Dear Diary,

"We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say "It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem." Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes."

- Fred Rogers

Well. Damn. After the past week, where just off the cuff I've engaged in repeated semi-public debauchery, tortured somebody until they broke, not to mention beating myself to death? Hearing that even if the details of my 'how' would horrify him, Mister Rogers approves of my 'why'. Maybe there's some kind of hope for me yet, right?

So yesterday after breakfast, after one each of Saffron and I headed off to our day jobs, the pair of us wandered up to Intermediate Heroic Skills. I'd kinda forgotten how Doc DeLeon taught that class. When it comes to Mana Shaping, I always think Doc Roberts, but apparently Doc DeLeon just groks something about Elementalism better than Doc Roberts. Also, fuckin' hilarious thing, the class is in fact Intermediate Heroic Skills One, which means the class is currently working on Mineral Bond. Bit of deja vu, as again I'm showing a Lancaster how to Mineral Bond. Apparently Larry doesn't have much more talent with Earth than his brother does, but when I showed him my whole 'rapid welding' thing, he picked up on it pretty quick. Okay, he got the process down on his second try, although he's now got that same 'can't do both welds before passing out' problem Lachlan did.

Saffron stepped up to help DeLeon teach the Cadets who weren't Lancasters by demonstrating the Shape, only apparently really fuckin' big and slow. DeLeon's a good guy; instead of getting all bent out of shape that somebody came into his class with able to do shit he straight up couldn't, he took the opportunity to just lean in with his pointer stick and call out details that I guess he couldn't while Shaping that shit himself. Meanwhile if she got a little sweaty holding the Shape so he could do that, she still managed to comment with details on how the fuckin' thing worked. Apparently it's not too different from cyanoacrylate back in the world of Eastside, where it chemically melts the stuff you're working with, only without chemicals. Something like that, anyhow. As usual, with another Mana geek to geek out with, she shot straight over my head in sixty seconds or less.

God my nerd wife is so hot when she nerds at her nerdiest.

Had to do a little fighting in Calverton. Nothing really difficult, just two times when three Undead Killer groups got overwhelmed at the same time. Luckily Marie and I were both in good enough shape to handle one each on our own. Kinda funny, what with the Undead Miasma cutting down our options, we're both down to 'tool using Sparagmos'. Just going in with sword staves spinning and taking the Undead apart piece by piece. Just really, really fast. Okay, Marie does it fast. I do it. It's weird, objectively I know I've got to be moving somewhere near the same speed she is, but where when she does it she looks like a vaguely catgirl shaped white blur, when I'm doing it it feels like everything slows down. Okay, it does that now, when I'm not going berserk. When I'm in full on berserk mode I wouldn't know from slow or fast, it's all just 'murderfuck the world to paste'. I've got this nagging worry that I'm not actually as combat effective doing shit like I am now, but I guess it's like that old sci fi story or the bear joke. You don't always have to be the fastest or the best. Just... enough.

When the workday finished, Saffron pulled us all back to my cabin to put another coat of 'mine, mine, mine' on everything in the room. Okay, not everything. Weird night; she got some idea during class about testing 'control versus passion'. Nerd girl nerding in bed make Tabby happy. Heh. 'In bed'. Like it got involved for more than a minute or two.

Slipped into bed at Lancaster House, oddly just as eager for the kid cuddle pile. Warm and fuzzy for the win.

Mimic decided to try some stately ballroom shit on the Bay last night. The Kraken followed suit, doing more 'light show' than 'kaleidoscope'. She's definitely drinking chili juice, and I have no idea how she got that shit. Needed to talk with Marie about it if I could really remember when I wake up.

Woke up early. No, I did not hear noise in the bathroom. Yes, I still checked the bathroom to see if its what woke me up. Yes, there was a steaming hot bath drawn. Before you start with the whole 'oh, you fucking idiot, why are you getting in that tub again', like I said yesterday, it's not like I'm actually in danger, and the heat feels so fuckin' good. This time instead of Translocating in with a splash, my limbs were working more or less correctly, so I walked over and slipped into the tub. Weird thing, getting in this way the water felt almost too hot. Of course, 'almost too hot' was exactly perfect for getting to that melty floaty state.

Not sure how long I had to wait, but first with gentle hair tugs, then with tiny hands pressing at me Maze made her presence known. The moment I knew she'd moved around atop me, I slipped us both up so our heads stuck out of the water. "I like floating. Please stop pushing my back against the floor of the tub."

She frowned at me, reminding me a little of Menace back when her whole day consisted of trying to demolish herself in our little cell, and she'd found something she wanted to do that didn't work quite the way she wanted. I waited, and eventually she nodded toward the door. "Are you in there too?"

"Yeah?"

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"Be here."

I shrugged. "I kinda am?"

She shook her head. "No. Be all here."

I sighed. "Is this part of my gauntlet to get your approval to marry your mama Marie?" She looked really thoughtful at that. Before she answered, I said, "don't lie about it. I might do it anyway."

"Why?"

I sighed, slipped my mouth under the water a little, then slid back up when I had an answer that made sense, at least to me. "I know what it's like to be an orphan. I mean, I get the whole 'growing up with one parent'. I lost my dad when I was younger than you. My mom died when I was older, almost an adult, but still way before I was ready for it. I loved her so much, my whole fuckin' world revolved around her. It wasn't sudden, either. She died slow. She died hard. Worse? She wouldn't stop and take a break and spend time with me as she got sicker and sicker. She just kept working harder and harder." I stopped talking for a bit, because I was losing my shit, and she didn't need to have me going all stupid.

Crying, fine, maybe she needed to see me cry, and I wouldn't hide that from her, but screaming and throwing shit she did not need to see. So I waited until my tears didn't include choking back sobs, and continued. "I get it now. She wanted me to have enough money to live on until I was ready to go out on my own, and she had to work herself to death to get that. But really? I wish now that I could have told her, I'd rather have had her around for those last couple years, just her and me. I could have gotten a fuckin' job or some shit afterward. Just... She was gone in every way that mattered since I wasn't much older than you."

I took a deep breath. "So I get it. Life fucked you over different than it did to me, but that doesn't mean it's not shitty. But here? Now? I have the power to maybe help you out of that hole life has been trying to bury you in. To help you deal with all the emotions that will drive you into an early grave, because I can't see any parent worth shit who would want their kids to chase them into the grave. So... yeah. If me being here for you, like, only here, with you, will help you let that awful shit out, get you back on your feet, put you on the path to growing up to be the best person you can be? Oh, fuck yes, I'm gonna do that."

She just stared at me wide eyed and still, like somehow me saying all that was way scarier than watching me torture a Goddess or kill myself for her. "So tell me, is me being here with you and nowhere else part of the whole 'Maze mama Marie marrying' process?"

She blinked, her lips curled into a wry grin, and she said, "maybe."

I snorted out a laugh, shook my head, and collapsed down to just the me in the bath. "Okay then. I'm here. Just one me, here in the tub with you. What now?"

She reached out one hand and put it atop my head, then gently pushed down. I slid back under the water, just floating there maybe a foot below the surface, maybe six inches above the base of the tub, surrounded by water a few degrees above blood warm. She followed me under the water and curled up on top of me, laying her head on my breast like a pillow. Right in that instant she definitely reminded me of my Menace. Then her eyes slipped shut she went almost perfectly still, just gentle motions that might be caused by the water, maybe some chest motions hinting at breathing.

I just had to keep myself awake in the water while she had a little nap. No big. I'd spent days underwater in the Chesapeake. Not like a couple hours lying in a tub to help Maze feel like the world wasn't made of shit was gonna kill me. Somehow the water stayed half a degree cooler than boil-me-alive, which just kinda melted away the ever present soreness from my scars. I ran a hand down Maze's hair, gently stroking her the way I would Isnomi, letting her know I was there, she was safe. A couple hours like this would be nice, wouldn't hurt anybody.

I see you two are getting along better today.

Saffron's voice inside my head woke me, and I looked up through the surface of the water to see her upside down face leaning over the tub, smiling at me. Oh, shit. Wait, why am I not drowned?

She laughed, the sound strange, but not in a bad way, through the water. Maze stirred as Saffron thought, love, you are the Avatar of Mimic. Mistress of tentacles, whose Sacred Beasts are Kraken. Of all the ways you might die, 'drowning' is not among them.

Well, shit, when did you figure that out?

I've suspected since your underwater adventuring in the Bay, but I think we've just confirmed it.

You think?

She shrugged, then reached down to lift sleep-grumpy Maze out of the water. You might have been just holding your breath while you slept. Either way? I sat up, water streaming out of my hair. "It was absolutely adorably sweet." She leaned in, kissed me, and all was right with the world.

As we shepherded our kids through their morning routine, Saffron looked over to me and asked, "love, could I get you to join me in the Practice Yard today?"

"Sure. What's up?"

She shrugged. "Your daily routine has some exertion, and you're getting some sun and fresh air. Mine, not so much."

"You don't really seem like the type to need all that, though."

She cocked her head while she scrubbed the latest kiddo's hair. "Want? Not so much. Need? More than I'd like to admit. So I'm totally bribing myself by getting you to go with me."

I grinned at her. "So, what, I'm supposed to jog ahead of you and entice you forward with my utter lack of an ass?"

At that point Marie ended the discussion by setting the both of us laughing when she said, "Would."

I have no idea where she picked that up, but after getting the posse and the horde hoard through their morning, the two of us hit the Practice Yard. We definitely started out with her chasing me, but after a bit I got the bright idea of chasing her. Unfortunately, me grabbing her ass wasn't exactly a motivator for her to not get caught, but then I had a rush of brains to the head and goosed her. As noted, neither of us are really all that into that, which got her moving again. Laughing, thankfully, even if she did let out a squeal the first time I did it.

By the end of the day our endless laps had turned into a kind of running goose battle slash flirtation. At no point did we even think about stopping for lunch or a break or anything. As the sun touched the roof, I darted in, scooped her up, and stepped us both to the Love Shack. We'd both wound up so soaked with sweat she almost slipped out of my arms multiple times as we stood there necking. Right up until she banished our uniforms, at which point she totally slipperied herself out of my grip like she'd been greased up, only to flop ass first onto the bed, giggling the whole time.

Ben Shapiro is an idiot.

Wet wife is best wife.