Dear Diary,

Thank God I've got people in my life who remember what fucking day of the week it is.

I'm not responsible for your lady love, my Champion. That's all you.

Okay, now Mr. Smarty Pants is making me blush. Anyhow, woke up this morning to the menace slapping my shoulders. On the one hand, I get she's not actually big enough to shake any of us yet, but on the other hand she's gotten a pretty fuckin' solid bitch slap for a toddler. Eh, fuck it, at least she's not biting my boobs.

I cracked my eyes open to see menace-face inches from mine. "Mama! Mama! Mama!"

"Whassup, Menace?" I opened my eyes a little more once I knew there wasn't another volley of surprisingly solid baby slaps coming at me.

She leaned herself backward and shouted, "DAHDA!" She'd managed to put her little uniform on all by herself. Okay, none of the buttons on her jacket were buttoned except one at the very bottom that dangled half-undone, and by the way her shirt hung open down to her pants she hadn't tied that either, but for a nine month old? Not half fuckin' bad, if you ask me. "Very good, Isnomi! What a clever girl you are!"

I have no idea whether she got the reference or not, but she absolutely Muttlied a little before stopping with a, "bi ga!"

"Yes, you are my big girl. You want Momma to help with your ties and buttons?"

Her eyes got big and she did the victory pose again, shouting, "Ya!" so I scooped her up, sat up, extricated myself from a lounging Marie and a still-booting-up Saffron, and walked her over to the desk. I stood her on the desk and sat down in front of her, glad that for the moment, that put my eyes right around neck level on her. I kinda hoped she'd be able to dress herself before she got too big to do this comfortably.

I paused for a second before starting. "Do you need to use the pot?"

She shook her little head. "Na."

"Are you sure? You know it's not exactly quick getting this off of you, and if you have an accident, you're back in diapers for two days."

She leaned forward, and when I leaned forward to keep her from tumbling, she put a surprisingly less chubby baby palm on each of my cheeks. "Mama. Ah ga di."

I nodded. "Okay then. But no saying I didn't warn you."

"Ah ga di," she repeated, then pushed herself back up to standing. Starting by unbuttoning her jacket, spinning her around, and tying her shirt properly, I started in on setting everything to rights. A sneaking suspicion hit as I remembered one set of ties, and I pulled her pants waist open.

"Isnomi, you will not be going commando. Big Girls wear Panties."

"Mama na wa pada."

I stared at the little smart ass with my mouth hanging open for a moment before my brain scrambled into gear. "Momma isn't a Big Girl. Momma is an Adult. When Isnomi is an Adult, she can choose to wear panties or not. But for now? Isnomi wears panties." Her lower lip stuck out, and she folded her arms. "If you shit your pants, you're wearing a diaper for the next two days. No Big Girl Clothes." If she teared up a little at that, she didn't fill her slacks, so I counted it as a win. "Wait here." I retrieved a set of Isnomi panties from the armoire. Halfway back, I stopped, sighed, turned around, and got my one set as well. I walked over, handed her set to her to hold, and put my own on. "See? Momma will wear panties today, just like Isnomi." That turned off the waterworks, so I threaded her panties onto her without taking her pants off, then tied everything up and buttoned up her jacket.

"Dahda!"

"Tada indeed," Saffron chimed in from the bed. I looked over to see her climbing over a still lazing Marie. "So, will you be taking her along today?"

"I kinda figured she'd ride with Marie again today. Dudes need more spear practice, and some of them don't look real close where they're stomping."

She chuckled and shook her head. "Oh, I suspect she'd command more of their attention than you realize, but that's not what I meant. Today is Monday, you realize?"

"Oh. Oh, shit."

Sorry, Boss. I'll be there soon.

There is no rush, Tabitha. We eagerly await your visit, but I would not have my Champion shorting herself on sleep for some petty reason. You are to attend me on Mondays, but nowhere in our agreement did we state for how long. All that said, when can we expect you?

I gotta get dressed and get breakfast. Two hours?

I suppose that will have to do.

Oh, Boss! Do you mind if I bring Saffron and Isnomi along today?

Should I say no to the latter, Sigyn will be displeased, and your lovely wife is always welcome.

Thanks, Boss. You're the best.

I know.

I turned to the armoire to see Marie just finishing up sliding Saffron's boots on. Saffron plus boots sans anything else kinda put me in screensaver mode until she finished dressing. I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad that Marie helped her, so she finished way faster than I'd like. Once she had her dress of glowing midnight on, she sashayed over, pulled me out of the chair, and pushed me toward Marie. As she played dress-up-doll with me, I asked, "do you have time to come with us today, Marie?"

She thought about it while she pulled on my second boot. Then she sighed, shook her head, and said, "No."

I put my arms around her and ran one hand down her back while I hugged her to me. "We'd love it if you'd come, but if you can't, you can't."

She slipped The Dress onto me, then turned to put her own Maid uniform on. Saffron carried Isnomi over and we all gathered around Marie for a quiet group hug before she left for her day of Marie things. As Saffron and I moved to follow, I caught myself. "Oh, shit. I almost forgot. Hang a sec?"

"Sure."

I walked over, opened the armoire, and opened the door in the back. "Son?"

I might have jumped just a little as he appeared in the doorway between one moment and the next. "Yes, Mother?"

"Are Sigyn's boots ready?"

His mouth slid into that too-wide grin and he said, "they are. I think you'll be pleased."

"Did you do your best?"

The tiniest hint of a frown marred his grin. "Always."

"Then I will always be pleased and proud of you, Son." Yeah, I know, I was totally laying it on thicker than Nicki Minaj's ass, but what the fuck am I supposed to do with Essence of Psycho-son?

He handed me a long, rectangular, blue, leather case, held shut by simple loops around opposing oblong buttons. Before I could thank him, he said, "oh, wait, I almost forgot," and handed me a metal hoop. On closer inspection I realized it wasn't a hoop, but a circlet, almost a tiara. On second thought, definitely a tiara, but way too small for me. At a glance, too small even for Saffron.

"Who?" I paused, not quite knowing how to ask without possibly offending him.

He smiled that too-wide grin. "For my darling little sister, of course."

I narrowed my eyes and smile just a touch. "This isn't going to do something unpleasant, is it?"

"Mother! I would never hurt Isnomi. How could you think that!" His 'offended innocence' was really good, I had to hand it to him.

Still, I'd dealt with con artists great and small my whole life. "I didn't say hurt her. I said something unpleasant. You are most certainly not above playing pranks."

His smile widened, and he gave me a sideways nod of his head, "not untrue, but I have not done so with that, or with this," he handed over a blue and white leather sash with something written on it. I juggled the tiara into my hand with the box to let the sash fall open so I could read it. It had 'Invencible' embroidered in tiny silver letters along one edge of the white part of the sash. "Would it be too much to ask for her to try them on?"

I shrugged and turned to call Saffron over, but she'd apparently heard. She stood behind me, and Isnomi already had her hands out, grabbing at the tiny tiara. I juggled stuff around to hand it to her, and she grabbed it and slapped it on her head. "Isnomi, what do we say?"

She grinned up at The Smith and said, "Da ga, Tikibada!"

"You are most welcome, Sister Menace." He even nodded and sounded like he meant it. I have no idea if I was just the most gullible mom in history, or if I'd actually managed to successfully do Mom Things, but fuck it, I'm gonna count it as a win.

"Hold her a moment?" I took Isnomi in the hand with the sash, and Saffron took the sash and tied it around her middle. It was a little too long for her, and didn't bunch up well over her shoulder, but Saffron managed to overlap it twice around the menace's belly, where it wound up looking almost exactly like the Camden Yards flag Raven had drawn.

I lifted an eyebrow and asked, "That's on purpose, isn't it?"

He shrugged. "She'll grow into it eventually, and when she does she can wear it over her shoulder. For now, though? This will do."

I handed Saffron the menace and the boot box, then stepped up to the doorway to put my arms around The Smith. "Thank you, Son." If he stiffened a moment, he didn't pull away, and I felt his grin stretch all the way around to his ears as he leaned down into the hug. When we pulled apart, I swear I saw actual tears in his eyes. Goddamn he had the act down.

"You are very welcome, Mother. I believe you've got places to be today, though?"

I nodded, asked, "closed or open?"

He replied, "you'll be out today, so please do leave it open."

I nodded again and said, "see you tonight, Son."

He just smiled, waved, and was gone.

As we walked down to the Dining Hall, I tried to take the tiara to get a better look at it, but the menace straight up snapped a set of jaws to put The Smith to shame at me. "Do I even want to know how you did that, Menace?"

"Meh."

"Fair enough."

When we got down to the Dining Hall, more than just the ROTC table got a little quiet when we walked in. I mean, I guess this is the first time anybody'd gotten a good look at me in The Dress, and for all but like six people, this was the first time anyone had seen Saffron's Holy Garb. We walked over to the ROTC table and sat down accompanied by the sound of Raven furiously sketching. Kinda funny, Saffron still sat across from me. Habits die hard. Also, this way we had one of us on each side of the table to help corral the menace.

Just before we started eating, Angel managed to choke out, "Holy shit. I'm straight, but..."

She trailed off, and Bill deadpanned, "so's spaghetti, until it gets wet." He pronounced it that Italian way, where you drop the last syllable. Figure the Greeks would know how the Italians pronounce it.

I nearly spat out a mouthful of eggs at that. Worse, Isnomi looked up and said, "get?"

Saffron saved me. "Spaghetti is food. The Drivers make it sometimes."

"Get?"

"Spa-ghet"

"Pa get?"

Saffron nodded. "I'll see if Mr. Driver can make some next time we're down there."

The Menace nodded seriously, then went back to the Serious Business of cramming a day's worth of food into her in two hours. I mean, everybody at the table did that, and it amused me that Isnomi seemed set to follow in my competitive eating footsteps. It took a lot of doing to keep her uniform and The Dress clean, but somehow I managed it. Okay, I had a lot of help, as first Saffron, then the rest of the ROTCs took over Isnomi watch while the rest of us kept shoveling.

We finished up early, since Saffron and I both kinda wanted to see Sigyn's new boots, not to mention her reaction to them. I picked up the boot box, scooped up the menace, took Saffron’s hand, and walked over to the doors. I half turned, nodded to the room in general and the ROTCs sorta specifically, then looked at Saffron.

"Do you want to do this?"

"I think it's really better if you do."

I stepped through the doorway, and into Loki's cave. When I did, Sigyn looked up, then down at Loki. "You didn't tell me she was about to arrive."

He winced a little and replied, "I didn't bring her. Well learned, High Priestess, but perhaps ill timed."

"Hey, I come bearing gifts and shit." I set Isnomi on the floor, where she went up on tiptoes and dashed to meet Mister Slither, who came down the wall to gather her up before crawling back to his perch with her clinging to him like a limpet, cackling madly the whole time. I handed the boot box to Saffron, walked over to Sigyn, took her bowl from her, and hip checked her in Saffron's direction. I sat down next to Loki's head facing away from him. Between the bowl and my body, I completely blocked his view of Sigyn.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

"While the view is as nice as I could engineer before you earned me so much Glory, I've discovered I vastly prefer the view you're occluding."

I twisted my head enough to shoot him a look. "Did you just 'move, bitch, get out the way' me?"

He shrugged, rattling his chains. "Oh, no, I have revealed my greatest secret, my abiding adoration of my wife."

I shook my head and turned back around to watch as Saffron helped Sigyn into her new boots. I got a stunning view of dat ass, because apparently my son does not make 'just boots'. In Sigyn's case, he'd apparently provided anything he thought of as 'boot related', for a value of 'boot related' that put Virgin Killers to shame. Saffron started with a nice pale pink garter belt, with slightly darker pink garters holding up pink stockings that started at a deep, almost red pink at the toes, lightening until the tops matched the garters. The tops. Holy shit, the tops of the stockings needed the garters, because without some kind of special sticky magic they would have rolled down instead of squeezing just enough to provide that mesmerizing bulge around their top. 'The lady-boner is made here' indeed. I guess when you're Ace as fuck, you can look on the whole thing as an artistic engineering challenge, and by God my son was an artist of the absolute highest caliber.

The stockings on, Saffron slipped one boot over Sigyn's foot and up her leg; it slid on over the stocking like it was on greased rails. Saffron pulled another set of garters from inside the boot and clipped them to the belt. Sigyn's eyes crossed a little, and her ass clenched up just a little. "That is an odd sensation."

"Pardon, Champion, but what is your wife doing to my wife?"

I shook my head without looking at him. "Yeah, Boss, you're missing out, but seeing would totally spoil the surprise. You can watch next time."

I heard the frown in his voice when he said, "now that you've mastered translocation, you would steal my title of Backbiter?"

"Hey, that hurts, Boss. This is the good kind of surprise. Also, if you bite me in the ass I'm gonna figure out a way to fart on you."

He laughed at that, spluttering out, "I never thought I would actually be amused by vulgarity equaling that found in the Valhal. I was kidding, Tabitha. I trust you. But this situation is disturbing. Humor me? Tell me your wife is not ravishing mine?"

Just at that moment, Saffron finished sliding the other boot on, and Sigyn squeaked, her ass cheeks clamping together like a goddamned vice.

That's vise, dear.

I know what I said.

"That's..." She giggled a little bit. "It tickles. Sort of. Is there something alive in there?"

I shrugged, "no idea, but if you want my opinion? Probably, and it's probably better if you don't know exactly what."

"Tabitha..."

"Almost ready, Boss."

Saffron nodded to Sigyn. "Take a quick walk to the other end of the cave and back."

Immediately I realized the wisdom of her decision, as Sigyn stumbled a bit with the first step, but I guess knowing what wins and what doesn't lets you learn something straightforward like 'not faceplanting wearing stilettos' pretty fuckin' quick. I think. The gray matter heated up a little once she hit her stride, but thankfully she turned around and started back right about then. When she did I realized Saffron had taken liberties with Sigyn's skirt. A pile of fabric lay where Saffron knelt on the floor, still recovering from the sight of Sigyn walking away. Fuck, I couldn't blame her. 'I'm married, not dead' applied to both of us, I guess. Sigyn's skirt dipped down in a vee that almost touched the boots in the front, but rose up to mid-hip by the sides, and didn't dip down fucking at all in the back. When she stood in front of me, right about in her normal spot, she asked, "so, Champion, how do I look?"

For a fuckin' Goddess of Victory, she sounded really insecure. I kinda knew how she felt; I'd feel the same way dressing up in a new outfit for Saffron. I smiled up at her, said, "I'm not the one who matters." I stood smoothly, pivoting away to hold Sigyn's bowl out of the way, letting the full effects of Sigyn's boot-based glow up hit Loki all at once.

I got a tiny but fierce glow of pride in my gut when Loki stuttered out, "S... Si... Sig... Si..."

I took pity on him.

No the fuck I didn't. Who do you think I am? If I'm gonna be lime green, I'm gonna be fuckin' glowing Shego lime green, and fuck anybody who says I can't. Double fuck 'em if they say green doesn't go with red. "I think what your husband is trying to say is 'Sit on my face and say you love me', but I think you ought to just walk away until he can spit it out on his own." Sigyn's ass might not actually be her best feature. She laughed, deep and throaty, as she turned and walked way. I looked down to watch Loki's face as he wrenched himself half upright, shaking the cave a little just to get a better view. "So, Boss, what do you think of your wife's new boots I had made special just for you? Good offering unto my Patron?"

The only thing that came out of his mouth? A growling whine full of need.

"Okay, Boss. Hang just a sec, we'll get you loose, and the missus and I will go play with Isnomi and Mister Slither." I looked up at Sigyn and asked, "unless you want me to leave him tied up?"

She laughed again, the sound echoing through the cave like auditory crushed velvet.

Then the world fucking exploded. Something hit me, knocking Sigyn's bowl out of my hands, flipping it end over end straight toward the goddess herself, raining venomous acid all across Loki's front. The ground shook beneath us as Loki screamed, his chains glistening silver and black and red. A big guy, and by 'big guy', we're talking like twelve feet tall, leaned over Loki, bellowing into his face. "WHERE ARE MY SONS!" The sound hit my ears like a concussion grenade, leaving me dizzy.

As venom ran down the sides of his stone slab, Loki collected himself to spit out, "I have no idea, brother. Are you certain you didn't turn one into a wolf? Throw one into the sea, perhaps? Chain one in a stable and feed him oats? Kill one and use his guts for garters?"

With every word, the big guy's shoulders hunched a little more. With the last, he raised one foot and brought it slamming down toward Loki's face. I didn't think, I just leapt, interposing myself, taking the hit in the middle of my chest and grabbing the big guy's foot. I managed to redirect it enough that I landed on Loki's chest, the big guy's boot driving the wind out of me. I took one look at his enraged face, recognized him, and swore. "Fuck!"

Goddess!

Don't kill him!

As you wish. Mana Blades crackled.

Don't maim him!

I glanced over to see Saffron kneeling where she'd caught Sigyn, who'd been hammered to the ground by her own bowl. Mana Blades extended from Saffron's arms, and she crouched, ready to spring at Odin, but holding until I gave her the go-ahead.

"YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE!" He lifted his foot again. I clung to it, but that slowed him about as much as a fuzzy slipper would slow down Usain Bolt. His foot hammered down again, and the air blasted out of me. I think I felt something crack, but a blast of freezing wind washed over me as the kick drove the wind out of Loki as well. Odin looked at Loki, then at the ceiling, where Mister Slither hung, his mouth just opening. "YOU!" Odin didn't have to jump to swing his fist straight up at the snake's head. Right before impact, I heard a clickety clack like dozens of tiny metal ants climbing over one another coming from Mister Slither, and then Odin's fist drove Mister Slither's whole head region into the rock of the ceiling.

He screamed, "BASTARD SON OF A WHORE!", flexed his hand, yanked, and tossed a surprisingly un-squashed Mister Slither across the room. The snake bounced off the far wall, landing between Odin and Sigyn. Odin shook blackened goo from the back of his hand, then pulled his arm back, a wickedly barbed spear appearing in it as he did. As a wireframe Saffron skulked along the wall on Odin's far side, he threw the spear. I couldn't tell whether he'd aimed at Mister Slither or Sigyn.

Then it didn't matter. The menace fucking uncloaked, standing on tippy toes right in the spear's path.

Fuck this asshole. Potami could lead the army. I drove a branching Mana Blade straight up out of my sternum, another out of my right arm, extending upward straight toward the one eyed monster's one eyed monster. Saffron leapt, her own Blades thickening, spreading into fucking lances that covered her entire forearms. Odin screamed, lifted his fist.

Sigyn's shriek filled the room, freezing everyone in place as it rebounded from the walls, building on itself in the tiny space. In the sudden silence as she stopped, a quiet voice filled the room. "Bi ma kika poo." Followed by the tearing crunching shriek of metal and wood being rent asunder. I blinked and looked over to see Isnomi tearing chunks out of that goddamned spear with her teeth.

I turned back to the hulking Aesir above me. Saffron's Blades lay against either side of his neck, ready to scissor his fucking head off if he moved. His one remaining eye watered. "Okay, Balegyr. You so much as twitch a fuckin' muscle, you lose this fuckin' leg. If you do anything to piss me off, my wife will be very sad, because she'll have to behead you instead of torturing you to death for throwing a fucking boar spear at an unconscious woman, a dead snake, and OUR FUCKING DAUGHTER."

He didn't move, but he did snort derision. "What care have I for lost limbs. I've lived through worse. I've lived through death time and again, Mortal. Why should I care about you and your mortal wife?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you having pets named Reason and Memory meant you had both of those. Don't you remember who's fucking High Priestess my wife is? Think about it really, really, hard. It happened so long ago, I know. All of last fucking week. Try really hard, I'm sure you can fucking figure it out, you entitled piece of shit." Fuck. I'd totally slipped into hyper-abusive Mom mode. Lime fucking green.

All the color drained out of Odin's face, and the rage drained with it. "Ah. I think there may have been a misunderstanding. You have my sincerest apologies for any danger I have inadvertently placed your daughter in." He looked to where the menace crunched down the remains of a wooden pole, swallowed, turned to Odin, grinned, and let out a cave-shaking belch. "If, indeed, I placed her in any danger at all." He closed his eyes, managing to mime a bow without moving. "I mean all this sincerely. I am beside myself with worry, and I lost my temper."

"Worry about fucking what, Havi? Because you gotta be fuckin' high if you think you're talking your way out of this one scot free." I twitched, and he hissed in pain, but didn't move.

"My sons have gone missing. Surely, as mothers, you both understand how cruelly that could tug at your soul, could drive you to do things you would otherwise not imagine?" He glanced meaningfully at Saffron's scissor-lances.

She chuckled, the sound nearly as throaty as Sigyn's, bloodlust in sonic form. "Oh, I have imagined this ever since I realized it possible, treacher."

"Then why don't you?" he spat.

She looked to me, no less heat in her eyes. Fuck it, the whole reason Odin wasn't steak tartare was 'cause I needed fucking Lancaster to keep Saffron safe. "Because my beloved wife asked me nicely not to."

"So I owe my life to the mercy of women?"

Loki wheezed out, "it appears your other option is dying at the knives of the women. I heartily discommend that, by the way."

Odin shuddered, and sizzling meat sounds came from his leg and neck. "Point taken. Why have you spared me, Champion?"

"I need your High Priest from Phileo."

He snorted, "Phileo."

I twitched, he froze. "Your High Priest from Phileo leading our Army at full power, which includes being your High Priest."

"Why would I disavow him?"

"No fuckin' clue why shits like you betray people, but then again, I don't give a shit. My wife sneezes, Lancaster's just a guy in a dress."

Odin gulped. More sizzling. "Point taken. Again. Lancaster remains my High Priest for as long as you have need of him."

"Good. Who knows where this cave is?"

"Other than yourselves? To my knowledge, only I and my sons."

I nodded, keeping my chest still, but waving a little with the Mana Blade on my hand. I accidentally clipped his loincloth, and it slithered free. No, seriously, I'm not a fuckin' machine, I slipped. Little Odin took his balls and ran home. I hid my chuckle.

Okay, I didn't. I fuckin' had a laugh at the big man with a second belly button. "Okay. Relay this to them when you find them. If I catch any of the three of you here again, you die."

"You would send your wife after me?"

"Yeah, probably not. But I don't need her to kill your sloppy ass."

He sniffed. "I am fated to die in Fenris' gullet. Not by the hand of Loki's Champion."

I grinned up at him. I couldn't match my kid's freaky smiles. Check that. Shapeshifting for the win. I grinned up at him, my ears crinkling. "Oh, no! My clever plan is undone! Oh, wait, I guess I'll have to dismember your fat ass, drag your parts down to Hel one at a time, and feed them to Mister Barkington. Did you really fucking hang from a tree until you died to get wisdom? Or was that ripping an eye out?"

"What of it?"

"You need to complain to management for a refund."

Odin spat, or tried to. I guess he couldn't work up too much spit with his neck sizzling every time he twitched. Gotta hand it to him, getting tagged with one of these bitches is excruciating, but he never flinched. Then again, I guess he was part of the 'dealt with ridiculous pain because life is shit' club along with me and Loki. Dumb fucker signed up on his own, but he's still got the card and keychain and everything. "What of Loki's imprisonment? I will not allow..." Sizzle sizzle silence.

"Thank you, Kitten."

"My pleasure, Goof. You, treacher, are in no position to allow or not allow. You may choose to obey, or you may choose to die. Do not presume otherwise." God my wife is hot when she threatens people.

Never tell Sigyn, but you are absolutely correct. Where did she get that dress?

She convinced The Smith to make it for her.

Loki whimpered, the sound so quiet I couldn't have heard it if I weren't laying on top of him. There are two of them.

"Okay. I get that you're worried to death about your sons. I even feel for you the tiniest possible bit. I get that you're pissing yourself over that whole, 'Loki gets out of his cave, you're dog chow' chain of events. Here's the best deal you get. You go back to the Valhal and get your drink on until you can't feel your legs any more. I dunno, maybe see if Frigg will kiss it and make it better. You keep doing the God thing for your worshippers in Phileo, just like you've been doing. I'll see if I can find your kids for you. I'll make sure Loki stays here. You get all that?"

"His sentence was to be tortured for all eternity!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll take care of all that."

Tabitha?

Love you, Boss, but with all due respect, shut the fuck up, I'm busy here.

"So. I give you my word on all that. You cool with it?"

"How can I trust you?"

"Hey Boss?"

"Yes, Tabitha?"

"Can I lie for shit?"

Loki sighed, shifting me just a touch. "I'm afraid your aptitude for prevarication causes me daily distress."

"You chose a High Priestess and a Champion who cannot lie? YOU? Please don't tell me that's true. If I laugh, I will behead myself." Loki shrugged again, and Odin winced. "So be it. I choose life. Loki's imprisonment and torture I leave to you. Tell my High Priest if you have news of my sons."

"Good enough. Now fuck off and don't come back."

I'm not sure if the menace spoiled my line by letting loose another belch, but the next moment Odin was gone. I sighed, releasing my Mana Blades. Saffron did the same, tumbling down from the wall to faceplant in my crotch. Which was not so much 'ooh, smexy' as 'holy fucking god ninety pounds of headbutt to my lady bits'. All three of us lay there groaning while Isnomi crawled over to Mister Slither and patted at his head. "Ai! Ai!" The snake blinked a few times, then slithered around her, settling into what I chose to see as a protective crouch as she stroked his scales.

Sigyn pushed herself up, still looking dazed. "What happened?"

"Are you okay, Lady?"

She snorted. "I may have a headache for a bit. That much bowl to the head wasn't pleasant."

"Why did you let out that... what was it? Squeak? Squeal?"

Loki cleared his throat, and I looked at him.

I know that sound. Intimately.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I am as mystified as you, my Champion, but no, I am not.

"Okay. Never mind. Don't wanna know. Hey Boss? You okay if I head home and get some fuckin' rest?"

"After what you've achieved today? I will demand it as your proper Devotional Act for this day."

I struggled to my feet, lifting Saffron to hers as I did. We leaned against each other and staggered toward Isnomi. "Thanks, Boss."

"Ah, perhaps a little help before you go?" He rattled his chains.

I gave Saffron a gentle shove toward Isnomi while I gave Sigyn a hand up. "Sorry, Boss. If I don't keep my word that little shit will find a way to weasel out of our deal. Fuck, he'll find a way anyway, but I'm not gonna make it easy for him. The chains stay on during torture."

TABITHA?

I thought you trusted me, Boss?

I leaned over and whispered in Sigyn's ear for a bit while hurt, angry, terrified Loki noises filled my brain. Those all stopped when that awesome Candice Bergen throaty laugh echoed through the cave. Yes, I know who Candace Bergen is. Something, something, something, aunties, VCRs, bored as shit kid with maybe some bi tendencies even then. "So, how often did Mister Slither have unrestricted access to the Boss' poor abused body?"

Sign shrugged. "It varied. Two or three times a day. A few minutes each time. I hurried as quickly as I could without spilling venom on him or myself."

"Okay then. Just to be on the safe side, thirty minutes a day. No less." I glanced over at Loki, who'd pushed himself up until he could just see us standing there. "More if you're really grooving on it. I leave that in your capable hands." Confused Loki noises had replaced the earlier ones leaking into my brain, but hey, as noted, if I'm gonna be Lime Green, I'm gonna be Key Lime Green Fucking Pie. Sigyn strode over to Loki, and with both of our eyes locked to that view, I asked, "You ready to go, Saff?"

"Well. Someone's in a mood for wife torture today, isn't she?"

I shrugged and took her hand. "Eh. We've got Menace today, and we both know you were gonna do that anyway for keeping you from beheading bitch boy."

You know me so well.

Carnally, even.

Not today.

Yeah, I deserve that.

Sigyn turned to face us, entirely uncoincidentally turning her back on Loki, standing where he could just barely, if he pushed himself up and twisted what looked like painfully, catch glimpses of her. She nodded to us, touched one finger to her brow in salute, then closed her eyes and stretched, reaching her clasped hands above her head as far as she could. As Loki's chains squealed at the tension he put them under, we stepped forward and back into our cell.

You unbelievably cruel bitch.

Hey, Boss, I never said the bonds had to stay on when the torture was done.

You magnificent bitch. I take back any mean thing anyone anywhere has ever said about you.

Thanks, Boss.

I'm not the best any more?

I kinda figured you were looking at that right now.

Zero response from that. Point to Tabitha. Now I just had to survive irked Saffron until she got bored and gave in. Or didn't. She'd been learning from Marie. Whatever. Lime fucking green, here I come.