Dear Diary,

So apparently me being a forgetful moron has consequences. Fortunately, according to people who matter, I'm cute, so I get away with shit I shouldn't. Or, really, they let me pay for my mistakes rather than cutting me off like moldy cheese.

So the morning started, like they do, with Isnomi terrifying everyone in the room.

Not sure what exactly woke me up. Maybe some weird noises, maybe Marie going all tense where she'd curled up around Saffron and I. Isnomi, of course, had crawled her little butt off to her toddler bed, because demonstrating her Big Girl status had thus far proved to be more of a draw than being the center of the cuddle puddle. I gave it another week at most before she wormed her way back into the pile, but I wasn't gonna push her either way.

So I'm lying there, trying to get my head on straight after a night of psychedelic tadpoles in my nethers, when I hear a suspicious clunk. Now, lately I reply to suspicious morning clunks with kid-show-voice, because the little one eats that shit up as fast as any precocious one-year-old, but something about this one didn't quite sit right. I paid more attention to the next clunk, trying to figure out why the first one had hit my inner alarm buttons. That's when I realized that the clunk came from near the ceiling. From the top of the armoire, to be precise.

I leapt out of bed, spilling a yowling Marie and a squeaking Saffron to the floor. One more hop and I yoinked the menace off the top of the armoire. Of course, she didn't come alone, what with her having one hand trying to push Vulcan's case open and the other grabbing at something inside. Isnomi, Vulcan, and I came tumbling down; I curled around her and braced myself. Vulcan's metal and his case's wood bounced off my back hard enough to leave bruises, but the real pain came from where I'd curled around Isnomi, as something stabbed into my gut and lodged there. I tried not to make any noise, because I didn't want the menace to think I was mad at her, screaming at her, but I think a little whimper escaped. I'm not sure, though, because after a moment of shocked silence when everything settled, Isnomi started wailing.

I uncurled, trying to make my groan of pain even a little bit comforting, and that's when I saw the blood. All over me, all over her. She gulped in air, let out another blubbering cry of pain and fear, and blood spattered all over my front. Without thinking about it, I Shaped Mana into a Treat Injury and released it into her. Her mouth glowed a little, and she got the worst booger look I'd ever seen on her face, and then she started screaming again. "Mama! Mama! Na! Na!" She slapped at me as she did it, and one of those slaps tagged the bolt still stuck in the general vicinity of my spleen. I tried not to scream at that point, but I'm really not sure whether I did or not. Some blacking out might have occurred.

The next thing I knew long, strong claws grasped my shoulder and rolled me onto my back. Whatever wonderful properties Vulcan and his case might have, 'comfortable mattress' wasn't among them. I met Marie's gaze and held Isnomi up to her. I managed to force out, "check her," then curled back around my belly. I'd heard being gut-shot or knifed in the belly hurt, but I'd never experienced it before. Not something I'd ever had on my bucket list, either, but here we are.

I heard Saffron say, "no, I trust you to take care of her," followed by a series of metallic clicks and soft fabric sounds. Shortly after that, Saffron rolled me back onto my back again, only this time I lay braced by Marie's floor-bed. Saffron laid one hand along the side of my face and gazed into my eyes. "Tabitha? How are you tracking?"

I grit my teeth for a second, then managed to mutter, "fuck this hurts."

She nodded, then slipped a piece of rope into my mouth from side to side. "Hold still, it's going to hurt worse for a moment."

Then it did. Holy fuck did it ever. I didn't bite through the rope in my mouth, but I'm pretty sure I got partway through it. A moment later silence and the absence of light washed through me, leaving fading numbness in its wake. A few moments later I heard, "please clean this, make sure the blood is thoroughly denatured and washed away."

Then Isnomi crawled into my arms, weeping, "mama. Mama. Pese Mama."

I stroked her head, my fingers tangling in her tiny baby curls. "It's okay, Menace. I'm okay. It's okay." I held her as Saffron wrapped her arms around both of us, sheltering the menace in between us. Once she settled, I pulled back enough that we could all see each other. "I'm okay, Isnomi, but I might not have been, if Ma hadn't been so quick to wake up and fix me. Or if she had woken up instead of me, and got stabbed. Or if it stabbed one of us in the heart, or the head. Or if it stabbed you." The entire time I spoke, her eyes got wider and wider. Right when she hit the edge of blubbering, I paused. "Do you understand that Vulcan is not a toy?"

She nodded, but a tiny bit of mulishness crept into her eyes and she blurted out, "ba... bada na bak"

"I don't know what you think your brother has to do with this, but he isn't 'in a box'. The door to his room is in the armoire, but he's not in a box."

She pouted at me, that annoyed pout that got closer to 'what the fuck, Diaz' the older she got. "Na tikibada, Bada. Bak bada na bak!"

I looked up at Saffron, but she just shrugged at me, "you're the one who almost understands her most of the time. I eagerly await the day her teeth come in enough for her to enunciate properly."

"Yeah, you'll be less thrilled when she still wants to nurse."

She shrugged, "I expect it will happen while I'm deployed. Have fun."

I gabbled a for a few incomprehensible moments before remembering the teachable moment was rapidly fading in the rear view. "Anyway. Isnomi. You understand, Vulcan is not a toy. If you try to play with him, someone is going to wind up hurt. You, me, Marie, Ma. One of us might get hurt, or even killed. Do you want that?"

Big eyes solemn, she shook her head slowly.

"So, no playing with Vulcan."

She nodded. "Bada na doy."

I blinked a little at that. "Brother... Vulcan?"

She nodded. "Bada." She paused a moment, then asked, "Bada na bak?"

I looked at Saffron, at a loss to sort this one out. "What do you think?"

She rolled Isnomi over to look her in the eyes. "Your brother belongs in his case."

Isnomi folded her arms over her chest. "Mama na bak. Ahnama na bak. Tikibada na bak. Bada na bak!"

Hoo-fuckin-boy. Did not expect that level of schooling out of the menace this soon. Saffron continued, "If he's not in his case someone could be hurt by accident. If he's not in his case he could be hurt. It isn't velvet-lined for no good reason, after all."

The lower lip went out. The mule was strong with this one. "Bada na bak!"

Worst of all, she wasn't not making sense. I touched Saffron's arm, then rolled and scooted the menace and myself around until she sat between us. I cudgeled my brain for the wording, then asked, "Do you promise, as a Mor, that you will not play with Vulcan unless Momma or Ma are awake, aware, approving, and overseeing your play time?"

"Bada na bak!"

I put a finger over her mouth as that finished, trying not to think how easily I could lose a finger. "That's not what I asked, Menace. We're not even going to discuss that until we're done discussing what I asked you."

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

Her mouth narrowed to a thin line, and she asked, "bada na bak?"

"That is not what I asked and you know it. Do you solemnly swear and promise, as a Mor, that you will not play with Vulcan unless Momma or Ma are awake, aware, approving, and overseeing your play time?"

The little conniver got a speculative look on her face. "Mawa?"

I looked at Saffron. "What do you think?" At her inquisitive look, I explained, "Allowing Marie to oversee Isnomi and Vulcan playing together?"

I got the unique experience of watching Saffron's train of thought derail and slide sideways down the tracks. I do not want her firing him. Not any time in the next dozen years, at least.

Duh. Hence the oversight. But she can, I dunno, play with his bolts or pet his shiny butt, or look at him or something.

This only gets worse the longer you talk about it.

I heaved a sigh as the menace started to get a suspicious look on her face. This worked way better than spelling shit out, but our precocious tot already knew we were up to something when we went silent. The other option is her sneaking up and doing it anyway.

Shit. We will be sure Marie understands the rules before releasing the three of them to wreak havoc on the world.

Good point.

I turned to Isnomi, who chose that moment to let out what I hoped was an echoing fart and say, "bada. Na. Bak."

"Do you solemnly swear and promise, as a Mor, that you will not play with Vulcan unless Momma, Ma, or Marie are awake, aware, approving, and overseeing your play time?"

She stuck a lip out, but grudgingly said, "yeh."

I sighed. "I'm gonna regret this." I turned around, picked up Vulcan's case, and walked over to the foot of Isnomi's toddler bed. The case was too long to lie along the foot of her bed. Hell, it was nearly as wide and long as her toddler bed, so I spun it ninety degrees so it lay along the wall, then unlatched it and lifted the lid. I dug out two bolts and put one in each open corner, using them to brace the lid so it stood open at an angle. Then I turned back to Isnomi. "Remember, Menace, no playing. He's fine, you can see him, he can see out, he's not trapped, but you, Menace, are not to touch him. Understood?"

She nodded solemnly. "Na ta." Then crawled her way to her feet and tiptoe sprinted over to her bed, flopped down to sit leaning against the foot of it in a one-year-old's approximation of tailor fashion, and started muttering away. I caught her saying, "bada,", "tikibada," and "Mawa," before shaking my head and walking over to help Saffron to her feet. As I lifted her up, she ran one hand over my stomach.

"I really don't think she's anywhere near distracted enough for me to respond appropriately to that, Kitten."

She smirked up at me, "shame. I think you getting all maternal makes me want to practice just in case we ever want another." She reached up and put her arms around my neck, and I leaned down into the kiss. We stayed that way until Marie came back in with Vulcan's faintly glowing bolt in hand.

One arm still wrapped around Saffron, I pulled Marie into a one-armed hug. "I'm sorry about manhandling you earlier. I kinda panicked."

She stroked my hair from the top of my head down to under the curve of my ass, saying, "De Nada." Then she held up the bolt and nodded toward the case, the question clear in her eyes.

Wonder of wonders, my brain turned on. "Isnomi is only to play with Vulcan under careful supervision from you, me, or Saffron. Please don't get mad, but I think both of us would like you to fire him a time or two before you do, too."

Marie didn't look mad, she just nodded and strode over to Vulcan and Isnomi. Meanwhile Saffron punched me in the shoulder.

"Ow! What the fuck was that for?"

I'm going to be deployed the first chance you get for her to do that.

Like you're not taking Vulcan with you.

Like you can't step over and borrow him for a few practice shots.

Like you can't come along when I do.

We just stood there staring at one another for a minute, then collapsed into each other's arms, laughing. Marie made an inquisitive noise and we looked over to see Isnomi squatting in front of Vulcan's case, reaching for his bolt. Saffron sighed and said, "you put it right back in the case where you found it, understand?"

"Ya! Ya!" Marie handed her the bolt, and she took it, reverently placing it back in its padded slot, leaning on it to slide it into place, then pulling back away, her hands up and open. She scooched around and showed us her open hands. "Dahda!"

"Yes, very well done, my girl." Saffron simultaneously thought at me, I'm not sanguine about leaving his case open with her in the room.

I'm not either, but she's already shown there's nothing we can do to keep her away from him, short of storing him somewhere else, which I'd be less happy with, or chaining her the fuck up, and I'm not sure either of those would work either.

I'm seriously considering the 'chain her up' option.

I frowned down at her, making sure she saw it before I thought, Fenris.

She closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath, and laid her fingertips over my mouth while she let it out. "Agreed. Better I live in terror than that."

I pulled her into my arms and just held her while the tension leaked out of her bit by bit. Eventually I scooped her up and walked over to the bed, then sat there with her in my lap while we watched Isnomi and Marie having a Very Serious Discussion about Vulcan. No idea what passed between them, but Marie managed to keep her 'serious listening face' the whole time, and Isnomi never ran out of toddler-babble. Vulcan didn't say anything, which left me grateful for the small favors the universe doled out on occasion.

Speaking of small favors, my Champion, I will need you to attend me today.

I tensed, and when Saffron looked up at me I said, "Loki."

Soon as I'm dressed, Boss.

Do clean the dress first.

I set Saffron on the bed and, as I walked over to our shrine, asked, "can you let Lancaster know I'm with Loki today?"

She nodded. "Of course."

I lifted The Dress and glared at the greasy patina coating the loop that covered my neck and breasts. Reaching into the same place I did when I stepped to him, I pushed it away. The Dress glowed a moment, and when the glow went away it took the awful sweaty stain away with it. I slipped it on, turned to say something to Saffron, and got triple glomped by Marie, Saffron, and Isnomi. "Have a nice day with Loki, love."

"Ha ba na da, Mama."

Marie just stroked all of my hair again and purred. I returned the glomp-hug, then stepped away.

I took a step toward Loki's bed of stone, carefully ignoring how flushed Sigyn looked as she leaned against the wall where she used to stand while guarding her husband from Mister Slither. Then the smell hit me. Not bad, exactly, but all of a sudden I realized why parents always seemed to know when their kids got up to intimate hijinks behind closed doors. I mean, I guess some people think it's gross, but dude, it's a human smell. It's no grosser than the taste, and I certainly wasn't one to complain about that. But I was completely unprepared for the sheer intensity a twenty foot Jotnar and his divinely passionate wife could generate when given a week with no inhibitions nor cleaning supplies.

"That would be part of why you are here, my Champion. I will need you to procure those supplies and do something about the smell before it goes rancid and reeks."

Sigyn giggled a little as I said, "shit, am I being demoted to High Janitor or some shit?"

He pushed himself up until he could look at me, and I walked close enough that he could see me without contorting. "No, Tabitha, you are not. To be clear, however, this is your punishment for failing to attend me this past Moonday."

"Ah, fuck." I sighed, trying to pull my Big Girl Panties on and suck it up, but after a moment a realization hit me. "You forgot about it too, didn't you?"

"Ah..." Sigyn giggled, then erupted into that throaty laughter I remembered, "I think he may have forgotten his own name at one point."

"Impudent wench! When in the fullness of time I am free of these chains I will remind you.."

She raised an eyebrow and interrupted him mid-rant, "remind me of what, exactly?"

His grin spoiled the tone of his rant, but I kinda lost my ability to keep from laughing when he finished up with, "why you're leaning on that wall instead of standing."

I'd never known somebody could blush so bad it hit their thighs, but blushing or not, Sigyn laughed that throaty chuckling laugh again. Still didn't stop leaning on the wall though.

"At any rate, my dear Tabitha, while you work to clean my enforced abode, I will be recounting to you my knowledge of those Deities who have proved at least marginally trustworthy. Their names, how to contact them safely, where to meet them, everything you might need to know as my High Priestess and Champion."

I sighed. "Okay. Anything else before I go fetch a mop and bucket?"

He chuckled, and Sigyn echoed it. "Oh, I suspect you might need more than that, but once the cleaning is complete, I should ask you to retrieve some things for me. A few items to make my imprisonment less onerous, perhaps make my cell a bit more homelike, as I am doomed to reside here until Ragnarok despite my Champion's defeat of my betrayer."

"Hey, I think I got a good deal for you with that. You complaining about it?"

"Oh, hardly. My vengeance against those who have betrayed me only grows stronger with the passage of time. Should I not desire the freedom of my children, I could even forgo it indefinitely should fate decree it."

I nodded. "I'll get them out, Boss. Trust me, and gimme a little time."

"My faith and patience are yours, Champion. Now, be about it?"

I swear, you would not believe the amount of crud that accumulates in a cave that hasn't been cleaned since literally forever. Kinda uber skeevy cleaning all that up, especially the bed, even once I used Mana Blades to slice Loki's binding stalagmites loose to clean under where he'd lain.

Yeah, I Mineral Bonded them back down once I had the bed clean. Gotta make sure fuckin' Odin doesn't try to fuckin' weasel out of his fuckin' deal like the fuckin' weasel he is. Might have put them back with quite a bit more slack, though. No point in making Sigyn hold up all her own weight, after all.

Also, yeah, I said I'm cool with the post-coital stank, sure, but there's a fucking world of difference between a catching a noseful of eau de coitus and mopping up a Jotnar bedful of smegma. Trust me. Scarred for life, and now thankful for Marie's cleaning witchery for several lifetimes beyond that.