Dear Diary,

"If you can rebuild, do that,

Instead of seeking Vengeance,

But build prepared to Defend."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance

Yeah, I get it, there's only so much a person can tolerate, but if everybody just gives up on building, on making shit, on... on the future, then I might as well just gather everybody up for one last Revel and push the big red button while everybody sleeps. I've already decided I'm not going to do that. I'm shit when it comes to building, to making things. Like, look at the fuckin' doggerel I'm spouting for my 'Holy Book'. That's me, trying to make something, at my best. But there's a difference between 'being ready to defend my family, my people, my home, that which I love', and Vengeance.

Like, I kinda get how even with Saffron clearly understanding how to build stuff out of wood or whatever, she's chosen to build in stone. Not even cobblestone, but purpose molded foot thick or thicker slabs, all bonded together with some kinda magical cyanoacrylate. Yeah, definitely 'thicker' in some cases, because I've noticed a couple places in the basement and first floor where she's taken two or more slabs and bonded them together to form one super thick one. There's some climate control in that, I'm sure, because if you get enough of anything it winds up being insulation. That's why caves and shit are cooler than the surface, right? But our house, our home, is still gonna be a fuckin' fortress.

I mean, yeah, the Black Dragon's guns could punch through that, I'm sure, but even there we're gonna have some shit dug directly into the mountainside. The whole fuckin' place is gonna be a bunker. Which, given how few real siege weapons I've seen anywhere else, including the few I scoped out on some of the ships in the harbor down in Calverton, not to mention the A.S.S. Questing Tentacle having fuckin' big assed crossbows on swivels instead of proper cannon, there ain't shit available that's gonna punch through our walls. What with all our buildings being connected underground, once we close our doors? We're fuckin' safe from whatever decides to fuck around outside.

Okay, I'm not sure about Dragons. Like, something the size of a jumbo jet crashing into them might do some damage. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure three foot of fuckin' stone is gonna hold up better than anything else I can think of short of an equal amount of plate steel. Also, from what they tell me about what happened to the Dragon I landed the Black Dragon on, they're not supernaturally sturdy or anything. Like, yeah, big bastards, but not 'I can ignore anything short of Deific intervention' tough.

Shut up, you know what I mean.

Speaking of, I do worry a little bit about that. Like, if some asshole God decides to come at us, whether they're gonna be able to go through the walls like they're not even there or something.

Some Deities are, in fact, strong enough to break three feet of stone. Others have other ways to deal with obstacles. Mother Domnu, for instance, could unmake the rock itself. Dad paused like he had to force himself to say what he said next. Your largest tentacles, my Daughter, could shatter stone like that, were you angered. My son Jormungandr could do so. But...

But?

First, Deities are loath to come at you directly, and some few have become aware of what has happened to those who have come at you indirectly. The list of those powerful enough to casually breach your home's defenses and stupid or ignorant enough to do so is fairly small.

How small?

I can think of only two; Ares and Zeus. But there may be others.

And second?

He chuckled. Unless I miss my guess, your wife will not rest content with simple stone. I suspect that there will be enchantments layered into the rock. It's not apparent to those without eyes to see, but your home sits on a deep well of Mana, and if she is the Archmage I think she is, any violent damage will cause your home will tap into that Mana to... defend itself.

Good to know. Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

I know.

Gotta make sure Kitten knows I'm down to help her if she needs it. But as noted, my core competency isn't building shit. It's wrecking shit. I guess I came to terms with that before, because that seems like the kind of thing I'd be upset about, but... I'm not.

So yesterday Loki worked his Soul massage magic on all four of us as Sigyn experienced the kind of giddy maternal glee I think is only possible for grandmothers. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, for all that I've only consciously known them for like a month. But I get that they've all got their downsides. Lindsey is kinda standoffish, and it's hard to tell when she's upset. Alex, on the other hand, winds up seeming upset even when she's not sometimes. David is so the epitome of girly that I think he might actually do some kind of highlander sword battle to the death if he ever met someone more girly than him, with the winner winding up even more girly than before. Which doesn't sound bad until you realize there are, in fact, some downsides to even the most innocuous of typical gender roles. Maze is an absolute smart ass. Isnomi makes Maze and Alex seem mindful and demure. Daya... Daya just doesn't like me much, I don't think. Like, she doesn't hate me? At least I don't think she does? She just doesn't really connect to anybody but Marie and Saffron.

But all of those are really just minor quirks that only really get annoying over the course of weeks. Honestly, I think if I thought I'd be around forever, I'd try harder to come to terms with them, to work out some kind of compromise. But instead I'm just enjoying every minute that I get with them, and trying to make sure they're enjoying the time with me. I get that when the curse is gone, and so am I, or at least this version of me is, they'll just remember this time as me. I really hope Future Me can find those compromises, can use the relationship I've built up with each of them during bath times and little moments to help them grow out of their flaws, or into them, or whatever. To be a good parent for them. I just really hope I don't wind up that particular punch line. You know the one. "Past Me? I hate that bitch."

So when Saffron was done on the table, Loki handed her to me, and I carried her over to a big pile of blankets and pillows Marie had brought from somewhere. She practically flowed out of my arms onto the makeshift bed like jelly, and when she flopped bonelessly to the ground she first giggled, then waved me down to whisper, "Smite me."

"Uh..."

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A big goofy grin stretched her lips, and she giggled, "the Shape, Goof."

"I... I'm not sure I remember that one? Can you show me?"

She slipped into my head, and I think she shape she formed might have been more than a little sloppy, but when she pointed it at herself and touched it to her breast, her eyes rolled back in her head then fluttered closed. A contented sigh leaked out of her and she whispered, "thank you."

I didn't hear her snoring, or I'd swear she went to sleep.

Siobhan went next, and I definitely think he took his time with her. Where with Saffron and even myself when I had the angle I'd seen him actually flex, really put some of his Jotnar strength and size behind mauling our big muscles, with her everything was delicate, like he was working with fine china, or lace, or maybe pastry. Yeah, pastry seemed maybe right, the kind that had all kinds of lacy bits. When he finished and she lay there utterly loose, I leaned over and said, "you want me to Smite you too?"

Her eyes slipped open, and the tiniest bit of eager curled her lips into a smile. "Remember, my Goddess, if I die my final reward is to grace your Bed forevermore."

"Uh..."

"Yes, please."

I shrugged, figured if I could Revive people the risk was minimal what with three Gods in the room, and powered up a Smite.

Five.

Huh?

Five. You. Me. Sigyn. Isnomi. Marie.

I blinked. Oh. Right. Then I settled my Smite onto Siobhan's breast, and I almost thought I'd melted her the way she got even looser. A tiny sigh escaped her lips, and her eyes glowed a little as her eyelids fluttered. As gently as I could, I pulled her off the table and carried her over to lay her next to Saffron. Then, while Marie got herself up on the table for Dad to start therapeutically mauling, I got a wild hair up my ass to play dolls with the two of them and, moving them just as slowly and carefully as I'd carried Siobhan over, posed them in a maybe just a little suggestive embrace. Then I got maybe a little worried that I'd crossed some kind of line, right up until Saffron's voice whispered into my head.

I can't kiss her if our lips aren't touching.

"Uh..."

She can't, and I would be very sad if she didn't.

"Okay then." I took a minute to rearrange them just enough that their lips touched, then stepped back.

Thank you, love, they chorused in my head, the edges of their perceptions teasing at my own.

Right about then Loki cleared his throat. "Next?"

I walked over to collect my Maenad, who kinda slithered off the table and drooped around my shoulders like a warm, heavy, purring shawl. "Be right back, Dad."

I carried her over to the other two, who might have moved, maybe not, but their smiles were pressed together and interlocked. "You two want a blanket?"

Can't answer. Lips busy.

Nope, can't answer. Blanket would be nice though.

Siobhan!

What? It would.

True.

"So, you wanna be a blanket?"

"yes" Marie breathed out so low I could barely hear her.

"Okay then." As gently as I had moved Siobhan around, I lay Marie down over them. Working off how Dad had manhandled Saffron but been oh so delicate with Siobhan, I put most of Marie's weight on Saffron, but made sure enough of our Maenad covered both of them that they'd be nice and toasty in the ever so slight chill of the cave.

Siobhan giggled. When the other two made questioning noises in my brain, she thought, purring.

Marie just purred louder, and Saffron's cheeks dimpled a little as she grinned. I Shaped, leaned over, and released a Smite into Marie as I ran my hand down her back. I swear to fuck that it looked almost like she melted over them like cheese melting into chili.

I walked over, hopped onto Loki's table, and lay down in front of him. I have no idea how long he worked on me. Hours. Minutes. Days. An eternity. When he finished I lay there completely loose, utterly at peace with the world. He waved his hands a bit, then asked, "Daughter, may I?"

Didn't feel like moving my mouth. Huh?

"I saw the Shape you used on the others. I think I've got it right."

Sure.

"You're certain?"

Trust.

He lowered his hand, laying his open palm on my belly, and I felt soft, cool, blue light flow outward from the point of contact, relaxing every part of me it hit. "Shall Sigyn carry you over to your partners?"

I c'n do it... I rolled over.

I kinda twitched, and he laughed, then called out, "dear, could you?" A moment later Mom lifted me in her arms and carried me to bed, laying me over my cool Ice Pop body pillow, my warm Murder Mittens blanket draping herself over me a moment after I settled.

Mom pushed my hair back and kissed me on the forehead. "There you go, Daughter. Rest well." Marie made the tiniest whine, and Sigyn chuckled, then did the same for her. Before the other two could react, she followed suit with them as well. "I'll care for your little ones for as long as you need."

I lost track of how long we lay there, moving with glacial slowness when we did at all. Our perceptions bled into one another, a slow drift from one to another. Faint smells and tastes. Sea. Smoke. Spice. Mint. Ice Pop might have felt some kinda way about that last for an ephemeral moment before the feeling drifted away like cotton candy melting in my mouth. Dad?

"Did you need something, Tabitha?"

Mind if we come back for the kids?

He laughed, waved Sigyn over, whispered something to her. She laughed as well before saying, "Why do you think I told you what I did?"

I blinked at that, the whole concept of 'past' having been leached from me over the past however long it had been. Then I remembered. Smiled. Twitched. Melted into the others where we lay surrounded by a cocoon of kaleidoscope mirrors and softness.

Dreamt of them laying there in my mouth, forever melting. Karen showed up and laughed softly, pouring Karen shaped amphorae of spiced wine over all of them as they laughed. Weird isn't always bad.

Woke utterly unable to move, with Saffron's voice and Siobhan's whimpers in my head.

I have found a problematic side effect of this, love.

The not being able to move thing?

Which is not a problem for Goddesses like yourself or Marie.

I lay there uncomprehending until her perceptions slipped into mine and holy crap I had to piss like a fuckin' racehorse. Karen, need you, no danger but kinda urgent.

A moment later she arrived, no Mana Blades out, but in her full regalia. "Yes, My Goddess?"

Could you maybe take Saffron and Siobhan to the Lancaster House bathroom and help them with the toilet? Temporary paralysis thing.

Credit where it's due, I felt her holding her laughter in, but couldn't detect the slightest hint of it on her face or in her voice. "As My Goddess wishes."

Just stay loose, ladies. Karen has you. Bring them back when you're done?

"As you wish." She shifted them each around carefully, then hefted one of them in each arm. A while later, I've no idea how long, she returned with both of them and lay them back where they'd been, tucked in between Marie and I.

Sorry about that.

"Whyever for?" She honestly looked confused. "You are my Goddess, and I know you would not call if you did not need me. Honestly? I'm honored that you would trust me so."

Huh?

"You... you trust me with your wife, your concubine, both utterly helpless, and with yourself and Maenad Marie, equally helpless. I am humbled by your trust."

I couldn't shrug, but I tried to send the emotion her way. Of course I trust you. You're good people.

No fuckin' clue why she got so flabbergasted about that. Totally hopped up on the bed just far enough to grab my hand and kiss it, then get all flustered and bounce away. Like, literally, disappeared mid bounce.

Spent the rest of the day just lying there, slowly losing our collective paralysis, helping each other to move just a little bit at a time. Some time in the afternoon, Loki pinged me.

Are you ready for the children?

Can't you tell?

I could look through your eyes, but choose not to, lest I see something I ought not.

Now you know I'm gonna try to get you to do that, right?

I think they're missing you, Daughter.

"You ladies ready to go home?" When all three made quiet affirmative noises and lay their hands on me, I twitched and we lay in our bed in Lancaster House. Okay, we're home. I sent him the image of us in our bed. He sighed into my skull, and a moment later we were buried in squealing kids.

Some days, life is good.