Dear Diary,

“Results always matter too,

Don't get it twisted around,

Still have to clean up your mess.”

- Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency

Intent matters. If you're stealing food to keep your family from starving, that's a whole different thing to stealing somebody's house so you can buy a bigger yacht to nest your smaller nesting yacht in. But just because you had good intentions it doesn't erase the consequences of your actions. I still gotta help rebuild Calverton. I still gotta keep New Amsterdam safe while they train up a new generation of Heroes. I know I'm still talking about Agency here, but eventually it's all gotta tie together, or it's all gonna fall apart. So just laying this shit out there so when I talk about 'Vengeance' and 'Justified Homicide', people reading this stream of consciousness poetry bullshit will be able to look back here and say 'oh, I get it, Vengeance and Homicide is Justified when some asshole is taking away the Agency of others to satiate their own greed, not when some poor slob snags an extra loaf of bread when he hasn't eaten for weeks'.

Yeah, I get it, no matter what people are gonna be dicks. There are always gonna be people who are trying to twist the letter of the law to their own benefit. Some of them will just be trying to get a head start or a leg up or some shit, while for others the cruelty and harm to others will be the entirety of the goddamned point. The former deserve some side eye, maybe a slap on the wrist, maybe some community service if they wind up hurting somebody. The latter need to have their attitude repeatedly adjusted until they realize that society will not allow that shit. Or, y'know, the Doctrine of Tabitha doesn't allow that shit, and my faithful will stand ready to turn them into popcorn asshole to feed the poor they've been starving if that's what it takes to get them to stop.

I mean, I really don't approve of cannibalism. Not even 'eat the rich'. It's not fuckin' healthy, all kinds of nasty illnesses start up that way. If somebody's that much of an asshole that they really deserve removal from the Mortal Realm, just kill 'em, burn the body, and use the ashes as fertilizer or something. Or if you have the time and energy to spare, do like my Kitten do and lock them in to power the 'correct all the shit I did while being my most asshole self' machine. But do not actually consume the flesh of your enemies, that's unhygenic.

The more I think about it, the more I'm glad I'm not in any way in charge of making up actual laws. Fuck, I gotta be sure my Kitten understands the whole 'separation of church and state' thing. Like, me tryna get people to behave better because they choose to follow me and I'm taking the opportunity to play life coach, sure, that's cool and all, but my Doctrine is for people willingly choosing to treat me as some kind of Moral Compass. It is sure as fuck not comprehensive nor clear enough to act as the law of the land in an area as big and cosmopolitan as the Alliance.

Speaking of the Law of the Land in the Alliance, as Marie finished up her very pointed thank you for hours of combing and brushing, Saffron rolled her shoulders and yawned. "Goof, did you have any idea that your sudden and complete victory in Calverton would wind up producing this much work for me?"

I shrugged. "I mean, if I'd thought about it, I could have maybe predicted it, but... not really?"

She rooched herself around until she lay face down, her forehead propped up by my thigh, her arms folded beneath her face. "Ugh. I wish I could say something like 'this is all your fault then', but honestly if you could have predicted it, I certainly should have. How did you ever manage to coordinate that many troops for that long?"

"I dunno. Mostly I just gave them general directions and let them sort it out. Swanson organized shit, Hargreaves turned my directions into actual battlefield orders, Svart made sure people had what they needed. Olga kept everybody in line and led them in the field when needed." I stroked her hair as I explained my complete lack of organizational skills.

She growled, turned her head to throw me all the side eye, and said, "are you telling me that you, the Goofiest of Goofs, have better delegation skills than mmmphhh..." That last wasn't so much what she wanted to say, but the only noise she could make when Marie tipped her head back and engaged in some tongue-on-tongue warfare.

Kinda fun watching them go at it with my thigh as their nominal battleground. I mean, other than each other's mouths. I felt a little bad about not being able to stroke Marie's hair, but I had one hand still running along Saffron's hair and the other doing the same to Siobhan. After a minute or two where Saffron's growl slowly subsided to a hungry kind of purr, Marie let her go and said, "Better."

Saffron smiled and looked up at me. "Lie down and lie back, Goof. I'm in the mood for pie."

I smiled down at her, but jerked my head. "Sorry, Kitten. Siobhan's still using my head as a pillow."

She pouted for just a second before the expression melted into one of concern. "Siobhan? Is everything all right?"

Siobhan blinked and looked at us, then sighed. "Nothing is wrong, if that's what you're asking. Simply the largest Class of Cadets we've had since I took up my post. All day I've done nothing but Assessing the Health of our would be Heroes. Until you called for me, I'd been documenting my Assessments."

I cupped her cheek in my hand. "Is there anything we could help with?"

She brightened for a moment, then sagged and shook her head. "I'm afraid not. I know you can Assess, but most of what I'm recording aren't oddities. Nothing that Saffron's Assess calls out. Which means I do need to expend just the tiniest additional effort on each Assessment."

Saffron pushed herself up and moved around behind me to snuggle against Siobhan. "I'm so sorry, Siobhan. I didn't think of that."

Siobhan shook her head again. "You couldn't have known, Archmage." She went quiet for a moment, then sobbed out. "I'm sorry."

I turned so I could let both of them lay their head on my lap. "Why?"

"My duty to you a..."

I lay my fingers across her lips. "No. Never apologize for that, Ice Pop. You want to play at things being a 'duty' and getting it on with each of us every night because this is all new and fun and you want to grab this part of life and suck it dry as much as we'll let you? We're here for you. We love you. But you wanna know the only 'duty' I care about?" She sniffled a little and looked up at me, nodding. "Be honest with us. Be as open as you can be. Tell us when you're too tired to be our cool little Ice Pop. Tell us when you're too tired to even play pillow princess for the night. Tell us when you need help doing paperwork, even if all we can do is hold your hand and tell you how proud we are of you. Tell us when you need us." My shoulders sagged as the weight of my stupid Cold Iron hat shifted. "Shit, I can't even carry papers for you or something, what with being stuck here."

Midway through my little mini-lecture, Siobhan had mushed herself in between Saffron and I, and we absolutely let her shove her face in and sob. Mostly with relief, I think. But also with the kind of release of stress that only somebody who'd had to shove themselves above and beyond for longer than they could possibly take it would understand. At that point it didn't matter that I'd had that kind of reaction after Curing New Amsterdam and she had it after a couple sixteen hour days of Shaping and paperwork. Too far is too far, and sometimes you just need to let go. As she went still she pushed back and said, "I... I could use something to..." Then she smiled, her shoulders curling in a happy little hunch as she finally smiled. "I would recognize the sound of that cart anywhere, Marie."

When I heard that I reached over and pulled Marie to me, whispering, "thanks, Mittens," into her hair.

"De nada." she whispered back.

At that point Saffron rolled Siobhan over to lie on top of her, bracing herself up to look down from only inches away. "Siobhan?"

"Yes, Imperator?"

"You're done working for the night. One of you in the Infirmary until Marie is done feeding you."

Siobhan looked up, forlorn. "I have to leave?"

Saffron flicked her nose. "No, silly woman. You need to rest, and holding yourself here and there is not restful, no matter how comforting we both find keeping one of us near Tabitha, especially with this Geas or Glamour or whatever has been thrown on her. So you will catch your breath while Marie feeds you, and then..."

Siobhan blinked. "And then?"

Saffron leaned down, brushing her lips across Siobhan's. If you're very, very good, and I think you're physically able, we'll all conspire to steal it away again.

Siobhan disappeared a moment later, I assumed collapsing into her self in the Infirmary, but we all heard her thinking, dear sweet Marie, I am yours to do with as you will.

With that Saffron rolled over to lay on her back, her head pillowed on my lap. "As much as I'd like to take advantage of our lovely Junior Concubine's absence to have my way with you, I need to speak with you regarding your condition while I'm in any mental condition to do so."

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

I sighed. "Yeah. I get it. Any news? Any idea what's up inside my head?"

She shook her head. "No more than before, although I've ruled some things out." I nodded, and she said, "this is not the work of a Deity, nor that of any lesser Fae. It's possible that this was done by a Mage from the Mortal Realms attempting to implicate the Fae, but... I doubt it."

"Any way to check?"

She started to shake her head, then stopped. "Just a moment." A minute later I felt her collapse into herself, and my leather Dragonslayer helm hung loose around her head. "Here," she said, pulling it off and handing it to me. "If this impedes the magic obscuring your memory, it's Mortal magic. If not, it's almost certainly Fae."

I paused with my Dragonslayer cap in my hand. "Before I do... I think I'm remembering stuff while I'm like that. Like, not remembering anything from before I was whammied, but... if I remember Marie's name, I'm pretty sure I'm adding stuff to what I know like that."

"That's... good to know. It will certainly make interacting with you easier. Even if you do insist on calling me 'Jazz'?"

I smiled at her. "You do remind me a little of a girl I knew in school. You even look a little like her around the eyes, maybe?"

She mock frowned at me. "Just so long as you don't forget me when the Spell is lifted."

I pulled her to me. "I don't forget you even then. I may not know your name, or anything about you, but one thing I do know? When you're here, like this? I'm safe."

She smiled. "So. Is there anything you think I should avoid speaking with you about then? Or anything I should tell you?"

I thought about it for half a second, then said, "Definitely tell me about us being married. Tell me about the kids; I might not be totally copacetic, but I'd rather fuck myself up than hurt them. The, uh, yeah, probably good to let me know about the whole religion thing too."

"Anything to avoid?"

I barked out something resembling a laugh. "Yeah. Anything about religion or commitment or responsibilities."

She laughed. "So my Goof. Are you ready?"

"Yeah." I reached up, slipped my helmet...

Jazz looked up at me from where she had her head pillowed on my thigh. "Tabitha?"

"Yeah. Um... Look, I'm not entirely stupid. Is there a reason you look so comfy there on my lap? Is there a reason I get warm fuzzies with you there, or why I feel so fuckin' secure with Marie snuggling up behind me?"

Jazz nodded, her face solemn. "Yes. May I ask why you're asking?"

I tensed a little, but managed to force out. "I'm... really enjoying it, but I'm not sure I am who you think I am."

She smiled, "so you wish to stop deceiving us?"

I sighed, slumping. "Yeah. I... No. I don't want to. I think I should. You're both sweet... all three sweet, and the sex is awesomesauce dipped in happy brain chemicals, and holy fuck do I want to be the person you're all so obviously in love with, but... I just met you all a couple days ago. Well, from inside my head. I am missing some time, aren't I?"

She smiled up at me. "You... yes, you are. Unless I miss my guess, roughly a year."

I looked around the cabin. I didn't recognize this one in particular, but it still felt like the New Jersey, so I guessed they hadn't moved me around while I was out. "That's... a lot of changes in a year."

"More than you know, love. More than I think you're capable of knowing at the moment." She reached up, lay feather light fingertips on my temple. "Someone... we're not sure who... attacked your mind. Stole away your memories. Or, more accurately, suppressed them."

I... "Fuck."

"Later."

I couldn't help it, that got me. I laughed until I sobbed just a little, then said, "who are you to me then?"

She smiled. "I'm your wife. Saffron." I raised an eyebrow. "Not your friend Jazz, although you've told me I look like her. We were married a little over a year ago."

"Fuck. I'm... I'm married? And I fuckin' missed it?"

She giggled up at me. "It was a small, private ceremony. The two of us, two of our friends as witnesses. Siobhan, because we held the ceremony in her Infirmary. My grandmother." She paused, and I braced myself, because I could tell she was about to drop a fuckin' bombshell on me. "Our daughter, Isnomi."

I froze. Daughter. Mine. I had a daughter. We had a daughter. The idea of me having a wife was, I guess, weird, because while I'd messed around with women before, and been shown very explicitly that the women I'd been rooming with for the past couple days were the purveyors of some of the best orgasms I'd ever had, I never really thought about getting married, let alone marrying a woman, but I knew me. Your girl Tabitha is very capable of being led around by her cooch, and if Ja... Saffron hooked a finger inside and pulled, I'm pretty sure I came to the altar without hesitation. But...

Daughter. "We've got a daughter?"

Right then Marie, who'd been silently supporting me as I leaned against her, intoned, "Six."

Glad I was sitting down just then. Really glad she'd curled up behind me, supporting me. Equally glad she was big enough to absorb me collapsing backwards into her. "Six? I've got six kids?" We've got six kids? How the fuck do we have six kids? How did we get six kids in a year?" Sudden horror gripped me. "Shit, was I pregnant? Did I forget being pregnant and giving birth?" I paused. "Okay, from what I've heard I'm probably happy I forgot that."

J... Saffron snickered. "Oh, you would be happy. I love our little Menace dearly, but giving birth was not an experience I enjoyed. But no. Do you remember the City where we found you?"

"Yeah?"

"There were refugees. Some of them children. Some of those without parents, or relatives, or anyone to take them in."

Puzzle pieces fell into place. "We adopted them?"

She shrugged, the feeling nice against my thigh. "Lovely Marie did. And so now they are ours in every way that matters."

I twisted to look Marie in the eye. "Shit, did I miss two weddings or something? Wait, is that legal? Are we in some kind of cult? Is that why you three have the matching dresses? Do I have one of those?"

Saffron chuckled, the sound low and suggestive. "Shall I answer your questions, or give in to my sudden desire for pie?"

"Pie." intoned Marie.

"Uh... answers first?"

"Oh, bother," said Saffron from where she'd rolled herself over and begun wriggling around. "In order, then, you have not missed our wedding to Marie, because it has not yet happened. I've been leaving most of the planning to you, because you seem to have been enjoying it. Like a hobby."

"A hobby. I'm marrying Marie as a hobby?"

"No, you're planning the wedding as a hobby. Dragging it out across months. Years, if I know you. Which I do."

"Yeah... you really think so?"

"Yes, yes, I do, Tabitha my love, my Goof. It is, in fact, legal for the two of us to marry our beloved Marie, because all of us Worship Deities who allow it. Well, Marie and I do. Your own relationship to Divinity is... complicated. But yes, Siobhan, Marie and I wear that black dress and the matching undergarments and footwear as our Holy Garb."

"Whoever chose that is an absolute horndog."

She shut me the hell up immediately when she replied, "yes, you are, and we adore you for it. Literally. Even though we are not, officially, a Cult, since I have in fact claimed a place at the Temple of Wisdom. As for you having that dress, you shouldn't, but I did in fact want to see you in it at one point, so you do. I think it's in one of the Lancaster House armoires."

"You... I'm not supposed to have one? Why did you want to see me in it? Why am I not supposed to have one?"

I caught the corner of the most intent filled grin I have ever seen when I looked down at her. "Honestly I wanted to see you mostly out of the lingerie. You were, if I may use your words, fucking adorable and adorable when I fucked you. As for the reason you're not supposed to have one?" She'd worked herself around to kneel between my legs, her elbows on my thighs. Her grin got so intense I swear it ought to have qualified as harassment all by its lonesome, and then she sang, "you're the one we're worshipping."

I came. Right then, right there, squishing her waist with my thighs, my eyes rolling back as my back arched. Marie claimed my mouth midway through it, and the passion of her kiss waned with the intensity of my aftershocks, until she pulled just the tiniest bit away from me, the taste of the sea and pumpkin spice on her tongue. "How... fuck... orgasm?" I panted.

Saffron snorted. "That? That was barely worthy of the name. When my beautiful Goddess Tabitha comes, the room echoes with the most beautifully vulgar, sublimely obscene, holy profanity I have ever heard."

"What the fuck are you..." Marie shut me the hell up with her mouth, and Saffron... Holy fuck that woman was good. Marie's timing was absolutely perfect, pulling away, staring into my eyes, and holding my lips inches from hers as I screamed out something like, "tongue finger clit fuck mega fuck super bitch coming blonde lips please!" Shortly thereafter, Saffron having proved her point about knowing my own intimate responses better than I did, Marie showed me that the carpet did in fact match the drapes, and met my lips with an entirely different set than I'd intended when I said please.

I'd say I should have specified, but I didn't really have any complaints.

At some point in there Siobhan showed up. Like, at the end, really, as we were all kinda rooching around looking for comfortable ways to lie on the too small bed. She flopped down on right in the middle of the bed and kinda groaned out, "forgive me, Tabitha, but... I really am spent. Unless you wanted to show me what you meant by pillow princess?"

I mean, I didn't remember saying that, but apparently there's a lot of shit I'm not remembering. She did look really cute, too, eyes closed, biting her lip, I looked at the other two, they nodded, and, well, we took turns showing her. Okay, we each took a turn. I was ready to go again, but apparently Marie decided to pile drive her straight into dreamland.

"Tabitha?"

"Yeah, Saffron?"

"Would you wear something for me?"

I snorted. "Kinky lingerie time?"

She smiled and pulled out something that reminded me of one of those really old school padded leather football helmets. "No, love. This is... It might help with your memory?"

I shrugged and slipped it on. Felt like a bit of a dork, especially when she frowned and quietly said, "dammit." After a moment she shook her head and said, "thank you, love. You can take it off now if you like."

"You sure? I dunno, definitely gotta be a kink for you to like the feel of leather inside your thighs."

"Tabitha?"

"Yeah, J... Saffron?"

When I corrected myself, I felt a subtle tension leak out of her. "I have been unable to bury my fingers in your hair for days now. Please, let me correct that?"

So I did.

As we snuggled up after, all four of us on a bed really made for one, two if they were real friendly, I said, "not complaining, but... do we normally have this much sex?"

She chuckled and wriggled herself closer to me. "Siobhan is working sixteen hours a day. I work more than that, as does Marie. Up until very recently, you were putting in more hours in a day than any of us. Consider it a well earned reward."

I wanted to reply, but she pulled me down into the nicest pillows anybody could want, and I took the hint and shut up and went to sleep.

Weird fuckin' food dream again. Lots of Saffron Soup Dumplings mixed with Marie Pasta. Didn't get any Siobhan Ice Pops until right before I woke up. Sadge.

As I pushed myself upright, Marie slipped something over my...

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Thanks, Murder Mittens." I looked around at the others, who were already awake. "You two have work today?"

They both nodded. Saffron lay a hand on my cheek and said, "fear not, love. I've spoken with Loki and Conrad, and while neither is really comfortable here aboard the Black Dragon, and you cannot visit either of their strongholds while wearing this," she ran a hand across my helmet. "I believe we'll have one of these delivered to the Academy by tonight, at which point we can meet both of them in the suite there."

The rest of my tension kinda snapped at that point, and I collapsed back to the bed. I might have been sobbing a bit. No idea fuckin' why. Probably because after days of this weird bullshit, there was finally, maybe, an end in sight.