Dear Diary,

"Everyone gets a chance,

No matter where they are from,

A chance to live their own life."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism

I'm trying to decide how I should do this. Whether I should go hard on the 'everybody's of equal value before me' or 'judgement has to be fair, and here's what I mean by that', to do one then the other, or to just alternate between the two. I know I ought to be thinking this through, but every time I do I spiral into 'which one is more important', 'you can't have one without the other', 'how do I cram it all in', and then either my brain goes into a depressive anxious death spiral or I lose myself thinking about a foursome with the boys and Saffron.

Eh. I think I'm just gonna go with whatever speaks to me each day. I'm gonna go back over this thing at least once before I do a good copy to mass produce, so I might as well just get something on the page every day. I read something about that once, about Sir Terry fuckin' Pratchett of all people, that he wrote two hundred words a day. Shit, I'm not even aiming that high, but then I'm not looking to write three and a half dozen books encapsulating the pragmatic best of English language philosophy, I'm just tryna put together a pamphlet on how not to be so much of an asshole that you piss me off enough for me to ram your head up your own ass. Which is yet another entendre to add to cramming it all in.

Yeah, I'm kinda fuckin' predictable. But it's a way to get my fuckin' Endorphins going when nothing else will, and I've discovered that when I can keep that balance, when I can avoid letting the Black Dog win, and do so without losing myself to hate and rage, I can maybe do some decent things. Sometimes. I Cured all those people during the plague. I Cured the refugees and Army of Calverton, and did the same to Newark and New Amsterdam as an encore. I set up the whole 'zero combat fatalities' Liberation of Calverton. Shit, I'm particularly proud of that last one. Not just a major military campaign with no combat fatalities, which is damn near unheard of back in the world of modern medicine and computer assisted planning, but one here and now, with nothing but planning and caution and proper delegation to people who knew what the fuck they were doing.

Speaking of, I woke up this morning at sunrise. I think it's actually what woke me, the feeling of the sun cresting the horizon to the east. Still so weird that I could feel that, just an instant before the light leaked in from the other room. I tried to sit up, but my whole front rippled with tiny lines of pain; things head healed superficially, but I still needed more Healing, more time. Fuckin' Conrad... I took a deep breath, ignoring my body's, my skin's complaints. My boy Conrad's shit worked exactly as designed. Both in the sense that they got to see what they needed to see, in the sense that I left without even any new scars, and let's get real, he built it out of two fuckin' torture devices, and I could absolutely confirm that that shit was torturous. Gotta be proud of your kids when they're good at something, even if it's something you'd rather they weren't.

Shit, maybe somewhere my mom is even proud of me for being able to wreck the fuck out of shit.

I whispered, "Mittens, you up?"

"Vlickies." she murmured into my neck.

"Could you maybe help me sit up a little?"

She slipped her arm under me, careful not to brush against any of my still not quite re-healed scars, and gently lifted me up just far enough for her to slip behind me, slouching and letting me sit up just enough to see the pair spooned up using my abs and hips as a pillow.

"They're so fuckin' cute I can hardly stand it."

"Yes."

We lay there like that for a while, her gently combing my hair with her claws, me running my palms across her legs, reveling on the soft fur on her shins, on her thighs. Eventually something roused my Kitten, and I got to watch as she did her taste test of the world against the back of Siobhan's neck. Her brow furrowed as her tongue tapped once, twice, three times against Siobhan's habit. A moment later headdress, dress, and all disappeared, and Saffron nuzzled in to continue her taste testing.

"Like mother like daughter," I whispered, snickering quietly, because I felt Siobhan stirring against my belly.

"Yes."

"Hey, I've never disappeared somebody's clothes... for something that... for that particular reason." She made an absolutely doubtful noise, and I banished her maid's uniform so I could grab her tail and stroke it. "Oh, hush you," I said through a mouthful of tail as she thwapped me with it.

Right about then Siobhan sat up, or tried to, as Saffron's arms kinda pinned her in place. "Oh!"

"Good morning, Ice Pop." Saffron murmured into the back of Siobhan's neck.

Siobhan lay her hands on Saffron's, interlacing their fingers even as she, seemingly without thinking about it, moved them to cover up her good bits. "I'm, ah, unexpectedly..."

"Beautiful." interrupted Marie.

"Hey, that's not true, Marie. We've all known how beautiful she is. Inside and out. If anything was unexpected it's her sheer level of horniness."

"Pot. Kettle." Murmured Saffron from where she still hid in Siobhan's hair.

I shook my head, "oh, hey, it wasn't a complaint or anything. It's like an added bonus prize." I reached down to lay my palm on her cheek. "She's not just beautiful in every way I can think of, she's talented, hardworking, and on top of being a perpetually cool living pillow, she's also a perpetually thirsty living thirst trap." I paused, watching as she tried to hold her breath, but then it caught as my naughty Kitten shifted ever so slightly. "What's not to love?"

Her eyes got really big. "Love?" I smiled at her, and she squirmed.

"Are you telling us you do not love Tabitha?" asked Saffron.

"Of course I do! I... I mean... I'm sorry, Saffron."

Siobhan's worry showed clear on her face as Saffron pulled her face away from the back of Siobhan's head. Of course, she couldn't see the broad, slightly wicked smile on Saffron's face, only hear the stern tone in her voice. "So, do you not love me?"

"No, I do! I do! I..." She looked at me like she thought one of us was going to bite her.

"So... is it Marie you don't love?"

Siobhan's face twisted into a confused, considering look. "I've... I'm sorry, Marie, I've never thought of that before. But," she smiled shyly, "I suppose I do?"

Marie heaved a sigh, and I patted her tail. "Yeah, I know, Mittens. Always picked last, even though you're clearly the most valuable player on the team."

"But I..."

Saffron's hand, fingers still interlaced with Siobhan's, slipped over her mouth. "You're worried that you've overstepped your place." Siobhan nodded. I think she even started to tear up. "What do you think, Marie? Has our tasty little Dan treat overstepped the traditional bounds of a Concubine's place?"

"Absolutely."

"Hmm... I concur. So, Tabitha. As our Goddess, what shall happen to our naughty little Sister of the Academy?"

Some tiny part of me felt a little guilty. Okay, maybe not entirely tiny, but I absolutely knew what Saffron was about. I stared deep into Siobhan's eyes, trying to keep my face stern, but probably hitting something closer to bemused. "Siobhan?" I watched as the worried sorrow in her eyes slipped just a touch toward something else. "I gotta say, part of me wants to say we ought to ask Conrad," her eyes popped wide open, and her breath caught. I smiled as other bits reacted just like I thought they would. I waited a few moments while her breath got ragged. "But only because I know exactly how much and why you love to be scared. Ice Pop, I honestly do not give a shit about what's 'appropriate'. I love you. We love you. Right?"

"Yes."

"Of course we do," Saffron huskily whispered across Siobhan's ear. "I have found that I agree completely with Tabitha's assessment. Or did you think we did not love Marie, or that we'd asked for her hand in marriage for some reason other than that? In fact, Marie?"

"Yes?"

"Do you remember what I said to do to anyone who complained about you overstepping your place as our Concubine?"

"Gut. Them." Marie growled out.

"Exactly. Please do so to anyone who makes similar complaints about Siobhan, if you would?"

"Duh."

"Siobhan?" I said, to catch her attention.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"Yes... love?"

I chuckled a little as I said, "with the understanding that our Kitten might get hella pissed if you overuse that particular phrase, not because she's upset that it's true, but because she's jealous of the word itself? My lips hurt." She made an inquisitive little noise, and I followed that with. "Kiss them better, please?"

I couldn't bring myself to blame her for exacerbating some of the healing scars across my front, because her cool skin was an absolute balm against them, like her lips against mine.

"Now I'm feeling left out."

Uh, oh. We're in trouble now, Ice Pop. Marie's got me on her lap, I'm all immobilized, and you're pinned.

Pinned? Siobhan thought, right before I put my arms around her. Oh. Her face, her lips, warmed against mine.

"Marie? Pillows?" A few moments later Saffron stuffed pillows under my butt, and then I heard a very distinct slap of skin on skin.

You just love playing around with that thing, don't you?

"I have Skills which require its use."

Require?

"Well, raising them is certainly easier this way. Besides, you've never complained when I use them," here she switched to that awesome little sing song, "to fill you with endorphins."

A while later, floating on a cloud of endorphins, smiling Siobhan cuddled against me, satiated Saffron draped over top both of us, I managed to wheeze out, "wasn't. Complaining." Saffron snickered, and I asked, "what?"

"Ding."

"Oh, fuck, I'm in danger."

She snickered again. "Ledger."

"Wait, wait, wait, what did I do?"

She grinned, then levered herself up to look at me. "Oh, no, love. I'm just pointing out that, among other things, that's why I'm working on certain skills." Her voice dropped into a register that made me quiver a little and said, "to make sure you pay and are paid in full, Goof."

"Oh, shit, I am in danger, aren't I?"

She laughed at that, and before long the rest of us were laughing too. Of course, I tried to move Siobhan, I think with the intention to pounce on my Kitten, but then my scars reminded me that they had not, in fact, healed fully. "Ouch. Guys? Little help on the Healing front?"

Siobhan gasped, looking adorable as she covered her mouth with one hand. "Tabitha! Did we hurt you? Goddess forgive me!"

Saffron slapped her on the ass and then rolled her off of me, rolling off my other side to kneel over me. "If she was in that much pain, she could have, should have, maybe would have said something. Unless she didn't want us to Heal her earlier, for reasons I shan't elaborate?"

I snorted. "Nah. Just too damn thirsty for you two to wait. Or remember. Endorphins. They're a hell of a drug."

"Shall we then, Sister?"

With that, the two of them wove their hands through one shape, then another, and after the second one brought their hands down on my torso. Mint flowed over me, and my tearing scars went back to their normal aching. Okay, maybe a little more than normal, but not that much. I sat up, scooping the two of them into a hug. "Thanks, ladies. This is more like it." Then Marie scooped us all up and snuggled into my neck. "Aw. Thanks, Mittens. You guys keep this up I'm gonna feel all wanted and stuff."

Saffron pulled back to shoot me an arch look. "Ladies?"

"Yes, Saffron?"

"Tickle her until she cannot breathe."

I might have had a chance against Saffron and Siobhan, but Marie threw everything totally in their favor. By the time I lay there, no longer able to even gasp, my belly aching more than my scars, not regretting any of it, the sun was approaching its peak. As we all lay there recovering from our mischievous play, I had a thought.

When I could speak, I said, "it's been too long since I saw the kids."

"We... haven't told them yet, love."

I nodded. "I know. Karen?"

"Only that you'd been attacked and needed us."

I took a deep breath. "Unless there's some reason not to, there's no time like the present." When the others shrugged and shook their heads to show me they had no objections, I thought, Karen?

Yes, My Goddess?

Could you bring the kids here, please? All six?

After a moment's pause, she thought, I... I can but try, Goddess. But...

If you need to make more than one trip, go ahead. Bring Menace first, Maze can watch the others.

Ah. Yes. However, where am I to bring them?

Fuck. I'm always forgetting something. Our suite at the Academy. Marie's here, if that helps. Worst case you should know your own room well enough, right?

"I suppose it might have?" she said from the office.

Only to be absolutely eclipsed by Isnomi, who shouted, "MAMA!" before launching herself at me. As she glomped me, Marie reached her arms out, and Karen walked in to hand Daya over before disappearing again.

"Hey, Menace! You missed me?"

"Ith been weekth!"

I fake glowered down at her. "It has not, in fact, been weeks since I saw you last, you little fibber."

She counted on her fingers for a moment, mouth moving, then said, "nine dayth. One week ith theven dayth. Mow than one week ith weekth."

Siobhan looked and sounded crestfallen. "But... I tried. I tried so hard."

I put one arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "And got so far. It's okay, Ice Pop. You tried. I saw. Not your fault my Menace is so perceptive."

Menace grabbed Siobhan's ears and looked deep in her eyes, nodding. "Yeth. Ith oh tay, Ithe Pop. You twied."

"Oi! You don't get to call her that!" I noogied her a little while Karen dropped off Alex and Lindsey.

"Why not? Thee'th coow."

I gave her all the side eye, but she just stared innocently at me. Which absolutely set off all of my bullshit detectors, what with my hell spawned Menace not having had a completely innocent thought since she learned to express them in language. "You be polite and respectful to Siobhan, Isnomi Aetos-Diaz."

At that she looked just a little sheepish and said, "I thowwy, Shawwan."

Siobhan scooped her into a hug. "That's quite all right, Isnomi. I just didn't want you to be scared."

At that point Maze and David both wandered into the room, with Karen staying in the doorway. "Should I...?"

I shook my head. "C'mon in, get comfortable, you need to hear this too." I turned to Maze. "So...?"

She caught on immediately. Quick kid. "Isnomi told us the first morning Siobhan filled in for you during bath time."

"What did she tell you all?"

Maze just shrugged. "That Siobhan was filling in for you. We figured you were off dealing with something," her voice dropped down to a whisper, "or that you'd gotten hurt, but none of us wanted to say that."

I waved, and she climbed up and lay down across from Menace. The other kids scrambled up onto the bed, Karen helping the ones who needed a hand, as Saffron claimed the spot opposite Siobhan. Once they'd all settled, I said, "okay, kids. I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that nothing bad has happened, but I'm more or less healthy. But there is something you all need to know." I waited until they all seemed to be braced, then said, "you all see the tiara I'm wearing?" They nodded, and I continued. "It's currently suppressing a curse somebody put on me. Now, the curse doesn't hurt me or anything like that, but it makes me forget things."

"What things?" asked Maze.

I heaved out a sigh. "Everything. All the way back to the day I arrived at the Academy." They all got big eyes at that. Okay, all but Menace, who looked like she wanted to bite somebody. "Now, Mom and Marie have told me about you guys while I was under the curse, so even like that I know about you guys, but I might not recognize you." I thought about my amnesiac self putting herself into Conrad's machine, and what prompted her. "I might not recognize you, but I definitely still love all of you. You get that?"

"Who did thith?" Menace hissed.

"That is what your brother is working to find out, and what I will be very upset if I find out you tried to interfere with."

Maze tilted her head, the horse ears on her onesie flopping. "Brother?"

I sighed. "Karen? Could you ask Conrad to come in here for a moment?"

She shuddered, but gotta give her credit for bravery, she stood up and went into the office. A few moments later, Conrad followed her back into the room. "You had need of me, Mother?"

I nodded to each of the kids in turn. "Maze, Alex, Lindsey, David, Daya, this is your brother, Conrad. Conrad, these are your little sisters."

I paused, and before I continued, he sighed and said, "it's a pleasure to meet you young ladies."

Isnomi surreptitiously poked Maze, who jerked before saying, "it's a pleasure to meet you, sir." The others echoed her, even if David and Daya both half whispered.

"Now, your brother is a very busy man, so please do not bother him except in the direst of emergencies, and only if there's no one else available." When they all nodded solemnly, and Conrad inclined his head incrementally, just enough to let me know he appreciated my attempt to protect his privacy and even his dubious sanity. "But if you are in trouble, in danger, or if he comes to collect you, you can trust him completely. He may be a little..." I balked, not even able to lie that much to my kids. "He may be a lot scary, but he's your brother, and he'll keep you safe."

He nodded, meeting each of their eyes in turn. "I will."

"Thanks, son. While they're here I wanted the kids to meet you. Unless you wanted to stay for some family time?"

He hid his shudder almost completely, masking it with a perfect rueful shake of his head. "Apologies, Mother Dearest, but I'm making progress on that project for you, not to mention a few other things I must oversee."

I nodded to him. "I understand. Maybe next time. Thank you for taking the time to meet your sisters."

"Of course! It's good to finally place faces to their names. If that's all you needed?" I nodded again, and he left, closing the door behind him.

"Papa?"

"Yeah?"

"How is he your son when he's older than you?"

Before I could even begin to come up with an explanation, Menace chimed in with, "mama'th jutht coow wike that."

I couldn't help it, I snorted, snickered, then just laughed. I might have winced a little when my guts clenched after laughing too much, but the kids joining in, whether out of a need to banish the brief terror that had entered the room, or out of the infectious giggles coming out of Menace and Maze, made everything worthwhile. When it all died down, I asked, "hey, I'm not up for moving around much, but... would you guys like me to read you a story?"

That got a rousing round of yesses, so I turned to Maze and murmured in her ear. She nodded and took off like a shot. A few moments later she came back from the office, reverently carrying one of the most worn books from the little personal library of self-help books and non-erotic novels I'd kept in the suite. She handed it to me, and I let Siobhan take Menace and Saffron take Maze in order to gently open the book to start reading.

"Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett."

I think I might read a little quicker than Maze. Probably not the best thing for an audience, but the kids sat there, rapt, though the whole thing. As the sun moved past the horizon and I folded the book closed. "And now, girls, I think it's about time for you to be getting to bed."

"Oh tay," said Menace, who promptly flopped over on her side and started fake snoring.

"I meant back at Lancaster House, you miscreant."

Maze lay a hand on mine where I still held the book. "Will you come back with us?"

"I... I can't while I'm wearing this."

"Then can we stay here tonight?"

I sat there, silently arguing with myself, until Marie pushed her cart through the door with a huge tray atop it. I rolled my eyes, nodded toward the office, and said, "on the floor in there. More room." As the kids cheered, I looked at Karen and said, "can you let the folks at Lancaster House know?"

She nodded. Then, as she turned to step away, paused and said, "Goddess, a question?" When I nodded to let her know I was listening, she asked, "was it your intention to read me a book where the... hero, a 'prophet', a High Priest, really, bullies his God about so much?"

I nodded, sucking my teeth. "Yeah. Well. You see, you, Karen, are probably the second smartest woman I know after my wife. Brilliant, really. You'd have had that Mana Ward cored Mana Blade way sooner if you'd had the kind of Mana you have access to now. Those look cool as shit, by the way."

"Thank you? But... what does that have to do with..."

Saffron, barely containing her giggles, interrupted. "What my lovely Goof is trying to tell you, Highest Priestess, is that your Goddess, for all her virtues, is, with hilarious frequency..."

Karen waited a moment, then said, "yes?"

"A complete idiot."