Dear Diary,

"Redemption, second chances,

Not a 'get out of jail free',

But a chance to do better."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption

Yeah, this one's gonna be important. Don't want to fuck it up. Which really makes me wish I wasn't the one writing it, but I really can't do much of anything about that. Like, yeah, I'm supposed to be this kickass Goddess and shit, but I have no idea how to do jack shit. Like, I dunno if I'm supposed to say 'moon power activate' or what. Then again, I don't think I'm a Moon Goddess. What the fuck kind of Goddess am I again?

I guess 'Agency, Egalitarianism, and Redemption' might make sense, but what kind of powers would a Goddess like that have anyhow? Like, 'the power to let people choose' doesn't seem like much of a power. Although I might have just gotten that one by killing the fuck out of anybody who didn't let people make their own choices. Based on how much killing my ladies have alluded to me doing, that's disturbingly likely. Same goes for Egalitarianism, just fuck up the racists and sexists and, I dunno, rich people who think being poor is a moral failing? Something like that anyhow.

But yeah, this section really ought to be important. Like, even if apparently not all that many people know that I got isekaied here from a world that's got, like, nothing in common with this one except basic geography and some really weird maybe historical parallels. Like, the names. Camden Yards instead of Camden. Phileo City instead of Philadelphia. Newark... like, I don't even know if Christianity or Judaism are things here, but why else would you name a town 'New Ark' unless you had an old Ark to compare it to? Those oddities aside, I can't see where this whole thing isn't one big second chance for me. And if I deserve a second chance, god fuckin' knows pretty much everybody else deserves one.

You sell yourself short, daughter. From what you've told me, your first chance wasn't a fair one, and you've done well for yourself and others this time around.

Yeah, tell that to the, what, twenty thousand people I've killed?

Closer to ten thousand. And then you saved the lives of a million of their friends and families.

I what?

A fuzzy chuckle ran through my brain. I know you've forgotten so much, but to think that you've forgotten that. After the war between Phileo and New Amsterdam, a plague struck both Cities, as well as Calverton and much of Lancaster. After leading the efforts to Cure the inhabitants of Lancaster and the survivors from Calverton, you returned to New Amsterdam and Cured everyone in the City.

What do you mean, everyone?

The next moment I saw myself standing in ankle deep water. Every part of me glowing, most of all my hair and visible scars. Right about then I realized that my point of view wasn't on a shoreline. It was from a rooftop. Looking down over docks with three-masted sailing ships. And the me I watched stood so far out into the water that I couldn't even really judge how far she was. Just... far. Far enough that I knew that wasn't a pond, or a lake, or a river, but a bay. Like, Hudson bay, maybe, what with 'New Amsterdam'. And then that light washed out away from me, toward the docks, toward City, along with the echoing words, "Mass Cure." The light washed over my point of view, and everyone around me gasped and cheered, but I watched as a single shrinking figure fell from what had to be miles in the air. How... how did I survive that?

I don't know, daughter. Your wife does, I believe. Your Kraken were instrumental in your survival. But beyond that? I do not know. I can only rejoice that you did.

Thanks, Dad. You're... I needed that. It's good to know I'm good for more than just killing people.

He paused, and I have no idea why he sounded so hurt. Of course, Daughter. That is what Gods and Fathers are for, after all. Reminding those who follow after us of all the good they've done.

So not long after the sun went down, as Maze finished up her last chapter of the day, Siobhan showed up and stumbled over to flop down on the bed next to where I'd played booster seat for Maze all day. "Rough day?"

She let out a long sigh, then smiled up at me. "It makes coming home to you that much better."

My face heated, especially as I heard some chuckles and awws from the crowd, but I still reached over to take her hand. I blushed a little more when she rolled over to lay her cheek against our clasped hands. "Did you get help today?"

She nodded. "Vincent Aetos himself visited, and brought half a dozen scribes." She opened her eyes just long enough to leer up at me. "I think he was disappointed that you weren't there."

"Uh, why would I be?"

She chuckled as she closed her eyes and snuggled my hand again. "Because while one of the Academy's two Healers might not rate all that high on a Guild's priority list, the Concubine of the Alliance's Patron Goddess certainly did."

I frowned. "I dunno if I like that."

"Whyever not?"

After half a second of thinking, I realized that the crowd, which included most of my daughters, were hanging on my words. "Because you do important work, and you should be getting help because you're doing important work and there's too much of it for just you. Not because you and I bump uglies."

She giggled. "I assure you, Mistress mine, no part of you is ugly."

Okay, yeah, she was definitely having fun making me blush. Screw it, goose, other goose, I'm down. "Thank you, but totally not my point. What if they got pulled off something like, I dunno, fuck, something... more... urgent?"

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She smiled and snuggled my hand some more. "Paperwork is rarely 'urgent', Tabitha."

"Then why were you trying to work yourself to death doing it?"

"Urgent isn't the same thing as important."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, fine. But... fuck. Okay. Sure. But why wouldn't you have gotten help without dropping my name?"

"Oh, I'm sure I would have..." she interrupted herself with a huge yawn. "But I doubt Vincent would have visited personally."

"Wait a second. Aetos? Like, related to Saffron?"

She shrugged. "Perhaps. There are a great many Aetos families in Camden Yards, and some have moved across to Phileo over the years."

"Huh. Yeah, I knew a couple families like that back in the day. So..."

"Yes?"

I leaned over, got a solid grip on her shoulders, and pulled her to me. "Are you gonna eat what we tell you to today, or do we have to stuff you again?"

Her eyes slid open and she said, "I promise to eat each and every thing you put in my mouth?"

Yeah, she was definitely going for making me blush tonight. We ate downstairs in the dining hall. With Siobhan sitting in my lap. Everybody seemed to think that was fine and normal, and I wasn't really hungry, so I spent dinner making sure our adorable little Healer ate a full meal, with meat and veg and what looked like a thick pancake made out of corn. No idea what that was about, but it tasted pretty good. Midway through the meal Saffron pouted a little, then walked around to my side of the table to commandeer my other thigh. Everybody pretty much rolled with that. At that point, what was I gonna do, complain about the two hottest women in the room wanting to use me as a chair?

Weird thing, while I'd definitely pigged out a few times since waking up here, I definitely hadn't been eating all that much lately, and I didn't feel hungry at all. Honestly, I ate for the taste more than anything, and with Siobhan needing the food, I pretty much got one bite of everything. Everything else went in Siobhan's mouth.

Which, after we'd put all the kids through the evening getting ready for bed routine, described the night's visit to the room with the mirrored bed.

Dreamt of feasting on Siobhan popsicles, Marie pasta, and Saffron dumplings. Plus calamari and beans. Weird as fuck, and if I were at all hungry during the day, I'd say it meant I needed more food, but there you go.

Spent the day reading with Maze again. Today I kinda lay on my side and let her lean against me.

Right before dinner, before the reading finished up, Saffron, Siobhan, and Marie showed up. "Tabitha, could you come with us, please?"

I shrugged, ruffled Maze's hair, gave her a quick forehead kiss and an, "I'll be back as soon as I can," then stepped over to my ladies. "Okay, lead on." Saffron reached out, took my hand, and we stood in the courtyard at our homestead. A really familiar helmet sat a few yards away. I looked at it, then at the ladies, and sighed. "Okay," I said, stepping over and reaching for it. "I know the deal."

Saffron grabbed my hand before I touched the helmet. "Tabitha, if all we needed was to speak with you with your memories intact, why would we not have done that at Lancaster House?"

I stood, shrugged. "The shit that went down last time was freaky enough you want to test whatever out here in the middle of nowhere?"

She paused, then nodded. "That is it, in part. But there's another reason." I nodded, and she continued. "You learned many of the... techniques you've used both in combat and elsewhere in ways that the rest of us did not. So it I'm not sure if the rest of us can really explain how they work to you."

"Okay, so..."

"So I have an idea how to enable you to talk to a version of you with that knowledge. I'm uncertain as to whether our potential enemy did this to seal away the Alliance's most effective weapon in preparation for an attack, or if there is some other nefariousness at work, but," she paused, sighed. "I would feel far safer if you could at least use some of your Shapes and Spells and other Mana abilities."

I shrugged. "Sure. What do we do?"

"First, I'm going to talk to you with the helmet on, to make sure she knows what's going on."

I shrugged. "Sure." I kicked the helmet up into my hands and slipped it over my...

I shook my head. "Fuck I'm impulsive."

"You said it, not me," Saffron said through her laughter.

"Also, I remember what she goes through. What I go through like that. Fuck, are there one of us or two of us?"

Saffron sighed, nodded, and said, "One. I believe. If there were two we would not be connected to you when you were under the effects of the curse."

I nodded. "Okay, so... priorities. Translocation, Co-Location, Shapeshifting, Mana Blade?"

She shook her head. "Mana Blade first, then the rest. Fire Bolt if you get the other three and have time before the helmet overheats."

"This one lasted a couple days before, didn't it?"

"It did, but you weren't casting while you had it on. Nor were you actively Co-Located or Translocating. You'll recall that the latter is not pleasant with Cold Iron."

The feel of a chunk of my hip vaporizing in a steam explosion was one that I really kinda envied past me not remembering. "Yeah. Okay. So... you Co-Locate me, I run her through Mana Blade, then Shapeshifting, then Translocation and Co-Location, then Fire Bolt?"

"Hmm... Can you shapeshift now?"

I tried to Shapeshift into Saffron, and my head kinda hurt. "Shit. Just a second." I Mimicked her, and while my ears got a little warm, it might have just been from me being a little warmer than her, not, like, 'light my head on fire' warm. I dropped the Mimicking, slipped a Mana Blade out of my wrist, then tossed a Fire Bolt into the water that still filled our little tunnels. "Think I'm gonna save Translocating for last?"

Saffron cocked her head for a moment. "That sounds wise."

"Okay then, let's do this." I lifted the helmet off my...

"The fuck?" I went to lower the helmet onto my head again, since it hadn't gone on the first time, only to have Marie grab my wrists.

"It's been a few moments, love. Are you ready?"

I handed the helmet over to Marie, nodded, and held my hand out to Saffron. "Let's do this." Saffron took my hand, and a moment later another pair of us stood there, facing the two of us already in the courtyard. A low feedback whine started in my ears, and the edges of my vision fuzzed ever so slightly. On the other hand, two Saffrons. I might have been staring just a little, but I noticed out of the corner of my eye when Marie slipped the helmet over my...

I stood there looking at myself. Not, like past-me, but me-me, except this wasn't normal. My brain jackknifed, not unlike how it had done when I hit Calverton with the anti-mind-control whammy during the Liberation. I tried to move, tried to talk, but shit did not work right. This wasn't the Liberation of Calverton whammy, this was different; when I tried to talk, one of me breathed out and the other one moved its lips, and I couldn't for the life of me tell which was which. My head pounded, my vision wobbled...

I screamed as I felt my head explode like a hamster in a microwave. The helmet on the body in front of me crumpled like wet clay when it hit the ground, a charring, pulped mass leaking out. Pain tore at me, and I screamed in pain and horror. I didn't know what to do except scream at the top of my lungs, flailing, trying to get the burning helmet off my head that wasn't on my head.

Hurt, confused, terrified, I ran.

Ran to the Lancaster House suite. No. Not safe for the little ones. Ran to the Academy suite. No. Armoire, memories of terror. Ran to the Black Dragon, and my feet burned as they hit the top of turret number two.

Tabitha!

I followed the sound of his voice. I ran to Mom and Dad.

The moment I saw Mom, I leapt into her, burying my face in her, clinging to her. I wept and screamed until Dad's gentle hand came down on my head, and pain and fear left along with consciousness.