turning it from the last best hope for actual freedom and progress into some kind of... Evil Empire.

Shit, I'm pretty sure that's exactly how anybody in Europa who knows about us describes us.

Thing is, when I mentioned 'scapegoat', the whole point of a scapegoat is to take the punishment for someone else. Saffron won't do that. Not exactly. But she can't stop doing what she's doing, or she would. I believe that, anyhow. But she can't let it go unpunished. So in a way, she's her own scapegoat. Her punishment is private, between she and me and our ladies, where no one else in the Alliance will realize that she might hesitate. But it's got to be real for all that. It's got to hurt in ways she can't ignore.

At the same time, I need to make sure at the end that she knows I still love her, trust her, support her. That despite her self-perceived imperfections, she still has my absolute trust and faith.

I hope I don't fuck it up.

So last night after I put Siobhan in her new harness, fully expecting that I'd never get the fuckin' thing off her, we all swapped a little spit before dinner. No more than that, because I absolutely told them no, and wonder of wonders Saffron backed me and the other two didn't so much as offer a pro forma complaint. The dinner Marie brought us was light, especially what she fed Saffron and Siobhan.

Should I be worried? thought Saffron.

Probably.

What about me? chimed in Siobhan.

Oh, no, Darling. You've been nothing but good.

So... tonight? Saffron asked. I nodded, and her shoulders slumped, a tiny sigh of relief slipping out of her.

When we finished dinner, we took the kids through the Bath, but just a quick one with a short soak. The ladies banished their harness for the occasion, which left me grateful. I did not need to know whether or not Isnomi thought they were 'silly' interfering tonight. We pulled all seven of them into the middle of our pile, with us around the outside, barely touching. When all of them had clearly fallen asleep, I Translocated all four of us to the Bedroom.

"May I show you something before we begin?" asked Saffron.

I frowned. "Sure."

The next moment she stood there in Glowing Midnight's lingerie and boots, her harness interwoven through it. It juxtaposed perfectly, because of course it did. Fuckin' Conrad, fuckin' with me again. I promised myself unspecified treats for keeping the smile off my face and not becoming a thoughtless pile of horniness and drool. "That is, in fact, very nice. But for now, put it away, all except the harness."

"Yes, love."

I pulled a blindfold and bindings from the drawer and tossed them to Marie. "Could you, Mittens?" She nodded and had Saffron blindfolded, arms bound behind her, before I managed to open the box with the new toy I'd had Conrad make. When she finished, she laid one claw tip each on Saffron's thigh and calf and raised an eyebrow. I shook my head, and she nodded.

"What are we doing?" asked Siobhan.

"Saffron's Penance, for doing things as Imperator that she feels guilt over. Your reward, for Concubining above and beyond the call of duty." She frowned just the slightest bit, and I reached up and touched one fingertip to her temple. "There will be orgasms." I paused, then, drawing that finger down her jaw. "Especially for you, Darling."

Her ass hit the bed with an audible thump. I turned to Marie and said, "on the bed, on her knees, legs spread, upright please." As she posed Saffron, I got the box open and pulled out my new toy. I'd seen them in porn and sex shops, but I'd never actually owned a flogger before. This one still smelled of new leather, and as the tails brushed against each other as I ran them through my hand, I knew exactly what kind of leather it was.

"What's that?"

"A new toy. Got it for punishing little Kittens when they tell me they need it, but... did you want to try?"

She stood up and stepped closer, a kind of horrified fascination in her voice when she said, "which end?"

"Either. Both. This is your reward, after all."

"Should I be worried, Siobhan?" Saffron asked, a smile clear in her voice.

I wasn't going to be nice to her until it was time to be nice to her, so I pulled the gag dangling off the handle of the flogger and tossed it to Marie. "What you should be," I said just a little harshly. "Is silent unless you're asked a question." She opened her mouth to reply, and Marie had the gag in place before she could say anything. She still made some annoyed Kitten noises, but we both knew she could make herself heard if she needed to. We also both knew she wouldn't, even if she did. Which is what still worried me.

No time for that now. I focused on Siobhan. "Do you want to try? Either?"

She bit her lip, then turned half away from me, glanced down at her pert little ass, and nodded. "Please."

I swung the flogger lazily, slowly, letting the weighted leather do the work. She let out a gasp as the tails thudded into her ass, her thighs, a few tips smacking into the back of her knees. I waited for her response. After a moment, she shook her head. "That's very, um, interesting. But not for me."

"Okay." I flipped the flogger over, holding the handle out to her and nodding to Saffron. "Did you want to try the other end?"

"I... I'm not sure I could."

I leaned over the end of the bed, mirroring her position from moments before. "Oh, hey, I've never gotten a chance to be on this end of one of these, and I'm totally into that shit, so go ahead."

She frowned, a cute little moue. "No, I..." She stopped, horrified, reaching out toward the handle. "I'm sorry, mistress. Of course I'll..."

She stopped as her hand gripped the handle, but I didn't let go. I shook my head. "No, Ice Pop. For you, tonight is all about what you want. What you enjoy. Part of that can be learning about new things, but only if you want that."

"May... May I try that some other time, then?"

I smiled at her, standing and cupping her cheek with my hand. "I think I'd be kinda disappointed if you don't at some point."

She giggled as she leaned into my hand. "I'll be certain to do that then. But not tonight?"

"Nope. Not tonight. Do you want to watch, to see what it's like?"

"Maybe?"

I nodded. "Well, got to get started with our guilty Kitten's punishment at some point." I turned, swinging the flogger as I did. Not gently this time. I brought it across Saffron's breasts, hitting them hard enough to make them bounce, enough to make a woman who hadn't flinched at danger close artillery barrages jerk away. Or try to, since Marie's claws sill held her in position. I really tried to ignore the sudden surge of guilt, both from the whimpering moan that made it past the gag and the sudden slickness in my nethers. I twisted my hand and, as angry red lines showed up across my Kitten's breasts, slapped her between her thighs with the tails of my new toy. No questioning or denying it this time, the way I felt her eyes bulge under the blindfold definitely lit a fire in my lady bits.

"Tabitha." Siobhan's voice froze me in place for an instant before I turned to her.

"Oh, sweet Ice Pop. It bothers you?" She nodded. "I'm sorry. This night's supposed to be all about feeling good for you. So..." I scooped her up with one arm and Co-Located, Translocating her away with me. Saffron made a quiet interrogative whimper. "You had a question?"

May I watch?

I'd thought about this, and I knew my answer was the only one that I could give, but it still wandered very close to that edge I didn't want to cross. "Hmm... Let me think about that a second. Do you remember your safe word? She nodded without speaking. "Do you think you deserve to watch?" The first taste of salt touching the blindfold sent a shudder of anticipation through me as she shook her head, a single negative jerk. "Well then. I'm going to be punishing you while I'm rewarding you. But since I don't know exactly what you've done, I can't say exactly how much punishment is enough." I paused. "Enough to make you feel like you deserve to watch, at least." I lunged forward, my mouth next to her ear. "Because we both know enough to satiate me would leave me having to look for a replacement to do your job."

I realized exactly how much switching roles fit us both when I tasted sweat and slight sourness from the two lines of leather between her legs. I pulled back. "Now, I've got plans for these," I slapped her tits with the flogger again. "And this." I twitched those lines of leather, holding her open as I tapped her between the legs with the flogger. "So Marie, if you would?" I made a circular motion, and Marie turned Saffron to face the wall. Another point and wave, and she bent her over forward until her face pressed into the mattress. "Just so you understand. No orgasms for you until I say so. Understood?" She nodded. "Now, let's see how much you can bruise before I break skin."

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I don't know if it's Mimic's darkness or my own natural freak, but each and every muffled squeal just made it better.

Atop the West Tower, I pulled Siobhan into a kiss. When I pulled away I asked, "so, do you want to ask, or do you just want me to do unto you?"

She smiled up at me, arms around my neck where she'd slipped them while we kissed. "You have never failed to please me, my Hero. Take me."

"Limits?"

She looked at me, suddenly serious. "None. I Consent to everything and anything, and ask only that you bring me to heights of Ecstasy I've yet to experience."

I grinned down at her. "That's a tall fuckin' order. Fortunately," I spun her around and shoved her over the railing, catching her calf when she hit the optimal helpless railing position. "This is a tall fuckin' tower." She gasped, squealed in mingled fear and lust. I slipped my free hand between her legs, spreading her open, slipping first one finger, then two inside. "Mind if I ask a question?"

"Of course not, my Hero," she half moaned, a shiver running through her as my fingers slid out of her.

Her position on the railing just begged for railing. I shapeshifted just enough to do that particular job, positioned myself and said, "well then." I let go of her completely long enough to shift my hands to her thighs; she tipped forward the tiniest bit as I did that, and every bit of her tensed up. One particular bit got even wetter than I'd made her with my fingers, and I took that as an invitation to lift my hands just a hair, then slam myself into her shoving her forward until she caught on my hands. I lost myself in the sensation of her surrounding me, of alternating burning heat and icy cold as I did unto her as Saffron had done unto me, only with a lot more 'dangling over the drop'.

"The answer is..." I slammed home and she gasped. "Just make me..." Another gasp. "Come before..." Gasp. "You drop me."

I laughed as I kept railing her, a sudden alteration to my plan taking shape. Co-Locating to do some Shaping, I said, "kinda wanted to ask about the pain thing." I paused, enjoying the sensation of her clenching every time I slammed her the tiniest bit further over the edge before catching her yet again. "Your boundaries, I respect them. Tryna define them. Doesn't this sting a little?"

Her words punctuated by gasps with every stroke, she answered. "Pain is spice to pleasure. But pain alone does nothing for me."

"So if this gets a little rough?"

She curled her legs up behind my arms. "My Hero's Passion is spicy sometimes. I've yet to get my fill."

I laughed out loud as I let myself go just a little. I might have even done a bit more shapeshifting, just to get the size perfect for my sweet little Ice Pop. I shoved her right up to the edge of orgasm, but she didn't quite tip over. "Darling?"

She shuddered, but said, "yes, Tabitha?"

"Close?"

"Oh, Goddess yes."

"Anything imperfect?"

"This..."

I smiled at her and, not letting go, slid slowly out and back in. "Go on, tell me. Your night. Perfective modifications on the fly and everything."

"The rail is very cold."

I'd thought of that long before we started. I hummed a little, then said, "well then." I flipped my arms around, grabbed her ankles, and flipped her over the side of the rail headfirst. The frantic lust in her terrified shriek overwhelmed the terror when I caught her with my tentacles, one wrapped around each calf, one sliding right down into her as I shapeshifted back. I pulled her up and over so I could kiss her while I fucked her. She whimpered with need, and I laughed as we kissed. Then I gently shoved her shoulders away, dangling her just beyond arm's reach past the rail. I never stopped sliding out of her, then slamming back in, each stroke giving her the tiniest moment of freefall.

"Goddess," she panted.

"Yeah?" I leaned on the railing and watched, fascinated by the mingled fear and desire painted so clearly on her face.

"So. Close." One word leaked from her with each stroke. "So. Cold."

"Oh, you're cold?" She whimpered. "Should we take this somewhere warmer?"

"Yes. Please."

A moment later humid warmth surrounded us, condensation forming instantly across both our bodies. "Open your eyes, Darling."

A smile curled her lips before she did. Then she looked down. The drop below just as far as before, but this one ended in a place she'd normally seen only in dreams. My Maw. I hovered over to her, looking down at her joyful, lustful, terrified face. "Don't worry, I remember. Don't drop you until after you come, right?" Her eyes got wider, and her smile went absolutely feral. "Mind if I do to?"

I lowered myself, sliding closer to her as I held her there until I could lean forward and slide my hand, my fingers still slick from her, over her labia, one finger slipping under her hood to massage her adorable little clit. She grabbed at me, her mouth seeking me, her hands doing the same. I realized how much her terror turned me on, how much I'd been reacting to Saffron's pain, when my passionate little Ice Pop managed to slide two fingers, three, then her entire hand up inside, her tongue never stopping where it licked at me.

"Careful," I moaned as I was anything but while I fucked her, letting her slip moment to moment, tentacles slippery with condensation, with her sweat, with how wet she'd become. "You're. Fuck, you're really fuckin' good. Fuck. I'm gonna... gonna..." I came. She came. Ever dedicated to the bit, I managed to hold back my verbal word salad in favor of moaning out, "oops."

I swear listening to her mingled terror and pleasure as she plummeted just made me come harder. One long, lung emptying, moaning scream as she fell face first, not slowing until she hit the Air Shield a few yards above the Maw itself. She slid sideways, panting, eyes wild, legs still twitching, until the Air Shield gave out and dropped her another yard or so into my arms. She looked up at me, whites showing all around her irises. "Too much?"

She whined, then panted out one word at a time. "Came... So... Hard..."

I laughed with joy at how Terror and Ecstasy had erased every bit of everything else from her expression.

The faintest taste of Saffron's blood didn't hurt, either.

I paused, soaking in the taste on my tails. Then I asked, "did you see?"

She whimpered out, I want to come that hard.

I chuckled. "Well then. Since I don't want you scarred up by this," I leaned over my Kitten's back. Bruises, some angry red, some already purpling, covered her from her shoulders to her knees. Shaping a Spell Siobhan had shown me, one she'd tried and failed to use on me while teaching me the limits of Heal Injury, I traced my finger across each place where her skin had split. Ameliorate Scars closed up external wounds and prevented scarring. I traced it across, my touch and my Mana feather light, closing her cuts with a Shape that would prevent them from re-opening. She whimpered as I did. I nodded to Marie, who lifted her when I was done.

I slipped off the bed, pulled out the saddle, slipped a new attachment onto it, and slid a pair of fascina onto that. I slipped it under where Marie dangled her, then said, "impale her."

Saffron whined as the edges of her bruises slapped against the saddle, where the fascina plunged into her. "Now, your penance isn't done, you realize." She whimpered. I slipped my thumb across the control that slipped the fascina closer together, until the second one pressed against her mound. She whined as I started them vibrating. "Guess where that's going?"

My ass?

I laughed with awful joy, both at the fear and anticipation in her mental voice. "Oh, that would be fun. But no, not yet."

I collapsed into myself, Siobhan in my arms. "Darling, would you help Saffron with her Penance?"

"Pain?" she sighed.

"Nope. Kinda the opposite."

"Please."

I slid the fascina apart just enough, then gently lowered Siobhan onto it. Then pushed them back together the tiniest bit, holding my littler ladies together, face to face, breast to breast, belly to belly, clit to clit. "Okay, then. I need you to not do something for me, Darling."

"Yes?"

"Don't come." She made a quiet little interrogative whine, and I laughed again. "The longer you hold out, the bigger your reward when Saffron's Penance is done."

"Okay then. No getting off the saddle, no running away. Just hold out as long and hard as you possibly can." I turned to Saffron, who wriggled just a little as I turned up the vibration. "Ready for the final portion of your Penance, the act you must complete to earn my full forgiveness?" She nodded. "Make our Darling come."

She froze, then writhed into action. Marie looked at me with undisguised respect as I crawled onto the bed, kneeling next to my Kitten and my Concubine as the former, using nothing but her hips and breasts and nuzzling Siobhan's neck, worked Siobhan closer and closer to another orgasm, all while Siobhan clearly did her best to let her, to help her even, all while clinging to the edge of her own plummet into ecstasy. I leaned over close to her, as close as I could get without touching. "Oh, Darling. You're being such a good girl, helping our poor little Kitten with her Penance, even if it risks making your reward a little less sweet. Such. A. Good Girl." I chuckled as she teetered on that edge. "Would you like another little treat? For being such a good girl, such a perfect Concubine?"

"Yes. Please."

I reached around behind Saffron's head and loosened her gag, slipping it out, letting it dangle against her throat, a single line of drool stretching between it and her lips. "Fuck our Kitten's mouth with your tongue."

Holy fuck I had not seen someone go that hard into a kiss since... fuck, since the first time Saffron kissed me. Siobhan used her height advantage to tip Saffron's head back, hands clutching her head, tangled in her hair, tongue thrusting into her. I laughed with absolute uninhibited horny joy as I realized that I wasn't the only one using just a touch of shapeshifting tonight. Saffron's throat bulged the tiniest bit where Siobhan's tongue plunged into it, absolutely fucking her mouth just like I'd told her.

I lost track of how long I spent watching them writhe, hip against hip, breast against breast, Siobhan distracted just enough by her oral exploration of Saffron to let her balance on that razor's edge. Eventually, when Saffron's whimpers were a constant music in my ears, I leaned in and breathed, "are you close, Kitten?"

Yes.

"Is it torturous?"

Yes.

"Do you want to come?"

Yes.

"Do you want my forgiveness?"

Yes.

"More than you want to come?"

Yes!

"Such a devoted Kitten. Such a devote Imperator, risking all that she loves to do what love has asked of her. Such an obedient Priestess, denying herself to please our Darling." I smiled, my lips brushing Saffron's ear, when I heard the slightest whimper from Siobhan at hearing me call her Darling yet again. "Saffron, my Imperator, my Priestess, my wife, my Kitten, my love?"

Yes? she whimpered out.

"Come for me. Now."

Her orgasm shook her like an earthquake, and she screamed it into Siobhan's mouth, moaned it around her still plunging tongue, bucked it against Siobhan's writhing hips. That proved our Ice Pop's undoing, as her control shattered. I ran my hands down their backs as my ladies came. I ran my tentacle across the vibration controls as well. Turning them up just a touch, groaning out a chuckle as their shaking shudders redoubled. I did it again, and again, until Siobhan froze, practically vibrating.

I slipped behind Saffron, my breasts against her tormented back, and not even that could impact her ongoing orgasm. I put one finger on each of Siobhan's shoulders and gently pushed. Her eyes slid open as she leaned backward just far enough to let us see her face, as her tongue slipped out of Saffron's mouth to loll against her chin. I stared deep into her eyes, into the windows of her Soul, and watched her pupils fucking vibrating with how fast the waves of orgasm were washing over her. Just as gently, I whispered, "would you like to see what you've done, Kitten?"

Yes.

I slipped her blindfold off. "Look at what you've done. You've taken our poor little Darling, our devoted Concubine, and broken her. Shattered her so badly that all she can do is drool and come. You did this, Saffron Aetos-Diaz. Your orgasm, your pleasure, your Ecstasy did this." I leaned into her, my arms going around her, and breathed into her ear. "So beautiful. Good girl."

Then I slipped a single tentacle down between her thighs and poured Mana, poured live, poured pure pleasure right into her, suffusing her sex as she shuddered. I slipped around so I could see her face as I poured in more, and more, and more, until her mouth went slack and her eyes vibrated in tune with Siobhan's.

"Nice." I got a definite twitch from my lady bits at the pure approval and maybe even a little awe coming from Marie.

"Yeah. I kinda promised myself a treat though. So." I pushed my ladies apart, lifted myself up and lined myself up on Siobhan's slack jawed grin. "I know you said anything, but this is really kinda selfish, but I want to ride that beautiful face into the fucking mattress, but I don't want to..."

I didn't get to finish as her arms wrapped around my thighs. She'd definitely done some tongue shapeshifting shenanigans, and if her yanking me forward, off balance, wasn't enthusiastic consent, her tongue absolutely fucking me as hard as it had Saffron's throat left me with no ability to do anything but collapse forward onto my knees, flopping backwards as I did. Backwards until my shoulders hit Marie's, where she'd done the same thing with Saffron. I slid sideways and turned my head to look at her. She purred out, "Very. Nice." before her tongue plunged into my mouth.

I definitely lost track of time. Eventually after moaning yet another orgasm into Marie's mouth, my natural Trickster nature took over, and I ramped up the vibration, the flow of Mana and life and pleasure into my Kitten and my Darling until both of them were fucking vibrating harder than the fucking fascina. Which made both Marie and I come harder, which just got me more mischievous. So I cut the Mana and the Vibration all at once.

Both of them went out like a fuckin' light. One hundred to zero consciousness in zero point zero seconds.

When Marie and I shuddered to stillness, she pulled away. "Nice."

I pulled myself off of Siobhan, looked at my ladies, and said, "that doesn't look comfortable."

She shrugged, but lifted them both off the saddle gently. Then, while I cleaned up and put the saddle away, she untied Saffron, then arranged the two of them in each other's arms, a Sapphic still life, as close together as they'd been at the moment of orgasm, but lying on their sides, comfortable propped up with pillows. Also tied together with Saffron's restraints. Marie, after all.

"Nice." Marie smiled at me as I echoed her word back at her. "Hey Mittens?" She perked up. "Anything special you'd like me to do on our wedding night?" Her grin got very open mouthed. "Other than Sparagmos. Saffron's already working on that for us. If it's safe, I'm sure she'll tell us."

When I said 'other than', she pouted a little, but the pout went away when I reminded her of our Kitten's efforts, and disappeared into a grin when I confirmed that I would, in fact, do the deed if Saffron declared it Safe Enough. She crawled over to me, then paused right before touching me. "Show?"

I smiled at her, kissed her, then pulled away and said, "do unto me as you want to be done."

She flipped me to lay along the edge of the bed, just like she'd done with Siobhan after our date. She pulled out a fascina, but did not, thankfully, slip it in my ass when she slipped it inside me. Then, just like she'd done with Siobhan, she rode me, scissored me, pushing one leg further, further, until like the blast of chemical fire accompanying the insanely intense flavors of really good tandoori, my hip popped clean out of the socket as I screamed. "Coming! Coming! No stopping! Clit ripping consequence!"

Yeah, verbal word salad levels of awesome.

Even when without hesitating she flipped me around and did the exact same thing with my other leg.

When I could speak again, I asked, "so, uh, you're serious about the 'fuck you until you can't walk for a month' aspect of the wedding night, huh?"

She closed one eye, considering, then grinned and said, "rougher."

While I choked out some laughter, Saffron murmured, "you're marrying a Maenad, love. I'll do my best, but you may need to shoulder most of this burden."

Stupidest thing ever came out my mouth at that, old charity junk mail repurposed for reasons that would give it's creators an aneurysm as Goddess and Nature intended. "Burden? Aw, she ain't heavy," I looked her right in my eye. "She's my Wife."