Dear Diary,

Funny, back in the day I never had to think about relationships. Mostly because I didn't really have any. Just hookups and gaming buddies and Netflix and Chill. If you'd asked me back then, I'd have said that if something went wrong in a relationship, it wasn't meant to be. Like, hit the eject button at the first sign of conflict or disagreement or anything other than blissful self-centeredness.

I look at myself now and my reactions are so different, it feels like I'm a different person. Like, I know I'm not. If anything, this is just my whole 'omigod, am I really me' reacting to me growing up and shit. Because if someone had sat down and told me that I'd have someone who adored me in every way I could think of and plenty that I couldn't, then asked what I would do if I did something dumb and they got pissed at me, even back then I'd have said something like 'apologize'. Or maybe 'see how long I can hold my breath in the hot tub'. But even back then I'd have realized that if I found somebody like that, I ought to try and keep them if I could.

Of course, in this case I didn't really do something dumb. Maybe not perfectly thought out, but not dumb per se. Keeping the Cadets up and playing for as much of the day as I could really did qualify as good training. Not only did they get more time pushing themselves against the only real competition at their own level, they also started learning that getting hurt wasn't something to be terrified of. Avoided, sure, because pain hurts. But if the time comes when you gotta roll the dice, or you gotta take a hit to get the job done, there are far worse fates than getting hurt. Letting somebody else who might not be able to take the hit as well get hurt, for example. I would absolutely rather get hurt than have anything happen Saffron, or Marie, or one of the kids, or Siobhan.

Which gets around to why I'd been thinking about relationships and shit going wrong in the first place. When Siobhan got done patching up the last of the Cadets and sent them on their way to dinner, I stepped up to thank her for all her work, only to find her arms folded across her chest, her mouth set in an angry little moue. "Siobhan?"

"How... how could you?"

I sighed. "I'm teaching Combat Training, Siobhan. I..." I trailed off as she glared at me.

"You managed to find a game that didn't do nearly this much damage on Saturnday."

I nodded. "Yeah. For Physical Training. Basketball isn't really a combat sport. Shit happens, because Cadets are running around at full speed trying to get the ball past one another, but they're not supposed to be hurting one another playing B-Ball. So if somebody gets injured and it wasn't purely by accident, I can call foul and administer some consequences."

"So why couldn't you do that today?"

I sighed. "Because today was Combat Training. As in there's gonna be some combat in there at some point. Which means shit happens. If I don't train them as hard as I possibly can, which means letting them get hurt, when they get out in the real world and somebody comes at them, or more to the point somebody comes at someone they're trying to protect, they aren't gonna be as prepared as I can possibly make them." I thought about it for half a second. "Like, that dumb shit I goaded Karen into in Advanced Combat Training. You were there for that, when she went all stabbity on my guts with that cold iron butt plug."

Siobhan snorted, shuddered, and grimaced all at once. "Please don't remind me of that. It was..." she shook her head, but I stayed silent, letting her finish. "It was barbaric. Horrifying. I should have..."

This time when she trailed off, I said, "should have what, love?"

She hissed as she looked at me, her anger subliming into frustration in an instant. "Stop trying to seduce me when I'm trying to stay mad at you!"

I couldn't help it at that point, I grinned at her and said, "hey, nobody says you have to stop being mad. Don't tell me you've never had angry sex." I waited just long enough for her to open her mouth, then interrupted with, "oh, wait, no, you haven't." I brushed a hand against her face and stepped us to the Bedroom, flopping backwards onto the bed, banishing my uniform as I did. "Go on. Do your worst. Use me, little Ice Pop. Use me until all that anger's used up."

She scowled at me, her arms staying folded. "If I do that, nothing's going to get any better."

I folded my arms behind my neck and said, "are you still talking about Combat Training being dangerous? Because every bit of Training I give them to keep them in one piece is gonna wind up getting balanced out by training on how to do unto others first. Which is kind of my job, love."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Do you mean that?"

"Of course, Ice Pop. Just because I have trouble saying it unless I'm drifting towards Snarky McFuckmyface mode doesn't mean it's not true." I blinked as I realized something. "That's why the pet names for all of you, y'know."

"Hmm?"

"Because it's easier for me to call Saffron 'Kitten' than tell her I love her. Or call Marie 'Murder Mittens'. Or call a certain Healer who I'm trying to goad into using me like a cheap prostitute she never intends to see again 'Ice Pop'."

She frowned at me. "I wouldn't do that."

I rolled my eyes, enjoying how I could still see her in the mirrors. "Just to be clear, I consent. You have my permission to vent on me."

I saw her wavering, then she sighed and said, "it's... it's not really the injuries, Tabitha."

I propped my head up just enough to see her in the mirror above my head. "Okay, so what's the real problem?"

"Not that the injuries aren't a problem, but even if I don't like it I see your point. Cadets and Heroes who've never experienced violence will be ill prepared to deal with it. But the injuries..." she paused again, reaching, then her eyes lit up with realization. "Not only did they all come in at once, but the fact that you'd used Heal Injury on them meant that those who needed a different Shape applied... I had to... undo your work."

"You had to hurt them again," I whispered, sitting up and holding my arms out as I did so. She opened her mouth, but couldn't speak, and when she saw me sitting there, waiting for her, she lunged at me. As my arms wrapped around her, she beat on my chest with her fists, crying. "I'm so, so, sorry, Ice Pop. Love. Siobhan. If I'd realized, I wouldn't have done that. I just wanted to cut down on the lost training time... and maybe cut down on your workload a little."

She went still, whispering, "that's the worst part, I think. That you did it for me. Like some kind of gift."

"I kinda meant it to be."

I sighed. "I just wish there was some way I could tell which ones to send down. Like, not all of them needed more than a Heal Injury, right?"

She shook her head. "Only three for certain. Two others I wasn't sure, even after looking at the details of Assess Health, so I had to... undo what you did on them as well."

Something bounced through my head, and when Siobhan said, 'Assess Health', it landed in my forebrain. "Wait, wasn't Saffron working with Doc Glass on an improved Assess Health that would, like, do a bunch of routine diagnostic stuff?"

"I... I think so? They lost me a bit when they went through those procedures, because Canta's doctrine is different, but I can't think that Doctors Glass and Zeccardi are fundamentally incorrect in their Assessment and diagnostic procedures."

Kitten? Bedroom, please?

A moment later Saffron appeared, clearly halfway through disrobing after a day running the council. "You wanted a third?" She grinned at the two of us.

"Eh. Maybe in a bit, because somebody apparently needs some encouragement in getting her angry fuck on, but first, weren't you working on a newer, improveder Assess Health?"

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She nodded. "I was. It's a bit of a side project, but I work on it whenever I'm stuck on the new Inspect."

"Any idea when that will be done?"

She shrugged, clearly annoyed. "I'm so close on so many of the final pieces, but... not yet."

"Okay. The new Assess Health, though. If you and Siobhan sat down and did nothing but work on it for the next week, do you think you could get it done?"

She looked at Siobhan, then back at me. "Probably."

"Okay, what if I asked you to add in some kind of popup on that main screen that let the person doing the Assess what the right Shape to use to treat the patient was?"

She frowned. "That's... not always something even the University Doctors can determine from a simple Assess Health."

"Well, yeah, i get that, but with some stuff, simple stuff, it should be. Like, simple sprained wrist or whatever that can be treated completely with a Heal Injury, that can show up, right?" She kept frowning. "And for anything more complex, it can just display what you were gonna display, and that way some poor first responder doesn't think they've completely Healed their patient, only to have them, like, die or be crippled because they didn't rush them to a proper Healer."

"First responder?"

"A Guard, a Hero, a medic, somebody with a little Healing training whose main job is to rescue people and get them back to actual Healers intact enough that the Healers can fix them up."

"I... I think I could do that, yes."

I looked at Siobhan, then back at Saffron. "Before next Sunday, if Siobhan is helping you all day every day?"

"I can't do that, Tabitha."

"Sure you can. You've got your apprentices to do most of the basic work, the scribe for the paperwork, Grandma to keep them all in line. All you need to do is maybe keep one of you Co-Located down there in case of emergency."

She sighed at me. "No, although I suppose I could do that for most of the week. But Thursday I'm scheduled to teach Cure Disease in your Basic Heroic Skills Two class."

I opened my mouth, closed it, then muttered, "sneaky bastard, getting me out of the Academy for a week..." Then I turned to my two lovely ladies and said, "so, can you?"

Saffron sighed. "Command me. No, Command us."

"Uh, not gonna screw up 'do as you will', am I?"

She grinned at me. "Do you really think I don't want to yet again show the world how magnificent my Shaping is? But even with things we would do otherwise, the Command of our Goddess empowers us. Does it not, Siobhan?"

Still looking a lot irked, Siobhan nodded. "It does."

I shrugged. "Okay. High Priestesses Saffron Aetos and Siobhan Darling, I hereby Command you to complete the newer improveder Assess Health so it can go Global before next Sunday morning."

I swear both of them looked like they'd been hit with some kind of cocaine enhanced caffeine enema, although given that they'd both looked pretty wrung out before I said anything, they didn't look ready to get coding right away. Saffron looked at Siobhan and said, "first thing in the morning?"

Siobhan nodded. I murmured, "still mad?"

"A little."

I flopped back again, leaving her standing over me. "Okay then. Let it all out. I'll Command you if you want me to?"

Her eyes popped a little at that. "I'm... I'm not sure I want to do that."

I slow blinked at her. "That's fine too. It's not for everybody. Not gonna force you to do anything."

"Even if I ask you to?"

I coughed out a laugh. "Hoo boy, that is some deep and kinky shit that I'm somehow still not surprised you brought up. It's always the quiet ones."

Saffron tilted her head. "What is it that you're suggesting, Tabitha?"

I shrugged. "I did some shit that pissed our Ice Pop off," I noticed aforementioned Darling shuddering a little when I said Ice Pop. "And I suggested she, uh, use me to work that anger out of her system. Y'know, like Penance. Or a certain Imperator correcting a naughty Attack Dog's behavior when it gets out of hand."

She just raised an eyebrow, and Siobhan said, "you two have done things like this before? Wait, what am I thinking, of course you have." She turned to Saffron. "Show me?" Saffron raised an eyebrow, and Siobhan smiled before saying, "please show me, Mistress?"

"Why would I do such a thing to you? You've done nothing wrong."

"I meant..."

Saffron chuckled. "I know what you meant. You really want to try?"

Siobhan pouted a little. "How can I know what I want when I know nothing about it. Not really. It doesn't appeal to me as much as, uh, Tabitha's... your... everything you've shown me. Everything else you and Marie have shown me. But had you asked me before the Autumn Equinox if I'd be turned on by stark raving terror, I'd have said of course not. So... yes, please."

"Should Tabitha Command you?"

"I... Why not." She turned to me. "Command me, please, Goddess?"

I smiled at her. "I hereby Command you, High Priestess Darling. Vent whatever anger you have remaining by using me however you like." I'd never seen Siobhan Grin quite like my Kitten before. Not sure I liked it. Not sure I didn't either.

A while later we all lay there, the two of them almost passing out, but both smiling at one another. "Nope. Not for me," Siobhan giggled.

I twisted my head to look at her in disbelief. "That was 'not for you'?"

She just smiled lazily back. "Try getting me properly terrified at some point." I just stared at her as her eyes slipped closed. "I think I might have lost some hair to the chunks of stone falling past Marie and I. Now that was terrifying."

Saffron muzzily murmured. "Not hurting, nor being hurt, but being frightened, threatened with hurt. Or death?"

"Mmm."

"Good to..." Then Saffron started snoring. Siobhan did as well a moment later, and I gently slipped us all back to our bedroom at the Homestead.

Dreamt of Marie dangling Siobhan over the Maw while soup dumpling Saffron splashed herself over Marie's claws. Dreams do be like that sometime.

Woke up a tiny bit early and got Marie to get me breakfast at the Homestead. Everybody else joined me before I finished, but as soon as I got done eating I got up, went around the tables giving hugs and kisses good bye for a bit, then stepped over to the Academy Entrance. Six Cadets stood there, all of them looking old enough to be Senior Cadets. Three women, two men, one person I couldn't label immediately. I checked nametags as the Headmaster walked out of the Dining Hall to join us. The women were a redhead named Mackenzie, a Blonde named Ryan, and a Brunette named Chloros. The men were a fuckin' tank of a guy named O'Brien whose hair had been shaved down to where I couldn't tell what color it was, and a tall, wiry dark haired guy named Aetos. Fuckin' Aetoses everywhere in the Yards. The androgynous one's nametag read Brown.

"Good Morning, Champion Diaz. Will you be needing anything?"

I glanced at my Cadet's waists and shoulders. Each of them had at least one blade, and some kind of something showing in terms of ranged weapons. I looked back at Headmaster Miles and said, "nope. They're armed. I'm armed. Living off the land is just Good Training, right?"

He chuckled. and said, "just so. I'll leave you to it then?"

I nodded, said, "join hands." When they did, I stepped all of us to the edge of the cleared land at the Homestead. I'd been trying to get myself into the right headspace to lead a bunch of shitkickers on a recon, I really didn't need to visit with the fam at the moment. "Any questions before we get started?"

Brown raised a hand, and when I nodded asked, "what's our general objective, itinerary, and standing rules of engagement?"

I laughed. "Good questions. General objectives are to make peaceful contact with any locals, catalog any large wildlife and clear it out if it's unreasonably aggressive, and maybe make a note of any useful resources if we see them. Itinerary will be heading due west for our first day, then heading back northeast for the next day and a half, then heading south for a day to return here, hopefully before I have to teach class on Saturday. Rules of engagement are don't initiate any fights. If something that starts shit with us, and by starts shit I mean attacks us, looks like it could talk, which includes anything human and anything else you think you could talk to, take them down non-lethally. If local wildlife attacks us, and you don't think it's something we could talk to? Take it down as hard and fast as you need to."

Ryan raised her hand. "Any known predators in the area?"

I shrugged. "Two Dire Bears were spotted. One like, normal bear sized, I guess. The other one like a couple dozen feet tall."

"Are we likely to find either of those?"

I chuckled. "Not unless you go looking in the pantry at the Homestead." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder at where we could easily see the West Tower standing tall over the cleared space. The others chuckled, and I said, "okay, we can talk as we move. We're not trying to take anybody by surprise, and we're gonna be running all day, so I'll let you guys set the pace. We'll rotate who's in front through the day. O'Brien, you've got point first. Let's move out."

I'm not sure if I should have gotten more specific, but honestly I figured the simpler I kept things, the less I could fuck our shit up. Turned out that I'd overestimated the local wildlife, at least in a westerly direction, because we didn't spot anything bigger than a deer all day long. The first time it happened, the others looked to me. When I realized they were asking whether we ought to be, y'know, catching dinner or some shit, I said, "afternoon" as we kept moving. Of course, I underestimated the terrain and weather. Not only did we have existing snow to run through, by late morning the sky opened up to dump more snow on us. Luckily between the run and the jackets, none of us were in danger of freezing. Unluckily, between that and the more or less constant up and down hills, jumping over the little streams in the valleys, one of us always not quite making the jump, by the end of the day we were pretty strung out. I was just about to call a halt and hop back to the Black Dragon for some rations or something when I spotted something red in a tree in front of me.

I waved everybody to a halt, then looked closer. Berries of some kind. I scanned around me and realized that like every fourth tree in sight had some kind of fruit on it. Some of the ones that didn't looked vaguely familiar, like I'd seen them before, and not like stupid common trees like oaks or birch or pines. "Okay, everybody gather a bit. Don't be greedy. I half suspect this is somebody's orchard."

"I didn't see a fence," said O'Brien.

"Yeah, this far out? I'm not thinking they're big on fences. If it's not, if this is just a natural stroke of luck, no need to strip everything just to keep ourselves fed for a day. If it is and we're polite about shit, maybe we can find a roof tonight." They all nodded and spread out a little, gathering up a few handfuls from each tree. I snagged what I recognized as a couple persimmons myself, then hopped to the top of the tallest pine tree around. Just to the south of us, in the light of the setting sun, I spotted a single line of smoke trailing toward the sky.

"Welp. Time to go meet the neighbors."