Dear Diary,

Okay, so after explaining the basics of the trebuchet to Lancaster Senior yesterday, Saffron and I wound up missing breakfast entirely. I know I'm forgetting something about them, but I managed to remember that they use an actual hinge, and the short end of the throwing arm usually has a big basket full of rocks or something else heavy.

We spent the bulk of the day doing weapons drills. Endless fucking weapons drills. Kinda funny, but wound up having a weird conversation on the way back from depositing our squads' weapons back in the armory.

"Dammit. I really wish I could get some Crossbow time in. They look hella fun."

Saffron sighed and shook her head. "Not as fun as Vulcan. Not as easy to use, either."

"That would be why I want to get some practice in."

"It's not all it's cracked up to be." Of all people, I didn't expect Larry to be agreeing with Saffron. Then again, he was disagreeing with me, so maybe that balanced out?

I thought about how badly his dad treated him and held in my snark long enough to say, "hey, at least you get to play with them a little."

He shook his head. "That's all I'm doing. Playing. My father doesn't see any worth in me, so he's relegated me to the back lines."

I sighed, breathing out the word, "dumbass."

Of course he heard it. "What did you say, Bag?"

"That you're a dumbass. Your dad put you in the crossbow units because with crossbows your aim matters more than your height. He thinks you're more useful there."

He put a hand on my shoulder. Not violently, but insistently. "How do you know that?"

I shrugged his hand off. "Because he told me so." I didn't want to continue, but fuck it. Maybe undysfunctionaling the Lancasters might increase Saffron's odds of survival just an erg. Worth some words while we walked to the Dining Hall at any rate. "Also, and I'm not gonna say he told me this part, because he didn't, but I want Saffron as far back in the lines as I can get her because I care about her. Maybe your dad thinks you'll have a late growth spurt or something. Or maybe he's not quite as colossal a dick as he appears and he actually cares about you because he's your father. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't bet on it, because he is a colossal abusive dick, but you can dream, right?"

He just stood there, unmoving. Eventually, just before Saffron and I turned to go, I noticed some water dripping from his chin. It didn't look like sweat. Poor fuckin' runty bastard.

As we got into the Academy proper and put a wall between us and him, I muttered, "When the fuck have I become Team Mom to the fuckin' Barbie Brigade? Why the fuck have I become Team Mom to the fuckin' Barbie Brigade?"

Saffron spun around, the back of one forearm going to her forehead, falling gracefully across my front, forcing me to scoop her up into a princess carry. "Alas, while I recruited another to assist me with my lover's rapacious sexual demands, my sole offspring is not sufficient to fulfill her motherly needs!"

I laughed as I carried her up the stairs. "So you're saying you're feeling the need to be impregnated or something?"

She snorted. "Hardly. Besides, how would we manage that?"

How could I leave such an obvious deliberate straight line untouched? "Loki powers activate!" I looked down at her from beneath Lancaster's artfully shaggy blond locks. She mostly-fake shrieked and tried to squirm out of my arms until I switched from Larry to Lachlan.

At that point she folded her arms across her chest and pouted. "Better, but still no."

"Picky, picky, picky."

"I mean, you could try you as a boy."

Can't really do someone I haven't ever seen.

She flopped face first into my chest. Did you just forget your excuse for being able to shapeshift isn't actually an excuse?

"Oh, right." I suddenly knew why guys adjusted so often. Exterior plumbing apparently folds unpleasantly. After a few moments as guy-me, I went back to normal-me.

"Aww. You were cute."

I looked down at her. "I'm not cute now?"

"Well, yeah, but different cute."

I shrugged. "This cute can't get you preggers."

She nodded, "true, and right now being pregnant wouldn't be a wise choice."

"I mean, might get you out of combat duty."

Her gaze locked with mine, "why would it do that."

"Really?"

She nodded.

Stolen story; please report.

"Fuck."

She nodded again. "Indeed. But not with either of us as a boy, at the moment."

"So you want another later?"

She shook her head, shuddering a little. "I might want any number of stupid or insane things. But at this moment? No, I don't think I will."

Dinner was good; apparently somebody'd killed a whole herd of fatted calves, because we got steak again. All of us but Bonnie and Fred got ours rare, and theirs really looked and smelled more 'medium well' than 'well done', but it was un-pink enough for them to enjoy it, so it's all good.

This morning Isnomi woke us up drumming on our desk with my trebuchet demonstration sticks. Little bit monotonous, but the kids got rhythm, at least.

Saffron and Lancaster got to spend all day today firing round after round at the buoys in the river, while I wound up assigned to take units through endless laps of the Boulevard. When I say endless, I mean endless, too, at least for me. I figured when the guys started flagging I'd do another lap then let everybody have a rest, but the moment we hit the end of the lap, Big Poppa Leonard showed up with another unit for me to take running.

I mean, I get it, I do, there's no way any batch of Volunteers is gonna run me into the ground, and it's not like I've got awesome spear skills to pass on to the troops. But this? This I can do like nobody else. So I did. Lap after lap, leading the jody calls, swapping out units every time they ran out of steam. Lunchtime came, and when I went to pull in for a pitstop? Fucking Potami showed up with another fucking unit. I threw my hands in the air and shot her a 'what the fuck, Potami?' look, but she just pointed back to the Boulevard. As she nommed down a fuckin' sandwich.

"God dammit. When do I get a fuckin' break?" I muttered as I took my position in the new unit and started on yet another half-remembered jody call. "I don't know but I been told!"

"I don't know but I been told," my new guys chorused.

"Bein' soaked in sweat gets mighty old."

Half of them laughed when they responded, but they did respond, even as I pushed them into a run. Right about then Loki's voice filled my head. Champion? May I?

Whatever you think will help, Boss. I just run laps. This is my life now.

A familiar cool feeling washed over me, and if I didn't really stop sweating, at least I had way less cloth soaking it up and keeping it against my skin. Also, I realized right then that I'd worn the soles out of my uniform boots, as my traction went from 'yeah, sorta' to 'abso-fuckin'-lutely'. My unit cheered, and the weird thing? I didn't get even a little bit of a catcall vibe out of it.

On the next lap? I saw Potami had a whole line of units doing basic spears-up movement drills while waiting for their turn on the Boulevard. The woman herself? Shot me a full on Grin of Approval, no Tiny about it. I mean, maybe she just wanted me to see it without slowing down or getting off the track, but it still felt pretty good.

Round and round the track I went. I'd lost count of how many laps I'd done mid-morning, and by midafternoon I knew I'd started repeating Jody calls some time around then, but nobody called me on it, so fuck it.

I ran until it got dark, Potami taking the last unit off my hands to go check in their equipment, leaving me standing at the bottom of the steps walking in little circles. I did not want to find out how bad I would freeze up if I didn't do a proper cool down. After a little bit, Lancaster Senior walked down the steps and joined me. "Walk with me."

I shrugged and followed.

"Do you know why I had you doing this today?"

I shrugged again. "Permission to speak freely?"

He didn't look at me, he just chuckled and said, "when have you ever needed permission for that, High Priestess?"

"Okay, fine. You had me doing it because you're a sadistic fuck just like your God?"

He sucked at his teeth, and his whole posture got a whole lot less friendly, but then he shook his head and unclenched. "I suppose I can see where you'd think that, but no."

I thought about it for a bit, then went with my earlier assumption, "because I'm the only one who can?"

A quick Gallic shrug, followed by, "I'm sure at least one or two Heroes could have run all day like you did. Perhaps even matching your pace, which I will note was impressive for a Hero, let alone a Freshman Cadet. Although if you're not talking about running, you're not far wrong."

"Yeah, I think you lost me?"

He nodded. "Not surprising. I think I've mentioned, you are a blunt instrument. But if you would not mind me speaking to Cadet Diaz for a moment?"

I shrugged, "I'd take my hat off, but I don't have one, and I think people would get the wrong idea if I take my panties off. Go for it, Cadet Diaz at your service, sir."

For a moment he shook his head and stared at the ground. Then he glanced over at me. "I didn't expect to take Cadets along on this expedition. The only reason I will be doing so is how many Volunteers you recruited. From what I'm given to understand, there are still more Volunteers showing up every day."

"Yeah, makes sense."

If my flippant reply annoyed him, he didn't let it show. "That means once the Grand Army of Phileo and Camden leaves for the front, there will be more troops to train. While it is my fervent hope that upon seeing our overwhelming forces, the New Amsterdam leadership chooses to negotiate for peace, it would be foolish indeed for me to plan for that."

Fucker already acted like he was the one in charge of everything. I'd looked it up; technically Headmaster Miles was in charge of training in duBois' absence. Yeah, he'd pretty much handed the duty off, but I kinda thought that was more to keep Lancaster Senior too busy to do too much in the way of political shenanigans. "Okay, so, the Freshman Cadets are going to keep training troops?"

He nodded, "and, should the need arise, lead them to join us."

"Okay, so what does that have to do with me running endless laps?"

"In that dress?"

"The dress matters?"

He actually smiled, which had me getting just a little pissed. I mean yeah, being the biggest fucking distraction in the world was one of Loki's obvious intents putting me in this damn thing, but that didn't mean I enjoyed the idea of the image of me in The Dress entering Lancaster Senior's private spank bank. "Yes, it does. You are likely one of the more visible Cadets in that dress; even among Heroes, only a few will stand out as much as you in that dress. As such, everyone will know when you and our reinforcements have arrived."

Gotta admit, that had me a little confused. "Uh, okay?"

"If we must call you up, it will mean we have not overwhelmed our enemies. In fact, I will not call for you unless we need those troops. Unless we will lose without them. Which means that when you arrive, we will be losing."

Shit started to come together in my head. "Morale?"

He turned that 'leader of men' smile on me, and fuck me, but I responded nearly as much as I did to Tiny Potami Grins of Approval. "Exactly! By the time we leave, I want every Volunteer in our army to know you and that dress on sight, and to know, have experienced personally, just how unstoppable you are. When they see our reinforcements arrive, I do not want them to despair because we've had to call on our reserves. I want them to rejoice, because their salvation is at hand."

I huffed out a sigh, trying to free my brain from his charismatic bullshit. "Yeah, no pressure or anything. I just gotta save everybody, right?"

He scoffed. I'd never heard an actual scoff before. Weird. "Of course not. Your presence, combined with the reputation you are building now? Is what will allow them to save themselves."

God dammit. Why the hell does this giant asshole have to actually make sense?