Dear Diary,

Funny, I've been talking about being a Moral Compass, but maybe I've been missing a little bit of the point, what with focusing entirely on the compass part of things.

I mean, think about it. Back in ROTC we did a little, like very little, but still, a little overland navigation using really old school shit like terrain maps and compasses and that kind of crap. Even some older stuff that one of the Spec Ed teachers who came along with the DIs on one of our camping trips knew about, like navigating by the sun and stars. He even had one of those little jobbers that you line up with the horizon and measure angles and crap with. He even showed us how to set up and use the cat's eyes on our helmets. Not, like, any high tech night vision shit, either. Just itty bitty glow stickers that you could only see from a range of about five feet. Thing is? In pitch black night, out in woods deep enough to block sky glow? Seeing your buddy five feet ahead of you can be tough, especially when you're both trying your best to be fuckin' undetectable. But those little patches? Just enough to follow your buddy, and for the guy behind you to follow you.

What I'm trying to say, but mostly failing because I'm an idiot? If you're trying to plot out your path to becoming a better person you need a compass, and sometimes that means taking the shitty one you were issued and fixing it up into something a lot less shitty and maybe a little more stylish, but sometimes it also means you need something else. A map. Some kinda way to plot out your route. A way to keep everybody with the group so you don't wind up arriving with a radically different number of people than you started with. I mean, a lot of people insist on the exact number, but what about if you find somebody lost in the woods, and they're cute and adorkable and kinda hot even with the vague serial killer cannibal vibe they give off? And if the two dudes who said they both needed to take a crap at the same time, which is just codespeak for an entirely different kind of rectal activity if you ask me, never come back from their mutual ass plundering? Just more food for you and your hot new friend, even if they say they're not really hungry.

Okay, bad example, maybe, but both those guys were back in school the next week, and serial killer had his own Nextflix account, which kinda obligated me to bring the chill. That's how that works, it's like a potluck dinner, right? Which brings me somehow back around to my point; sometimes in our little self-made family units, one of us has a compass, another has a map, somebody else knows how to use the two to stay headed in the right direction, and somebody else brought the fully charged phone and the four pack of bluetooth earbuds, so everybody's got tunes for the trip.

Doctor Steven 'Smooth As' Glass managed an achievement I've only gotten a couple times myself; he made Marie blush. When he realized, he bowed his head, said, "forgive my impertinence, Maenad," then turned to go.

Before he took a step, Marie kinda prevented any movement with a hand wrapped around his upper arm. "Wait."

He turned back around, and I saw he felt some kinda way, and all the smooth was bubbling off like poorly cured paint in the summer. Before he could say anything, I asked, "Do you want to help, Marie?"

"Yes."

That stopped him. Weird, how many smart people in the here and now would go from zero to fuck your entire existence when presented with a God, even a wannabe God, who rubbed them exactly the wrong way. Might be something to that, when I thought about the folks who defined Godding in the here and now. At any rate, her answering my question that way seemed to throw him off his smoove. Not for long, though. After a few moments in that slightly head-tilted, 'processing' pose, he nodded just a tiny bit and said, "forgive my impertinence if this offends, but is your reticence a thing of nature or preference?"

I lay a hand on her arm and said, "I got this one, Marie." Then I turned to him and explained, "first, I'm not absolutely certain it's the only reason, but the Maenads' mouths were not made for talking, precisely. Saying anything coherent takes them a lot more effort than you. Shit tons less than me, obviously. But if you'd lived since before Phileo was founded with a speech impediment like that, you'd probably get monosyllabic too, but you'd get pretty fuckin' good at picking the best goddamned syllable if somebody gives you half a fuckin' second to process. That about cover it, Marie?"

"Yes."

Doc Glass nodded, "forgive me, Maenad."

I took a deep breath and blew it out. "That's another couple things. Her name is Marie. I've never heard her get pissy with somebody for calling her that, although apparently the name 'Maenad Marie' makes Arse shit himself so hard his Priests have to change their underwear. Frankly, given that she's been cleaning up literal shit here at the Academy for over four centuries, ordered around by people who have forgotten what she and her sisters really are, and not once decided to just empty the Academy and start over? I don't think you're gonna piss her off asking her polite questions. Frankly, given your obvious eagerness and her reaction to eager, the worst thing that's likely to happen to you is a really unwanted expansion of your crotch region." That got a smirk out of him and a laugh out of Doc Zeccardi, so I finished up with, "before we get back to your newfound interest in the inner workings of Essence of Woman, I'm just gonna ask Marie to let me know if you're pissing her off, because I'm sure you won't be doing it on purpose. If I wave you down and you don't stop, though? Just remember, she may not be entirely subtle, but she's stealthy as shit, and I've seen her rip the heart out of one of Arse's High Priests... through half inch thick Cold Iron Armor. So if you do decide to court death by ignoring me telling you to back off? You will literally only see it coming if she wants you to." I stopped, thought for a second, then nodded. "We good?"

Wonder of wonders, he just smiled. "If Maenad Marie would indulge my preference for formality just the tiniest bit longer? I'd like to thank you, Marie, you and your sisters, for perhaps being an exemplar of what a Deity ought to be. Not by subordinating yourself, but by protecting and serving your chosen people. On behalf of Phileo, which might not exist today without you and yours, thank you."

Man, this dude could bring the blushes out of Marie something fierce. He also had the brains to stop and think about his questions, phrasing them for easy one word answers. "Could you demonstrate for me... well, I suppose on me, your ability to manipulate a living soul? Oh, there is, that, I hadn't even thought of it, can you manipulate a living soul?"

"Yes." So cute when she blushed. There would be more blushing tonight if I had anything to say about it.

I heartily agree.

Commandmenting commencing; plan out her enblushification, and I'll do the heavy lifting while you handle the detail work?

As my Goddess commands, so mote it be. I swear I have no idea how nobody else noticed Kitten practically glowing with epic smug.

Meanwhile Doc Zeccardi let out a chuckling sigh. "I'd say that was to both questions. Steven. Although I'm going to say no to your plan on being her test subject, because it's stupid." When Doc Glass blinked at that, Doc Zeccardi said, "I don't think you'll be able to observe very well if the organ doing the observing is being altered." With that he turned to Marie and asked, "will it hurt?"

"Yes."

"Well. That's unfortunate. Is it safe?"

"No."

"Even worse. I quite like life, as I said. Can you at least guarantee me that I'll survive more or less intact?" When Doc Glass moved to speak, he held up a hand.

Meanwhile Marie's eyes had flickered to me. At my barest hint of a nod, she said, "Yes."

After that we pushed a couple desks together so everybody could see, then Doc Z sat down in the middle of them tailor fashion. Just before Marie started, Isnomi clambered up onto the desk, grabbed him by the ears and turned his head so she could look him in the eyes, and started purring loud enough everybody in the room had to have heard it. Before anybody could comment, she nodded to Marie, who kinda pressed her palm into Doc Z's chest, then, leaving her palm flat, yanked her hand back like six inches. It blew my mind just a little when I saw a kind of glowing image of his bare chest sucked out of his front, following her palm.

"Joseph, are you okay?"

Doc Z took an unsteady breath, then let out a wheezy chuckle. Without turning from our Menace, he said, "I'd rate it as more painful than a catheter, but less so than a shattered one. I suspect some of that is Isnomi, though."

"Yeth. Duh."

"Oi! Mini-bitch! Be a little polite to friends when they're hurting."

"Oh tay." Good fuckin' God mini-bitch would be a handful as a tween.

She absolutely will. I'm glad I'll be playing the role of indulgent grandfather rather than disciplinarian father figure.

Just let me know if she shows up with some dude in tow, and make sure she doesn't get herself pregnant by accident or by stupid, k?

Stolen story; please report.

Of course, Tabitha Diaz. I will protect her in your absence, as best I can, at any rate.

Pfft, We both know you'd go full Jotnar Viking on anybody who harmed a hair on her head.

My head got real, real quiet for a second. I would. No question. But against something capable of doing her the slightest harm? I'm not certain even the depth of my wrath would matter.

Dafuq?

Has your wife told you your daughter's Domain yet? Or what I've divined it means? Would you like to know if not?

No, no, and yes, please, Boss.

Isnomi Aetos, the Menace, is the Mor Primordial of Predators. Her simplest and most frequently used expression of that Domain is the manifestation of any ability or attribute of any predator that ever was or might have is, anywhere and everywhere, inclusive of nowhere and nowhen.

I blinked. Did you just do grammar in a way that costs a whole lot extra, or do I need to meditate on that a bit?

Suffice to say that the interactions of Metaphoric Space with a Deity capable of making Kronos, Uranus, and Gaea find other beings to complain about are complicated to say the least.

Whoa. Wait, doesn't that mean she could, like, do anything any human could do? Or, y'know, human adjacent? Fuck, can she do anything I can do?

I did not expect the absolute riotous laughter that echoed through my head, soon joined by Sigyn's. To the best of my ability to Scry, she has learned only one thing from you in that manner. I waited through another gale of laughter, because I knew he wouldn't laugh at anything that put Menace in danger, until he forced out, foul language.

Oh, that clever little mini-bitch.

Indeed.

Thanks, Boss. You're the best.

I know.

When I looked at the demonstration again, Doc Glass had Marie slowly, carefully rotating Doc Z's stretched soul around his axis. When I looked at Menace, who had one of Doc Z's ears in each of her hands, I wanted to smack myself, because if her gaze were any more mesmerizing both she and Doc Z would have swirly hypno-eyes.

I spent the rest of the afternoon watching as my precocious little primordial terror used power that terrified other personifications of terror to keep her friend from hurting while he did something he thought important enough to hurt for it. If this is what being a proud Mom feels like? All those fuckin shit diapers were totally worth it.

When they finished up for the day, after Menace gave Doc Z's head a good glomping, the four of us gathered around Marie's cart. Just before I left, I heard Doc Glass whisper, "you're the strongest Soul I've ever known, Joe," before taking Doc Z's face in both hands and starting the process of what looked like a thorough kissing. Good for Doc Z, having somebody who knew that kind of shit took time.

When I stepped us back to our room, Isnomi hopped down from Marie's cart and toddled back toward her bed, shedding clothes and yawning hugely. I looked over when I heard Saffron tittering. "She reminds me so much of you, love," she whispered.

"No you." I smiled back at her as Marie followed Isnomi into her room gathering up shed clothing, then moving to tuck Isnomi into bed. That's when Saffron reminded me of my earlier commandmenting, shooting me a whole step-by-step detailed plan. Mostly pictures, both because I'm a visual learner and because omg free brain porn, yes, please.

When Marie stepped back into the bedroom, pulling the door shut behind her, she wound up with one of us dangling from each bicep. "So strong," Saffron purred.

I pouted as I replied, "but this uniform is covering up the prettiest bits." I looked up into pinkish Marie face and said, "can we take off the parts that are covering up the pretty bits?"

I sure as shit was glad I wasn't wearing panties to ruin when she got just a bit redder and whispered, "yes?"

A moment later, with her standing there completely naked, I got to watch that blush go full body like a lobster being flash cooked, only way sexier. What? It's been days since I got my glutton on properly. "That's better." I think a little steam might have shot out of her ears at that. They were definitely hotter than normal when Saffron and I each started playing with one a moment later.

Suffice to say that was not the last full body blush we got out of her. Also, glutton gotten on as properly as can be done in eight straight hours of nom. Weirdest adjustment to my here and now body? Never once gotten hair in my throat. Definite upgrade on the surface, but is it weird that I kinda miss it?

So by the time Menace wandered back into our room when false dawn colored the sky outside our window, we just all lay there in a tangled, exhausted pile. She just clambered up onto the bed, dragged the covers over all of us, and settled down to sleep more.

Hey Boss? I think we're gonna be a little late. Long night.

You, young lady, will be here no later than noon. We have things to discuss.

Ah, c'mon, Boss. I was busy displaying the depth of my appreciation for my favorite psychopomp. I tossed him Saffron's now thoroughly executed plan. I mean, we'd executed that shit harder than I neutralized Oliver Orange. Executed it so hard no governor's pardon would ever get it un-executed. Right about then I realized I'd also been sending the blow by blow of said execution straight to my Patron Dad God's brain.

Tabitha! he managed to croak out, scandalized. Please try just a little harder to keep me from forgetting that despite my paternal affection for you, we are not in fact blood relations, and plenty of Deities have done things at least as debased with their own flesh and blood. Sigyn is a jealous Goddess.

I heard her through my connection to him, "not that jealous."

NOT. HELPING.

I snickered a little before putting on my best contrite voice, like the actual contrite one, not the 'I've been a bad girl, daddy' one. Sorry, dad. If you really need to get back at me and having me scream for the brain bleach, you and Sigyn could just reenact that plan and you could splatter it all over my brain, point, and laugh as I clutch my head screaming.

All will be well, daughter. Besides, there are only two of us.

Don't tell me you expect me to believe you actually said that with your lying whore brain mouth, Boss.

So. Noon. No later.

Yes Dad. Thanks. My dad best dad.

I know.

When we finally rousted ourselves out, we stopped by Driver's for crepes, then left the biggest handful of coins I could scoop out as a tip when they refused to let me pay. A day's worth of crepes in hand, we hopped over to Loki's, handed Menace to Sigyn, at which point she announced she wanted to go see Bonnie, Liam, and the rest of her Lancaster House buddies.

Once they left and we had the table settled, Loki opened with, "so, I know you wanted to talk about 'overconfidence', but might I point out that you are, in fact, one of the most powerful Deities on the planet at present?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah. That makes it real hard to remember sometimes that it doesn't fucking matter that I can crack the planet in half if I can't control myself not to. Or use that power precisely enough for laser-guided divine karma application without causing the kind of massive casualties I did at the Walls."

Saffron interrupted me, saying, "you did not murder anyone, love."

I smiled at her. "Yeah, I know, I get that. I do. I mean, in my head at least. Still working on my heart. Not looking forward to working on my nethers once I've got that guilt under control, because every time it settles down a little, my lady bits start salivating over the carnage. Which is absolutely all kinds of wrong, and I really don't think you're gonna argue me out of that."

"Many of history's greatest warriors have needed to feel a lover's lustful touch after battles. It's a reaffirmation of life, and likely where the tradition of carnally gratifying our Heroes after their Heroic acts comes from."

I shook my head. "You're not wrong, but I'm not talking about 'close brush with death, need a brush to rub some life all over me like a Freshman guy with Axe body spray'. I'm specifically talking about the gore, the death itself causing some serious crotch lubrication. Like, a desire to get my bang on right there in the pile of blood and guts and shit, with 'violent violation of various victims' as a kind of between-bang aperitif. You can't tell me that's natural, or healthy." Loki and Saffron both stared at me, blinking, but Marie lay a hand on my arm and nodded. "You don't mean you..." Her gaze shut me up before I finished that bit of stupidity. "Right there in the middle of it all?" She nodded, and I said, "okay. I dunno, maybe it's a Psychopomp thing?"

"Yes."

"Whoa. Next you're gonna tell me Maenads habitually bang the... people they... Psychopomp." I wound to a stop as she just grinned at me. "Damn. One last fuckin' Revel, huh?"

"No."

I thought about it a second. "The first Revel of their afterlife? With a fucking world class Reveler? Like, literally?"

She smiled, half fond reminisce, half pride at my open acknowledgement that Murder Mittens got Skillz. "Yes."

I snorted. "Hey, I guess if you literally worship the D, the afterlife starting with getting your bang on with a Maenad would be pretty righteous. But... I mean... Okay, I got some seriously freaky kinks courtesy of a title I didn't ask for, but blood wrestling in the world's largest blood pudding isn't justification for me to puree a few dozen thousand people, y'know?"

"Fair."

At that point Saffron cut in again. "You realize that is a minority opinion among Gods, love?"

I looked at her with my best angsty tween look and said, "Okay, fine, when we correct that you're invited to play a very unique role in the Pantyless Psychopomp Post Passing Party."

She raised an eyebrow, "do I even want to ask what role I'd be playing?"

I nodded, solemnly. "one few, if any, living mortals get to play at one of those parties. Party favor."

Before Saffron could formulate a coherent reply Marie said "Yes."

Saffron gave up, laughed, and between chuckles forced out, "oh, no! Briar patch!"

Loki tapped his fingertips on the table. "I'm glad you're all feeling well, but I don't think this is a very productive line of discussion?"

"Oh, no, it's producing a whole lot of..." I cut myself off with a bark of laughter. "Yeah, I know. Sorry. But yeah. Do you guys mind talking through, y'know, where I ought to put the lines at the moment?"

"We'd be glad to," Saffron said.

"Yes."

So we did. Time flowed as oddly as ever. A moment, a day, an hour, a lifetime. Eventually we all stepped back to our bedroom. I pulled Saffron to me, banishing inconvenient fabrics, and said, "hey Kitten, you mind blurring some entirely different lines for a while?"

She draped her arms over my neck, murmuring, "I'd be glad to," as she pulled me in for a kiss.

"No." We both looked up to where Marie loomed over us. The woman has some world-class looming skills. I don't mean, 'oh, she's seven feet tall slouching in her stockings,' either. She's got the kind of looming skills that hit even before you realize that she is, in fact, over seven feet tall slouching in her stockinged feet.

As my nethers went into full on flight or fight or freeze or fuck or all at once mode, I whispered up, "we didn't upset you with what we did last night, did we?"

She reached out with one set of claws, drawing them across my face with just enough pressure to remind me they were, indeed, claws, without even leaving a welt. She shook her head, smiling at both of us. "No." When we'd stood there for a minute, me and I think Saffron desperately trying to keep our knees from buckling, Marie got her full loom on, and as she caught each of us around the waist with a set of claws that spanned our waists, reminded us of yesterday morning before we got out of bed with a whispered. "Anticipation."

She then spent the rest of the night both demonstrating that those lucky dead bastards are definitely grateful to have a Maenad Escort Ride them to the Elysian Fields or Hades or wherever the Maenad decided they were gonna get off; as well as reminding us she was more than capable of dealing with us with one hand on each.

One finger, really.