Dear Diary,

"A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost."

- Terry Pratchett

Y'know, I wonder if my whole Alliance plan is a good one by that metric. I guess there are a few definite losers, like Arse, who can't generate some easy Worship and Glory by stirring up shit in the Atlantean Northeast any more. Well, not without getting Saint Boltophsberg into the mix, and from what I remember from class they're beholden to an entirely different Pantheon. Hell, I'm pretty sure even the rich fuckers think they're doing better, since Lancaster has pretty much handed over Lancaster House over to Larry, and gone full time into making the Alliance work.

Okay, yeah, some of the gods definitely came out losers. Sengann and Apollo most of all, but between the Emergency Coring Tentacles in Domnu and the Nasal Brain Tentacles in Artemis, I'm pretty sure they've taken an L so far. Arse and Aphrodite haven't taken any personal losses, but I haven't heard from her High Priestess in months, and his remaining High Priest in the Alliance is currently all set to play the lead role in the remake of Metallica's One video.

But everybody else seems pretty okay with things.

So yesterday after giving the boys a ride back to Lancaster House, hiding our giggles as we listened to Lachlan giving Carruthers tips that could have been from a brochure labeled 'gigolo: good career or best career', Saffron and I retreated to the suite to laugh our sweat soaked half naked asses off. I dunno if it says something about me maturing as a person or the two of them being a comedy duo for the age, a kind of 'what if Dumb and Dumber were Hot Guys', but Saffron and I did nothing worse than some really enthusiastic bathing. Okay, probably me laughing too much, because she definitely encouraged me to get those stunning breasts fully clean. No idea why she didn't get pissed at me for not leaping at the slow pitches she was throwing, but she just got gigglier as the rest of us collapsed into the pair of us at the dinner table.

As we did, she looked at me in the tub and said, "okay, ready for the last bit of me making you uncomfortable For Science?"

I sighed. "Last bit, huh?"

She nodded. "I think so. Before we go any further though? I want you to know, if you want this to stop, at any point, just say the word."

I smirked. "What word?"

"Stop. You say stop, we stop, I stop, I don't start again until you explicitly tell me you want to try again."

I smiled at her. "Now I kind of want to say it just to mess with you."

She shapeshifted, and he said, "more than you want this?"

"Oh, you magnificent bitch put that away now please."

She snuggled into me, laughing. "Just a moment then while I check on something." A brief pause while I had nothing better to do than enjoy the feel of her, wet and slippery against me in the tub. Then she looked up and said, "ready?"

At my nod she stepped the two of us to the Ladies' Infirmary. Sister Siobhan, seated at her desk, looked over and sat there with her mouth hanging open, because Saffron hadn't thought to, y'know, clothe us or anything like that. "A towel might have been nice, Kitten."

She laughed, "suddenly modest?"

I shook my head, laughing as well, "nah, just suddenly dripping on the floor."

Sister Siobhan muttered something suspiciously like, "not the only one." Then she looked me square in the eye. "This isn't exactly the romantic rendezvous I'd hoped for."

Saffron stepped forward and said, "apologies, Sister, but Tabitha has been dealing with some issues. A mental block of sorts, I think."

Suddenly Sister Siobhan was all business. "No need to apologize. Do you feel comfortable sharing the details with me, Tabitha?"

Saffron interrupted me, saying, "I've been exploring the limits of the block, and I'd love to discuss them with you later, this evening or tomorrow if at all possible, but right now I wanted your help with a final bit of testing."

Sister Siobhan frowned. "Of course I'll assist however will best help Tabitha, but before we go any further," she looked at me ignoring Saffron. "Tabitha, do you consent to allowing Saffron to discuss this matter with me?"

I thought for a second, not about the direction of my answer, but how I wanted to phrase it. "Sister Siobhan, for now and forevermore, I consent to allow you to discuss anything about me with my wife Saffron." I paused a second, looking at both of them in turn. "I trust the two of you. If you're not talking about it in front of me, it's because that would make it worse, or fuck up you trying to help, or god knows what else. I'm pretty fuckin' sure you're both smarter than me, and all three of us know that if whatever you guys are talking about takes more than like sixty seconds, I'm gonna get completely lost and wind up thinking about whether I could dual wield the two of you as well as Marie." When both of them blushed a little, I finished with, "that's a yes on consent, by the way."

Saffron clapped her hands together. "Excellent." Then she stepped over and slid the chair under the door handle. Not nearly as thoroughly as Marie had done, but well enough that we wouldn't be walked in on accidentally. "Sister, I know this is very forward, but would you be willing to disrobe, please?"

My mouth dropped open. I swear Sister Siobhan's eyes almost popped out of their sockets at that. She didn't quite splutter, but after a moment she took a deep breath, obviously deliberately calming herself. "This is just for Tabitha's mental health, yes?"

"I swear to you, I would not be asking this of you if I did not think it important in diagnosing the nature of her block."

Sister Siobhan's mouth quirked up and she said, "I note that you did not quite answer my question."

"I try not to lie." Saffron leaned forward, making certain distracting orbs sway. "You are very beautiful. And we are both, after all, naked already." She held up a hand. "Not as a means to pressure you. But to assure you that we will be open with you as well, that I don't ask anything of you that I wouldn't do myself."

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Sister Siobhan smiled as she said, "oh, but I'm to undress in front of your wife, while you're undressed in front of your wife. Not quite the same." But she slipped her robes off her shoulders, let them slip to the floor around her ankles. Underneath she had a simple white slip, and as she lifted the hem over her head, she exposed skin as pale white as her robes themselves. She lay the slip on her desk as I tried not to stare at her slim figure, desperately tried not to think about what I wanted to do after our date. Then she raised her hands, slipped her headpiece off of her head, and my vision blurred a little as her hair cascaded down over her shoulders, her back, some even down her front to veil her breasts.

"Tabitha," she said as she set the headpiece on the table next to her slip, "are you..."

"Pardon, Sister. A moment. If I asked you, right now, to postpone your 'date' indefinitely in favor of Tabitha having her way with you right now, right here, would you? Willingly?"

"That, Saffron, is a very forward question."

Saffron nodded. "It is. If she needed you so desperately she could not speak, would you? Do you want her as well?"

Sister Siobhan snorted. "If I didn't want her, I wouldn't very well be going through with a date where she has already stated that she intends to separate me from my maidenhead." A low buzz started in my ears. I think I might have been panting a little.

"So, if she wanted you to, if I said she needed you to, would you?"

I think Sister Siobhan rolled her eyes. I'm not sure. The seeing and the thinking weren't with the doing at the moment. "I already said I want to. If this was to be my only chance? My only hesitation would be, well..." She paused. "Not one. Two. First, would you be watching?"

"Yes. Perhaps not from within the room. But I am a High Priestess of Mimic, and Tabitha is my wife. Should either of us do anything with anyone other than Marie, that is our boundary, that there are no secrets, nothing hidden, everything shared." After a brief pause, Saffron finished with, "but if you're feeling shy, I would certainly watch from elsewhere."

Sister Siobhan let out what might have been mistaken for a chuckle. "Well, I suppose after seeing with her eyes, hearing with her ears..."

"Tasting with her tongue, feeling with her skin, yes."

The Sister wheezed. "Guess you wouldn't have any need to be with me after that."

Saffron tilted her head forward, "and yet I still would, the moment she was finished with you, even."

"Saffron Aetos, you are extremely forward, almost as demanding and domineering as your wife."

"She is My Goddess, and as such I seek to emulate her in all ways. All. Ways. Always."

Sister Siobhan laughed, brittle but real, at my Kitten's declaration of her eventual fate, then stepped forward. "That said, I've never done this before. I've no more than the faintest of ideas how to go about..." Her fingers touched my shoulder, and I winced. Whimpered. Squeezed my eyes shut.

"Tabitha." Saffron's voice reached out and, gentle as a velvet coated vise, gripped me. "Open your eyes." I did. "Tell me. How do you feel." I whimpered. "Do you want Siobhan?" I nodded. "Could you take her right now?" I couldn't speak, I just whined, guilt tearing at me. She gently turned my gaze to meet hers. "Tabitha, are you hearing me?" I nodded. "Go ahead, you have my consent, my permission, you may do unto her as you will. Take her."

I shook my head. "Fuck. I can't."

Sister Siobhan lifted her hand up to gently cup my cheek, "you poor dear. What's wrong?"

"Dunno. I..."

"Pardon, Sister, I wasn't quite done. Tabitha?" I looked to her, and she waved a hand to encompass all of me. "Boy, please." I followed her instructions, and a moment later my knees hit the floor. "So, Siobhan, would you still?"

Her voice fluttering, Siobhan said, "a much more traditional defloration. I must admit, that scares me more." I whimpered, my knees sliding apart, barely catching myself from faceplanting with one palm on the floor. A cool hand, longer fingered than Saffron's, lay against my temple. "Yes, I still would. If terror were likely to stop me, I would have cancelled our date, wouldn't I."

"Tabitha? Better or worse?" I just whined at her, panting. "Go ahead. Enthusiastic permission given. I'm telling you to leave no depth of hers unplumbed. Go on, do it."

"Oh, you bitch."

Her voice suddenly soft, Saffron asked, "do you want me to stop?"

"Helping?"

"Perhaps."

I ground out, "Did I say the word?"

"So I have your permission to continue?" I nodded. She tapped at her teeth, I knew that mannerism by the sound. "One final thing, May I have her? Right now? Right here, should she consent?"

"Saffron."

"Shush."

Hearing my Kitten shush Sister Siobhan, seeing her step over and lift her hand away from me, lay it on her own shoulder, snapped something loose. No, it released a tension that had been tearing me apart, but nothing exactly snapped. I flopped back on my ass and stared up at the pair of them, light and dark, both beautiful, and snorted. "One of my exes told me about something he called 'spite fapping'. You know I'm not gonna tell you no, but I swear to me that I will be doing just that while watching you." I pouted up at Saffron. "I wanted first go."

She laughed, and with a gesture the three of us were clothed, Sister Siobhan in her normal robes, Saffron in Glowing Midnight, and me in my uniform. She lifted me to my feet, then pulled me and Siobhan both into a hug. "There, there, love. I know. I know. Have I ever stolen a treat I knew you wanted?"

"Waffles."

"Other than that."

"Crepes."

"I meant..."

"Corncake."

She smacked me as Sister Siobhan laughed. "I." Smack. "Meant." Smack. "Not." Smack. "Food." Smack. "Goof."

By that point I was laughing right along with Sister Siobhan. I pulled them both to me, brushed my lips across Sister Siobhan's forehead while refusing to let her tilt her head back in the slightest, then turned to Saffron, devoured her mouth, and when I came up for air, both lovely women in my arms, growled, "I think we're done here."

"Indeed," said Saffron, and the two of us stood in the Academy Suite bedroom. I went to shove her down on the bed, but she twisted and landed atop me. I reached, but she pinned my arms at my sides, then leaned down and kissed my nose. "Not tonight, love. Also? Girl, please."

I shifted back to myself, realizing something in that moment. "Fuck, that thing's like a little horniness amplifier, isn't it? Makes it fuckin' hard to think." Saffron giggled. "Tell me this is for more fuckin' Science. I thought we were done?"

She shook her head. "Not exactly, love. Call it... something I might need to help break your block."

"What, you need me so horny I can't think?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that just you?" I laughed, reached up, pushing her arms back, cupped her face in my hands, and pulled her down for a long, lingering kiss. "Careful."

"I thought you wanted me all revved up with nowhere to come. If you finish me with a kiss, I think that's a sign I'm ready, like one of those built in poultry thermometers. Just 'POP' and I'm ready to eat." She smirked, giggled, then collapsed on top of me laughing. "I mean, if you laugh your panties off I'm not gonna complain, but I don't think it was that funny."

She waved a hand, gasping a bit before saying, "oh, oh, oh, love! I've been reading those books, the ones not quite so appropriate for the little one?"

"There was something in one of the romance novels about a poultry thermometer? I thought I'd read something once about a turkey baster, but..."

She shook her head, bracing one hand on my chest. "Oh, no, love. The ones by Sir Pratchett." At my nod of understanding that much, she said, "you remember that one character? The street vendor?"

"Oh, yeah. He's a trip."

She nodded, then said, "well, when you said you were ready to eat, it just hit me, the thought of all this. Your completely understandable very specific appetite, your difficulty, my efforts to help you overcome it." Here she snickered again, and I realized I might not be the only one in the room with an inner twelve year old. "But no, no, no. You won't be ready to eat until I get you..."

She snickered, she cackled, and I sighed and said, "this is gonna be terrible. Out with it."

"Onna steek!"

I don't know exactly which was worse. On the one hand, it was absolutely a special kind of hell having to sit through Advanced Mana Shaping, overwatch from the Black Dragon, reading with Maze, and playing with the kids, all while having her hum six syllable doggerel in my head all day long.

On the other hand, her popping up in person and giggling out, "ONNA STEEK!" before disappearing in a cloud of laughter.

I am a patient and loving wife, which may be the only reason my cackling wife remains unsmothered.