Dear Diary,

Y'know the old quote about 'ninety nine percent boredom, one percent screaming terror'? Yeah, when you aren't the one getting shot at somehow that winds up getting flipped around. Any time I'm not actively distracted or in direct contact with Saffron? I'm worried something has happened to her too fast for her to think 'oh shit' at me.

So Saffron's visit last night was short, but after a day in the Yard doing laps and chasing the Menace, I fell asleep almost as soon as she left.

More uncomfortable vibing dreams. Really wish I knew what was going on in my head with these, but it's not like they're nightmares, or I'm not waking up rested. Okay, the time I fell asleep at Loki's I didn't wake up rested.

Which is odd.

Yeah, I know, because it was absolutely quiet dreamless sleep, which ought to be maximum restfulness, right?

Perhaps. Will you be around today?

Yeah. I'm bringing the Menace.

Sigyn would be disappointed if you did not. Will Marie or Saffron be joining us?

I sent the Boss a mental shrug, and he replied with a mental nod. I figured it was time to stop dicking around pondering my orbs and get my ass dressed and over to do my weekly duties. I rolled out of bed, tickled the menace awake, then tossed her a uniform before putting my boots on. By the time I had my boots on she had her uniform on, Gordian knot holding the pants up and the shirt shut, buttons hiding it all.

"Good job, kiddo!"

She patted my leather-clad leg. "Gu ja, Mama!"

I laughed, pulled on The Dress, scooped her up and stepped over to Loki's cave. She launched herself at Sigyn the moment we arrived, and I ambled over to sit next to Loki while Sigyn made much over the Menace. He pretty much ignored me, his attention entirely absorbed by the view of Sigyn from behind. I leaned on one hand and did likewise. It's a hell of a view, after all, and I'm married, not dead.

So after Sigyn played 'toss Isnomi in the air', 'let Mister Slither take Isnomi on the ceiling and drop her so Sigyn can catch her', and maybe just a bit of 'cuddle the Menace like a baby because ain't no fuckin' way you get child birthing hips like those without at least a little hormonal baby madness now and then' for like half an hour, she let the little one clamber onto Slither, who had wrapped himself around Sigyn like a ball gown. The two of them slid off around the room, Isnomi crowing all the way, while Sigyn turned to us, shook her head with a throaty chuckle, then came to sit on Loki's far side.

"I think the snake is the only one who wasn't enthralled by me."

"You're underestimating your effect on the snake."

She laughed again, running a hand across Loki's brow while he sighed in relief at her touch. "To think, I was worried about you seducing my husband, when all along it was he who had to worry."

"Nope. Nopity, nope-nope, with nope sauce on the side. While the scenery is nice, it will remain scenery and not terrain."

Loki, whose eyes had slid shut as Sigyn's fingers gently caressed his head, cracked one eye open to look at me and ask, "what's the difference?"

"You look at scenery, you come in contact with terrain." That got them both laughing. I started in on Loki's chains, and after a few loops Sigyn joined me. After another half hour or so we had them all off, and she ran her hands across the melted scars of centuries. "Damn, Boss. Doesn't that hurt?"

"It's scar tissue, Tabitha. Most of it is numb. A few bits have scarred in such a way that it hurts to move them, though. It... pinches, in some cases. In others it stretches, painfully. I suspect it would rip open if I tried to stretch with any great deal of effort."

I frowned, an idea taking shape in the back of my head. To give it room to grow, I yoinked an idea I'd had a few weeks back out and put it in play. "Hold still, Boss." I popped out a good sized Mana Blade and sliced the top off of each of the stalagmites that he'd been bound to. The intestines were old and leathery, but they flexed rather than breaking. I made a circular Mana Blade like I'd seen Saffron do, then cored a two inch cylinder out of each of the stalagmites. I Mineral Bonded one of those to the bottom of each stalagmite top, then scooped out an 'L' shaped channel out of each of the openings I'd carved. I used a little bit of that rock to put a nub sticking out of the top of each cylinder.

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

It took a little shaving, but when I slid the stalagmite tops back in place, they locked in nicely. I turned to Sigyn. "Think you can detach those without hurting him or yourself?"

She just rolled her eyes at me, walked over to one, and one handed it out of its socket. Then she smiled. "Thank you, Tabitha." After freeing him as much as she could, she gathered up some pillows they'd had me deliver last week, then lifted her husband up just a touch so she could lay them under his head.

Tabitha?

Yes, Kitten?

We're moving forward. I'll probably start doing more harassment fire some time later this afternoon, after we've moved to the new positions and dug in.

Make sure you get rid of the booby traps.

What booby traps?

The ones I'd put in if somebody were doing to me what you're doing to the 'Damn Army?

Shit. Thank you. The Marshall is right, you do have an absolute gift for 'wrecking shit'.

I do what I can. Stay safe, let me know when you're gonna start firing?

I shall, love.

Loki nudged me with an elbow. "You're thinking about your wife?"

I nodded. "Sorry, Boss. Can't keep my mind off her."

He shook his head. "You have no need to apologize, and I would be less than worthy to be your Patron should I demand you ignore your wife. Would you like to see her?"

I smirked at him, "at least as much as you like staring at your wife's ass."

"It is magnificent, a living wonder of the world, why would I not stare? Dearest Sigyn?"

She wiggled said magnificent ass where it pressed up against his side. "Yes, Lord of mine?"

"Could you bring us your bowl, filled with water?"

"Of course, love. Back in a moment."

While she left to wherever she'd hidden her bowl, Loki reached an arm up to me. "Help me sit up, please?"

I grabbed his hand and forearm, which combined were bigger than my whole damn arm, set my feet, and pulled. "Gently!" he squeaked, but by the time Sigyn returned carrying her big golden bowl full of water, I'd got him sitting upright and shifted back and to one side of the bed, the pillows piled up to help him stay upright. He lay a hand next to his thigh. "Right here, please, love."

She set it down, and he snagged her by the waist and pulled her, giggling, to sit beside him, her back against his side, her legs dangling off the side of the head of the bed. He waved his other hand over the bowl, obviously weaving a tangled web of Mana; the water rippled in odd patterns as the Mana settled into the bowl. A moment later the water clouded, then cleared, and we looked through a window at Saffron's unit marching through some sparse forest. She'd moved to the very back of the unit to speak with Lancaster, who stood at the very front of his. He called out some commands, and the advance slowed.

"Why do they slow?" Loki pondered. Sigyn and I saw each other's mouths open at the same time, and I held up a hand begging her to not say anything. I leaned in and whispered in her ear, then stepped back as she chuckled again. Loki didn't miss any of that, and looked at Sigyn as I turned to walk away from them, doing my best sashay and taking unfair advantage of The Dress. "Would one of you like to explain what's going on?"

"Just watch your Champion, dear." I couldn't see for myself, but I figured he must have been appreciating the view, because a few moments later she shouted, "booby trap!" When I spun around, I saw her glomped onto his head, his face completely buried in her chest.

Your sense of humor is frighteningly low, Champion.

You love it, you know it.

His arms went around Sigyn's thighs, holding her in place. When did I imply I didn't. The reflecting pool should last most of the rest of the day. Slowly and carefully, both to avoid being rough with Sigyn and to avoid jostling her bowl, he scooched around until she lay on the pile of pillows he'd been leaning on, and he lay face down with his head pillowed along her front. While he lay there, sleeping if the snores were any indication, and Sigyn played with his hair with a soft smile on her face, I spent the rest of the day watching Saffron do her thing.

It got a little weird when she gave me a running commentary, but it was a good kind of weird. Eventually Saffron finished her bombardment for the day, and the vision pool petered out shortly thereafter. I stood, stretched a little, and looked a question at Sigyn. She shooed me away with a smile and a gesture, so I went and collected Isnomi from where she napped in the middle of Mister Slither's coils. When I picked her up, they both stirred long enough for Slither to head-bunt her gently, and for her to run a hand across the top of his head. "Buh bye, Vai"

So I guess my daughter had given Mister Slither an actual name. Reminded me of something, but I was frankly too sleepy to care. I gave him a quick stroke across the head as well. "See you next time." Then stepped back to my room.

Saffron and Marie were there, the latter massaging the former's abs as Saffron let out pitiful little moans, and not the good kind either. I settled Isnomi at one end of Marie's bed, then went and carried Saffron back to the middle of Marie's bed, with Marie working at her abs and lower back the whole time. "I'll be right back." I stepped across to the spot where I'd seen them making camp, then headed straight for the biggest tent. Stepping inside I caught Lancaster's eye.

He seemed way less surprised to see me than I figured he would. "Yes, Cadet Diaz?"

"Just wanted to let you know that Cadet Aetos is suffering from some, ah, pretty severe cramping. Marie and I will do our best to get her back in shape for tomorrow's bombardment, but..."

He nodded, ending the conversation. "See that you do, and that she's back before morning light."

"Sir, yes sir!"

So he's a dictatorial dick, and he expects results whether they're guaranteed or not, but at least he's not a completely irrational dick. Good to know.