Dear Diary,

The whole deal with the Dire Bears has me wondering about whether or not I'm 'going native'. Any weird colonizer bullshit about the statement aside, it pretty accurately describes somebody in a new environment adapting to the environment so much that they're doing shit that people from their old environment wouldn't have done. Maybe even stuff they'd be horrified by. Possibly even stuff that they'd have been horrified by themselves before they acclimated to their new culture.

I'm definitely in a position where I gotta worry about that shit. I'm the one who called the pre-me environment 'Shit Pyramid', and plenty of folks here and now seem to agree with me that yeah, that pretty much describes the local power structure. My goal, as I've said before, is to stomp that pyramid flat, not leap to the top and plant my ass there spewing out an entirely new layer of a new flavor of shit. But at the same time, I don't want to be the White Savior, as ironic as a brown girl from the hood claiming that title would be. Like, I get it, that the whole trope started from six F guys rolling in and playing hero in situations they might not even fuckin' understand, which then became a whole storytelling trope of the Chosen One of the local prophecies being a white dude from the far side of the world.

Thing is, I can even see a little of the justification for that whole fuckin' trope, as abusive, horrifying, and appropriative as it's become. Groupthink is a thing. Even the best and most beloved Traditions can wind up entrenching problems so deep nobody sees anything but the symptoms. Sometimes what's needed is an outsider's perspective to say 'yeah, no, it doesn't have to be like this'. That's even kind of what I did for Saffron; told her and showed her that the world doesn't have to be Shit Pyramid. I mean, I think there may be an entirely different pyramid going on back where I'm from, but the one here and now clearly isn't required for the world to keep functioning.

I think that might be why I defer to Saffron so much. Yeah, I clued her in to the fact that it doesn't have to be like what she grew up with. Yeah, I'm absolutely the heavy, the muscle that steps in, kicks over the Oppression Machine™, jumps up and down on the pyramid until it's way flatter, then says 'do what she says'. But at the end of the day, I'm doing just about everything I can to not be the one in charge. I just hope that my reason for doing that is more 'I'm not from around here, and I don't want to fuck shit up when I don't understand it', and less 'I'm a chronically irresponsible woman-child who gets hives at the idea of people looking at me as an authority figure'. Because that latter one does not jive well with me being a legitimate, y'know, Goddess. Which I am, whether I want to be or not.

Thing is, like I said, I don't want to acclimate to the point where I settle in on top of Shit Pyramid and begin my career in fertilizer production. So while this is definitely more my home than I ever had back in the day, and I mean that both in the 'here and now' sense and the 'our Homestead' sense, I have to keep a constant eye on myself, because I know that Saffron would absolutely let me cop a squat atop Shit Pyramid if I wanted to. So I gotta actually think about shit I would have thought of before I came here.

In case it's not entirely fucking obvious, there aren't many opportunities for a city kid to go hunting. Like, there's literally no place back in New Jersey where you can safely discharge a firearm outside. It's wall to wall people. Yeah, there are a couple forests and shit, but even there you've got people living in them. Pineys and shit. So of course being a Gen Z kid from the hood, while I was down with guns, i was not down with hunting. I didn't even think about it; if I had, I probably would have realized that there are still places where hunting makes sense. But my first reaction to a big assed bear wouldn't always be 'kill it, kill it, kill it'. I mean, so far of the four that have shown up, one ran afoul of Marie and Lachlan, one killed Devorah as it's opening move, one attacked my Cadets when we interrupted its beauty sleep, and one was charging the Homestead like we owed it money.

So yesterday we ran a little late, then built ourselves another little igloo, only this time since it wasn't properly snowing I had the Cadets pile that shit on top and mash it down until we had a solid roof of slightly melted and refrozen snow over us. Another night of staying up watching while the rest of them took turns. By this morning I had zero ability to give a shit about anything except running straight home. Got back to the Homestead by mid-afternoon. Okay, I got home the moment we stepped past the tree line, because when I saw a sum total of zero kaiju attacking the house, I hollered out, "meet me at the house!" Then I stepped back to the showers and thought, Kitten?

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Yes, love?

Had a few questions for you, and desperately need a shower.

I swear I felt the frustration in her voice. Dammit. Are the questions urgent?

I sighed. No. Important, but not urgent.

Siobhan?

Ice Pop's mental voice came through like she was biting her tongue and squinting. Sorry, Mistress. Reconstructing cartilage. I could have...

No, no. It's okay. I can get myself clean. Just kinda wanted some company.

Then my Murder Mittens' arms were around me, reaching to turn the water on. "Thanks, Mittens."

She scrunched up her nose and grinned at me. "Welcome."

From that point to the moment she gently lay me into the Bath after carrying me there, I did nothing but move how she moved me. I hadn't had a real break for almost two weeks, and it wasn't looking real good for me getting downtime any time soon, either. Funny, I was thinking about a year ago earlier this week, and it seemed like I was way better now than then, but back then I don't think i got a break, and I definitely pushed just as hard. I didn't think the shit I'd been doing was that much harder than clearing the Plague out of Lancaster.

"You forget the several times you wound up unconscious for a day or more. Not to mention being able to get actual sleep in actual beds most nights. Frequently accompanied by the two of us." Saffron said that while sliding into the Bath beside me.

"When did you get here?"

She chuckled. "While you were sleeping."

"I wasn't sleeping. I was thinking about stuff."

"Oh, you were. I know. But you were also snoring." I reached out, and she slipped under one arm, while Marie stayed tucked under the other one. "So, what's this important but not urgent question you need answered?"

I took a minute to cudgel my brain back into motion. "Okay, first thing. Do we have some way to keep someone up in the West Tower on watch going forward?"

She nodded. "Already taken care of. Your suggestion of a bell isn't a bad one; I'm having one cast. Starting tomorrow, we'll have three Senior Cadets stationed at the Homestead. Until then, some of the women are keeping watch, in pairs."

"Whoa. Senior Cadets? Isn't that, um..."

She just chuckled. "You can't tell me no one in your world had bodyguards? Despite all else, this is still where the Imperator sleeps. I don't think three Senior Cadets is excessive. Lord Lancaster himself pushed for six."

I blinked. "Y'know, I'm the one who gave you that job, and I still sometimes forget how much of a thing it's become."

She just smiled and nuzzled me. "I know. Questions, before your second wind winds down and you find yourself asleep again?"

"Oh. Yeah. Bears. Dire Bears. Are they normal around here?"

"Not unheard of, but not this common." Panther had just come into the room, and he answered as he stepped over to one of the showers. "That last one is the biggest one I've heard of, too."

"Huh. What do they eat, normally?"

Panther just shrugged as the water sluiced over him. "Moose, maybe? Trees? Whatever they feel like?"

I chuckled at that. "Okay. Uh, sorry to be all over the place, but that big fucker absolutely came straight at the West Tower from the moment he spotted it. Is that kind of thing normal?"

Panther shrugged, but Saffron answered. "Monsters do that, love. Dragons. Drakes. Wyverns, to some degree. Dire Animals of all types, although from what I'm given to understand Dire Bears are the only local ones."

"Wolves," added Panther, and Saffron nodded. "It's why we have Heroes patrolling the edges of civilized lands. Normal animals are dangerous nuisances at worst, breaking into food stores and perhaps attacking the weak, or old, or those who threaten them. Monsters, on the other hand, seem determined to undo civilization itself. It's why we call them monsters."

"Huh. Okay. Feel a little less bad about waxing the one we stumbled across then. I mean, I might be testy if somebody woke me out of a sound sleep, too."

"Oh, you won't be."

I blinked at that. "Uh... okay. Um. Do we want to maybe camouflage the West Tower then?"

She shook her head, suddenly stern. "Absolutely not. If anything, I intend to make sure it's lit at night." When I just stared at her muzzily, she softened a little. "I built this Homestead as a fortress, love. I would rather see the beasts inimical to the existence of our people break themselves against that fortress than perhaps pass us by, only to come upon the simple farms beyond us unawares."

I nodded. That made sense. Of course, it also seemed like a really good idea, between my questions getting answered and my everything finally relaxing to the heat of the water and my lovely ladies surrounding me, to maybe let sleep take me.

"Siobhan? When'd you get here?"

"While you were snoring, Tabitha. Which you really ought to get back to."

So I did.