Dear Diary,

"Passion can make you stupid,

That's not always a bad thing,

Courage is refined stupid."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion

Don't look at me like that, one my ROTC teachers said that. Fuck, I'm pretty sure I've heard duBois mutter it at some point. To clarify, which I'm sure I'll have to do at some point for anybody who's never really talked with the more intellectual yet pragmatic type of soldier, everybody worth listening to knows that courage isn't the absence of fear, its being afraid and doing what you need to do anyhow. One of the ways to do that is for a person to convince themselves that something isn't as dangerous as their gut tells them it is. Thing is, there is in fact dangerous shit out in the world. Any world, really. Bears. Junkies. Wyverns. Drunk Drivers. Dragons. Cops who 'fear for their lives' when they see Brown skin. Shit be dangerous, yo. Soldiers especially gotta deal with that shit. Bullets and IEDs will kill a body even if they do everything right. So there's legit reason for fear. But if they tell themselves 'I'll finish my mission before they get me', or 'if I do this my buddy lives', or even 'they haven't made the bullet with my name on it yet', they can stand up and make that dash through enemy fire. Or maybe not, but they won't die crouched and cowering.

None of that shit is, objectively, true or probable. The folks telling themselves that know it. But for a brief shining window of Glory, they can overcome their fear by beating it over the head with the stupid each of us carries around inside of us as part of the human condition. Human-adjacent condition. You know what I mean. So, Courage is just weaponized stupid. But 'weaponized' doesn't fit the fuckin' meter Future Me came up with. Really want to know what she was thinking. Wonder if maybe I can figure it out before... well, while I'm still here. Might be nice to know why I'm putting in the extra effort.

Eh. Fuck it. I trust her. She's the better me, right?

But yeah, folks ought to know that Passion can make you do some real dumbass shit, but that sometimes? That shit will totally work out. I mean, to hear some of the folks around me tell it, I personally took on two entire armies. That's some crazy dumb shit, but it worked. They tell me I also Revived like, an entire drydock full of Undead babies. Which was especially stupid, what with Reviving Undead being 'impossible' and any contact with Undead being physically excruciating for Deities. But I've discovered that I'm surprisingly passionate about kids. Like, the one time Me, Future Me, and I guess the Mimic part of me all ganged up to say 'Blessing, take a seat', was when Bonnie's kid was in danger. I mean, it didn't last once her kid was out of danger, but...

Y'know? I can accept that. If 'Tabitha at one percent power' is me, and 'Tabitha at one hundred percent power' is me when a kid's in danger? I can live with that truth. Fuck, I can even be proud of a personal truth like that. Because it means that what really matters deep down to me is something that the superficial parts of me that worry about shit like Good and Evil and Right and Wrong, making the future a better place, and being a better person can agree with one hundred percent. I can feel like even if I am a dumpster fire of a human being, I've got integrity, and maybe it's a dumpster fire that some folks who would otherwise freeze to death can warm themselves by.

As I sat there on the top floor of the tower, which now had a decent floor and everything, although for some reason it had a hole in the middle of it, I watched the setting sun dip below the horizon. A moment later a warm weight snuggled into my side. "Obol for your thoughts?"

I wrapped my arm around my Kitten and pulled her into me. "How serious were you about, uh, Lachlan? And... the guy who kinda tags around with him?"

"Linus Carruthers?" She smiled up at me. "Exactly as serious as you'd like me to be. Unless you're asking me whether I'm urgently in need of their attention, in which case I'd say not very. Perhaps in a month or so if I can't convince the one I've got my eye on right now."

I blinked at that. I mean, just a moment's thought told me I was completely okay with the thought of her having some fun with either of the boys. Or both. Shit, both would be even hotter, and I had no idea why. "Uh, anybody I know?"

She smiled up at me, amused. "Oh, you know them fairly well."

"Ah, shit. It's not Larry, is it? That would just be weird."

She smiled and shook her head, burrowing into me. "No, not Larry, love. Someone I'm much closer to at the moment."

I scrunched up my nose in thought. "Uh, somebody on the Council?"

She laughed and shook her head. "No. Goof."

"Uh... Dionysus?"

She pursed her lips in thought at that. "I'd not considered him. Our only liaison with him was mostly you, with Marie adding finishing touches, but..." She snerked. "I'm honestly not sure he'd fit, and now..."

I rolled my eyes. "Now you absolutely want to find out."

"I was thinking more 'make it do so', but yes. I do love a challenge. You know me so well."

I sighed. "Yeah, so you wanna invite him over or something?"

She shook her head. "I suppose he's another alternative. Like the boys. Oh, perhaps along with them! Wouldn't that be a treat to watch!"

I kinda choked on my spit. "Shit, Kitten, my brain is now filled with images of you pulling a three horse hitch with dudes whose legs are bigger than your whole you."

She smiled, pulled me down into a surprisingly sweet kiss, then whispered, "I was talking about you, love."

Okay, that got a full on spit take, impressive for me not drinking anything. "Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, fuck, that's... that's a lot."

"It most certainly is, but you seemed quite capable last time we invited the boys over." She shook her head a little. "I did not expect you to, ah, convince them to share a room."

"Oh, those two totally seem like the kind of bros who would Eiffel Tower a chick. Shit, I don't think I'd be upset about that. Honestly, probably feel like it's some kinda compliment."

She shook her head, whispered, "so my Goof." Then looked up and said, "Please tell me what that is, and why?"

"Oh, it's where a couple dudes are spit roasting a chick... or I guess another guy? And they high five one another over her. So it's kind of a mutual 'congratulations, bro, you're nailing a hottie', 'you too, bro', which means the person in getting spit roasted is in fact a hottie. So, y'know, compliment?" She raised an eyebrow, and I realized and explained, "one in the mouth and one elsewhere."

"Elsewhere?" I nodded. "You've no preference then?"

I shrugged. "Surprisingly few dudes back home were into that. I think they thought it made them gay or something. And now you're laughing because?"

"You'd developed quite an aversion to anything involving your butt, love. Something about being shot directly there." She paused, and when I opened my mouth, "on multiple occasions." I winced a little. "One time the extraction produced wire."

I laughed. "Holy shit, my ass is legitimately tight enough to draw wire?"

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

She nodded, laughing as well. "Yes, love. Although you did complain that it left some cuts." I kinda reached around to feel, not thinking about the whole 'wearing pants' thing, and she laughed again. "We Healed all that, love. Your official stated position is that opening is sixth."

"Sixth?"

She nodded. "After your piercings."

I blinked again. "Uh... my what?"

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me down to her lips as she whispered, "the ones I've yet to give you, the ones I'll take right before I plunder every crevice on that incredible body of yours."

When she let me up for air, my head was definitely spinning a little. "Yeah, about that, this whole discussion started with you asking me what I was thinking about, and now we've got a whole laundry list of dudes to do, which I guess helps, but I.." I rolled my eyes and slapped the railing.

My Kitten is smarter than she has any right to be. "I take it you've decided exactly where you want to be railed?"

"I mean, the top of this tower has the kind of view that would be beautiful to look at during, and the kind of height that would make every orifice clench."

She bit at her lip while I spoke, and when I finished she breathily growled, "okay." Then she rolled backwards and kipped up to her feet. I watched, and realized very suddenly that she was missing some very important she parts, and... okay, look, my wife had just turned into a dude, and holy fuck I did not know how, but a dude who was in fact hotter than herself. My jaw dropped open. He grinned wickedly and said, "that's not normally what you're thinking of when you say 'railed', but I'm game."

My mouth snapped shut, and he laughed, and I levered myself up as he walked over and put his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. He had no right to look that smoking hot wearing Saffron's dress. And boots. Seized by a sudden urge to look, I pulled his dress up and saw that he was, in fact, wearing her underthings as well. Okay, not her panties, because holy shit that would not fit. I was absolutely uncertain it would fit in me, and equally certain that I wanted to try. "Uh... not right now?"

He frowned, not angry, but concerned. "Do you have a problem with us having sex like this?"

My head shook of it's own accord. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, Do want, insert Tab A in Tab Itha vigorously. But, uh..." He waited, surprisingly patiently. "Daytime. Want the view from the top of the tower." I swallowed as he pulled me close, and the heat of him kinda started searing me through my blouse and slacks. "Uh. Yeah. I want a sundress. That's how it's supposed to go, bent over a balcony in a sundress. Never had a balcony. Never had a sundress that fit me, like, as an adult." I snapped my mouth shut, realizing I'd started to babble.

He just smiled up at me, rubbing the side of his face against my chest. Hot. Like, both physically and yeah, hot. He wasn't any taller like this. I think his chest was the same overall measurement, and that meant he had pecs to put Terminator Arnie to shame. I was definitely getting very melty. "So," he rumbled, and I realized that his voice was only maybe an octave below his as a her, but holy shit he had the kind of range that let him vibrate my whole fuckin' torso. "Am I to be wearing anything in particular?" I blinked, brain on the fritz. "Or are you demanding I be skyclad in broad daylight atop this tower?"

"Uh..." fuck off, my brain was not getting anything like the blood supply it needed for comprehensible conversation right then. "Have we ever done this before?"

He chuckled, and I almost lost it right there. "Oh, yes. The first time, in fact, worries me."

"Why?"

"We broke the Temple of Love." I just kinda made a random noise and stared. He chuckled again. "Our passion shook the walls down. And the roof. And the floors."

"Oh," I squeaked. "The one Karen's rebuilding?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Oh. Uh. What do you want to wear?"

She pulled me down and kissed me, then with our lips almost touching, whispered, "are you asking what I want to be in then?"

Tabitha.exe has encounter a fatal exception. "Yeah?"

"You." I kinda whimpered, I think. I'm not sure if my eyes closed or I just lost the ability to see. "You did mention me wearing a kilt at one point. Would you like me in you... I mean in a kilt. While I'm in you?"

I giggled and whimpered at the same time. "That sounds nice."

"Nice?" He sounded a little offended. I think he was faking. I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything other than that the majority of my blood was currently somewhere between my shoulders and my thighs, leaving none to work the brain.

"Words hard."

"So am I." I giggle-whimpered again. "Are you sure you want to wait?"

With a supreme effort I forced my recalcitrant talky bits to make with the wording. "No. Fuck no I do not. But I want the railing railing to be just right the first time."

He nodded, solemnly. "You've something of a penchant for that. For first times being just so." He smiled, and I staggered. I would have staggered, but he caught me. Effortlessly. "So, the top of the tower?" I nodded. "You in a sundress, me in a kilt?" Another nod. "During the day?" Nod, nod. "Any particular time of day?" Bobblehead nod. "What time of day, Tabitha?"

"Noon," I squeaked. This Glorious man was making me squeak. Holy fucking shit he was gonna make me more than squeak.

"Do you want everyone here and watching, or would you prefer privacy?"

Fuck. Shit. Damn. First time. "Just us."

"No Marie? No Siobhan? Not even watching?"

I thought about that. "Okay."

"Watching? Joining in? Riding along inside your head? Mine? Ours?"

"No join. Watch. In head. Out. Don't care."

He laughed, the sound a pure masculine expression of joy that melted my knees and warmed my heart. "Monosyllabic Tabitha. I think I win a prize for that. I'll decide what later, but for now, I'll speak with Marie about our clothing. Is this a matter of urgency?" I jerked my head from side to side. Totally lying, but if he couldn't feel that... Fuck he could totally feel that, and he just let it slide by with a smile. "So tomorrow you'll need to finish this." An image slid into my head, of the top room of the tower finished, and a wall-less observation platform with the thinnest of rails running around it's very edge. "Can you do that?" Bobblehead bobbled. He chuckled again. "Well then."

He spun me around, then tossed me back to land on the bed. "Time for my prize. If my Goddess will be my prize?" Bobblehead, bobblehead, I was drooling by this point and could not fucking bring myself to care. "Say it. I want to hear you say it."

I had about one syllable left in me, and I kinda croaked out, "yes."

The kids laughed at me with how I was kinda staring at walls while I toweled them dry at bath time. Brain still no blood flow. Saffron chatted with each of them, laughing and joking as she washed them off before sending them to me. It wasn't until Ria glided over to be dried off that I had to force words to make sense. "Tabitha, have you been eating Fae bread?"

I snicker snorted, thinking about that. "Uh. No. No, sweetie. Just... my mind is on something else at the moment."

"Something troubling?"

I shook my head. "No, nothing bad. Good, really."

I'd mostly toweled the little girl off, and Menace walked over, shaking her head. "Mama bein' siwwy." She led Ria off as the little Sidhe girl questioned her about the nature of my 'silliness'.

Dreamt of... that was not a soup dumpling. Despite certain operational similarities. Brain. Got it on. Even in my dreams. The other ladies stared, Marie with interest, Siobhan with a little bit of... fear? Distaste? Definite weird impressed disinterest. Karen blinked. A lot.

Woke up eager to get to work. Hammered forms into the ground, hauled enough rocks up to fill them out of the mine, and melted them down, all at a sprint. When they'd cooled to 'my tentacles have thick skin', hoisted them all up to the top of the tower. Alternating walls, windows, doors. Simple half height walls for 'windows' to the north and south, gaps for doorways east and west. A plain circle of stone atop all of them, all of it Mineral Bonded together the moment the slabs settled into place. Sprinted down, grabbed some tools from one of the women who'd been doing metalwork and used tongs and a circle of overlapping Filtration Wards to draw some steel into inch thick bars.

At that point the woman whose tongs I'd kinda bent drawing the bars looked concerned. "Is... is everything well, Champion?"

I stood there with my mouth hanging open for a second. "Oh. Oh, yeah, sure, I'm just... The Tower's almost done! Wanna get it done today!"

She smiled. "It's good to see you happy, Champion."

As I kinda floated down the underground hallways dragging the bars, I thought about that. I really was. Happy. Okay, maybe a stupid reason, but...

Okay, right then my laughter echoed through the Tower. "Passion can make you stupid!" I sang. Then kinda stumbled as the latest of late aftershocks from the night before hit me. Got all the bars in place before sunset, and leaned against the railing too look down at our courtyard so far below. The women there all looked up at me, a few concerned, but mostly smiling.

Oh, shit.

Yes, Kitten?

I think I might have used my tentacles a bit today.

I'm aware.

Uh...

Look at the Main House, love.

She stood there, overlooking everything, behind a metal railing around the edge of the Main House's roof. She waved at me, and I waved back, sheepish. A second later she stood next to me, leaning into me. Funny, the railing was just below hip height on me, and absolutely right about tit height on her. "My turn after you, you realize?"

"Uh..."

She chuckled. "I get the ability to do that from you, Goof."

"Oh." That seemed insufficient. "Uh." Fuck off.

"We do need to rush home tonight though."

That surprised me a little, although I realized right then that the women, with many sort of wistful glances at the unfinished houses around us, were gathering on the courtyard. "Why?"

"It's Harvest Festival!"

She leapt up to wrap her legs around my waist, and I slipped my arms under her ass for her to sit on, because I'm just cool like that. "And that means?"

Her eyes absolutely lit up as I stepped her down to collect our passengers to head home. "PIE!"