Dear Diary,

Just when things are getting intolerably weird and upsetting, hauntingly familiar shit happens and somehow makes it weirder by being normal.

So after the war vote went through, I let the Council members talk to their heart's content. Alexa proposed a vote for un-declaring war, which I ignored both times she did it. The second time Vincent Senior proposed a vote to gag Alexa. I'm really not sure exactly how he intended it, but I didn't call for that vote, either, since she shut the fuck up after that. Okay, I mean, she didn't shut up, but she stopped trying to undo our declaration of war. Eventually, well after the sun set, I called for a vote to reconvene in two weeks. At that point there were only like half a dozen people left in the room, and Vincent Junior, McCann, Marie and I carried the motion.

I turned to her, took her hand, and a step later we stood back at home in our cell. I focused on Saffron and thought, Kitten?

A few seconds later, I got a distracted, yet relieved, yes, love? in return.

Just checking in to be sure you're okay.

I'm fine. Given the pace Lancaster's setting and the time we took to set up a defensive camp for the night, the 'Damn Army might die of old age before we get there. How did the Council Meeting go?

I had to cudgel my sleep deprived brain to come up with a coherent answer. I managed to toss out, we're officially at war now. McCann joined us, only caveat is that we've got to accept a surrender or any peace deal that includes them fucking off and not coming back.

Excellent! In fact, just a moment. A second later she stepped into the room, leapt up to put her arms around my neck and kissed me thoroughly. She didn't even flinch when her tackle knocked me backward onto the bed. When she came up for air I just smiled sleepily up at her. "So, did Alexa give you any trouble?"

I shook my head, then remembered. "Oh, shit. I may have soft-committed us to considering happening to somebody once the war's done."

She pulled back, her nose scrunching up. "With Alexa? Goddess, I thought we were joking about you not having standards."

I shook my head. "No, not her. I mean, she's not un-hot, but I dunno, that'd be like a blow up doll or some shit. Nah, I might have done a little reflexive flirting with Vincent Junior."

She paused, thought for half a second, then barked out a laugh. "Oh, my. I think someone has a type."

"Huh?"

"Tabitha Diaz, Layer of Nerds."

I couldn't be bothered to struggle as she held me down and rained little kisses on my face while she laughed. "Not fair. Marie's not a nerd." I looked at her. "Are you?"

She just shrugged and grinned. "Maybe."

Saffron paused. "You know, you're normally a little more responsive than this. I don't exactly have a lot of time I can be away."

I grunted. "So. Tired."

She raised an eyebrow. "How early did you get up?"

I thought about it for long enough for her to open her mouth to ask again before mumbling, "Monday?"

She shook her head, then chuckled a little. "So you're not really up to being an active participant in anything."

"Wanna."

"I've no doubt you want to, but while your spirit is willing, your flesh has apparently hit its limit." She pushed herself up, walked over to Marie, and claimed Isnomi. She carried her over to her little bed, lay her down, and jostled her just enough for the menace's eyes to slip open.

"Ma!"

"I'm only here for long enough to tuck you in. Will you be a good girl for me and go right to sleep? I'll be so very sad if I think I left you here awake."

Isnomi lifted her arms and said, "huk."

Saffron knelt down and put her arms around the little one, holding her for a bit, until Isomi broke away and curled up on her bed. Saffron pulled her blankets over her and kissed her on the head. "I love you, my girl. Be good for Momma and Marie while I'm away."

"La ya. Niy niy."

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Saffron stood and walked over to me, then knelt by our bed and kissed my forehead as well. "Be good for Marie while I'm gone, Goof."

I chuckled. "Love you. Night night."

She smiled, stood, and asked, "you're too keyed up to sleep, aren't you?"

"Kinda locked down so I didn't fall asleep at the lectern, yeah."

She nodded and turned to Marie. "Once the little one is asleep, make sure she gets to sleep."

"Yes."

She gave Marie a hug and kiss, then stepped away and was gone. I'll be here if you need me, but I really do need to stay with my unit most of the time.

Right back at you, Kitten.

Then Marie descended on me. I was gonna make some kind of Isnomi-based protest, but she'd already started snoring. Oh noes. Marie-administered happy-ending-assured massage until I passed out!

I really didn't think I'd get more of a 'win at life' than that, what with Saffron being away and all, but at breakfast the next morning, which was surprisingly carb-based, with pancakes and waffles and something not entirely unlike French toast, Doc DeLeon sent a runner down to get me. I still hadn't completely recovered from sixty hours of non-stop go, but I trudged my way up there. "Good Morning, Cadet Diaz."

"Good Morning, Doctor DeLeon. What can I do for you?" I took a look at his plate for lack of anything else to do; either he'd eaten before he called me up, or he'd decided to go light on the carbo-loading this morning.

He leaned over so he could speak low enough for the rest of the high table not to hear. I leaned in and he murmured, "you're my only student today, and frankly you've already finished everything I teach in the class. Would you mind doing something a little unconventional today?"

I didn't have enough give a shit left in the tank to be suspicious. Worst case, he wanted to bump uglies and was bad at it, in which case I'd sick Marie on him when I was done explaining his inadequacy. Best case, maybe I'd get a day off. "Sure."

"Excellent!" He sat back up. "Could you find Marie and send her up here?"

"Sure." I nodded and wandered off in search of my Maenad. Maybe pointing Marie at him wouldn't be as much of a punishment as I thought. Hell, maybe he didn't want to poach or something. Whatever, I found Marie as she brought another load of incredibly perfect waffles in, stole two waffles, and told her Doc DeLeon wanted to talk to her. She grinned at me, nodded, and under the guise of slapping at my hands away from her cargo managed to gift me another waffle.

"What did Doc want?" Bill asked.

"No clue. Apparently everybody else in my class today is off to war, so he's setting something special up?"

"Ooh. Have fun with your one-on-one time with the Academy's biggest Law-Nerd, Diaz."

I just stared at Bill, low key horrified, at least as much by my own recently discovered fetish as anything he'd implied.

Breakfast ended. I trudged up to Intermediate Heroics, wondering if I'd wind up having to confess yet another Happening to Saffron, and at what point she'd get sick of it. Somehow, even though I'd left first, Doc DeLeon managed to beat me to the classroom, and by the time I got there he had a bunch of tables pushed together in the middle of the room, with a big piece of cloth holding them together like one big table. When he saw me enter, he raised his arms in greeting. "Cadet Diaz! Forgive the breach in formality, please, but may I call you Tabitha?"

"Sure." Yeah, I get monosyllabic when I'm tired and maybe a little anxious.

"Then you must simply call me Miguel, at least until your classmates return. There's a bit of a tradition here at Phileo Heroic, one I've not had the opportunity to indulge in prior to today."

I raised an eyebrow. "Do tell."

"You might want to loosen up your uniform a bit. No one here to see but the two of us, and..." as he spoke, he loosened up the knot holding his robe snug; not enough to open it entirely, but definitely enough to be loose and breezy under there.

Just before I pushed myself to decide which stupid decision I was gonna make, I heard the distinctive sound of Marie's cart wheels. A moment later, the smells hit me like a tsunami. Spices. Sugar. Fruit. Starch baked into sweetness. Pastry. All of it rolled over me in waves until I barely heard the menace announce herself with a hearty, "DAHDA!"

"Ah! Here's our senior Maenad with our first selections! As I was saying, on the day of harvest festival, the professor and class with the best academic performance traditionally gets to taste test all the desserts as the kitchens finish with them. Well, the meats and sides as well, but frankly I'm biased toward desserts."

Marie started unloading her cart, pie after pie on the big table in the middle of the room. Apple. Pumpkin. Sweet Potato. Pecan. Cherry. Peach. Lemon. Meringue. I lost track of how many she put out, but before I took even the first bite a realization hit me.

Kitten?

Yes, love?

Are you doing anything that you need to focus on?

I'm walking. On a road, more or less. Surrounded on all sides by soldiers. So, other than 'not tripping and being trampled', not really.

Damn. I'm not sure I should distract you with this. I'd ask you to step over, but I think somebody'd notice.

Somehow she managed to get a sigh to come through our mental link. Out with it, Goof. if you're Just Happening to someone, I'll be pissed if I'm missing it.

Oh, no, not exactly. Oh, wait a minute. I leaned over to Marie, "Is that a chocolate pie?" At her nod, I asked, "can you get me a slice of that one?" She plated it up and handed me an honest-to-god fork to eat it with.

Goof, if you do not explain yourself right now I may wax wroth with you.

Got your path picked out? This might be distracting.

NOW, Goof.

I shot sight, smell, sound, touch, and especially taste as I tucked into Marie's chocolate pie. For a bliss filled minute I heard little whimpers coming through our link. Then the pie was gone, and I looked across the rest of the spread.

Goof.

Yes, Kitten?

I will now have to lie to my unit and tell them I've been whimpering because of blisters on my feet or something.

You want me to stop?

Dial it back to just taste, touch, and smell, please. Also?

Yes, Kitten?

I will be deeply disappointed if you don't still taste of all that next time I get to taste you.

Aye aye, Ma'am. Stand by to receive transmission.

I have the best wife.

No you.

We will discuss this at length later. For now? Eat. Eat like your life depends on it!

And, because I am a dutiful wife who doesn't ever do anything to upset my woman, I did so.