Dear Diary,

"A side effect of Bloodlust,

You need to be aware of,

Your O-face shows in public."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust

Yeah, dunno quite how else to explain that one to prospective adherents of the path of Bloodlust. I think I definitely need to make sure they know that I will not be amused if they decide after the fact that they don't like everybody knowing and try and make that dislike everybody else's problem. Like, seriously, I get it, I'm not real thrilled at the idea of showing off all my scars in public. Hell, I'm not super jazzed about showing them off in private, but there it's kind of an equivalent exchange. I let somebody see the body made of gristle and scars, they let me see what they're packing under their clothes. My current theory is that people are looking for the novelty of a nicely shaped set of tits with more scar tissue than most people have on their entire body.

I guess I'm not really all that embarrassed about it. Not like I got the scars entirely by being a dumbass. Like, I'm sure there was dumbassery involved, but apparently I got most of them doing 'Heroic' shit. Curing people. Fighting monsters. Killing one percent of New Amsterdam. Trying to slice my fingers off. Marie told me about that one, something about a court martial and me slipping into full on self destructive emo mode. But other than the scars, which I can at least say were earned the hard and supposedly virtuous way, I'm in pretty fuckin' good shape. Like, I can dangle a seven foot plus humanoid tiger from my teeth for hours on end without tiring out, getting muscle cramps, or even seriously straining my jaw. So the idea of strutting around naked isn't a deal breaker for me.

I guess popping off in public isn't either, although I'm not sure I'm really ready to do so right now in front of thousands of screaming fans. Really kinda glad that I haven't had to do that, although the fact that I am, in fact, a Goddess of Bloodlust means that I may be wrong about that. That's got to be the shittiest part about this memory loss. Okay, not really, that would be not remembering all the reasons, all the things that made me fall in love with Saffron and Marie and Siobhan. Because I'm definitely in love with them. Just kinda weird that they're all okay with me being who and what I am. Especially Siobhan.

So yesterday at the end of the day Marie snagged Saffron and I and had us dangle her by the scruff to mark her up, on purpose like. Which is not the weirdest thing I've done since waking up, but might be the weirdest non-sexual, non-painful thing I've done. Maybe halfway through the night Saffron tapped out, because she had to get up to go play Attack Dog for Tallulah before picking her brain for potentially useful data on how House Crow Blessings work. Marie and I stayed there all night. Weirdest part for me might have been the whole 'not getting bored' thing. It was almost as soothing for me as it apparently was for her.

In the morning I snagged Marie and Maze when Menace led everyone down to the dining room for breakfast. After ruminating for a few moments on how I'd managed to collect three different loved ones with 'm' names since arriving here, I sat down on the edge of the tub to look Maze in the eye. "So, how's Ria getting along with everyone?"

Maze turned from watching Marie fold up the clean towels and other stuff that could get used in the evening. "You're asking me?"

I smiled at her, but definitely included a bit of my best 'don't bullshit a bullshitter' look. "Yeah, I may not remember how you got that way, but it's pretty clear that you're the big sister. And it's not just because you're the tallest."

She folded her arms. "Ria's older than me."

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I scrunched my nose up. "Yeah, I guess maybe she is. Sidhe live a while, don't they?" Maze nodded. "Now, her mom's pretty tall. So I'm thinkin' unlike Isnomi, Ria's gonna wind up tall."

"And?"

"That means no matter how many years she's got, she's still physically younger than you. If I had to guess? Maturity wise her age matches her size."

Maze sighed. "Yeah, that's about right."

"Just about on par with Alex and Lindsey?" My little Pony girl nodded. "She getting along with Lindsey?"

She shrugged. "Does anybody?" Before I could say anything, she explained. "It's not like Alex, who tries to be bossy if Isnomi doesn't keep her in line. Lindsey just... does her own thing. Like, if everybody's playing a game, she plays. But she doesn't talk a lot, and if we're all just sitting around talking she finds something else to do."

"Like, alone by herself, or just off to the side?"

"Depends on the day. Sometimes one, sometimes the other."

I nodded. "Okay. Just let me know if she seems like she's upset about something and not talking about it?" She tilted her head. "I'm gonna try to talk to her, but if I talk to her it's a mom thing, and if I hover over her it's kinda the same. But you being part of the group doesn't make it weird."

"So I'm what, the warden?"

I smirked and scooped her up. "Didn't I already say that? Big Sister." She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "So, how's Ria settling in?"

She sighed. "Not too bad, for a suck up."

I blinked. "She's been sucking up to... who again?"

Maze pointed at herself. "Me! I have no idea why, but she's been asking all kinds of weird stuff about my life with my dad, and giving me compliments and everything."

I facepalmed with the arm not holding my pony girl, then stood up and waved Marie over. "Yeah, that might be a little my fault. I gave her a little talking to about privilege and prejudice." When Maze tilted her head, I said, "her not knowing the kinds of challenges other people face, or judging them by what they look like or who their parents are."

She nodded, then frowned. "I... I kinda did that, didn't I?"

I shrugged with one shoulder. "Yeah, it's insidious. Trick is to catch yourself, apologize if you said or did something that hurt somebody, then move on and not do it again. Think you can do that?" She nodded. "Cool. Just let me or Marie or Saffron know if somebody gets out of line."

"What about Siobhan?"

I thought about that for a half second. "Yeah, if you're more comfortable talking to her, or you can't find one of us, Siobhan's cool. Not sure how she'd feel about it though."

"Okay."

We headed for the dining room the slow way, because I felt like taking a walk with one arm around Marie's waist. She blushed a little, but didn't pull away. I also liked carrying Maze, and she seemed to like it right up until we came in sight of the rest of the horde of kids. I set her down and propelled her towards her sisters, then turned to Marie. "Ria getting her Fae veggies?" Marie raised an eyebrow. "You know, that Fae grain they're supposed to eat?"

She just rolled her eyes at me. "Waffle."

"You make her waffle special?" Marie nodded, and I pulled her down to kiss her. When we pulled away, I didn't let her go more than an inch. "You are the best mom a kid could ever want. Love you."

She looked down at me and smiled, then stood, pulling me into her arms for another kiss. No, You.

Today at the Homestead we finished putting steps into the tower, all the way up to the final section Saffron had me add. I think she's gonna build a room or two at the top. Once we got the steps in, we worked our way down putting supports in, tying the steps together. I think there's gonna eventually be a railing, but right now our OSHA nightmare looks pretty badass from top or bottom. I dunno if she's gonna put windows in or not; if she doesn't we're gonna need some of the lamps like I saw in our Bed room and our Academy suite.

I have no idea what the kids were up to, except... I kinda do? Painting. The kids were painting. I know this, because all of them, and I'd say 'including Ria', except the correct word would be 'especially Ria', were absolutely covered in the stuff. No idea where they got all the different colors, either, because when I asked, Menace and Ria just giggled, and Maze shrugged and nodded toward them. I don't know if it was Fae hijinks, or Menace hijinks, or just, like, normal kid hijinks, but I'm pretty sure some kinda hijinks were involved.

Fuck it. Worst thing they can do with paint is make a mess, and it's our place to make a mess in.

Definitely gonna need to scrub them all down before dinner tonight though.