Stella growled at the strange woman. Her hackles raised as she glared at the glowing NPC. I was tempted just to walk away. I trusted Stella’s judgment more than some woman in the middle of nowhere, no matter how beautiful and hopeless she was. I may pride myself on being chivalrous, but this was different. I was in a game; I didn’t need to play the knight in shining armor. It's hard to break that habit though. Even in games, I found it hard to be anything but nice. Sounds stupid, I know but it is what it is.

Stella mustn’t have been too suspicious though because the moment she saw a rabbit darting between bushes she was off chasing the thing. That gave me some confidence back.

I approached the woman, ignoring her repeated request for help. I looked for an icon or something but unlike the lootables I’d found so far, there didn’t seem to be one.

I shifted uncomfortably and said, “how can I help you?”

Apparently, that was the right thing to say. The woman turned to lock her bright eyes on me. “My poor sheep, they got spooked and ran off. I don’t know what I’ll do without them. Please find them for me, I’ll reward you.”

“What is your name?”

She sniffled and said, “Bonnie, but most people call me Bo.”

“Right. Of course, they do. Where did you last see your sheep?”

“Over there,” she said, turning toward an odd stone formation.

“Alright, well, I guess I’ll go find them for you.” I rolled my eyes as I turned and yelled, “Stella!”

“Here, take this. Nothing makes my babies happier than a special treat,” she said.

New item received: Charred mint biscuits

Description: Weird lumpy biscuits made with a lot of oats, molasses, and coarsely chopped mint leaves. They smell nice but that’s about it. Whoever cooked them left them in the oven a tad too long. Not safe for human consumption.

“Ah, thank you, I guess.”

Who better to chase done a trio of sheep than an old farmhand and the best herding dog around? This would be a piece of cake.

New Quest: Bo’s runaways

Description: Bonnie had lost her sheep, and she doesn’t know how to find them. I can’t believe I just had to say that. Go find them. That’s pretty much it.

“Please help me. I’ve lost my sheep, and don’t know how to find them.”

I turned away from the woman who was stuck in a limited vocabulary loop. Nothing annoyed me more than hearing the same thing over and over. They could have at least tried to make that a semi-normal interaction. Pathetic.

Stella trotted up to me and together we set off for the stone formations. I hoped to get this over with quickly. I looked around for Sob but he was busy chomping on a patch of dry grass. There was no point trying to convince him to come. He did what he wanted when he wanted. We shouldn’t need his odd healing gift anyway. I mean, what could a couple of sheep do?

When we passed the first rock I whistled and Stella took off, looking for her charges. I hoped she wouldn’t try and look for cows. I guess we’d find out one way or another.

It didn’t take too long to find one. My confidence went out the window the moment I saw it though. This was no sheep, at least not one I’d ever seen. It wasn’t white and fluffy. It stood almost as tall as I was, its woolly coat as black as coal. The thick horns on its head jutted out in a large curve. Stella barked and the thing turned toward us, smoke billowed from its flared nostrils below a set of bright red eyes.

The thing charged at us.

“Fuck,” I shrieked as I turned and ran, hauling my ass up on top of the rocks.

The sheep-monster-thing slammed the rock with its horns. The whole thing shook below me. I wobbled and clutched at the stone trying desperately not to fall off. I needed a weapon. Why didn’t I have a weapon? I should have tried harder to find my whip back at the station. Where was the stupid horse and his magic when I needed him.

Stella wasn’t barking now but she was running in wide semicircles around the creature. She was trying to herd it, but it was too busy focusing on me to pay attention to her.

The biscuits!

I dug into my bum bag and grabbed the things, a small part of my brain realized that was an odd thing to be able to do when I have an inventory screen, but there was no time to think about it too hard. I held the blackened biscuit above my head, waving it so the beast could see.

“Look at this, do you want a biscuit? Who wants a biscuit?”

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

The monster backed up a step or two, its red eyes focused on the lump in my hand. I smiled and tossed the thing over the sheep’s back, it spun around and inhaled the thing.

The smoke that was billowing from the creature’s nostrils vanished. It snuffled on the ground, looking for more treats but when it didn’t find any it wandered over to a patch of grass instead. Apparently, it wasn’t interested in killing me anymore. That was nice.

“Stella, Come-bye.”

At my command, Stella ran to the left of the sheep. It noticed her this time and shifted away from her as it was supposed to. Good, herding worked once we calmed the things down.

“With me,” I bellowed as I climbed down and started further into the boxed-in area. We had two more beasts to find.

Stella and the first sheep followed me. It’s just a sheep, I kept telling myself hoping I would believe it. I’m just collecting the naughty ones. That’s all this is. Just another day on the farm, that’s all. Yeah, right. The cattle back home didn’t look like actual demons yanked from the pits of hell and placed on earth purely to make me crap my pants.

Catching the second sheep was much the same as the first. I found it, screamed and ran when it charged, threw a treat at it, and had Stella round it up when it had settled the fuck down. Easy peasy. Like I said, this was a piece of cake. A scary, demonic, smoke-billowing piece of cake. Delicious.

Anyway. We searched the area as quickly as possible. I mean, it’s not like I had to be super thorough with my search. The sheep were pretty hard to miss after all.

The sun was beating down on me pretty hard. I could feel the beads of sweat rolling down my back, slipping past the waistband of my pants. It was mighty uncomfortable. I longed for a simple shower. Just two minutes under some falling water. Was that too much to ask for?

We rounded a small bend and I paused. Frowning as I stared at a small black blob huddled by a rock in the shade of a scraggly tree. The thing shifted and made a small sound. A puff of black smoke rose up and was swept away by the light breeze.

Aww, it was a baby demon sheep!

No need to freak out over this one. What a nice change of pace. I approached it slowly so I wouldn’t scare it off. The little sheep with its stunted horns turned its head to look at me, its red eyes bright. Smoke puffed in little bursts from its nose as it breathed. It bleated at me and pushed harder against the stone.

“It’s okay little fella. We’re going to take you back to Bonnie, alright?” I pulled out the treat and waved it around. “Will this yummy thing make you feel better?”

The little lamb looked at the treat and climbed to its feet, braving the heat to come closer to me. I smiled and placed the treat on the ground near my feet, kneeling so I wouldn’t be too intimidating to the poor thing. It trotted over to me, the smoke building as walked.

“That’s right, come get your treat.”

I turned my head to call for Stella when a wall of flame came barrelling down on me. I screamed as the tongues of flame lapped at my skin and set my pants aflame. I stumbled back, dropping to the ground and rolling as I watched my health plummet.

The bastard had shot fire from its mouth like Sob did with lightning. What the fuck?

The lamb bleated and ran in a circle. There was so much smoke it was getting hard to see exactly where it was. I stood, flinching as my poor sun and now sheep-burned skin screamed. I needed a bathtub full of aloe vera at this stage.

“Stella,” I roared, no longer caring if I scared the thing or not. “Cast!”

Stella barked and ran, circling the lamb. It bleated desperately and ran for the bigger sheep who seemed unperturbed as they munched on the scrappy patches of grass near where the working dog had left them. Stella circled her flock, ensuring they were all staying together before she dropped to the ground, panting.

“Good girl,” I grumbled.

I eyed my health bar. There was still a little left but I couldn’t risk being hit again. If the little lamb could do that, then what could the big ones do? I shuddered at the thought.

“Come on girl, let’s get these things back to Bo.”

I had Stella herd the flock in front of me. There was no turning your back on something that could light you on fire with a sneeze.

We approached the glowing woman and she turned, squealing with joy when she saw the tiny flock. The sheep bleated and ran to her. I just glared. They had been gathered in a very specific area and had been relatively easy to find. Why couldn’t the woman just do that herself?

I walked over to Sob and stroked his nose. “Would you mind healing me? The lamb cooked my ass.”

Sob snorted in a way that seemed a little too close to laughter but there was no blue flash of light. Apparently, I wasn’t injured enough for him to bother. What bullshit.

“Oh, thank you, thank you so much. I thought I’d never see them again.”

The woman ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck. I stumbled a little as she planted a wet kiss on my cheek. I’d have liked it if I wasn’t so focused on the fact that she was not a real person. Plus, you know, my skin still felt like it was burning so a hug was kind of painful.

Still, I replied, “your welcome.” It would be rude not to.

“You’ve earned your reward! Here take it.”

New Item Received: A bag of potatoes

Description: Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, put them in a stew, turn them into booze for me and you. There’s nothing you can’t do with a friendly old potato!

New Item Received: Basic saddle

Description: It might be basic but it’ll still give your ass a little cushion. Comes with a bonus small blanket covered in ducks. What horse doesn’t want a duck blanket?

50xp gained!

Level 2!

Quest Complete: Bo’s runaways

My head span at all the words flashing in front of my face. I closed my eyes, but it didn’t help, now they danced on the back side of my eyelids. I could feel a horrible throb building at the base of my skull. This crap was giving me so many headaches.

When they’d finally vanished, I opened my eyes. The strange lady was over by her tent, surrounded by her flock of demons. She wasn’t glowing anymore thankfully. Stella was curled up in a small shady spot sneaking in a small nap and Sob was still standing beside me, eyeing the sheep creatures.

A thought crossed my mind, and I couldn’t help but try it out. I stuck my hand into my gorgeous bum bag, my mind focused on the basic saddle I’d just received and just like I thought, I pulled the thing out. That’s right, my fanny is better than yours!