Dear Diary,

"Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten."

- David Ogden Stiers

Wait, isn't that the line from fuckin' Lilo and Stitch? Like, my brain remembers it from there. And David Ogden Stiers is, like, an Actor From Before The Internet. Like, from the dawn of fuckin' time. I... what was that show? A bunch of the old heads used to watch it all the fuckin' time, the one about the military hospital... Right! M.A.S.H.! Sorry, took me a second, but did he fuckin' say that and Lilo and Stitch quoted it, or maybe I'm having another Mandela Effect moment.

Whoever the fuck said it, though, it's absolutely fuckin' true. If you're the one who keeps getting left behind, or forgotten about, or you're the one doing all the shit jobs while other people hog all the credit and thanks and glory? That's not your family. People tryna tell you you're a Bad Person not because of choices you made, but because of shit about you that you had no control over, like the color of your skin, or your plumbing, or the way your brain works, or what puts lead in your pencil, or the Gender of your Soul? Those aren't your fuckin' family. I don't care who's hoo hah you popped out of.

The people who are there for you? The ones who see you as you are and accept you that way? Those are your people. Your family. The ones who will shed blood for you, who will bleed for you. Yeah, some people get lucky and get families who do that. But some of us get families who look at us and say 'you're too brown, girl, lazy, gay, trans' or whatever the fuck else they don't like about us, and force us to change that shit in order to be accepted into the family. Or, more likely, we get that shit held over us like a fuckin' club, because there will always be somebody who can't ever interact with other people without holding some kind of power over them.

I know I've said this before, but it always surprises me when my family comes together to help me out. Even more when they take the time and energy to meet me where I am, to give me the help I need, not the help they feel comfortable giving.

As I sat there picking at my dinner last night, Saffron asked me what was wrong. I couldn't put it into words, and definitely not in any kind of way I was ready to express in front of everybody in the Lancaster Dining Room, so I just shrugged and kept fuckin' around with my chicken tendies.

A few minutes later, Marie brushed past behind me and swept me off to the Love Shack, where Saffron perched on the end of the bed in all of Glowing Midnight except the dress itself. She held out her arms, I think as an invitation to shenanigans, but I just kinda slumped forward onto my knees, laying my head on her lap. A moment later Marie knelt behind me, her legs bracketing mine, her front pressed against my back. She purred as Saffron stroked my hair, gently brushing it with her fingertips. "What's wrong, love?" I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing but sobs came out. "In your own time, then."

I don't know how long we sat there like that. Time seemed to flow oddly, almost like it did in Loki's cave. I made an absolute mess of her stockings, but she didn't say a word. Neither of them did, they just held me. Enveloped me. Eventually, the sobs quieted, and I said, "I... fed someone to Mimic today. Yesterday. Within the last twenty four hours."

Her hand slowed to a stop, and I heard her inhale to speak, then she paused. I waited, and eventually she asked, "why?"

"She didn't want to come back. She didn't want an afterlife. She just wanted to end."

I couldn't see her face, but her hand started stroking my hair again. "Was she injured?"

I shrugged. "She was a Soul. I thought maybe that was why. I tagged her with a second Smite, trying to un-injure her. But... it didn't change anything."

"Nothing?"

"I mean, she was a lot less conflicted then. She said she could end happily. Like somebody who was happy could want to end. The fuck even does that happen?"

Saffron pulled, Marie pushed, neither very much, but just enough to leave me with my head buried under the soft, warm overhang of Saffron's breasts. "Sometimes, love, people are just done. Maybe they've hurt too much and just have no more to give. Or maybe they've done everything they set out to do in life and anything beyond that would just take away from everything they'd done. Some might even want to see what's next, what happens beyond this world and the afterlife. If there even is anything."

I smirked a little, the expression feeling fey through my tears. "You mean you don't know?"

"How can we, love? In all the universe, only two beings have been beyond M-Space. Domnu, who came from beyond, and Mimic, who came with her." She paused, obviously thinking, "I've read some say the... Buddha? Am I pronouncing that right?"

"Far as I know, yeah."

"Some say he has seen beyond. Some say some of the Hindu Gods predate our universe, and will move to the next when it fails. But... Mortals? When most of the Gods don't know, how can we hope to?" She just kept stroking my hair.

"I just... I feel like I should have done something. Anything. To convince her."

She shushed me gently and kept stroking my hair. "Sometimes the right thing to do is let people go, love."

"I don't want to let you go," I whispered.

She laughed, gently. "Oh, love. I cannot think why I would ever want such a thing. But... should I ever? Should something hurt me so direly I cannot recover, not even enough to enjoy an afterlife with you? That would absolutely be my choice, to dissolve into you, my love."

I snuffled and burrowed into her, tears flowing again. "Can we not talk about that. Can we... not talk?"

She whispered, "we're dressed for not talking if you'd prefer that." I shook my head and nuzzled further into her belly. "Oh. Well. I think... could you?"

Before I could answer, Marie slipped around and lifted us both, carrying us until she lay us down in the middle of the bed. A moment later the cloth between us disappeared. "I..."

"Shh... nothing more than this, love." She pulled me closer, pillowed my head on her breast.

I snuffled. "What if I change my mind?"

She hugged me and ruffled my hair. "I'm not sure that's wise, honestly. In fact..." Quiet murmurs filled the back of my brain.

A moment later feet hit the padded floor. "Oh. My. Well, this is unexpected."

"Sister Siobhan?" I muttered, before Saffron pulled me down, then rolled me over so I lay on my side facing her.

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"Our Goddess requires our aid, Sister."

"Of course." Cloth rustled, and soft, smooth skin pressed against my back.

But...

Shh... three voices all hushed me at once, and then Marie's warm, fuzzy weight settled over the three of us, a blanket gently falling across all of us.

"You did nothing wrong, love," Saffron whispered into my hair.

"You did something terrifically hard, my Hero, my Goddess, and you did it with gentle kindness." Sister Siobhan murmured all that into the back of my head; I wouldn't have heard her had her lips not been pressed against the back of my head.

"Truth." declared Marie, and somehow, that settled it.

It didn't make me feel any better. But it silenced my last arguments. What passed for my brain understood they were right, but my heart... that took more than expert opinions or even the declaration of my Murder Mittens. But somehow, somehow, the feel of their skin warming against mine as the blanket captured our heat, the feel of three heartbeats against my chest, slowly soothed that hurt away.

Not long before I fell asleep, I murmured, "sorry I keep falling apart like this, guys. I ought to be better at this by now."

Sister Siobhan whispered back, "nonsense, Tabitha. You are not a machine, not a marble sculpture, not an unfeeling tool. You are a living, breathing woman, and hurts like this take time to heal. They reopen without so much as a moment's notice, and the only evidence we ever have that things are truly healed is when events that destroyed us yesterday do no more than hurt today, and only ache tomorrow. Shh..."

I drifted off to sleep after that.

Mimic dreamt of a ring of Saffrons, Sisters Siobhan, and Maries sitting around her maw, dangling their feet in like it was a pond, their legs dissolving then reforming as they languidly kicked their legs.

In the morning I woke facing Sister Siobhan, one arm under her head, the other draped over her. "Good Morning."

She blinked, waking almost immediately, but clearly taking a few moments to remember where she was. "Oh. Tabitha. Ah... wait, no, I... ah..."

I smiled at the blush racing across her face and heading south. "S'okay, Sister."

She snorted as I felt Saffron taste testing my shoulders, going through her wake up routine. "Of course it's fine. I... I was just wondering if it might not be."

I shrugged. "I... I needed to be held, and I don't think Saffron wanted little kids having to worry about death before they have to worry about, y'know, dating."

"Speaking of..." She trailed off, scooching just the tiniest bit further into my arms. "I'm sure it's not absolutely necessary for us to..."

"Nope." I chuckled, taking hold of her shoulder and holding her a hair's breadth away from me. "No kissy before the first date."

"So..." Her hand slipped down before I caught it.

I laughed, "no fucky, no comey, no screamy until then either." She whimpered, and I smiled. "Haven't you heard?"

"Heard what?"

"The war will be over before the Equinox." I leaned forward, evading her lips to place mine next to her ear, "keep your calendar clear." At the tiniest indrawn breath from her, I added, "and your underwear minimal."

I swear I heard little bits of steam coming out of Sister Siobhan's ears. Of course, Saffron took that opportunity to say, "I pounced on you too quickly."

"Regrets?"

She shrugged, absolutely taunting poor Sister Siobhan with her unrestricted access to me. "Not a damn one. Besides, praise be to my Goddess, I get to experience what it's like to be wooed by her first hand now." When the Sister gasped, Saffron followed that up with, "I am the Priestess Most High Above All Others of Mimic, Siobhan. I've told you already that I will see through her eyes when she takes you. Would you not have me see through yours?"

"I..."

"And have me whispering to you every one of her secret weaknesses?"

"Oi! Who said you can team up against me?"

Saffron laughed, and I leaned back against her, enjoying the sensation and Sister Siobhan's reaction. "Oh, love. After Marie and I have ensured that you've left sweet Siobhan no innocence to plunder, the three of us will show you what teaming up against you means."

"I'm in danger!"

"Yes."

All four of us laughed at Marie's pronouncement, even Sister Siobhan. I sighed, then said, "I might need this kind of thing between now and then, Sister. But I get it if you can't."

"Nonsense! No matter what else, I am still your Healer, and will be until you officially don the mantle of Hero. I..." She went silent.

"You what?" I whispered. She shook her head, and I cupped her face in my hands. "No, Sister. Tell me. I insist."

I watched the blush drain from her face, then rush back. "I would remain so after, if I could."

"Kitten?"

"Yes, love?"

"Academies are military, right?"

"They are, love."

"Sister Siobhan can be my Healer as long as she likes, right?"

Saffron propped her chin on my shoulder to look at the Sister and said, "so long as she does, I would have no other act as your Healer, love."

"But, but I," Sister Siobhan kinda gabbled.

I didn't hear Saffron's growl, nor Maries, but I felt both, and Sister Siobhan fell silent. "If Headmaster Miles disagrees, he can find another Healer for the Ladies' Infirmary."

Shocked, Sister Siobhan repeated, "But..."

Saffron sighed. "Fine. I know how dedicated you are. If Headmaster Miles disagrees, I shall simply find another Headmaster."

"Yes."

Marie had a way of settling arguments.

Today, with a night's rest buoying me, not to mention the vision of Sister Siobhan getting dressed seared into my hindbrain, I spent the day running errands on top of my normal work. Checking in with Johann, giving him a couple extra things to make. Hauling a couple things from the Black Dragon back to the Academy. Talking with Smith Jon about some stuff. All that on top of my normal duties atop the mast of the Black Dragon, reading with Maze and the refugees, refereeing Menace and her squad, paying a visit to Conrad to ask him to make something I knew he could and would delight in making, visiting with Mom and Dad, and playing seat cushion for Saffron as she tinkered her new Inspect into existence.

At least I think that's what she was working on. I think I saw something similar to something that reminded me of Inspect when I looked through her eyes just before lunch. "Kitten? You got a moment or three?"

"I could take a break. Are you hungry?"

"Heh." I stepped us to the Love Shack, then clamped her arms motionless as I did the same with Marie. "Not yet, Kitten." I set her on the edge of the bed, then hopped back to where I'd hidden that little box. When I returned to our little love nest, I placed it in her lap, the hinges facing her. "Hold that. No peeking." Then I turned to Marie. "There's something in that box of mine."

She just raised an eyebrow.

"Something I shouldn't be the one taking out of the box." I waggled my left hand at her. "Or putting on me, come to think of it."

I didn't see Marie move. One second I was standing kind of between her and Saffron, the next I'd been spun around, and she knelt before me, my left wrist clamped in one claw. Slowly, taking great pains to slip it on without catching on my knuckle, she slid a band of silvery-white platinum with a gleaming white diamond surrounded by onyx and opal onto my ring finger. The moment it pushed against my hand it snugged down, hard, before loosening enough I figured I wouldn't lose a finger from lack of circulation.

Before she could even kiss me to seal the deal, Saffron squealed and leapt. I realized where our Menace got her impulses when Saffron grabbed Marie by her ears, looked her right in the eyes, and said, "Marie, will you do the honor of marrying me?"

Marie barely managed to force, "Yes." through her laughter. I didn't need to talk, so I just collapsed onto the bed and clutched at my stomach while I laughed my ass off. The moment Marie said 'yes', Saffron grabbed her left claw and forced a deep black band with an onyx surrounded by opals onto her fourth finger. I mean, it slipped on smoothly, snugged down firmly, but Saffron's absolute frantic haste was so adorable I couldn't stop giggling.

When she finished kissing Murder Mittens so hard I thought she might have cracked a couple teeth, she turned and stared at me, arms akimbo. "Why, exactly, am I being laughed at?"

I grinned at her, nodded at Marie, and my Maenad scooped her up. "Kitten, you have thirty seconds starting now to tell the Grand Council you're needed elsewhere."

"I... but... what? Wait!"

"Twenty."

Credit where it's due, five seconds later, she said, "done," and I felt her collapse into one of her clutched in Murder Mittens' talons.

I pointed imperiously at the bed. "Hold her still."

"Not that I'm opposed to you two teaming up on me, but why exactly?"

Mittens dragged her onto the bed, then sat tailor fashion, Saffron's head propped on her ankles, her claws pinning Saffron's arms and waist to the bed. "Perfect. She doesn't move until sunset."

"Goof! What are you planning?"

I grinned as I crawled up the bed toward her. "After what you just did? Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm not the one who rushes things."

Seven hours or so later, as I felt the sun set, she rasped out, "agreed."