Dear Diary,

"Wine comes in at the mouth, and love comes in at the eye; That's all we shall know for truth, before we grow old and die."

- William Butler Yeats, A Drinking Song

Yeah, Mister Yeats, I'm not sure I agree with you there. In my experience, plenty of people come in the... wait... totally missed the word 'at' there. Dodged a bullet, there, since the second line sounded kinda painful. Yes, I speak from experience. Never hooked up with that particular booty call again. As for what you meant to say, I dunno. I think love might start with the eyes, but it definitely comes in through the ears at first, then eventually just kinda seeps in through the skin. Not even talking about fuckin' at this point, either. Just, y'know, touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I definitely get playing with body parts with a lover is fun, and can put a couple layers of lacquer on a relationship, which can be good or bad. But the other part, that laying there, skin on skin, not moving, that's the stuff of which long term bonds are made. Not even just with romantic partners.

Back when I was really little, when my dad was still around, I think, my mom used to let me lean against her legs while she sat on the sofa doing... stuff. I have no idea what she was doing at this point. Reading, maybe? Sewing? Hell, she might have been watching TV for all I remember. The important part to me was her legs warm against my back, until the temperature equalized and I felt like an extension of her. Not in a bad way, either. Like she supported me backwards into the past, and I was her little bit that would forge forward into the future. What with the whole psychopomp thing, I kinda wonder if there's some way I could, y'know, get in touch with her. Let her know that I might have died, but I'm still out here trying to make her proud.

I don't know if any of the shit I've done would do that. Getting married, maybe, but she was a little old fashioned, I don't know if she'd have been on board with the whole Sapphic thing. Or the threesome thing, for that matter. I don't think she'd be proud of me for being a fucking engine of destruction exactly, but maybe for standing up for people who couldn't stand up for themselves. I think she'd be proud of me for what I did during the Plague, healing people who needed it. Of course, she might feel some kinda way with nobody healing her. But maybe, just maybe, if I can keep this shit up for another dozen years or so, she might be proud of me for being a mom. I could live with that, I think.

So yesterday, some time mid afternoon, I wound up standing with Sister Siobhan in my arms, out like a light. The class stood there staring at me, all of them except the profs looking a little scandalized, while the collective Docs tried not to burst out laughing. Okay, Doc Glass and Doc DeLeon tried, and mostly succeeded. Doc Z let his laughter out as an ongoing snicker that just reinforced my impression of him as fuckin' Ernie from Sesame Street. "Kitten, when they're done examining, uh, him," I stumbled as I realized I hadn't even asked the poor bastard his name. "Could you show them the Infirmary? I'm gonna carry Sister Siobhan to a bunk."

"Of course, love." She leaned in and whispered, "remember, I get to see."

Marie interrupted my outraged squawk with a simple, "We."

"This is not a date!" I hissed. "There will be a date before any... deflorations!" Somehow I'd managed to pull off being all aggrieved while keeping my voice to a whisper. Probably because I didn't want to wake Sister Siobhan up by screaming at her.

Saffron pouted at me, her face still turned away from the class. "I didn't get a date."

"Same."

"I didn't deflower either of you! Also, I've taken both of you on dates." I shrugged at that point, "not as many as I'd like, but still, I have!"

Saffron leaned in, kissed me on the cheek, almost on the temple, and whispered, "that's why I want to see that too, love."

"Exactly."

Then the two of them turned and walked back to the class, leaving me holding the Sister. I made my way to my cabin, suddenly a little self conscious about the state we'd left it in. Marie had tidied a little, so there wasn't trash on the floor and nothing had stains on it or anything like that, but the air definitely had a bit of a noticeable funk. I mean, normally I'm all about that. I kinda like it, sort of like an olfactory hickey, proof that deeds have been done. It's not like it reeked, or the smell had gone bad. I couldn't see Marie allowing that to happen. But that tiny bit of not quite locker room smell was definitely in the air.

I lay her down on the bed, and a while later the first motion I noticed was her nose wriggling. Then her eyes shot open, and she shot upright. She sniffed the air again, and her cheeks went beet red. "I... Did?"

I shook my head, smiling. "No, Sister. You realized something and it seemed a little much for you."

She looked around, seemed to realize that wherever we were, we weren't anywhere easy to eavesdrop on. She still kept her voice low when she said, "Mimic... she serves you." The words crawled out of her mouth like she wanted to vomit them out instead of speaking, but she didn't give in, didn't faint again, didn't scream or puke or anything like that, other than wrapping her arms around herself.

I realized right then that 'I really want to' wasn't going to cut it. My neo-Puritan upbringing might still be fighting tooth and nail to keep me from acting on my attraction to her, but it stood shoulder to shoulder with the morals I actually cared about when it came to Honesty and Consent. I have to tell her.

Do you need us there, love?

I thought about that for a second while Sister Siobhan slowly crumpled into herself. No. I don't want her trapped. I might scare her off. I don't want to scare her off. But if I can't keep her without lying to her, I don't deserve her. Don't deserve any of you.

I felt Saffron's smile. Keep her?

Shit. Take her. Oh, shit, that sounds worse, doesn't it?

I definitely got the impression that Murder Mittens had Opinions About the Sister her own self when she thought back, Better.

Do you mind if we observe, that we might aid if you call for us?

I took a deep breath. Sure. Just... not unless I call. "Sister?"

She looked up, suddenly attentive. "Yes, Tabitha?"

"You're... not right. You're not too far from right, but you're not right. I..." I took a step back, flopped back to perch on my chair, surprised but happy when it neither squished nor let out a burst of eau de fuck right then. "I don't want to scare you off."

She laughed, a brittle thing, but still a laugh, when she said, "if you haven't scared me off yet, I'm sure you won't."

"Says the woman who fainted at the thought that the Walking Ragnarok serves me."

She shook her head, laughing a little more normally this time. "Oh, no. Well, maybe in part, but far more of it was the three of you. I... you are intimidating enough on your own, but I feel like.." she paused, thinking, and I gave her the time she needed. Eventually she nodded. "I feel like if, right in the middle of things, I had a change of heart, you would let me go. Without threats, or rancor, or anything of the sort."

I winced, but chuckled, "oh, shit, please do not test that theory, Sister."

"You mean you would force me?"

I shook my head. "Oh, hell no. I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to. I don't want to. But you... That... That would push me. Push some parts of me harder than others."

She grinned at me. "While I've no actual experience, I take it some parts are supposed to be pushed harder than others?" When I did a passable spit take for not actually drinking anything, she laughed and said, "no, you would let me go. I have absolute faith in you, Tabitha. Your... your partners, I'm not so sure on."

I shrugged. "Oh, they'd let you go the moment you gave the word."

Her smile went wry and she said, "and they would never deny me the ability to speak until it was far, far too late, would they."

I chuckled a little again. "Yeah, but, y'know, Marie's pretty solidly on the Consent bandwagon herself. Although I've never tried to stop her right in the middle."

"And the Imperator?"

I sighed, thinking about some of the really shady kinky shit we'd done. "Oh, yeah. That's a fuckin' tar pit you could drown in joyously. I speak from experience."

She blushed, but said, "I'm sure you would rescue me."

"If you wanted to be rescued, sure." I waggled my eyebrows. "But would I get the traditional Hero's reward?"

She tapped a nail against her teeth. She didn't really do the coquette thing well, but by god she was trying. "I suppose you might, at that. I really have been looking forward to the successful conclusion of our date, after all."

You realize, Daughter, that if you took her right now and called this field trip your date, she would likely support that declaration?

Yeah, but I wouldn't. Date first. Fuck after. Now hush.

With Loki's laughter echoing through my head, I realized the solution to the problems I'd seen and even a few I hadn't. Kitten? Can you pop up our little privacy bubble?

Oh, my. Getting the Black Dragon involved in the Sister's defloration?

No. Well, not right now. Maybe on the day, but I don't think she's really into acrobatic antics. Definitely not experienced enough to enjoy them yet. Ward?

Already in place, love.

I stood, held a hand out to Sister Siobhan and said, "come with me."

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

She said, "so forward. Isn't there normally more physical contact required?" Okay, she stuttered her way through that, but she also put her hand in mine without the slightest hesitation. A moment later we stood on the mast of the Black Dragon, darkness below us, a sky full of stars above us. She looked around, then looked at me, her expression an intense mix of fear, anticipation, and hope. "Is there a reason we need privacy?"

I had to tell her, at least as much to avoid a lie by omission as any other reason. I wouldn't lie my way onto her body list, no matter how much I wanted to be at the top of it. "Yes, but not what you think. Tell Canta I need to speak with him."

Her face went blank, but she nodded. "He sees with my eyes, hears with my ears."

I closed my eyes, gathered my courage, then looked her right in the eye. "In person. Now, please."

She tried to hide her wince. "A single question first?" When I nodded, she asked, "has my lord displeased you?"

I shrugged. "Not that I know of. Nothing I can think of. Unless he's pissed you off or treated you badly somehow?"

She shook her head, her denial as urgent as it was sincere. "No!"

"Okay then. Canta? I'm waiting." With an effort of will, I reached out to Mimic, stilled her endless writhing, paused her dance with her Kraken. A moment later Sister Siobhan gasped, and a man stood behind her. An older dude, his gray hair slowly drifting toward silver-white to match his hood and robe. He wasn't handsome, not even the kind of 'used to be handsome, but got old', and definitely not 'distinguished gentleman' handsome. He wasn't even ugly. Just an average dude who had got old, maybe lost some weight along the way and shriveled up a little. His eyes, though, flashed with intelligence and emotion. Concern. Care. Affection, when he glanced at his High Priestess. Curiosity, as he looked around at the mast and the Ward surrounding us. Finally, above all, threading through everything else, spiking whenever he looked at me, Fear.

I sighed. That was gonna get way fuckin' worse before it got better. If it ever did. He laid one hand on Sister Siobhan's shoulder, the gesture half seeking support, half ready to pull her behind himself.

I sucked a lungful of air through my nose, then looked him in the eye and said, "is this all of you?"

He knew what I meant immediately. "No."

"All of you, here, now. Please."

"Or?" He pulled Sister Siobhan to stand just behind him and to one side.

A million thoughts ran through my head. 'It's not a request'. 'Or I make them come here'. So many other ways to terrify one or both of them into unquestioning obedience.

I choked them all back, my hand rising involuntarily to plead with Sister Siobhan for patience, for support. "Or you both can go. I..." I looked around, realized that despite our apparent privacy, it wasn't. I Shaped Mana and blocked out everything save the three of us and my two High Priestesses. I looked Sister Siobhan in the eye. "I need to tell you something. I want to... I want to be with you, to do everything we've talked about and more, but I can't... I won't do that with a lie hanging between us. But it's a secret. One that no one outside my immediate family knows."

Sister Siobhan smiled, shaking her head. "I'm sure Lord Loki knows."

I stared at her. "He does."

She stood there, adorably clueless, until Canta wheezed out, "that was not the contradiction you thought it to be, my High Priestess."

Gibbering madness danced around the edges of her eyes, but the Sister swallowed and said, "so, you are his..."

"Daughter. Adopted."

She let out a titter. "Oh. Well. That's not that big of a secret. I think I heard something of the sort once, dismissed it as exaggeration or metaphor. But..."

"That's not the secret."

"So... this secret you protect. If we leave now, knowing it exists, what will happen to us?"

I looked up at Canta, shrugged, and said, "I'm not sure. Probably? You'll forget. I'll cancel my date with Sister Siobhan, and she'll be hurt, and wonder why, but eventually won't remember anything about why I cancelled. You might try to remember. You might even succeed, maybe. I kinda doubt it, but maybe. But I won't do anything bad to either of you." I looked at Sister Siobhan. "I like you. Even if we never manage to find a day for that date, even if our date is a dud and we both sleep in our own beds that night, I like you. You... you were the first person here who was nice to me. You might be the reason I thought that maybe I could be a better person here. A Hero, rather than just some kind of grifter or even an outright villain. But... I like you. I hope that if you walk away, when the hurt at me cancelling fades, you'll still want to be my friend."

"Always."

I shook my head. "I hope that if you stay, and I show you, you'll still be my friend. Not, I dunno, some kind of..." I looked away a moment, then looked Canta in the eye. Give the man credit, he didn't flinch, and I got the strong impression he wanted to just nope the fuck out. "Look, I want to tell her. If I tell her, you're gonna know, so I might as well tell you. But for that to happen? I need all of you here. Now. Please."

He shuddered. "If I do that, you could kill me. End me, truly." At Siobhan's gasp, he explained, "I have seen her walk to Hel. She could deliver me unto Fenris, feed me to the wolf of Ragnarok. She could..."

I interrupted, laying a hand on his where he still held Sister Siobhan's shoulder. "End you right here, right now, if that's what I wanted to do. But I don't. Were you watching when I laid down the law with Gregor? Right after the Battle of the Bands?"

An involuntary smile stretched his face for a moment. "The Dagda dragged us all together to listen. Not that many of us failed to notice Domnu walking the Earth." The smile left his face so fast I might have imagined it, "Domnu, you..."

I held up one hand, and he shut the fuck up. "Please. Stop guessing, stop talking. Know that my only goal in this is honesty with your High Priestess Sister Siobhan, because I won't have a lie between us when I seduce her."

He laughed, a tiny bit of hysteria in his voice now. "So forward."

"Yeah, I can't lie for shit, so I might as well just be up front about it. I'm kinda wondering right now if she'll scream your name in the middle, and if that counts as Worship or not." He actually coughed out a laugh at that.

"So trusting, too. I could tell you I have complied, but how would you know?"

I reached into him, through him, a little surprised when I found only one other Canta anywhere, that one somewhere far to the east of us. "I'd know. And if you already agreed that all of you would be here? I'd bring you here." His jaw dropped, but before he could speak, I said, "decide. Now. Learn, or forget. I swear, those will be the only consequences of your decision if I can at all help it."

His head jerked, he opened his mouth to speak, but Sister Siobhan interrupted with, "Please?" When he looked down at her, she sank to her knees. "Please, Lord? I know I am unworthy, that I was chosen only out of necessity as your tool to fight against Apollo's Plague, but I beg of you, please." When he raised an eyebrow, a flicker of communication passing between them, she said, "she is my friend, and I do not wish to forget how much she cares, nor drift away from her because of that."

He hesitated, and I applied a little gentle pressure to his hand with mine, squeezing Sister Siobhan's shoulder. "Just be honest, dude. Nothing bad gonna happen, nothing to lose either way." I shot him my very best grin to lure him in and finished with, "don't you wanna know all my innermost secrets too?"

"Tabitha! Are you trying to seduce my God?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Hey, if I gotta get the old dude off to get under your robes? Small price, willingly paid."

He choked out a laugh, shook his head, and said, "you were not a forced choice, my child. Rather, I'd been forced to neglect you previously, and she," he nodded at me, "and Lord Dionysus freed my hand, that I might elevate you properly." He took a deep breath, and I felt him suck his Avatar back into himself. "In return of that favor, I will grant this to my favorite daughter of Phileo."

I looked down at Sister Siobhan. "Sister? Last chance. Learn or forget?"

"After my Lord has granted me his permission? How could I choose otherwise?"

I grinned, a little savagery maybe leaking into it. "Because I like him entirely because I like you. So you get one... last... chance."

She tittered, then said, "it sounds like if I say 'yes, tell me', my defloration by your hand is inevitable." I stared at her, my lip curling slowly into a Grin worthy of Saffron. "Oh." She pushed herself to her feet. "Okay then. Tak... uh, tell me."

I reached forward with my other hand, took Canta's hand in my right, Sister Siobhan's in my left, and stepped us to M-Space.

Canta shuddered, almost literally paralyzed with fright, and clutched at my hand. Sister Siobhan gasped, but looked around at the semi-corporeal tentacles surrounding us. She pushed into one, reached out to take Canta's free hand, then frowned when she couldn't pull it into the tentacle where she stood.

"I am... too real here, my child." His hand got a little gray where the tentacle touched it. I frowned, concentrated, and Mimic stopped that shit. I rose, pulling them along behind me until we stood atop a sea of tentacles. The last time we'd been here, they'd been waving, undulating, gradually shifting everything toward Mimic's Maw. Now they all stood stiff, quivering almost. Each and every one focused on the three of us. On one of us, really. On Sister Siobhan.

She looked around at the tentacles that stretched to the horizon on all sides, glancing at the brilliant stars above us, then back down at the tentacles below us, faintly flickering with the lights of the dancing Kraken in the Bay. "This... this is her?"

I shifted my Blend around us, pushing it up until we were a shadow of a dream. Then I gripped both of their hands, not hard enough to hurt, just enough to keep them from falling if they slipped or tried to step away, and dropped my personal Blend. "No, Sister. This is me."

Her eyes shot wide, her face paled, and I dropped a Stabilize through her hand. She shuddered, but stood. She slipped her hand free of my grip, then raised it to stroke my cheek. "So soft... but... spiky? I wonder..." she blushed again, but pulled herself together quickly, suddenly completely sober. "How long?"

"I mean, I'm gonna stretch it out as long as I can, so that's entirely up to how long you can keep going. Or, y'know, if you're asking, yeah, I can shapeshift, so 'as long as you need and or want it'."

She rolled her eyes. Then she looked... angry. "No. How long since you replaced her?"

I blinked. She was mad. Mad at me. No, mad at Mimic, because she didn't realize. I smiled at her, shaking my head. "How long have I been this?" She nodded. "Been Mimic?" Another nod, and somehow a bunch of shit fell into place. "Longer than I've known. The first clue I had... You remember my nightmares, that I came to you with?"

"Yes?"

"That was me. Her. The rest of her, the rest of me, still trapped in that fucking chest, one tiny bit free enough to free the rest of me, but too fucking clueless to realize until," I paused, realizing maybe why I'd felt so strongly about Sister Siobhan this whole time. "Until someone with no fuckin' reason to help a poor abandoned Primordial in a box told me to go looking. To go find myself and free myself." I paused, let go of Canta's hand, and lay my palms on her cheeks. "How long have I been Mimic?"

She quailed, but forced out, "that is the question I asked you, Mimic."

I smiled at her. "Call me Tabitha? Please? I mean, unless you get warm fuzzies calling me Mimic, but I'd still rather you two kept this secret."

Canta grimaced at me. "How will I keep this secret from The Dagda?"

"Does he automatically know what you know?"

He shook his head. "No, but... Mimic. You are free. You..." He looked around. shuddering. "Even now, you could end all the Tuatha de Danann. How can I keep that from them?"

I shrugged. "Don't tell them."

"But if the Dagda asks?"

"Don't tell him."

"If he commands me? Forces me?"

I pulled one hand from Sister Siobhan's cheek, gripped his shoulder. "Then you tell her." I flexed something, and felt that same connection to Sister Siobhan that I shared with Saffron and Marie. "She tells me, and I will teach The fuckin' Dagda some fuckin lessons about fuckin' Consent. You get me?"

He nodded, but before I could refocus on important things, said, "how can I tell her when you've... taken her." Siobhan blinked, and she blushed.

I frowned. "Check that again? I think the verb you're looking for is 'shared'. Y'know, kinda like my wifes are gonna be doing with her. Sharing me." I grinned, nodded at our surroundings. "There's a lot of me to go around, but still, Saffron's pretty greedy jealous."

The woman herself appeared, draped over my shoulders not unlike a certain Heir-Consort Lancaster was wont to do with Larry, and said, "but still eager to share, at least with you, Siobhan." Then she was gone.

I turned to Sister Siobhan, put my hand back on her other cheek, and said, "how long have I been Mimic, Walking Ragnarok, Black Swan with a Thousand, Thousand Young? How long have I been Tabitha Diaz?" She jerked her head in a nod. "Since I woke on the bed of the Delaware, killed a berserk Dragon attacking the Aquarium, passed out, and woke up in a cot. In front of the woman who convinced me, right then and there, that while all of that is who I am, where I came from?" I waited until she opened her mouth to ask, then said, "The woman that convinced me that what I wanted to try to be, more than anything else, was a fuckin' Hero?"

I leaned down and pressed my forehead against hers. "Yeah, I might be too much of an Unholy dark bitch for things to work out in the long run. Yeah, you might decide between now and the end of our date that me being Mimic is, like, your ultimate lady-boner-killer. But know this, Sister Siobhan Darling, that when the avalanche that I am runs its course, if the world is even a slightly better place? It's because you pushed that first pebble the right way, just by being you. Kind, considerate, caring you."

She lunged at me, her hands pulling at mine, and I laughed with joy as I stared into the endless depths of need in her eyes. "No kiss until our date's done," I singsonged. Completely accidentally tripping over Saffron's built in endorphin button with Siobhan staring into my eyes.

Well, right up until Siobhan.exe crashed hard and her eyelids fluttered shut, at least.