Dear Diary,

Y'know, I've had a day or two to think about what happened in class the other day. The whole thing with me dunking on the rest of the class for taking so long to learn two Shapes I learned so fast I don't even remember learning them. I gotta say, that shit is scaring me just a little. There's layers of shitty to the bullshit that I pulled, and each layer seems worse than the one before.

Like, first of all, flaunting your talent on folks who are your nominal social subordinates is not cool. That's straight up a shit pyramid move right there. Yeah, as the nominal responsible party you gotta make sure they're not going off half cocked, or using their powers for evil, or slacking in inappropriate ways at inappropriate times. That's just part of the job. But if they're struggling with something, the whole point of having somebody standing just a little higher on the hill is to be able to see that, to step down and help them where they are, or maybe if the problem isn't them, but some kind of difficulty outside their control, to remove that problem. Like, get them the tools they need if they're lacking or the ones they had broke. Eliminate the obstacles. Just generally let them focus on getting the fucking job done. Because if there isn't a job to get done, we have no business fucking around with any kind of hierarchy or stratified social structure. Seriously, if there's not goals to be achieved or problems to be solved, the social roles ought to be limited to 'top' and 'bottom', to which you know my answer is 'switch, bitch'.

Before anybody starts in on 'oh, but what about parents and children', there's a goal there, and it's to get those adorable little crotch spawn to adulthood with the minimum necessary trauma to let them understand how to be decent human beings. Which may well be zero, not that I'd fuckin' know. Siobhan would. Other than being the thirstiest bottom to ever beg for buttermilk, the woman is an absolute pure snowflake who ought to be preserved and protected. I mean, had I a computer I'd be making memes with her picture, saying, 'no lewd, only protecc', but then if I had a computer, I'm pretty sure the woman herself would sneak in and somehow lewd herself. Okay, 'somehow', when Marie and probably Saffron would encourage, aid, and abet her.

At any rate, back to my adventures with testing my tightly muscled anus for size and fit atop shit pyramid. Because not only did I totally diss some subordinates like it was my fuckin' job and pleasure to do so, I also insulted a bunch of would be peers. Like, okay, yeah, they're probably not gonna be Deities any time soon. No rule saying than none of them can't be eventually, but the kind of shit that causes that kind of Glory usually requires some fucked up shit to happen, and Saffron and I are working very hard to alter the very fabric of society to prevent fucked up shit from happening in the first place. Yes, our nominal public guardians are called 'Heroes', and hopefully they'll keep being trained to be real ones if the need arises, but the Imperator and her Champion Patron Goddess are tryna prevent that need from arising. But all that aside, they're my classmates. We're all mostly tryna learn the same stuff. Sure as shit some of them know shit I don't, even if it's just which local eatery in their neighborhood has the best eats for cheap.

Then there's the final layer, the one that makes me want to go back to that fuckin' class and beg on my knees for forgiveness, but that would make that shit about me, not about them, and that's the fuckin' core problem of Shit Pyramid; the people on top think the world is all about them. Yeah, I dunked on them because they're taking four weeks to learn something I learned so fast that I don't even remember learning it.

Because I didn't.

I stole that shit. I used Divine Bullshit Mana Shenanigans to download How To Heal Injury and How to Cure Disease straight from Siobhan's noggin into mine. I'm not gonna feel guilty about doing that, because I was doing it to save my kid in case I got there too late. Which I might have done entirely because I took the time to copy those Shapes from Siobhan's brain, but that's the kind of fog of war bullshit I'm also not gonna blame myself for. But I absolutely am gonna blame myself for giving my classmates shit because they don't have the same Divine Bullshit Cheat Skills I do. I think maybe I need to sit down and talk this one through with Saffron and Marie, because if anybody can come up with and implement some kind of appropriate consequence for me doing that bullshit it's the two of them.

I kinda want Siobhan there, too, but I'm not sure it's because I kinda side-dissed her too by impugning her teaching Skills, and she deserves some input in whatever they decide, or because I think she'd make them be nicer to me.

At any rate, at least the next generation is coming along better than me. Look at me, all talking about 'the next generation' like some of them aren't technically older than me. But as I've heard said, it's not the years, it's the miles. Hildegarde took Citron down to Siobhan, apparently because she's got more than a little bit of misandry squirreled away in her head. Well earned, given that she's from Norfolk and I don't remember seeing any female Jarls down there before I started curb stomping them in duels. I mean, mirrors weren't a big thing there either, but I Co-Located some, so technically I saw myself a time or two.

Got home, and after dinner and bath, once the kids were all asleep, I gently tugged the other three to the Bedroom.

I pulled my Ice Pop around, but couldn't look her in her eyes. "Siobhan?"

"Yes, Tabitha?"

"I'm sorry."

I'm not sure why she looked so forlorn, but she asked, "why?"

I sighed. "Because of what I said the other day in class. It was rude and inappropriate and arrogant and... I'm sorry." I still couldn't meet her gaze.

She reached up and touched my cheek. "It bothers you that much?"

"It does." I sighed, then forced out. "Ladies, I don't know what my consequence for that should be, but I think there ought to be one."

Saffron tapped her teeth, drawing our attention, then said, "Siobhan, may I see your memory of the event?"

"Of course." While she said that, Siobhan stepped to me and put her arms around me. "Please don't apologize without telling me why, Tabitha. I thought you were about to tell me I wasn't fit to be your Concubine any longer."

I couldn't help it, a grin twisted my lips. "I still think it's wild you actually want that Title."

She leaned against me, and Marie sandwiched me from behind, pulling us both back toward where she sat on the end of the bed. "Do."

"It's true, we do," my Ice Pop confirmed. She pulled my face around so she could look me in the eyes. "I forgive you. I think you intended humor, intended to make me laugh. Intended to make everyone laugh. It was ill conceived and ill done, but not ill intended."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"I. Am. Also? I think I may understand why you don't understand." I raised my eyebrows in a 'go on' gesture. "you would rather we were your lovers rather than Concubines, yes?"

I kinda bobbled my head around, not quite agreeing, but not disagreeing. "I mean, if wifing you both isn't an immediate option. But..."

She interrupted. "Well, there it is then. 'Wife' is formal. A Title, even, although I don't know if it shows up as such."

"It does," said Saffron, still distracted reviewing what had happened.

"Well then. Concubine does as well, I'm certain." Saffron just nodded this time. "Lover does not. It's purely a casual relationship, and can be as ephemeral as morning dew. Concubine, on the other hand, is not. It's... It's real. Solid. Not as permanent or as prominent as 'Wife', but still, I could not be your Concubine if you did not want me to be."

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

I looked down at her, and a growl reverberated in my chest without me meaning to make that sound. "But I could make you one even if you didn't want me to."

"Could you though?"

I reached into both of them, gently but firmly, making them lower their arms. "I could."

She laughed at me. Well, not at me. At my blatant puppeteering of her body. "Oh, Tabitha. Oh, my Hero. Certainly you could deny yourself. You could push us away. But could you really force us to intimacy we didn't want?"

I let go. Sagged, and they caught me. "I don't know. That..."

"I do. She does. We do. Which is why we bear that Title with pride."

I snorted. "Yeah. Like you're gonna be all 'ooh, put a lock on it so I can't take it off' if I get you a cute little collar and a matching leash."

Suddenly I was no longer facing Siobhan, but Marie. She'd spun me so quickly that had I been Siobhan, I might have gotten whiplash. As it was, I wound up a little dizzy. Murder Mittens glared at me affectionately and growled out, "Waiting."

It took me a minute. "Wha... Oh. Oh, shit, you did say you wanted tha..." Then she shut my dumb ass up by kissing me. Growling the whole time. As we kissed, Siobhan leaned over and whispered, "I'd like one as well. While you're out making purchases. Or requesting neckwear from your son."

When I could breathe and think and speak again, I turned dizzily to Saffron. "I suppose you want one too?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I need something to put on you, don't I?"

I ran my tongue over my lips, then thought. "I think I need one to keep you under control when you need Penance." That got her. She shuddered a little, then pouted at me with a cute little moue.

"You, Tabitha, are the one who ought be doing some Penance. That truly was unworthy of your station. "

I sagged. "Yeah, I know."

"And yet, you recognized your mistake and apologized as soon as you did. Which mitigates much of it."

"I still don't deserve to walk away Scot free."

She nodded. "No. No, you don't. But whatever consequences you receive for this ought be private, I think. Your apology was public, in front of those you offended and all who saw. But the rest, I think making it public would insert needless doubts." She paused. "Until I decide, you will not attempt self-flagellation. Understood?"

I smirked at her. "I mean, I'll try. Kinda habitual though."

"Really? When's the last time you did it?"

I froze with my mouth open, because the last time that sprang to mind was the morning of my Court Martial. I mean, I'm sure I'd done it since, but I couldn't remember any of those times. "Holy shit. Am I actually, like, growing out of that?"

She put a hand on my cheek. "Say rather that you've begun to heal from the neglect and abuse that left you with such a poor estimation of your own worth."

I nodded. "Now I just gotta keep my head from getting too big."

"Oh, bother. A collar definitely will trap blood in your brain and swell your head. Pity." She almost got all that out without laughing. At which point the Bedroom visit devolved into some brief laughing canoodling before Saffron declared that we all needed to get to bed, because I needed all the rest I could get before Monday morning.

Woke up early, hit the Dining Hall, got oatmeal and shoe leather beef. I frowned at it. "No eggs?"

Marie just raised an eyebrow. "Consequence."

I shrugged, nodded. I didn't figure this would be everything, but I sure as shit knew reducing my meals to 'nominally nutritious' was fair, given what I'd done. Humbling, without actually being, y'know, humiliating. I waved her over, and gave her a one armed hug, pulling our foreheads together. "Thanks, Mittens."

She smiled at me. "Welcome."

I heard at least one spoon bounce off the floor when she said that. I still forget how much hearing that affected other people. I mean, I still got the warm fuzzies when she said it, but I wasn't shocked or surprised any more. Okay, still vaguely surprised that this wonderful woman wanted me, wanted me so much to subordinate herself to me. But not shocked. Just confused.

Got out to the Practice Yard on time, although the Cadets all stared at me like I'd grown another head. "Good Morning Cadets!" When I got a satisfactory response from that, I called out, "What's got you all so subdued this fine morning, my Cadets?"

Ignoring my blatant lie about the quality of the morning, because it was rainy, cloudy and cold, Cadet Citron raised his hand. When I nodded, he asked, "is it true that you're amorously involved with a Maenad?"

I mock frowned at him. "That, Cadet, is a very personal question. Some folks might call it inappropriate." He opened his mouth like he was gonna withdraw the question, and I stopped him with a raised hand. "I don't really give a shit about that kind of appropriate. People love who they love. Goes for me, goes for you." I smirked. "People also fuck who they fuck. Which may or may not have anything to do with love." I paused a beat to let that sink in, then said, "in the case of Head Maid Maenad Marie, Champion of Dionysus and High Priestess of Mimic and myself, both apply. She is presently my Concubine and Fiancée, and by this time next Season will be my wedded Wife." I paused again, this time looking around and meeting the gazes of the collected Cadets. "Does that answer your question?"

He nodded. I waited. "Yes, Ma'am!"

"Good. Now, today we'll be doing a nice ten mile warmup, stretching, then practicing your formation drills. If all goes well, you'll never need them. If you need them, you'll forget to thank me, because you'll either be dead because you didn't take this practice seriously, or you'll be too busy celebrating your victory to give a single thought to your poor old Combat Training Instructor."

Vickerson raised her hand. I nodded. "Or we'll be dead because we tried to face down something beyond us."

I sucked my teeth a second. "Yeah. Yeah, maybe. But if you take this seriously, and put your training to use, whatever the fuck takes you down will goddamned well know it's faced a Phileo Hero, and regret ever doing so."

She head tilted. "No promises of immortality?"

I laughed. "Damn, Vickerson. I'm still working on that whole afterlife thing, but I got connections in Helheim and Hades. Or if you're still not done after somebody shoved you off the Mortal Coil, I have never been stingy with the Mana for Revives. So yeah, you do the right thing as you see it at the time, do it to the best of your ability, and I'll have your back."

She might have had the tiniest bit of inappropriate grin on her face, and I definitely did not hear her mutter, "or my front." Because then I'd have to have done something about it. Instead, I just made sure she was in the shittiest position in every formation she marched in. Because it's the little things that matter. Attention to detail. We'd had the discussion, and if she was gonna do little subtle digs, I was gonna do little subtle consequences.

Before lunch she hung back and quietly said, "sorry, Ma'am."

I chuckled and replied just as quietly, "in the past, Vickerson. Just like me having your front." I looked skyward as if in thought for a second, then, with nobody else in earshot, said, "although I'm pretty sure you were face down at least one of those times." She spluttered, and I followed up with, "so, y'know, I had your back even then." I gave her a laugh and a comradely slap on the back, then stepped down to get my lunch.

Salad. I had to eat salad for lunch. Okay, Caesar salad, so there was protein, but... Salad.

Sad eyes got me another quick hug from Marie though.

In the afternoon the Cadets did more Squadball with the new lancaster batons. A couple other squads had taken Vickerson's lead, so she couldn't quite sweep through the way she'd done last week. Meanwhile Citron and Hildegarde had a series of matches all their own. Her team refused to even come close to Citron, even when one of them had a baton. His actively blocked for both of them as they dueled. I wound up being very glad I'd told Jon to make sure the batons couldn't break, because I'd read about lances and timbers 'shivering', and holy fucksticks those two would have shivered the batons if it were possible. At one point I think Hildegarde may have taken a chip out of the paver where Citron's foot had been a moment before.

By the end of the day, she'd gone down to the Infirmary three times with shattered fingers. Then came right back up and jumped back into the next round, just as focused on Citron as ever. Funniest thing had to be when somebody from another team threw a baton at her, he straight up blocked it. These two totally had a frenemies thing going on, and it wasn't just some kind of weird sense of 'honor' from Citron, either, because when she realized what he'd done, she yeeted that baton back, with so much torque in the spin she'd put on it that the fucker who'd thrown it at her wound up with broken fingers, a broken jaw, and two shattered teeth. She got a little pissy when I made her walk her victim down to Siobhan, but rules are rules. Of course she wasn't technically out, so when she came back to nobody but Citron left standing, because he'd managed to take down Vickerson and one of her teammates at the same time, she came at him. Hard.

Most of the broken arms we saw were radius or ulna. Forearm bones. They're further away from the body, and individually smaller, they're just plain easier to break. Take it from a talented shit wrecker. They're nothing as easy to break as joints, but way easier than femurs or shins or even humerus bones. But like I said, she came at him hard, just pure frenzied strength and fury. I realized right then why some of the folks I'd fought, the smarter ones, looked so, I dunno, terrified with me in their face. But while his parries and deflections and ripostes had gotten better, she'd had a much lower starting point, and hadn't plateaued yet. She ducked under a riposte, motherfucking feinted, then brought her baton around in a two handed swing with all the power of her arms, hips, and legs. Shattered his upper arm so bad that I'd say I needed to Stabilize him.

Except she hit him with it first. This goes on much longer those two are gonna go from frenemies to nemespouses.