Dear Diary,

If this is what getting old feels like, three out of ten, unlike, unsubscribe, block, uninstall Age.exe, please.

Before anybody mentions 'better than the alternative', I'm not saying I want to die, or even really that I'd take death rather than getting older. Just that age-related maladies suck balls on toast. The one I'm dealing with right now, where parts of my body seem to have screen burn on the check engine lights, has been annoying the fuck out of me today.

For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure it's not age. I'm not exactly sure what my actual age is here to begin with, but it's either way too young or way too old to be getting old. Seriously, think about it. If you look at how long my mind has been thinking, which I'm sure has some kind of fancy psychiatric term for it, but fuck if I know it, I'm fast approaching years. Or, y'know, if you're one of the epic douchecanoes that think the fact that the thought process of an infant pretty much revolves around 'eat, sleep, shit' means they don't have one? You in particular can fuck off, eat shit, and die twice, because, 'eat, sleep, fuck' pretty fully encompasses my thought processes. But douche nozzles like that would probably say in 'continuous thought time' I'm around or some shit like that.

But I'm... not me. Not really. Not any more. Haven't really been since some asshole shot me in the forehead and I wound up here. I mean, yeah, I think I'm me, and I definitely think like me, but in terms of 'is this the same body what my mom grew for me years ago by my perceptive reckoning', it's not. Well, according to Loki and Saffron it's not. My mind, my brain, my 'Soul'? Yeah, definitely me, or so me-flavored that eight out of eight who've tasted me can't tell the difference. So I'm not going on , not really. My name is Tabitha Diaz, yeah. But the answer to Doc's question, standing there on the roof nearly pissing himself? I'm the Avatar of Mimic now.

But I don't, because that's just fuckin' stupid. But what about Mimic herself? I mean, shit, if what Loki told me Ymir heard is true, which would mean I've got three chunks of Ymir-bone on my personal altar? That poor orange tabby actin' bitch has less real world life experience than me. From that angle, she's ten months old too. Or maybe not? Shit, if she was still stuck in that fuckin' chest until I powerfucked it to debris, that puts her at a couple months younger than me. But again, that's fuckin' stupid, so I'm not going with that. Maybe as old as, y'know, human history? Or at least as long as humans or human adjacent folks have been worshipping Gods? That would put her in the ten to twenty thousand year range. Thereabouts. Unless Primordials are technically as old as the concepts they embody, in which case... fuck. By that story, Domnu giving birth to Mimic was pretty much the Big Bang. So... billions.

Which does not really jive with the passive Id occupying all of nearby M-Space. Unless she's senile, which would suck even harder than her being some kind of fucked up Primordial infant.

But, y'know, all those numbers point to 'too young to be feeling Age-related complaints' or 'too old to be anything but immortal, and only Wish.com immortality gets old age symptoms'.

I still wound up taking my cane today.

Seriously. The table in the library had less padding than our old bed, and all of the solid oak rigidity. Between a little bit of fuzzy, glutes hard enough to use as an anvil, and so many feel-good hormones running through me, I didn't notice or care yesterday. But after another night practicing my Zen by ignoring Mimic trying to hide under the largest object in the area, which just happened to be herself, because she is, as noted, more of an idiot than I am, I woke up with my recently vaporized hip all pissy with me for getting busy on an unyielding plank of wood.

As I levered myself out of bed, Saffron noticed, because of course she did. "Regretting your impulsive Translocation on Friday, Goof?"

I thought about it as Marie helped me with my pants. "Not sure. Still thinkin' about it."

She tilted her head, smiling around a 'really, Diaz?' look. "Please. Enlighten me."

"You sure, Kitten?"

She nodded decisively, pushing her arms through the sleeves of her shirt, then letting the thing dangle while she got her pants on. "Absolutely. Whenever you hit the point I cannot follow, the explanation is either hilarious to the point I near piss myself laughing, or enlightening to the point where I might forget to put my pants on straight as I ponder the implications."

This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work.

I nodded toward her shirt. "That why you're leaving your shirt undone, so you can check your pants after?"

She Grinned at me. "Oh, no. This is an act of Devotion to my Goddess, who apparently enjoys watching the way my shirt gives her glimpses of my breasts as I dress the rest of myself."

Marie poked me in the sternum to get me to hold still despite my laughter after that, so she could tie my shirt and pants properly. "Well, shit, with that kind of bribery I sure as shit can't keep secrets, can I?" After watching her Grin turn into a smug smile, I explained, "well, you see, my whole reason for doing that shit was to get up close and personal with your worn panties. I mean, technically to check if they were, in fact, your panties, then to see if I could tell if they'd been worn by giving them a thorough going over."

She paused mid-tie, and I paused long enough for her to ask, "you realize you could have as many pairs as you like for the asking, yes?"

"Forbidden fruit."

She snickered. "Only you would say that about fruit where you've got a key to the orchard. Because you are, in fact, the owner of record."

"Hey, hey, hey, I don't own you. Or any part of you."

She paused, thoughtful. "My Goddess, do I have Agency or not? I ask merely for confirmation, to determine your will, as my devotion to you extends to an absolute willingness to surrender myself, mind, body, and soul, to you."

I snorted as Marie helped me put my Jacket on. "Look, if I ever say or imply you don't, with the obvious exception of playing stupid nookie games? Fuck my shit up until I come to my senses. Consider yourself and all Commandmented. I might occasionally have to do Boss Bitch things, but 'I'm in charge' does not equate to 'you aren't a person'."

She nodded. "As my Goddess commands. Then know this, my love. All that I have or am, now and forevermore, is yours and yours alone."

Marie and I looked at her, then at each other, then back at her. As Marie handed me my cane, I motioned to Marie and said, "I'm flattered, but where does that leave her?"

Saffron smiled at us as she pulled her jacket on. "One of the reasons I am willing to devote myself so unconditionally to you is that despite your self proclaimed greed, you are the one of the most generous people I know, and you've never shown the slightest hesitation regarding sharing."

"Didn't share you with Raymond."

She laughed. "Of course you didn't, because that called for only one of us, and instead you shared yourself." After chuckling about that a bit while Marie helped her get us both Just So, she continued, "So, was acquiring the forbidden fruit from your own orchard 'worth'?"

I shrugged as I stood up and limped to the other room to collect Menace. "Still chewing on that. If I hadn't had to chew on it to tell? Which also would have meant not breaking my nose? Clear win. But since I couldn't tell even after chewing on them and did wind up breaking my nose on the pavers? It's coming in real close to a net zero gain. Honestly, would be 'not worth' except for the final bit."

I waited, and eventually, as all three of us worked together to get Isnomi's uniform and accessories onto a mostly-sleeping toddler, She smiled at me and said, "and what would the final bit be, love?"

I gave her my best, 'kid who had stolen an entire candy store' grin and said, "still got to confirm that you were pantiless when you stepped over me to get us to the Infirmary."

She laughed as she stepped us all down to the Dining Hall, still chuckling and breaking into laughs as she said, "only you, Goof. But thank you for the implication." When I just hummed to her as I used my cane to help me sit down, she set Isnomi in the booster seat someone had dug up, she continued, "it's incredibly flattering to think you feel the slightest glimpse of my nethers worth explosively destroying your hip and breaking your nose."

I shrugged as Marie delivered our daily corncakes and tortillas. "I know what I like. My Kitten."

Raven snorted as she sat down. "What have you two been up to? Normally I'd assume something nauseatingly cute, but now I hear you mentioning broken noses and exploding body parts." Before either of us could answer, she held up one hand. "Never mind. Don't tell me. If I know the two of you you'll somehow make painful injuries cute or something." Then she stuck out her tongue in the universal 'don't make me puke' face.

Midway through breakfast, Headmaster Miles sent a runner down to our table, but instead of one of us, the Freshman Cadet stopped in front of Marie. "Maid Marie?" When she nodded, the Cadet said, "Headmaster Miles officially requests you to forgo all other duties and report to the Advanced Healing Studies class for the day to act as a Subject Matter Expert regarding Souls."

Marie looked more than a little surprised, but after tilting her head and considering, said, "Yes."

When the four of us made it up to the Advanced Healing Studies classroom, Menace came out of her torpor long enough to mutter, "Doccah Zeccahdi." Saffron carried her over to him, and when she held out noodle arms for him, he scooped her up and cradled her just like my Kitten had been doing. Doctor Glass did the opening lecture, explaining that for the moment, while a few members of the class would be working with 'Archmage Aetos-Diaz' on the new 'Smite' Shaping Spell, most of the class would be 'observing and taking notes on the nature of the Soul, as displayed by Maenad Marie'. Apparently he'd even gone to the extent of setting up a whole rotation, so nobody would wind up too fucked up at the end of the day, and everybody would get a chance to watch what Marie did. Okay, mostly they were supposed to be taking a good long look at what she pulled out, but I figure some of them were more interested in, y'know, how to manipulate Souls than how they worked. Which, since they were all supposed to be in the class to learn how to fix shit, I let slide. Can't fix something if you can't find a way to touch it somehow, right?

If any of them used their newfound powers for evil? I guess I'd just have to pay them a visit.