Dear Diary,

"Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive."

- Havelock Ellis

I never really thought about it like that before. After yesterday I started to feel some kinda way. Not jealous, because not only was getting to watch Saffron and Marie's responses without having to pay attention to causing them a special kind of treat all on its own, I also realized that what really makes me love my tyrant and tigress isn't 'ooh, they let me touch their naughty bits'. If naughty bits are involved at all, it's the care and attention they pay to mine, and not even 'they're really good at it', but that in those moments they make me feel like I'm the most important person in their world.

No, that's not quite it. While anything the three of us do tends to wind up being a little bit of two vee one, that's not always the case, and even, maybe especially when it's not, the attention they give me makes me feel like I'm worthy of that attention. Like I matter to them. Like I matter. Which makes me realize right now why it's not just bedroom games. It's Marie taking the time to learn new recipes just because I mentioned I miss them. It's Saffron probably rearranging her entire plan for our house so I'll have a family sized bath to get some nights of pain free sleep in. It's a collage of a million little things, a mosaic where even if some tiles stand out from the rest, the picture it shows... It's me, only a me so radically different from the way I see myself, so much better, that I almost don't recognize myself when I see myself through their eyes. It's the Academy Mural, the Sculpture of Light, all over again, only this time it's not by someone who's only ever seen me from afar.

It's by the two women who've seen me up close, day in, day out, in every intimate way, who might actually know me better than I know myself.

So, y'know, when I realized there was a whole section of one of my self help books on jealousy, I figured I'd give it a read, and I found that gem. Helped me realize that what I'm feeling isn't jealousy, it's some remnant of my Eastside life telling me I should be jealous while most of me is too busy overwriting vast portions of my private pearl polishing stash with imagery from yesterday. Not to mention a bit of me feeling just a tiny bit bad that I gave them the impression that I was unfair enough that I'd do something and then not let them do the same damn thing.

I mean, almost the same thing. The three of us have radically different dimensions, not to mention different preferences and hang ups, after all.

So today went pretty smoothly, all things told. Started out with bath time, and if Menace looked a little cranky about losing half of her playmates and Maze, she sucked it up and just asked when the next book was gonna start. Anna let me know that we'd be taking two dozen Maenads on the tour tomorrow. As the last two in the tub, Saffron asked me to wash her, and gently, because she was still a little sore.

After breakfast, Menace took her hyperkinetic preschool squad down to the courtyard, where they spent the first half of the day doing red rover and hopscotch, and the second half helping the Maenads with their little ones. Part of me feels some kind of way about babies living outside, but Lancaster House's doors haven't closed since Bonnie decided to leave them standing open for the Maenads, and I'm absolutely certain the Maenads wouldn't do anything to hurt those kids, so I'm just shutting up and letting the magically engineered nursemaid nannies do their thing.

Maze started the moment breakfast was done, read a little late, and finished up Hat Full of Sky. I made sure she let Menace know we'd be starting Wintersmith tomorrow.

I realized that as a seat cushion, I really couldn't do 'vibration', and the angle was awful for anything approaching backrubs. Okay, I tried, but that bent Saffron so far forward she couldn't really see her coding windows, and eventually, regretfully, she made me stop. Of course then I got a really awful idea and called up my rope darts. Securing the darts and rings to the chair behind me, I reached out to the part of me that could snug blindfolds and bindings down tight and... flexed. Moved. Slipped around her shoulders, her belly, her thighs, even a couple loosely connected loops wrapping around her biceps. "Let me know if they're too tight, okay Kitten?"

"If I pass out, they were too tight."

I chuckled, "Like to live dangerously, huh?"

"I did marry you."

"Ouch."

The frown in her voice clear, she snapped out, "did I in any way make you think that was a complaint?"

"Wait, you mean I'm not the source of our daughter's recklessness?"

She chuckled, her hands moving through the aerial dance they always wove as she coded. "Oh, I am never reckless. But her need to look danger in the eye, press herself up against it, and laugh in its face? Oh, yes, that she definitely gets from me."

I rolled all of the ropes along the surface of her skin, rolling and kneading at her muscles. Her hands froze, and I stopped. "Too much?"

"Tabitha Diaz, if you stop again I will find some way to make you regret it." I laughed, hugged her to me, and went back to kneading her with appendages I tried not to think too much about.

I dropped into Loki's cave to find Sigyn in her boots and miniskirt, bent over to unlatch Loki's wrists. Neither one noticed my arrival, and I couldn't tell if I regretted my chuckle when, the moment both of the stalagmites holding his wrists down came free, he flipped his wrists around to force Sigyn to stumble backwards and land butt-first on his face. I mean, on the one hand I felt a little bad that I'd obviously interrupted some spousal quality time between the two of them, but it's not like they couldn't do that pretty much every day of the week. Also, the deer in the headlights look when she heard me and looked up was hilarious, and the identical look on Loki's face when he realized she'd frozen and sat bolt upright only made it better, especially when she slid right down his front to land on his crotch. Sigyn is not a petite woman, and that's at least a solid eight foot drop there. Where her look of surprise had been laced with leftover bits of 'a little to the left, dear', his was absolutely flavored with 'ow, man pain'.

I couldn't help it, my chuckle turned into a full on laugh, although I managed to force out, "I can leave and come back later, if you want?"

Sigyn recovered first, mostly because Loki was still trying to pretend he wasn't in the throes of post testicle impact discomfort, and said, "nonsense, daughter." She shifted a little, and Loki's eyes crossed, but he sighed out in a bit of relief. "My dear husband has learned the joys of anticipation, he can simply simmer longer."

By that point he'd managed to get his voice and the rest of him under control enough to slide the table over in front of them and say, "Sweet Sigyn is correct, daughter." After both of them arranged themselves a bit, without Sigyn ever moving to leave Loki's lap, he followed that up with, "sit, sit. I don't believe you've managed to do yourself any mischiefs this week?"

I shook my head, then paused and shrugged as I pulled my chair over. "I mean, I haven't died. Haven't even really gotten into any kind of fights. There was a bear, but Marie took care of that. Liam and Daya took a spill, but I don't even think I got bruised catching them."

"What? Little Daya! Tell me!"

I spent a while I could never measure properly telling them about the near disaster on Friday, followed by listing out everything we'd done and planned to do to make Lancaster House safe for the little ones. Of course, that led me mentally up to the part I didn't want to and suddenly desperately needed to talk about.

Loki lay one hand on mine and said, "Daughter, tell us."

I laughed a little, looking away for a moment. "I'm getting pretty shitty at keeping stuff from getting out, huh?"

He smiled without a hint of laughter. "No, Daughter. But you are my High Priestess, and even if you were not, even were your mind not open to me, as mine no doubt is to you, you... you do us the honor of trusting us, and I have some passing familiarity with divining the moods of others even when they do not give me that trust."

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I smiled and squeezed his hand. "Yeah. Yeah. Wait... I can read your mind?" He shrugged, and I realized that was not a can of worms I wanted to open right at the moment. "Okay, yeah, I think I need Mom's... advice? On this one."

"Why do you hesitate, Daughter?" asked Sigyn.

I took a deep breath, blew it out. "Because I did some shit that my past life tells me is all kinds of wrong in the 'I'm married and shouldn't do that' sense, and some part of me is desperately throwing guilt at my ass, but... Shit, Saffron and Marie did the same thing I did, and the only maybe negative takeaway I've got from that is that thinking about it means I need to keep my hands on top of the table, because if I don't I'm sure as shit gonna try to sneak in some Single Player mode of what you two were up to earlier."

I went silent, and Sigyn just blinked at me for a moment before reaching out and taking one of my hands in hers. "Well. Let's keep your hands above the table then." She smirked at me, then said, "In all seriousness, what did you do that has you so out of sorts?"

"Two guys. Two hot guys. Two really hot guys at the same time holy shit I was joking about being a slut but fuckity fuckballs I'm actually becoming one and how the fuck can Saffron want to be with me if..."

"Stop." Sigyn's quiet pronouncement stilled me. Definitely a Norse Goddess, definitely right in the middle of her Domain. "You said Saffron... 'did' them as well?" I nodded. "Think about it. Dwell on it. Meditate upon your memory of that event. What feelings does that inspire in you?"

"Uh... can I have my hands back? Just one maybe?"

Both of them laughed, Sigyn's especially amused. "I think not, Daughter. Now, what makes you think she had any response other than the mirror of your own?"

I sat there, frozen, as that idea settled into my brain, so utterly foreign to me that it took me a long series of endless moments to come to any kind of terms with it. "But... she's hot."

"Has she not said the same of you?"

I shrugged. "Well, yeah, but... but..." I drew that word out until realization overtook me. "She meant that?"

Sigyn smiled at me. "You should probably speak with her about that, but I would assume so."

"From what she's told me, you are the focus of almost every fevered fantasy that occupies her mind," Loki said.

I waggled my shoulders, wanting to wave my hands around. "But aren't we supposed to be jealous about shit like that?"

I'd never seen Sigyn look at me like I'd just taken a crap on their floor before. Didn't like it much, either. "Why?" At my questioning look, she followed that up with, "I am the Goddess of Married Devotion. While Duty can be part of that, Love is and always will be part as well, whether that love grows from duty or the other way around. But... jealousy?" She spat the word like it fouled her mouth to speak it. "That has no place in love. It is a cruel mockery of love, the thought that someone is not just property, but property that you would rather destroy than see someone else enjoy."

"So... Jealousy is bad?"

She chuckled. "She is your daughter indeed, my Jotnar prince. Mistress of understatement."

I shook my head. "I'm gonna need some time to really digest that."

She nodded. "So be it." She leaned forward conspiratorially. "In the meanwhile, tell us every detail of your amorous adventures with your spouse."

"Dear, she is my Daughter."

Sigyn rolled her eyes. "And mine as well. Now," she wriggled herself a little to face me more squarely, then grinned, "either hush and let us girls gossip, or join us. Your choice."

He heaved a sigh that blew cool air across both of us hard enough to flop Sigyn's hair into her face. "My wife is cruel. So cruel."

She flipped her hair back, smiled, and said, "you love it."

"I know."

When the sun got to its highest point, I leaned the side of my face against Marie's chest, handed her the binocs, and said, "I'll be in Swanson's office if you need me." Then I stepped over to the big War Table.

A quick glance around the table showed all the major commanders gathered around the table, as well as Olga looking in through a window high up on one wall. The War Table itself had all the little Undead markers arranged more or less properly; maybe a little more than half of them in the destroyed box, about a fifth of what was left down in the unsecured southeastern district, and the rest all spread out through the portion of the City to the West of a no-man's-land of model buildings that had been crushed sideways. Blushing a little at the thought of how much property damage I'd done, I said, "Hey, guys. What's up?"

"Majesty," Swanson greeted me. "We will soon move into the next phase of our liberation of Calverton City. Before we begin, we hoped to get your input on our plans."

I shrugged. "Pretty sure everybody else in the room has more experience with this kinda thing than me, but I guess if everything goes to hell in a handbasket, it's my name on the big chair, so go ahead, hit me with your plan."

"Thank you, Majesty. As you recommended at one point earlier in our planning, we've kept things simple, and focused on maintaining overwhelming... local force superiority." His hesitation was more at the choice of words, since he'd picked up on the idea pretty fuckin' quick when I described it during our brief planning sessions way back when. "We've managed to keep combat casualties to a minimum, and have had no combat fatalities at all. Other than the very few deaths due to misadventure outside of combat, we've lost no one permanently, and the Black Dragon has allowed our wounded troops to recuperate fully, something otherwise unheard of when dealing with Miasma this thick."

I nodded. "Okay, yeah, nice review, but...?"

He smiled, and so did Olga. "Just setting the stage. Our process for taking the two northern districts was to take a beachhead, hold our taken territory with troops while our Heroic troops pushed forward to the natural choke points of the bridges into the district, sweep around to claim the shoreline, then spiral inward to eliminate the remaining Undead."

"Okay, sounds good, seems like it worked?"

"Indeed. When... Mimic's Kraken removed the possibility of Undead moving through the waterways, and... Mimic herself produced a killing ground between the districts and the rest of the City, your Troll Legion moved first on the South Central district, where you captured and healed a Death Knight."

"You mean..."

"Yes," he cut me off, and I took the hint. "General Hargreaves has questioned the former Death Knight, who has been completely cooperative regarding troops and placements. The Troll Legion has moved on to clearing the South Eastern district, and I expect they will complete that clearing within the next two days."

"Okay. I'm getting called in for that, aren't I?"

He nodded. "Most likely. Princess Olga holds the Northern bridge, and our strongest Heroic Undead Killer unit holds the Southern one. The Kraken assist the Trolls and harass the Undead, even beyond the killing ground. So should the Trolls face anything they cannot overcome, it seems most prudent for yourself and Maenad Marie to finish it."

"Got it. And after?"

He took a deep breath. "We may have to take risks."

"How so?"

I guess me asking politely rather than biting his head off relieved him, so he let out that breath and explained. "The remaining portion of the City is one large area with no real natural obstacles like the branches of the river that separate the Districts. From what we have learned, there are some thirty five thousand Undead remaining there; almost twice our number, despite our lack of losses, and as we keep two thirds of our forces in the Bay in reserve, recovering from Miasma exposure, almost six times the number we have in the field at any given time."

"So... what you're telling me is that if we stick our collective dicks out there, they've got a big enough manpower advantage to cut them off?"

Weyson winced. Hargreaves got that super serious look some guys got when they tried to hold laughter in. Olga, and Swanson froze for a second, then started laughing. I let it go on for a solid minute until I held up my hand. "Thank you, Majesty, for reminding us that when all seems lost, one can only laugh in the face of death and make your enemies pay dearly."

"Oh, fuck that noise. You forget you're talking to Loki's Champion here? When all seems lost it's time to get creative, and fuck them when, where, and how they least expect it."

The whole table, generals and aides and even the few troops I'd come to think of as 'enlisted' kinda leaned forward. "Okay, not gonna go over details now, because we're not secure, but for now... are we under any kind of time pressure?"

Swanson shrugged. "The latest messages from Heir Lancaster and Grand Councilwoman Driver tell us we'd best finish this up by last harvest at the latest, or we're likely to eat through our Winter stores before Spring."

"Uh, aren't we gonna have a problem anyhow then?"

He shook his head. "A fighter in the field eats far more than that same fighter hunkered down to endure Winter's snow."

I nodded. "Fair point. Okay. So we wanna close this out by... Fall Equinox?"

Everybody at the table looked around, but it was one of the Thralls who quietly said, "Norfolk's final harvest is after the Equinox."

"Okay, cool. Can we hold those two bridges with a third of our troops?"

All the general types in the room nodded firmly at that. "Absolutely."

"What if every Undead in Calverton came at one of them?"

Swanson hesitated, but Hargreaves spoke up. "Honestly it would be harder if they split themselves; they've got more than enough to saturate one bridge. Especially the Southern one, although that will change a little once the Trolls finish their current District and are ready to support the South bridge."

"Okay. If we had all of our troops holding those bridges, could we do it?"

Swanson nodded. "We might even be able to push forward a bit, set up at the far end of the bridge, and make that killing ground a killing ground in truth." Before I could say anything, he followed that with, "not far beyond the bridge, and using a Phileo-style combined arms approach to allow our troops to hold a line while our Heroic fighters destroy the Undead en masse. Slightly more risky, but we'd have the bridges to fall back to if any portion of our line seemed likely to be overwhelmed."

I nodded, bits of a plan flowing together not unlike they'd done before the Battle of the Bay. "Okay. For now, once we get the last District cleared? You guys hold. Play it safe. I've got some shit to prepare, some folks to talk to. But..."

I left that hanging there, let the tension in the room grow. Right when I saw a couple of them squirming like they were about to talk, I spoke. "twenty days from now, Calverton City will be free."

I grinned around the table, and watched them all dance between joy and terror at the look in my eyes.

"And every Undead in the City will be ash in the wind."